What should I do if my husband asks for a divorce and doesn't leave home (40-year-old boyfriend doesn't leave home after divorce)

Reader's question: female, 25 years old, grassroots civil servant, 40 years old, came into contact with a male colleague from another unit at work, and they have been together for 2 months. I don't mind the age difference, but one thing has been bothering me and I don't know what to do.

When I decided to be with him, he told me that although he was divorced, their divorce was hidden from everyone, including parents and relatives, for the sake of children's growth.

They still live together as husband and wife, and his "wife" is also in the same unit as him.

According to his description, they may be a very happy couple to outsiders, but in fact they can no longer have feelings other than family ties.

Because her sexual apathy and emotional channels seemed to be closed, he was depressed for many years and tried to communicate, but all failed. Finally, he felt that his marriage could not go on, so he got a divorce certificate.

Recently, I learned that they even tried to get pregnant two years ago (that is, two years after divorce), but unfortunately they finally miscarried naturally and are still sharing the same bed.

He admitted that he would have sex two or three times a year after divorce, all of which he asked for on his own initiative, but he said that he had no such idea since he met me. He only has a crush on her, and she is just the mother of the child.

I don't know. Is that normal?

When I learned all this, I was very sad and confused. I can't accept that they still sleep in the same bed, and I don't know how long this couple will live together in the name of * * *. I have a feeling that I am a mistress.

I like him very much, and he likes me very much. He even said that he would stay with me in the future, but I don't know what to do with his relationship in the future.

The general replied:

To give you a brief reply, this situation of your boyfriend is very common, but it is not normal.

"Divorcing without leaving home" seems fashionable, but it is not much different from not divorcing.

Even if you get a divorce certificate, it is still a de facto marriage. In this uncertain situation, your feelings will be distorted.

First of all, there is limited room for emotional development that cannot be said.

True love will certainly extend to the lives of both parties, but you should be careful, always keep your eyes and ears hidden, and let your feelings live in the cracks, so the congenital conditions are insufficient;

Secondly, since he can "divorce at home" for the growth of his children (assuming this is a fact), it shows that children rank first in his value ranking.

Then if your current relationship is exposed, for the sake of your child's growth, he will also be separated from you. You are the one who will be abandoned at any time. Your relationship is based on unfairness, and it is easy to be stunted.

Third, you may all be under the pressure of moral condemnation and have a heavy psychological burden, so you can't fall in love easily.

Just like you said, "I feel like a mistress", your relationship has not brought you too many positive experiences, but it will lead to self-deprecation and self-condemnation, which is unhealthy.

A person who can't make a clean break with his past marriage and family, dealing with emotional problems will definitely bring harm.

A 40-year-old man still treats his family and feelings so lightly, either because of love rat's warning or because of his incompetence.

Oh, yes, and his inconsistent lies.

While saying that his wife is a relative, he has sex with relatives;

On the one hand, marriage can't go on, and on the other hand, it is a "second child."

The most ridiculous thing is that he stayed with you after "considering".

This shows that he didn't intend to be with you before. His original intention was to secretly have an affair with you ... What is the direction of this relationship?

I suggest not to go, stop, this muddy water, one more step is one more wrong step. # Is it really okay not to leave home after divorce #