Poor popularity, no one came to help when the family died. What should I do?

The richest local tyrant in our village usually ignores us and doesn't attend weddings and funerals. His personality is very poor and his popularity is particularly poor. When his father died, he knelt down to apologize and asked for a ride, but not many people went there, and the human society knew how warm and cold it was.

Our village, Quanzhou Township, southern Fujian, is also the same clan. He helps people dig mines in the northwest, and his family is super rich, but his character is really not so good.

What are the general weddings and funerals in the village? He and his parents were impolite at the beginning of earlier years.

At the wedding reception, he felt it beneath him to eat with other people in our village. If there is a funeral, he feels ashamed and unlucky to be buried with us.

The rest of us, especially those from the same clan, help each other at weddings, funerals and funerals, but their families never participate in our weddings and funerals, except for offering sacrifices to their ancestors, because their ancestors are also supported by our ancestral temple, but generally their families also offer sacrifices in advance.

Later, he advised his parents not to give gifts and waste money at all. Anyway, it won't have anything to do with us, so there is no intersection with the rest of us in weddings and funerals.

Until his father died of illness two years ago, before his father died, he hoped to "pull out the beard of the dragon", which is also a custom in our place, that is, we need the help of men of the same clan to walk around our village with two white silks beside the coffin, which means that we will be as blessed as dragons in the future.

On the night of his father's death, he joined our clan's WeChat group and posted an obituary in the group, saying that his father had left and there would be a funeral the next day. I hope everyone can participate, and I also hope that the man can help "pull out the dragon beard". ...

The next day, the person who gave him a gift went to his house to return it, and the person who didn't give him a gift was never seen it.

When waiting for the wake, it is reasonable to say that many people from the same clan will come to help in vain, and no one in his family will come to help except his family and a few relatives. His mother also asked him to tell everyone in the group again so that everyone could come and help. When he finished, no one in the group paid attention to him and no one went to his house to help.

Later, he was also a relative of our village, and told his mother that no one would come because you never went to other people's homes to help. As for "pulling the Chinese alpine rush", it is even more impossible. You've never helped anyone quit before. How can others come to help you? You'd better figure it out yourself!

Hearing this, their family was very angry. Didn't they give gifts to many families before? ? Relatives answered with a speechless face, who is short of your money now? The main thing is to help others. You've never helped anyone. Why should people help you? Let's consider whether to apologize at the door. Doesn't he want to "pull out the whiskers"?

As the only child in the family, he had to do it by himself, because his mother and sister had to stay at the wake. No way, he listened to the advice of an older generation of relatives, took "silver money" and white silk (our white goods here), and went to kneel and kowtow to others one by one, apologize and ask for help.

But after years of grievances, basically no one responded, except a few people to help deal with his family's white affairs. The "dragon beard" can't be pulled out at all, and there are too few people. Although a lot of money was spent in the end, no one was sent to the funeral, which made his mother cry for a long time.

Since my father left, whenever there is a wedding in the village, he has come back to help and contribute. ...

@ 中中中中: People with poor popularity generally have the following points or points:

1. Being above others, you feel superior when you have money and power, and you never communicate with people who are poorer than yourself. Over time, when you need others, others will be too lazy to talk to you!

2. Always play jokes on others, but when others play similar jokes on you, they turn their faces and deny others.

3. Too conceited, often listening to the wind is rain, or refuting what others say, refuting for the sake of refuting, can't come up with better opinions!

4. Self-righteous, often think that others should do according to their own ideas, others get angry when they refute, and it is easy to offend others!

5. It's so sensitive that people accidentally offended you because of a little thing, so they jumped over the wall and lost their temper.

6. It's too cold. You should look on coldly when you help each other, and say why others don't help you when you need help.

So, how to solve the bad relationship between people? I think we can do the following:

1. Don't always offend others because of small things, be kind to others.

2. communicate with people more, don't always be above others. Communicating with each other can solve many small things and make the information between them symmetrical.

3. Speak and act in moderation. If you are too cold, others will think you are impolite. If you are too hot, others will think that you are a person who goes with the flow.

4. Help others, facilitate others and yourself.

5. get along, don't climb over the wall just because of a little thing. After all, people are social animals.

The phenomenon you mentioned is still quite common at present.

A few years ago, I went to the village to eat a white wine, and a middle-aged man died. The next day, it should be an optimistic day, and it is the burial day of this person. I arrived at "Dangda's" home the night before, only to find that there were a few people scattered, and not many people came to help.

I was a little confused at that time, so I secretly found a local old man to talk about it. I learned from the old population that someone died in a rural family. This kind of silence has been going on for some years, and it is no longer as crowded as it used to be, and fewer and fewer people are helping. When the old man finished speaking, he was also deeply helpless and sighed.

Nowadays, mourning is of no help. What is the reason?

First, there are many people who go out to work. Everyone has been away for many years, and the original neighbors soon become strangers.

Second, the host usually doesn't get along well with his neighbors. Others don't help if they have something to do, and others don't help if they have something to do.

Third, once someone dies at home, people who work outside can't catch up and can't go home to attend the funeral; Over time, the phenomenon of not helping naturally formed.

Later, I went to the funeral home, and the deceased was buried the next day. The owner of "Dangda" paid someone to carry the deceased up the mountain.

Therefore, in interpersonal communication, no matter how busy you are, you should send a family member as a representative to help others. Only when something happens in your family will others help you.

Especially in rural areas now, young people are rarely seen, mostly old people and children. Although the popularity at home is good at ordinary times, if you stay in the village for a long time and don't go home to help, the original popularity will be washed away by years.

Therefore, when people go out to work to earn money, they also dilute the neighborhood relationship. The phenomenon that family members in the neighborhood died without help has appeared; It can be seen that while the times are progressing, people's concept of helping others is deteriorating!

The village party secretary, who used to have unlimited scenery, was flattered by the villagers, and his family was often crowded. I didn't expect that after his death, no one at home offered to help. ...

The story of the old branch secretary talked about poor popularity, and I remembered Liu Jiawang, the old branch secretary in the village. At the beginning, this little old man had unlimited scenery in our village, and many people wanted to curry favor with him, which led to the crowded home of the old branch secretary.

Grandma told me that the old branch secretary was a guiding cadre when he was young. When everyone is working in the farmland, he never needs to work, but stands by to guide the villagers' work and give them the technology.

At the beginning, the old branch secretary was quite approachable, and everyone had no complaints about his guidance. He felt that the old branch secretary was very good and didn't show any leadership style. In short, there are still many people close to him.

Later, the old branch secretary slowly rose from a technical cadre to a village branch secretary in our village. At the beginning, the old branch secretary did a lot of good things for our village, not only building roads, but also contacting the human resources in the city and exporting the surplus labor in our village to work.

Many young people in the village have gone out to work, leaving some old, weak, sick and disabled young people and a few women with children at home. The labor force in the village is small, and the state has no requirements for the production and planting of rural people. The idea of the village party secretary began to slack off.

Many years ago, when the minimum living allowance policy was first implemented, the old branch secretary was the person in charge. Some old people in the village applied for subsistence allowances, so he asked these poor households to pay him some subsistence allowances every month. If they don't pay, they will be removed from the low-income list.

In order to get the subsistence allowance, many people have to agree to the request of the old branch secretary and give him part of the subsistence allowance they received. This allowed the village party secretary to accumulate a certain amount of wealth, and he became the richest person in our village. But everyone complains about him.

Then, the state subsidizes peanuts for the villagers to grow peanuts. But at that time, many people in the village went out to work, and there were not many people farming, so the village party secretary took these peanuts home. I heard that that year, he found someone to help him squeeze a lot of peanut oil and sold it.

With the aging of the village, the old branch secretary is becoming more and more arrogant in the village, and he has the final say in everything he says and does, making the villagers complain about him. However, everyone's education level is not high, and they don't want to go to the old branch secretary, so they have to hold back their grievances.

The old branch secretary was dismissed until the land in our village was requisitioned. According to the village rules and regulations, every household can get money after land acquisition, but the village party secretary decided without authorization to give money only to those who live in the village and have not gone out to work. Other people who go out to work don't give a penny, nor do the children and the elderly who follow the migrant workers.

The decision of the village party secretary touched the interests of many villagers. It turns out that most of the strong laborers in the village go out to work, and everyone comes back on holidays or at home. After he did this, he was known by the villagers who went out to work in the village.

Everyone went back to the village to ask the old branch secretary for an explanation, but the old branch secretary not only didn't give a reasonable explanation, but also told everyone that he did it, and no one could control it.

As a result, the villagers were furious, and everyone agreed to go to the Commission for Discipline Inspection to report to the old branch secretary. Later, the old branch secretary was found out many economic problems that no one knew. He was sentenced to three years in prison, dismissed from his post and returned all the land money to the villagers.

After the death of the old branch secretary, his temperament changed greatly after he was released from prison. Seeing that the villagers always ignored him, he stopped drinking, let alone helping, and quarreled with the villagers from time to time.

Many people see the old branch secretary walking on the road, and everyone doesn't say hello to him. No one wants to have too much intersection with him. He drinks at home all day and sometimes stands at the door when he is drunk, calling the villagers cruel and heartless.

It was not until one day that we heard firecrackers and harsh cries from the old branch secretary's home that everyone knew that the old branch secretary had drunk too much and died of alcoholism at home.

Although everyone knows that the old branch secretary died, no one wants to go to his house to help, and no one mourns.

I only saw his family busy. Later, I hired a funeral train to help me with the affairs of the old branch secretary.

The old branch secretary was very popular at first, but then he made a mess, and no one wanted to help him until he died. Although it's lonely here, fortunately, he had some money in his early years, so he wouldn't be buried.

There is no one here to help with the affairs of the old branch secretary. I believe that in real life, some people will encounter this kind of ice, but at this time, it is too late to remedy the popularity problem. Let's see how to deal with this embarrassment and let the late old man die at an early date:

1. If you have money, you can call the funeral home or contact the funeral service. As long as the price is negotiated, the funeral is basically done. Although I feel lonely, I can always get things done.

If you have no money, ask the village Committee for help, or contact the local civil affairs department for help.

These two ways to increase popularity seem a bit lonely, but they are better than no place to put the body. However, when no one helps, you really find yourself very lonely. So in order to avoid this situation, you must maintain good interpersonal relationships. Good popularity is cultivated bit by bit in life. Seeing that others have difficulties, take the initiative to lend a helping hand; Do not do bad things that harm others and benefit themselves; Be polite to others, but also be high-profile and low-key.

The family in the village is not very good at dealing with people and always quarrels with the villagers. His father died the year before last, which is pitiful. I think this should be what people often say that the poor must be hateful!

I don't know what to say about this family. I don't know whether to describe it as not liking contact with people or being stingy and lazy, but I think their hearts are too small and their patterns are too small. Let me tell you a few things to evaluate.

This family is not poor in the village, because the pillar of his family is currently doing business in the market. They mainly collect sweet potato powder from several nearby villages and then sell it to others.

Usually, the husband and wife are busy with business, leaving two old people at home. The old man is in good health. There are seven or eight people in his family who have planted all the land. Others say that their family is capable!

Some people in the village have weddings at home. They can hide as much as they can, and people who are a little farther away hardly give gifts to help.

When someone dies next door to his house, the villagers nearby will send some money themselves. Their family is the last one in the village, because the funeral owner's family will set up a ceremony table and record the money clearly.

Giving money is one thing, and many people around need help in the funeral. For example, cooking in the kitchen, collecting dishes, washing dishes and buying vegetables all need help, and the main victim usually finds someone to be responsible.

No, the host family happened to see his family hang a gift that day. After the ceremony, he sat at the table doing nothing. The host family stepped forward and said that every time he set the meal, he could help bring the meal and collect the bowl.

He immediately waved his hand and refused, saying that he still had a lot of things to do at home in the future! It is suggested that the host family find someone else to be responsible. It is natural for others to reject their host's family, but he refused and went home to do farm work. As soon as the meal arrived, he came to eat, stood up and left.

People in rural areas should know that the land of each household is generally not concentrated in one place. They are scattered everywhere. Maybe the land near your home belongs to someone else, and the land in front of someone else's house belongs to you.

There is a family in the village who owns the land in front of their house. After the house is repaired, the family wants to take the road directly to their yard. After planning, it is found that it is more cost-effective to cross the home land and the road will be smoother.

So the family who needed to build roads bought two cigarettes and went to their house. When they got there, they gave presents. Next, I will discuss with his family to see if the land in front of his house can be changed or sold to him.

At that time, the family didn't know what the purpose was. They had to exchange two for one and give 50,000 yuan. The family who built the road was very angry. They say everyone is a villager. Why are you giving me such a hard time?

We all know here that it is obviously difficult for this family to build roads, because everyone in the village is changing places one by one. In addition, even if you pay, a small piece of land is not worth 50 thousand, and others need more than 10 thousand to build a road and turn a corner.

When the family who built the road went back, they directly changed the direction of the road to their home. Although the distance was a little far, they never crossed the family land in the end.

Later, when the family went to plant this land again, the family who built the road said that when I built the road, you made things difficult for me in every way and wouldn't let your family go this way. The family has to walk about 100 meters every time. At this time, when harvesting in the field, they are much more tired than before, because they have to walk farther with their crops on their backs.

Somehow, their family always quarrels with people around them, and the reasons for each quarrel are similar. It is nothing more than that he dug the corner of other people's land or dug other people's soil.

The old people in their family value the land very much. I remember my family had a piece of land next to his. At that time, when the village divided land, it was divided into one piece of land, and the dividing line was in the middle of the land. The dividing line is also very simple, with a row of pebbles.

There is a row of mulberry trees beside the stone. My dad observed it. In less than two years, the position of the stone is getting closer and closer to the mulberry tree. This is obviously the stone moving slowly.

My dad is still easy-going and doesn't like personal struggle. He always said that if one line of land is lost, one line of grain will be lost. This kind of food arrangement will not make you rich, but you can also see clearly what this person is like, as long as you have less contact.

Other people's fields in the village are also next to each other. On one occasion, others directly pulled a lot of rice in his field. His family was very angry when they found out, and they scolded him for several days in other places. At first, we stood by them until we knew the truth.

It turned out that their family always secretly dug up the ridge of the field and let the water from other fields flow directly to their fields. We all know that rice needs water. In order to keep the water in the ground, other families have to bring pumps to the river to pump water.

Their family wants to let their fields have water to steal other people's water. At the beginning, others also found their home and said that they could go to the pumping machine together. After draining the water, they can dig up the ridges and let the water flow into their fields. However, their family said there was no need to locate my venue.

This is because the location of your own field always steals water from other fields, making others angry and pulling out your own seedlings directly.

A few years ago, their old man died, and their family set off a bunch of firecrackers according to custom. Under normal circumstances, as long as someone sets off firecrackers, the villagers will understand what it means and will come over slowly to give gifts and help. But few people come to visit their family.

That night, their relatives also came. Looking at few people at home, they said, why is there no one in your village to help? The family said, maybe they don't know yet. The news should come tomorrow.

However, not many people came the next day. Seeing that the Taoist priest was going to carry the old man up the mountain the next day, no one came to help. Now their family began to worry, so they were invited to a nearby family.

Although their family went door to door to ask others for help, many people gave the answer that they didn't want to take people up the mountain because the task was too heavy, which was not a good thing.

When my family came back, they were very angry. They immediately said that you didn't want to help, so I paid for someone. But in the end, he was told that he could spend money, but others had to charge exorbitant prices to send the old man up the mountain.

But he must go to the village chief, who knows his purpose. Although he was not very happy, he went door to door to intercede for him in the greatest tradition of the dead. The village chief finally asked the family to prepare a cigarette and a bottle of wine for every family near the village, which persuaded many people.

Things didn't go so smoothly. The grave that his old man saw happened to pass through the fields where his family built roads and changed land, and others didn't say anything to let him carry it from there.

The family went to the Taoist priest and said that if his family didn't agree with us, we would change the route, but the Taoist priest told him that the old man's way up the mountain should not be changed casually, which was not good for the old man and not good for future generations.

Helpless, the family once again found the family who built the road. Finally, I had to kneel down and kowtow to others and beg their reluctant consent. Finally, it is required that the crops destroyed after crossing the field must be compensated in cash.

Fortunately, the old man was finally sent to the mountain, but then the village chief told them that you can't be like before. Just because everyone is willing to help you this time doesn't mean they will give you a chance next time.

So I think the poor popularity is all my own reason. To improve this situation, I think we should start from the following aspects:

0 1: Take the initiative when the village needs help.

Every family will encounter various times when they need help. At this time, you need to lend a helping hand. Others will naturally remember your kindness, and the next time you need help, others will lend a helping hand.

02: Don't do things that harm others and benefit themselves.

People in a village will have contact more or less. At this time, don't destroy the interests of others for your own benefit. The people in the village are very simple. If you don't provoke him actively, others will naturally not come to you.

03: Smile and say nice things when you meet people.

In fact, it is necessary to have a good relationship with people around you. Everyone will smile more, and others will naturally give you the same smile. Chatting with others for a long time will naturally be much more harmonious!

Tell me a true story of our town.

There is an old man named Chen in our town, who gave birth to four sons, and the eldest and second are admitted to college. The eldest is a director in the province, and the second is a teacher in the county middle school. There is no hope for the old three and the old four to study, and there is no way to continue studying without graduating from junior high school. But because they are all non-agricultural registered permanent residence, through the operation of their boss, the third one works in the county industrial and commercial bureau, and the fourth one works in the county highway bureau, all of whom are paid.

Because his children are promising, Mr. Chen often thinks highly of himself and disdains to associate with his neighbors. I seldom go to my neighbors' weddings and funerals, and I won't ask my son to come back. The eldest son, in particular, is a director in a hall in the province. The director is a sesame official in the capital, but in our town, he is a big official. However, he didn't help anyone in the town without violating discipline.

On the day Mr. Chen Lao died, a relative reminded his eldest son that all four of you brothers were working outside, and others must be in debt for the wedding and funeral. You'd better ask someone to carry the coffin in advance. In the past, the custom in our town thought that it was more honorable to use people to carry coffins than to use hearses to pull the scenery, and no one used hearses to pull them. )

Mr Chen's sons don't think so.

The day after Mr. Chen's death, the funeral was held as scheduled. Many people came this day, and the relatives, friends and colleagues of the four brothers naturally made many old friends. But at the funeral, no one wants to carry the coffin at the funeral! ! Relatives and friends of the four brothers all have jobs, all from other villages. They don't want to carry coffins, and the villagers in the town don't want to carry coffins, because they have no intersection with Mr. Chen's sons.

Later, I dawdled for nearly half an hour, and I couldn't help it. I found several close brothers and relatives to carry the coffin. There is a custom in town that brothers and relatives don't carry coffins. Brothers and relatives go to the funeral and cry, but outsiders don't cry when they carry coffins. Mr. Chen's funeral was carried by relatives, and his sons cried and were humiliated.

Later, when we talked about it, I asked one of Mr. Chen's neighbors why he didn't help carry the coffin. He said that Teacher Chen and Teacher Chen had nothing to do with my being an official. They didn't help me, and I don't owe them anything. Everyone lives his own life. Why are you carrying a coffin? Although the words are realistic, they also make sense!

Put money first. Last year, the boss's father died of a sudden cerebral hemorrhage. In a village of 1400 people, it is not surprising that only gifts are given to eat without help. The reason is that the boss is engaged in the construction site, and has always been a high-profile style, with a black mirror and a mobile phone, and his manners are not good. He is wearing a famous brand, clean and fashionable, and his tone of voice is amazing. I don't respect my employees very much either. For the decent party that died last year, some people didn't even eat, and some refused directly. Usually, the boss's family has weddings, funerals, weddings and happy events. He only attends dinner and never helps. Now people are imitating your boss, and they have face? We are migrant workers, and the boss has no choice but to let us migrant workers clear the table, fold tents and let the workers do all kinds of things. Everyone in their village laughed. People should be polite all their lives, do high-profile things, be low-key and be polite to others. Respecting others means respecting yourself. This is the effect of arrogance.

The fog is very turbid,

Liu Yansi hangs down.

A bunch of flowers,

The tears on the stone tablet dissolved.

Drunk, sober and respectful,

Hongyan wanders home.

Four townships and eight Li Yong,

Jiuquan firecrackers.

Tomb-Sweeping Day, Saturday, Thursday and Wednesday.

There is a man in our village who thinks he is arrogant. He used to work in a grain store in a township. When he returned to the village, he saw that his fellow villagers were so cocky that they refused to take out a cigarette. He never speaks before others talk to him. He usually ignores us. He doesn't attend weddings and funerals in the village, and even laughs at those who love to help.

When his father died and no one in the village wanted to help, he apologized to everyone and asked them to give him a ride, but he still couldn't wake up the people in the village. Not many people want to go, and people are hot and cold!

The man in our village, surnamed Zhao, worked in a grain store when he was young. In the past, farmers paid public grain, and many villagers begged him to open the back door in order to pay the grain early, but this man refused to buy it and acted according to the rules.

This Mr. Zhao took advantage of this, went back to the village to be self-righteous, ignored others, walked with his head held high and never offered cigarettes to others. It depends on who the other person is to take the cigarettes handed over by others.

When there is a wedding, he doesn't help or even accept gifts. He thinks these people in the village are really stupid.

Later, when the grain store closed, he went to the city. When I come back and drive, I can't see my hometown.

Until one year, his father died of illness, and few people in the village went to see his father. They are also old friends of his father.

In our village, anyone who has something to do is helping himself. Such a deserted scene is really rare.

Mr. Zhao then begged the village chief to let his father go to the grave even if he gave money to the villagers.

The village chief said, who will take your money? Being a man is about character. You don't give or help others, but expect others to flatter you. Is it possible? People who don't respect others will not be respected in the end.

Mr. Zhao suddenly realized. I have never helped others. Why should others help me?

Later, the village head took Mr. Zhao from house to house, and the villagers agreed to help because of the village head.

Many people don't want to. On the day of the funeral, Mr. Zhao first gave everyone a Chinese cigarette. And begged the villagers to help in the end and let the old father go!

His mother couldn't help crying when she saw his wife like this.

Since his father left, whenever there is a wedding in the village, no matter where he is, he will come back to help deliver gifts and then help others. ...

This Mr. Zhao is extremely unpopular. He is self-righteous, arrogant, arrogant and selfish. What good will come of him? If you don't help others, why should others help you?

So, how should such a person solve the problem of bad relationship with others? I think the following aspects can be tried.

1. Don't haggle over every ounce, be broad-minded.

You should communicate with others more, and don't always be self-righteous and superior. You know, everyone is equal. If you vote for someone else's peach, someone else will give you a plum.

Pay attention to your manners, and behave appropriately. Treat people equally and keep quiet.

4. Do more good deeds and help others.

5. Develop good habits, don't sell yourself short, and don't do what you don't want others to do.

This situation does exist. More than 50 years ago, Nianyou was in his hometown in the countryside, and the middle of the village was separated by a small river. On the east bank of the river, there was a family from Dont Ask For Help. He didn't help anyone, but just watched. One day, his old man died, and there is a custom in the village that if someone dies, they will shoot a few guns (kick two feet) and everyone in the village will come to help. He also fired several shots when he died. After a long wait, no one came to help him. In desperation, he kowtowed from door to door for help. Some people walk like this (in our area, it is customary to carry coffins instead of going ashore, which means waiting for their families to die), carry them to the middle of the river and rest them in the river. Later, his whole family knelt down for help before being carried away. Great changes have taken place in the material society and folk customs, and people's lives are relatively rich. Many families have everything in Dont Ask For Help, and their interpersonal relationship is much weaker. If someone dies, call the crematorium and will soon provide one-stop service in the car. Any family can solve any problem as long as it has the money to pay. In real life, everyone should work hard to make money, and it is difficult to move without money.

We also have a brigade secretary there, who usually throws his weight around and walks with his face up, and no one looks down on him. When his father died, no one paid anyone to help carry the coffin.

The secretary of this brigade thinks he is the leader. He usually looks down on the people in the village and doesn't associate with his neighbors. Whoever has something will not help. People associate with village leaders. He stopped talking when he saw the people in the village, and everyone scolded him behind his back. Everyone wants to see his jokes.

Later, when my father died, the Lingtou sail was put on. But as you can see, there is a lot of discussion in the group. Without help, several of his relatives can't stand it. They went to help, and he quickly said that whoever helped would give him 200 yuan, which drove people away and no one looked down on his money.

There was nothing he could do, so he took his son to a family and kowtowed for mercy. Several old people in the village looked at the poor children and asked the young people at home for help. Before leaving, they told the brigade secretary that no one was interested in his money. The secretary of the brigade was so grateful that he dared to mention it. The last few people managed to send his father away and bury him.

This became our big joke at that time. The secretary of this brigade dare not walk with his face upturned as before. Later, he smoked everyone and laughed his head off. He will never put on airs again. He was afraid that he would stink at home if he died.

In the village, don't cross the death gate, otherwise, no one will bury you if you die.