Laughing and teasing my parents.

1. The mother took her son to put the Kongming lantern cage. The son asked: How many Kongming lanterns do we put in the sky? Mother replied: 50 yuan.

The son said quickly, 50 yuan is too expensive to buy a lamp, so it is better to give me the money!

The mother looked at her son and said, I'll give you 50 yuan, and you can go to heaven!

Son. . .

My family runs a grocery store, and my parents give me pocket money in a different way every month.

Hey, dad, I have no money to spend.

Oh, I'll ask your mother to change the QR code for you right away.

Therefore, in those two days, my Alipay kept reminding me that Alipay was in 8 yuan and Alipay was in 6.7 yuan. . . 2.3 yuan. . . 0.5 yuan. . .

3. The first time I cooked, I made scrambled eggs. I watched my father stuffing scrambled eggs into his mouth with chopsticks. I asked hopefully, how does it taste? Dad frowned and said, well, you fried the salt and it still smells like eggs!

Dad, why don't children drink?

Because children can be happy without drinking.

The college entrance examination is coming, but my son still has no intention to study. Seeing him playing with his mobile phone, dad came in and patted his son on the shoulder and said, you should pay attention to the combination of work and rest, especially to protect your eyesight. Don't be nearsighted!

The son was moved and nodded hard, only to hear his father continue to say: otherwise, the bricklayer will not be able to see the hanging line clearly in the future, the wall will be built irregularly, and the boss will deduct the salary.

A funny, laughing little friend.

1. Once I had a little quarrel with my husband, and my five-year-old daughter was playing with toys. I asked my daughter, Tell me, who is right, your father or me? The daughter said while playing: I don't care about your business!

I just bought a few Jin of millet to take home. My nephew is anxious to eat. I: Take a look at it when you peel it, and be careful not to eat bugs.

Nephew: Why should I be careful with it? It should be careful of me. Aren't you afraid I'll eat it?

Here you are. . . .

3, go fishing with my brother, my nephew always grabs my fishing rod, but he is too young to wait for the fish to bite, and keeps holding the hook to watch.

I said to him angrily, if you can catch fish like this, I will eat shit. Look! He didn't want to draw water with a fishing rod to vent his anger, but he actually hooked one.

He followed me all morning, repeating a sentence all the way: adults can't lie.

My son just went to kindergarten and came home one day clamoring for me to buy him paint.

It turned out that Xiaomei, his deskmate, had lost a quarrel with a boy in another class, so he asked his son to help him give that boy some color to see tomorrow. . .

It is very indecent to take my nephew shopping and see a couple biting and touching in public. I was bitten for teaching bad children!

The little nephew next to me quickly comforted me: Aunt, don't be angry. Our teacher says jealousy is not good! Me. .

6. When I was a child, I stole watermelons with my brother. When I got home, I cut it open, but it was still white inside.

The two of us are stupid enough to say that we don't know each other well.

Later, I learned that it was wax gourd.

Although I smoke and drink and swear, I know I am a good boy. Xiao Ming, 6, said.

Make fun of 2B's connotation jokes.

Burst 2B connotation joke (1) 1, floating spring summoned up the courage to ask the goddess: Do you like me?

The goddess said with surprise: I've been waiting for you to ask this for a long time! I don't like you! ! !

Suspension spring. . .

Walking in the corridor at work this morning, a towel fell out of a woman's pocket in front of me. I thought of that woman in Doby and shouted: Beauty, you dropped your bread!

The woman turned around and said, no, I'll give you breakfast!

Damn it, it's noon, and I still can't eat! ! !

My girlfriend, whom I met on a blind date the day before yesterday, just called and asked me to go to her house.

The first time I went to her house, I said, should I bring you something by the way?

She said: No, I have another box at home.

Beauty, may I kiss you?

All right! Where do you want to kiss?

Your lovely little hands. Wow. . .

Does smacking smell good? . .

Make fun of 2B's connotation joke (2)

1, female: Dear, let's break up!

Man: What? Did you tell me that there is a wild man outside me behind my back?

Woman: You are a fucking savage. My husband won't leave me alone until I part!

There is a long queue in the supermarket. When it was a man's turn, he told the clerk to buy 50 TT's. As a result, two MM behind a man sipped their mouths and laughed wildly. . .

So he turned around, glanced at them with gloomy eyes, and then said to the clerk, wait, change it to 52.

Suddenly the two MM stopped laughing. . .

3. Bring your boyfriend home for the first time. While eating, my father picked up the wine bottle and poured it for my boyfriend. Boyfriend said: Uncle, I can't drink.

Dad said: it's okay to drink less!

Boyfriend said: I really can't drink.

Dad said: don't be strangers, just like at home. Young people can't drink now.

This time, my boyfriend said anxiously, I really can't. That son of a bitch can drink!

The bus was so crowded that two women quarreled on the bus.

You're squeezing my breasts!

Who made your breasts so big? !

A: Your breasts are very big!

B: You have big breasts!

Your breasts are big!

The two have been arguing. . .

The driver couldn't help talking: stop arguing, because my car is too small!

Suddenly, a car full of people laughed. . .

Hilarious 2B connotation joke (3)

1. Go to the hospital. I have another patient in front of me. The doctor asked him what was wrong. He said he had a cold. I said you had a cold and your face was black and blue. He said, I mainly sneeze under the bed.

Don't quarrel with me! I'm hard to coax!

Do you want to eat this? !

Yes! ! !

I saw an old man lying on the side of the road enjoying the cool, so I couldn't help asking him: What are you doing?

Grandpa: I am meditating.

Me: Grandpa, what are you thinking? Can you share it with me?

Grandpa: I was thinking, in such fine weather, you silly child don't pick up girls, why bother an old man with me?

Me. . .

4. For a buddy I haven't seen for more than ten years, I chatted during the dinner and said that my physical strength was not as good as before, and the push-ups didn't last that long.

Dude says he's still like that. Me: Really?

Buddy: I couldn't move the stone mill in my hometown yard when I was a child. I tried it when I went back the other day, but I still couldn't move, so it was the same.

Me. . . ?

It's hilarious, and the most important thing is to tease B.

1, my body is made of iron and my bed is made of magnets.

2. Others only care about whether you are educated, and I only care about whether you will get naked when you kneel down.

Recently, I felt that my sister-in-law was lying to me, but I was embarrassed to tell my brother, but I was afraid that my brother was in the dark, so I secretly handed my brother a note: Brother, Song Wu has something to say.

Today, I heard that a young man named Wang Erdan went to KTV to pick up girls, but he was actually his own sister. I was shocked at that time. In what fucking age, there was a man named Wang Erdan.

5. For the 20xx college entrance examination students, there is 2.29 full-day review time. If I had been in the college entrance examination for 24 hours, with my IQ, the consequences would be unimaginable!

6. I went to the Internet cafe yesterday, but I don't remember what key I pressed wrong. It is healthy and encourages illegal business. I thought I broke the law, and I didn't dare to talk to anyone these two days.

7. I have long heard that the most common sentence that men and women say in bed is: You have pinned my hair down. Now watching TV series, I finally understand why Male No.2 always says to the first hero: If you touch a hair on her, I will never stop with you!

8, life is too tired, you need to stop and rest ~ but when you stop, others are still running. . . So remember to trip him with your foot.