How do you say cross talk?

(stand-up comedy)

This is our hometown. Where is our hometown? In a small village in Shishitou County, Hashihai. This village is not very big, only dozens of families. There is a community opposite our home. The old man surnamed Liu and the old couple are both in their sixties. They opened a tofu shop, and the business is good. But it's the same. I can't afford to keep animals, so I have to grind them myself. Later, the old couple saved two dollars to buy a donkey, hoping that the business with donkeys would be more prosperous; What was the result? It is broken.

What happened? The old man bought a donkey, looked at the market and said, Wow! This donkey is good! Count your nose, your eyes are white and your body is like black satin. The old man liked it very much and bought it back at that time. I bought it for a few days before I knew it was stolen. There are a lot of soybeans in the tofu room. Old people have to pay attention to it. If he doesn't pay attention, he will take a bite. So he tasted it: mmm, it smells good! It is delicious. Have another bite. It doesn't matter if you take a few bites. Boss Liu dropped several pounds of soybeans in one day. Even if you are greedy, you are lazy. Boss Liu always lashes it with a whip, but he can't see it at all. It stands still.

That night, Lao Liu tied it to the donkey shed and slipped away in the middle of the night when people were not paying attention. It happened that a gust of wind blew the damper open. The donkey has escaped! Go up the mountain road. It doesn't know where it is! I walked all night and saw it on the ridge the next morning. I was very excited: Wow! All right! Green mountains and green waters, grass on the hillside, can play in the Woods, thirsty with spring water, hungry with tender grass. It is best not to do any work! As soon as I was happy, I tore open its trumpet and read four poems-how can this donkey read poems? Donkeys can't, I can-what do these four poems mean? Talk about the joy in his heart. It reads like this:

Green water and green mountains have excellent scenery.

The mountain spring waterfall flows by itself.

There are inexhaustible grass everywhere,

Don't worry for a lifetime.

I shouted at the top of my lungs with joy. When I am happy, I start dancing. Where can it dance? It can't tap dance or ballet at all. What a fool! Even with scorpions, I am happy. I'm happy, but I can't help it. A tiger came across the street and startled the donkey. This donkey and tiger don't often meet. How can it know to think about it? Everyone who goes to the tofu shop to buy tofu, children also buy tofu, and they also hold toys, mud tigers and cloth tigers; Besides, I heard the old man say that tigers are so powerful. Look at this tiger today: Wow! Like a calf, yellow and gangster, with a king on his forehead. Eyes are like light bulbs, flashing. King of beasts! Don't say the donkey is afraid when he sees it. Any wild animal will be afraid when it sees it. The donkey said to himself, I can't run, my life is over! Another thought: I don't want to run. If I want to run, it will chase me. In short, I'll wait. So long, waiting for this tiger.

The donkey is afraid. Tigers are more afraid than donkeys. It has never seen a donkey. What kind of monster is this? Big ears and square face. Why the long face? Donkeys have no square face. Who has seen a square face? He looked at the donkey and was afraid. Its legs are straight back and its tail is swinging straight. The donkey looks like this, ah, it doesn't know me, well, I'll give you two sentences to let you know that I'm good! Its front legs grow on stones, and it says four words to the tiger:

My ears are pointed and my legs are long.

The end of the dynasty is on the mountain every day.

I ate two tigers yesterday,

Not enough. I made up four wolves.

Hearing this, the tiger said, Oh, my God! Chengcheng, run, and talk to yourself as you run. Great, two tigers and four wolves, I don't have that big appetite. If you really want it to catch enough snacks, run. Run out of a dozen miles in one breath. A fox runs across the street. The fox is so hateful that it can kiss up to people. As soon as it saw the tiger, it wagged its tail and came over: "Hey ... Grandpa Tiger ... Take care, look at your panic. What's wrong? " "oh! Forget it, little grandson! " How does it manage the grandson that the fox said? Because the fox's grandfather and the tiger are brothers. "oh! Great! There is a monster on the western hill, and the food is mysterious: two tigers and four wolves are not enough for a meal, so I can't stay on this mountain! " "oh! Grandpa Hu, who doesn't know you? You are the king of beasts, and all the beasts are food in your mouth! You still listen to that story, hurry back and eat that guy. " The tiger said, "You go, I can't go. I didn't eat it as a snack, and you didn't eat it! " ""you're not going? What should I do if I am hungry? " "Leave me alone, I have food." "Otherwise, aren't you afraid? Let's go together. " "I dare not go." "Look, you ... don't do that. We tie our tails together and we can't be their father. If we want to succeed, how about we eat it? " "Ok, ok ..." Then he tied his two tails together and went to find the donkey.

Besides, the donkey was very happy after scaring away the tiger. I turned my head and was happy: what? The tiger is back? There is a fox next to it. What should I do? Yes, I'll give it two more sentences. When the tiger stopped, the donkey climbed the stone, measured a long distance and said four more words:

My ears are big and my nose is white.

Call the fox before you come!

I promised two tigers yesterday.

Why bring one today?

Hearing this, the tiger said, Oh, you brought me a present! I turned my head and ran. This is a terrible race. I ran very slowly when I came. Now I run back, and the tiger is afraid and fast. Cheng Cheng jumped onto the mountain and into the stream. He killed the fox within a few miles. After running for more than ten miles, the fox's tail was broken and rolled into the mountain stream.

The tiger ran out of the ground for twenty miles, panting and sweating. There is a tree next to it, so he lies under it. There is a monkey in this tree. He jumped down and looked: "Hey, Brother Hu, why are you running?" "Brother, don't mention it, I can't stay on this mountain!" "Why can't you stay!" "Oh, there's a monster on the western hillside. He ate all the tigers at once, and he ate two at a time. If not, he needs a wolf. Who meets who is unlucky. I have no share in this mountain. I have to go. " "Now, you are the king of animals, why are you afraid of these? Tell me, what is this monster you met? " "Don't mention it. I get scared when I mention it. It has a foot-long ear, a long face and a long neck. It is very tall. It's scary to go. "

Hearing this, the monkey has a long face and big ears. "Ah, this is a donkey, don't you know?" Why are you afraid of it? Also eat two tigers and four wolves, don't listen to it, the donkey doesn't eat meat, it eats grass. Go ahead, I'll take you there. The tiger said, "I can't go." . That fox almost gave me a present just now. "The monkey said," look at me this time. As long as it is a donkey, I will stop eating when you get up! " "Hearing this, the tiger monkey said; This donkey can talk big. It didn't chase me when I ran, and it stood there all the time. Hmm! Here's a trick. Thought of here and said to the monkey, "OK, let's go and have a look." After that, the monkey came back on a tiger.

The donkey had a good time! Its heart says: I am king in this place, and tigers are afraid of me, not to mention other wild animals. The more I think about it, the happier I am. I lie in the sun to keep warm, roll for fun, roll! I lay down and squinted, and the tiger came again. Take a closer look and say to yourself, it's amazing. What happened? The tiger is still riding a monkey! This monkey has too many bad ideas. What should he do once he gets up? It came out when you ran away, right! I gave it a few words first, and it read to the tiger and monkey:

I didn't eat enough last night,

I am looking for a tiger today.

Even tigers and monkeys eat together,

Neither of you can get away.

Hearing this, the tiger said, "Oh, my God!" Just as he was about to escape, the monkey stopped him: "Brother Hu, what are you doing?" ? Do you think it has been moving for a long time? Look at mine. I pointed to the donkey and said, "What are you doing?" "? What are you talking about? You think I don't know you. Aren't you the donkey in Mr. Liu's tofu mill? ""Nonsense, how do you know I am a donkey? " "This matter can't hide from me. People took me to the hutong where the old man lived. I've seen you. What? Do you still eat wolves? Eat tigers? It's all nonsense, there's nothing there! "yes! Make the donkey speechless. When the tiger saw it, he knocked down the donkey in one bite, biting off a large piece of blood and meat, which made the donkey tremble with pain. He lay there trembling and said four more words:

Tiger, you are crazy,

Biting my ass hurts.

We'll settle accounts tomorrow,

I ate all the wild animals in the mountains.

Still blowing!