35 years old, is life basically like this? I don't believe it!

Recently, I read a book written by Lao Diao, a course of creating wealth that MBA can't teach. One sentence in it made me feel like being struck by lightning.

"At the age of 35, life is basically like this!"

I just turned 35 last year. When I saw this sentence, I didn't have Dozza's heart

Don't 35-year-old middle-aged people have no hope of life without better grades?

I doubt it instinctively, but between the lines of the article, I vaguely feel that some of his views are right.

For example, he talked about a small standard-

"You are thirty years old, at the latest thirty-five, you must be miserable, and you will never submit your resume again, but the headhunting company will take the initiative to dig it up."

"If it's not particularly unlucky, you are 35 years old, still hanging around somewhere, and there is no headhunter. I advise you to wash and sleep. "

I agree with the first sentence, but I disagree with the second.

Middle-aged people's workplace anxiety, I believe that people of this age group have a deep understanding.

Why are middle-aged people around 35 so anxious?

I was recently "brushed" by the word 35.

It's just that I've been thinking, going back and forth, and I can't erase it if I want to. "I have reached middle age and have not succeeded yet. What should I do? What should I do? "

A deep sense of loss and powerlessness is followed by anxiety and uneasiness.

Of course, success here refers to secular success. For me, I just don't need a job to support my family, my family can live in a bigger house, I don't have to worry about getting sick and having no money to pay medical bills, and my children can have a better education. That's enough.

In fact, I didn't pay special attention to the articles on this topic, but I felt unconsciously that this kind of information was coming at me, layer after layer, which made me breathless.

The following articles are all published by some big V companies recently, and you may have read them:

Ge Zongyu: 90% of the people in the workplace underestimated this bottom-level ability and became victims of the "35-year-old crisis"

Spencer: 35 is a very dangerous age.

Caoz's dream: people return to the workplace after middle age.

Eye-catching headlines have stung the sensitive and fragile nerves of middle-aged people in the workplace.

Why on earth are we so anxious? But it is for the following reasons:

1, people have not achieved worldly success in middle age, that is to say, nothing has been achieved.

There is a lyric in Jonathan Lee's Song for Yourself: If you want it, you can't have it. Why are you alive?

Each of us has our own goals and dreams. Pursuing dreams and realizing them is undoubtedly the happiest thing in life.

However, not everyone can achieve their goals, nor can everyone find the life they want.

In this world, success always belongs to a few people. Behind the glamorous stage, there are too many unknown stories.

2. In fact, enough efforts have been made, but the results have been minimal.

Everyone is working hard for their own life and goals. Many people have done their best, but life is not a simple formula. As long as you work hard enough, you will get what you want.

Li Guang, a "flying general" in the Western Han Dynasty, was a veteran of the three dynasties of Emperor Wendi, Han Jing and Emperor Wudi, with superb martial arts. There is a saying: "The forest is big and the wind is blowing, but the general tries to shoot arrows at night. The next morning, he found his white arrow deeply stuck in the hard rock, saying that he could shoot through the rock with his arrow.

He made a lot of military exploits and worked harder than anyone else in the war.

But it is such a person who wants to be a duke all his life. The final result is that "Feng Tang is easy to get old, but Li Guang is hard to seal", which means it is hard to be flat. Even Sima Qian almost lamented that Li Guang's luck was really bad.

There are many factors that affect success, such as the degree of hard work, way of thinking, ways and means, luck and so on.

It is hard to say that hard work is bound to succeed.

3. The values advocated by the mainstream society and the ubiquitous contrast make people more anxious.

It seems that we were born to live for others to see.

People live a test, and trees live a skin.

Compared with houses, cars, travel, marriage, children and careers, the ubiquitous comparison seems to show its existence value only in comparison with others.

There are early successful post-90 s, and there are also early successful post-70 s. Caught in the middle, I can't seem to find my proper position, and I can't help but feel anxious.

4, 35-year-old middle age, there are too many expectations.

At this age, we looked up and saw that our parents were old and seriously ill, and needed care and comfort.

Looking down, there are endless children to feed, education and study, and there is never enough money.

Looking around, the lowest work, endless overtime, physical and mental fatigue, hopelessness for life. All kinds of assessment KPI, customer dissatisfaction are in my ear.

Looking around, we are surrounded by people who need to rely on you, afraid to quit, afraid to get sick, afraid to stop working. This is a reality that we have to face every day.

What is the ideal? Ideal ... touch some bright foreheads, I don't seem to remember!

There is a saying: a person who cries all night is not enough to talk about life.

I believe many middle-aged people have had this experience, crying when no one is around, and continuing to face the cruel reality and life after crying.

You still have a lot of lives!

No matter what you have experienced, I want to say: no matter how old you are now, no matter how ordinary you are now, you still have many lives!

To hell with the idea of washing and sleeping!

Not being persuaded, not being defeated by it, and stubbornly resisting fate are the persistence that we middle-aged people must have.

Li Xiaolai said in "Seven Years Is a Life" that he iterated every seven years to update his underlying operating system.

In his view, many people have only one life, while some people have multiple lives.

In 2000, at the age of 28, he decided to apply for a job in New Oriental. He was an excellent salesman before making this decision.

In 2008, at the age of 35, he decided to leave New Oriental, and his best thing changed from sales to lectures. He has also produced his own products, one of which is TOEFL Core Vocabulary 2 1 Day Breakthrough, Li Xiaolai TOEFL Composition Model and Taking Time as a Friend.

20 13 years, he is 40 years old. He sold his shares in a start-up company and became an investor. It was in that year that he began to pay attention to and invest in Bitcoin.

I think many people know the story behind. Aside from his controversial issues, this kind of person who dares to make life choices and practice and make achievements is respectable and worth learning.

"Only when you have the will and ability to make positive choices can you really live," he said.

It can be seen that every seven years or even less, he will enter a new field, which he calls active "rebirth"

Every life, the first year: study hard and adapt. The second year: after getting the basic skills, grow up desperately. The third year to the sixth year: harvest. Seventh year: rest, and so on.

I saw a TED talk before, and an old man was laid off by the company at the age of 64, ending his 40-year wandering career.

Prior to this, he worked as the operation director of a consumer goods company. On the day he was told to leave, he and his wife were as drunk as a fiddler.

His career is not brilliant, but he has a good background, a good circle of friends and a good relationship. Later, he found that it was no big deal, maybe it was a better experience.

So, now he is doing consulting work in the original industry for the next two years, while looking for something that makes him passionate and fascinated.

At the age of 66, he found that he wanted to set up his own environmental protection company to produce degradable environmental protection materials from waste to solve the increasingly serious environmental problems.

He said, "Don't be afraid of being too late. I started my business at 66. "

Other people of the same age began to live an idle life after retirement, and he began to live his own life.

So, no matter what reason you don't succeed at present, no matter what age you are at present, you can start over.

Don't be pessimistic, learn a new skill and start a new journey.

Two suggestions

1, from another perspective, anxiety and stress are good things.

During the period of 1998, researchers at the University of Wisconsin-Madison conducted a group of surveys and asked 30,000 respondents two questions:

How much pressure did you encounter in the past year?

Do you think stress is harmful to health?

The results of this study were published in the 20 12 issue of Health Psychology. Eight years later, the researchers checked public records to find out which people died eight years ago.

The statistical results are surprising: great stress may increase the risk of death by as much as 43%.

There is a more surprising result: the increased risk of death of up to 43% only applies to those who think that stress is harmful to health.

In other words, those who don't believe that stress is harmful to health have nothing to do, despite the same stress. In fact, these people have the lowest mortality rate among the whole investigated population.

The conclusion is that what is fatal is not stress itself, but the idea that stress and stress are harmful or even fatal to health.

Faced with stress and anxiety, middle-aged people should accept it conceptually and use it to turn it into a positive factor.

Stress urges people to make changes and actions.

2. Keep yourself busy. You can be a fly or a bee.

Carl Wick, a professor at the University of Michigan in the United States, told a wonderful experiment:

Put a group of bees and flies in the same glass bottle, put it flat, and the bottom of the bottle is facing the window to see what happens to them.

Those bees kept flying around the bottom of the bottle and hitting the bottom of the bottle, hoping to find the window until they were exhausted.

As for flies, no matter where they are in the dark, they collide and escape from the bottle mouth at once.

Why is this? Is it because bees can't see clearly Absolutely not. Because of the pattern and genes of bees, it is to find a bright place to go out.

They don't understand why there is no exit where there is light, let alone that there is such a thing as glass in the world.

The gene of the fly model is that you can always find an exit whether it is light or dark.

Dissatisfaction with the status quo is the biggest reason for our change. When we are not clear about our own direction, it is more appropriate to use the fly model to enter a new field. Keep in touch, keep open, try and make mistakes, accept feedback, and it is more appropriate to hit and run.

And when we find the direction, we need to adjust to the bee mode, constantly polish our core cognition, work hard at that point, and constantly enlarge.

When you encounter something wrong, you should think more about whether you need to switch modes.

Take writing as an example. When you first started writing, what were you suitable for, novels, essays, new media articles, dry goods articles or other articles? To tell the truth, many people really don't know what field to write.

Write more at this time, you can try all kinds of writing, not limited to yourself. Find the right direction in the process of writing and use the flying mode.

When you find your own writing style, you can constantly improve and polish your skills and abilities in this direction. At this point, use bee mode.

Grandma Moses once said, "Life is never late".

Therefore, no matter what age we are, no matter what our previous life was like, you can be reborn again.

I am an eagle, concerned about personal growth, wealth freedom, sharing personal views and reading experience.