May you be a "selfish" person for the rest of your life!

In your world, there is such a person who has a very close relationship with you. He has been inseparable from you since you were born, and he will always be by your side until you die.

He plays with you, he plays games with you, he goes to school with you, he works with you, and he even tastes love with you.

He cries with you, laughs with you, is happy with you, and is sad with you. He has witnessed the most beautiful moments in your life along the way, and has also loyally accompanied you through the most miserable times in your life.

He once scolded you and thought about giving up. You once praised him and thought about leaving him. But in the end, you still stayed together and stayed together for the rest of your life.

Do you know who that person is? Yes, that person is yourself.

So, many friends will say, okay, I want to love myself, I want to let go of my life. Then, we will see that some friends satisfy themselves to the greatest extent materially. For example, if your monthly income is only a few thousand, you will buy yourself tens of thousands of brand-name bags and spray thousands of brand-name perfumes, euphemistically saying: love yourself. But we discovered that she actually lived in an old and small rental house. In the dark house, she stayed up the most expensive nights and ate the most nutritious take-out snacks. So, is this called loving yourself? no!

Some friends mistakenly believe that loving yourself means letting yourself go emotionally and enjoying yourself to the fullest; when getting along with others, you should maximize your own self-interest without considering others. They use these actions as ways to love themselves. However, these behaviors are not true love for yourself, but are actually another manifestation of hurting yourself!

Many people say that loving yourself means being good to yourself, but they don’t quite understand what is good about yourself. Loving yourself is not simply eating and sleeping well, but also requires taking care of your true self. Including its emotions, its feelings, its relationships, etc. So, what does loving yourself mean to truly love yourself?

First of all, we need to learn to take care of our bodies.

Wealth and body are a pair of contradictions that people want most and least want. After finally building a kingdom, who wants to leave before they can enjoy all the prosperity of the world? But Wang Junyao, chairman of Junyao Group, did it. In November 2004, at the age of 42, he died of intestinal cancer due to overwork and ineffective treatment. After his death, rumors spread for a while: Zhejiang business tycoon Wang Junyao died young, and his wife took 1.9 billion in savings to remarry Wang's driver, which is very regrettable.

The same goes for reputation and body. In 2018, CCTV host Li Yong died of cancer at the age of 50 after 17 months of treatment in the United States. I believe, to borrow a famous line from "Journey to the West", if they had the chance to do it again, they would definitely say: There was once a health that I was born with in front of me, but I didn't cherish it. I only regretted it when I lost it. There is nothing more painful than this in the world. If God can give me a chance to continue my life, I will seize it tightly. If I had to give my life span a limit, I hope it would be... 120 years old.

Because to love yourself, you must first love your body. It is a good friend who will accompany you throughout your life.

The emotional dimension includes our emotions, feelings and intuition. It is precisely because of emotions that people become rich and colorful, have unique vitality, and avoid becoming a machine that only processes information. The so-called emotional intelligence is definitely not about uncontrollably abusing yourself, catering to others, and maintaining a superficial friendliness, but it is about being yourself more truly and comfortably. Can get along well with everyone; in the words of Cai Kangyong: always emotionless and calm; good at handling troublesome scenes...Don't you think it sounds like describing a mom who opens a nightclub in Ginza, Tokyo, or a nightclub owner? Public relations? This is not what a person with high emotional intelligence should look like.

Lin Chiling is considered to be a representative of high emotional intelligence, but Cai Kangyong once said to her face to face: "You don't want to be like this, being gentle and making everyone around you happy, I think I will be too tired."

As for Jay Chou's "high emotional intelligence", Cai Kangyong talked about a little thing. Cai Kangyong once had a work that did not achieve the expected results. Jay Chou sent a text message to Cai Kangyong and said: "You shot a good thing, but the audience didn't watch it. It has nothing to do with you."

Really high emotional intelligence has never been It is not about giving up emotions, controlling them, blindly abusing yourself, and living cautiously in the evaluation of others. Really high emotional intelligence is the freedom and ease of "not living in the eyes of others", not being easily controlled by external reflections, not being coerced by external evaluations, and being comfortable being oneself; real high emotional intelligence is "not living in the eyes of oneself" Be thorough in your emotions, acknowledge your emotions, find the source of your emotions, and properly find an outlet for your emotions. Open your heart, no one is perfect, accept your imperfect self, and acknowledge your emotions, only then can you find yourself with high emotional intelligence.

So, please calm down and think about it seriously: when we face all kinds of people and things every day, we will have feelings, then emotions, and then show our true selves. But can you be kind to your emotions? Can you identify and be aware of your own feelings? Do you allow yourself to have emotions? Do you allow yourself to express your emotions? You know how it hurts you when you treat it badly? In order to get love, to be liked by everyone, and to be a good person in other people's words, have you ever suppressed yourself or distorted your perceptions?

Loving yourself means taking care of your emotions. Whether it's happy or angry, whether it's happy or sad, you have to know when the emotion is coming, and then say to it: thank you for visiting, because it will tell you something else, love your emotion, because it makes you feel He is energetic, not a wooden person. Therefore, we need to learn to express or vent our emotions in reasonable ways instead of blindly ignoring and suppressing them.

We can say no to things we don’t like. Cry when you should cry, laugh when you should laugh. Only when you have fully experienced joy and sadness can you be qualified to say that life is worth living. The last thing that adults should do is to give up their emotions, and the last thing that should be wronged is themselves.

Third, the most important thing is: accept yourself, stop blaming yourself, and discover your own value.

It is the innate nature of every baby to love yourself, accept yourself, let your complete self be fully expressed, and not deliberately hide yourself. However, as we grow older, we will be influenced by the people around us and begin to deliberately please others, deeply hiding those thoughts that may offend people and the bad self according to worldly standards. As a result, as we grow up, we gradually lose our innocent and free nature.

Please think carefully about whether you have been accustomed to cruelly negative evaluations of yourself. When facing the world, do you often think like this: There must be something wrong with me, right? Take a moment and think about what you said to yourself: You are so stupid! You are so useless! Why are you so stupid? Why do you hate it so much? Wait, I believe you must have used these words to scold yourself, right?

You must know that it is necessary to create a feeling of "worthiness" for yourself. When we feel that we are not good enough, we keep ourselves in misfortune, create disease and pain in our bodies, reject things that are good for us, harm ourselves with food, alcohol, and drugs, and even create negative relationships with others. Find your own sense of worth.

Such examples are common in life. For example: This girl obviously has good conditions in all aspects, but she married a very bad man. Not only can her quality of life not be guaranteed, she even has to endure the man's abuse. Cheating or domestic violence, but never thought of leaving him. Others cannot understand her behavior. The reason is that she does not recognize herself.

Even though her external conditions are very good, in her heart she only sees her own flaws and cannot see her own value, so she thinks that she is a woman who does not deserve love, which prompted her to enter such a bad relationship.

I'm sorry for being a human being.

This is a movie that makes people feel very sad after watching it. It is called "The Life of the Disliked Songzi". The colors of the film are very bright and full, but the life of the heroine in the play is very bleak. Songzi has been looking for the man who can love her all her life. She works hard to give up her life for different men. I hope to use my own sacrifice to gain others' attention and love for me. It's a pity that in the end, she still lived as the despised woman, just because she couldn't see her own value and gave up on herself.

Jung once said: Rather than being a good person, I would rather be a complete person.

Recognizing and accepting your complete self means treating every trait in yourself equally, without deliberately highlighting or suppressing it. Accept yourself and your imperfections, including those thoughts and feelings that we try so hard to hide. When we see our own creativity and individuality, we will appreciate our differences. Everyone has a unique role to play in this world. If we blame ourselves, we are hiding ourselves.

We must learn to allow the various possibilities within ourselves to exist harmoniously, because only in this way can we gain true freedom. We need to forgive ourselves for our imperfections because imperfection is part of human nature. We need to be considerate and treat ourselves and others the same way.

The physical world around us is a reflection of our inner world. When we can accept and forgive ourselves, we can naturally accept and forgive others.

So, please stop and take a look at yourself: Have we lost our true self?

Please tell yourself again: I am already fine, no matter what happens Whatever, we can face life easily and change our lives. Because we are all just mortals.

Finally, learn to say "no" when dealing with others.

When we were children, we needed unconditional positive care from our parents. Unfortunately, due to the lack of education, most Chinese people work without a certificate when they become parents. The love we get from them Most of them are conditional positive concerns. In most cases, our parents do not recognize and accept us for who we are, but only for what we do and how well we do it. For example: they only like us when we do well in school. They only like us when we are successful in our careers.

Therefore, those of us who are conditionally cared for positively develop low self-esteem, which is internalized into our personality. In adulthood, we often deny ourselves, aggrieve ourselves, obey and please. Others will not reject others.

Usually, these demands often come from relatively close relationships with your relatives, friends, colleagues, etc. At the same time, these demands are often beyond what you can bear.

For example: Occasionally, you are kind enough to drive a colleague to work together, and then it becomes a daily routine. You have to wait for him to go out together, and finally it even becomes a matter of course

What happened is that you became his full-time driver, free of charge and free of gas. At this time, you will be very confused, what should I do? Continue or reject? I know that most people get stuck here, actually stuck on guilt, but that’s what we have to deal with. Only people with low self-esteem would feel guilty at this time.

The expression of true love for yourself is: if you feel uncomfortable because the other person responded to his request, then please reject the other person as soon as possible. Because maintaining reasonable settings and boundaries between people is a lesson that our entire society needs to learn.

We need to teach others how to treat us.

We often say that a person should not be too selfish. In fact, selfishness is a part of the self. It is also a big problem to always think about others but not yourself.

Because every tree benefits itself first. It absorbs water from its roots, supplies nutrients to its branches, leaves, flowers and fruits, and then blooms, fragrant to all who pass by. When it is full of fruit, share it with all who pass by. Until you have given enough to yourself, you have nothing to give to others. Until you take enough care of your own feelings, you can't take care of other people's feelings either. You can't truly love others until you love yourself.

Loving yourself may start from selfishness and narcissism. However, after you truly know how to love yourself, your love will overflow and flow out. In love, in joy, you can't help giving, you can't help sharing, because giving and sharing are the essence of love. And a person who does not love himself cannot love others, because if a person cannot truly love himself, his bottle of self-worth will be empty, and he will use various psychological games to ask for it from others.

Loving yourself is also one of the important ways to improve your self-worth, allowing yourself to satisfy your own psychological nutrition and take care of yourself. Loving yourself is the beginning of all love. Your health, your relationships, your career, and your family will all reflect the degree of love you have for yourself.

Finally, I thought of an article I had read, interviewing little S about her experience as a mother.

She said: In the traditional sense, I am not a qualified mother. However, who stipulates that mothers must be strong, correct, mature and wise? I prefer to be a mother who grows up with her daughter, plays with her, and even relies on her daughter occasionally.

For example, once, when my eldest daughter and I were at home, I suddenly found a cockroach on the floor. I was so frightened that I quickly hid aside and threw a book to her: "Quick, good daughter, put it away. Beat it to death!" My daughter really beat the cockroach to death with that book!

Sometimes I feel very tired when I get home. Instead of forcing myself to play with my daughter, I tell her: "Hey, mommy is so tired. She will die if she doesn't rest. You definitely don't want mommy to die." , right? Then let mommy go to bed, okay?" Children are like this. When adults ask her like this, they will feel that they are important, and then they will nod obediently. While I was sleeping in my room, she stood by the door reading comic books. When her family makes some noise, she will remind her seriously: "Mommy is sleeping, please keep it down!"

Now, the eldest daughter is 5 years old and the younger daughter is 3 years old. My best friend and playmate. I feel that being a good mother does not mean giving up on oneself completely. We can love ourselves while loving our children. Looking good doesn't mean you're superficial, and there's no need to feel guilty about making yourself happy.

When I was young, I liked to find people to discuss the meaning of life, but now, after staying in life for a long time, I found that its meaning lies in living well, loving yourself well, and loving yourself as you should. Be a person who is worthy of yourself.

Therefore, Cai Kangyong commented on Xiao S: She is very much herself, which is a thing with high emotional intelligence.

The rest of your life is very short. You don’t have to wait for a special day to give yourself more surprises. If you are willing, every day can be a special day. For the rest of your life, you don’t need to invite too many people and things into your life. Giving warmth to worthy people, giving time to worthy things, and being with everything worthy is the best way to live.

Because,

Only you are the whole of your world.

Only you are the only you in this world.

So, please cherish yourself, every day is 520!