All kinds of jokes, humorous jokes?

Funny jokes that are the opposite of chicken soup are becoming more and more popular. Read more jokes if you want to be happy. I prepared it carefully for you next. Welcome to watch!

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1. I thought there was a man at home at last! Get up early in the morning to clean the house! Finally, I actually called to tell me that Unicom broadband could not contact me! Stop pretending.

My family lives on the third floor. One windy day, there was a pair of ladies' underwear floating in the room. I didn't see it. My wife found out after work and asked me loudly, "Whose is this thing?" I said, "I don't know." She said, "You are alone at home! Did it fly in by itself? " When my wife was leaving, another man floated in, and I was justified in an instant!

I remember when I was in college, our dormitory was opposite the girls' dormitory! One day, during a big search in the school, the tutor found a batch of glasses from the boys' dormitory and piled them beautifully on the ground. The scene is very spectacular. Just as everyone was deeply moved by the brotherhood of the Wolf, the instructor brought two sacks of binoculars from the girls' dormitory, totaling more than one. Since then, boys have developed the good habit of drawing curtains when changing clothes.

Just now, on my way to work, I met a big brother in a suit and tie with a pair of sunglasses in his arms. He came straight to me and waited for a while. I thought I was cheap. This will be a scandal. Wow, but I haven't done anything bad in my life except cheating in exams. God, you can't be so unfair to me. Go on YY. Big brother slowly pulled out the hand in his arms. Just when my heart was in my throat, my eldest brother came. You scared the crap out of me. I won't kill you.

When I used to learn to dance, I was glad that I was flat-chested, because I wouldn't feel two pieces of meat moving in front of me when I jumped up. Now I take my children to do morning exercises every day, and my underwear feels uncomfortable. Just this morning, when I sneaked my hand into my clothes for the nth time, a child shouted, Teacher, why do you always touch your underwear? At this shout, all the children stopped to discuss: the teacher is shameful and the teacher is always touching * * *. Why did the teacher touch it himself? Oh, my god, I wish there was a hole for me to get into. I just want to be quiet.

At the bus stop, Lao Wang stood next to a woman with a baby in her arms, and soon the child cried. Lao Wang said, "The child is hungry, feed him quickly!" " The woman slapped Lao Wang in the face: "Old thing, try pinching my child again."

7. My girlfriend is pregnant. Let's discuss what to do. I teased her and said, "Whose child is it?" She squinted and said, "You are the most likely."

8. One college student. Just now, a boy opened the door and said, recycling waste * * * at a high price for * * * flowers. Good meow! This is the boys' dormitory! This is not * * *. A buddy in the dormitory took out a black silk from under the sheets and asked how much it was!

9. My colleague went to Shenzhen to play. I didn't know what to do. I brought back a box of condoms for free. Throw it to me when he doesn't need it, and I'll throw it in the cupboard and forget it. Last time my wife came to play, she accidentally found a condom! We have never used this before. How can I explain it to her?

10. A girl once asked me, "Are you handsome?" I am ashamed to say, "I am not." The girl slapped me twice in the face, then turned and ran away, leaving a sentence: "You lie!" " "Since then, I understand a truth, to tell the truth.

* * * Classic * * *

1. After Xi people kept breathing for several hours, the air quality finally improved slightly. The spirit of the new Xi people was born. Virtue carries fog, self-improvement does not suck, and efforts make it a grayish yellow! Facts have proved once again that fog is more expensive to suck! Xi' an's current state: I can't see the dog when walking the dog, and I have the dog rope. I can't leave until the dog barks at me. Riding an electric donkey feels like flying a plane, with auspicious clouds on both sides! The furthest distance in the world is not between life and death, but when we meet in Xi 'an, you stand in front of me, you can't see me, and I can't see you!

I have a new boyfriend. We talked for a month and promised him to get a room. As soon as I entered the room, he couldn't wait to push me down on the bed. I said I'd take a shower first. When I walked out of the bathroom through the glass wrapped in a bath towel, I saw him smoking a cigarette by the bed. I went over and said, what's the matter, dear? He said to go to bed. I'm a little tired today! Hehe, you men are so realistic! Is it so ugly that I don't wear makeup?

3. When I was a child, my family was poor and I had no money to buy gel water. To fix the hair. Use shampoo cream instead of gel water. Not to mention, the effect is not bad. The playground stinks. Suddenly there was a shower, which stirred up white foam on Lu's head. It ran down the neck.

4. I saw a lot of posts about a mother lifting her clothes and feeding in the subway today! Seeing many comments accusing mom below, why not squeeze them into a bottle for the baby to eat! Let me popularize it here: babies who breastfeed don't eat bottles, and even if they are squeezed into bottles, they are easy to catch a cold. As a mother, it's unbearable to feed her children! Even if you squeeze, you can't squeeze much milk unless you increase the amount of milk! I am also the mother of the child, and I have also experienced lifting clothes and feeding in public! Of course, I don't want to do that, but I can't bear to let the children starve!

When I visited the supermarket yesterday, I saw a couple put buckets of instant noodles in a handcart, pushed them onto the scale of the scale and divided them into two piles. I felt strange, so I called the tallyman to ask. As a result, he looked at the two goods and said calmly, "Some of the instant noodles were given sausages and hung."

6. During the Chinese New Year, I wore a pair of jeans with broken patterns to my brother's house. I sit in the living room and watch TV. My 2-year-old niece came to play on my leg and saw those holes. She touched them and looked at me with a little moist eyes. Then she ran in and handed me a pair of her own open cotton trousers: "I have New Pants for you to wear, little menstruation." I really didn't hurt her for nothing.

7. Do you want to know your standard of Mandarin pronunciation? You can test the following yourself: Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo Guo

8. Today, I drove to the shopping mall with my girlfriend, ate dinner and took a taxi home. Just as I was about to go home, my girlfriend suddenly stared at me and said, "We left something at the mall." I suddenly reacted, "Mama of, that's right. Hey! Driver, let me go back to the mall just now. We forgot something. " The driver said, "What is it?" ! I said "car". The driver turned his head and looked at us silently.

9. Count the dead human beings by how many times the earth turns, thinking that they have been rolling forward, but in fact they just turn again.

10. A medical veteran said that after being a doctor for a lifetime, the biggest gains are two major insights: First, be kind to your spouse, because one day, when you are lying in a hospital bed, it is not necessarily the doctor who dominates your life, but he/she, and only she has the right to endorse and continue to rescue or give up treatment; The second is to be kind to your brothers and sisters, teach them what they should, and don't be stingy, because sooner or later you will die at their hands!

* * * Selected Articles * * *

1. My cousin is just a freshman, and only six girls in the class live in a dormitory. She is very popular. She always buys snacks for her roommates in the middle of the night and has a small cake oven to make cakes for them. She doesn't eat much by herself. Every time she watches others eat, she giggles. Several roommates said that this kind silly girl was the happiest in the future. Until the second year of high school, she became the thinnest girl in the class and then found a boyfriend.

Today, I asked a buddy to sleep in my house, which is in the next room. The sound of banging woke me up, and then I heard the sound of uh-huh, only to find that my daughter-in-law was gone. I quickly locked the door, turned on the computer and entered LOL. I can finally play all night today. Ha ha ha, good brother, it's your turn to play all night tomorrow.

I used to work in a factory with three shifts, and I had two days off after the night shift, so I often got together with my colleagues. That night, I made an appointment to visit Huizai's house. His home is on the other side of the river, which takes four hours by car, but it only takes dozens of minutes to drive across the river. In order to save time, Huizai suggested crossing the river by boat. We followed Huizai across a grassy field to a shoal by the river and got on a small fishing boat. At that time, we thought that all the gangsters in Hong Kong movies had escaped.

4. I still remember being caught playing truant and taking a bath in the river when I was a child. When I go back to school, I must write a review and read it out in front of all teachers and students. A buddy finally said something. I promise never to take a shower again. So many people!

In high school, we ate in the dormitory. Suddenly, the power went out. In order to prevent people from stealing food, the president said, why don't we clap our hands and stop stealing food? After about twenty seconds, suddenly the electricity came. I saw the president slap himself in the face and gag himself. Don't pull me.

6. Politics class, teacher: "If God is in the sky, you can choose to let God sprinkle something. What would you let him sprinkle? " "a: I hope; B: money; C: Knowledge. Student: "Sa B! The teacher spilled B! "Student, male, years old.

7. My friend just found a job, and today he recruited people to complain at the airport. The process is like this, there is no cutting. A beautiful woman went to America to book a plane ticket. A friend asked: Did you just book it? The beauty blushed and said, I am wearing a leopard print. Can I go now?

8. It's enough that I've been groveling behind * * *. Now I finally entered a fortune 500 company. My boss is a beautiful woman. Looking at my resume, she said your name was hard to remember. Do you have any catchy nicknames? I hasten to say that all my former bosses called me Zheng Xiao, or you can call me Zheng Xiao. The beautiful boss muttered to himself, Zheng Xiao, and went on reading.

9. In fact, girls are stronger than boys, and boys are thick-skinned. In order to be reserved, girls have to hold back and not show it. In fact, most girls are set up by people. Don't ask me how I know.

10. My girlfriend promised to get a room with me. I'm so happy! I said to give Yuanyang a bath first, and then dry her. I wiped her face, and then we broke up! Don't contact again.