Most of my life-a lonely monologue

Loneliness erodes the soul and life slowly rots.

/kloc-I didn't go downstairs for 0/0 days, but the sunshine outside shone through the glass and the room was full of dust. It's a rare winter, so I should go down and do some shopping. Although the stock in the refrigerator can last for a week, how much can a person eat?

I feel autistic and don't want to go out, answer the phone or communicate with others. I always hang my head when I go out for fear of meeting acquaintances. I pretended not to hear anyone say hello. If someone pulls me, I'll pretend I don't know them and tell them I'm mistaken for someone else.

The sunshine is really good! The outdoor photos are very bright.

Groups of children are playing in the central square, and the old man and the old lady gather in the sunny corner. It's the old lady who talks a lot and vaguely hears that there are more people in her family; It is the old man who speaks loudly, praising today's life in a proud tone. Some people are playing chess, and many people around them are silent or whispering, and their faces are radiant.

I walked across the square and looked down. No one greeted me, and I was a little secretly pleased and a little lost. There is a vegetable market ahead. I looked at the distance with my eyes and saw a figure coming in front of me, both strange and familiar.

Who is that man? His hair is gray and his steps are still vigorous. Against the shadow, he still looks tall and straight. Approached, to be sure, this man is my man, and we haven't spoken for more than twenty years. He has gray hair and no wrinkles on his face, but he is obviously old. I looked a little flustered and forgot to look back. I didn't regret looking at him like that until he came up to me, glanced at me and walked away with his head held high.

I'm going to buy food, and suddenly I have no courage. For an instant, I felt very dizzy, as if I were out of time and space. People passing by are very quiet and terrible. My body has lost its center of gravity, and someone around me helps me. I didn't fall and I didn't want to go to the hospital. There was a lot of talk around, and I was a little angry to hear someone say that I was a strange old lady.

Someone fainted, not far from the central square. The crowd surged, and I was in the middle. Some of them helped out of kindness, some watched the excitement, and some recognized me in an instant. I'm ashamed. I'm afraid people will recognize me.

When did I start living like this? I retired early and left the society. I have a family. It's just me and my daughter at home. That man lives in my house. I have long regarded him as family.

I can't open my eyes because of the sun, and my face is hot and my hands and feet are cold. Regardless, I followed a person who helped me and kept calling me big sister, and walked in the direction of home. I don't want to be watched and discussed by others.

My name is Wang Xiulan, and I am 6 1 year old. I have a daughter who is 35 years old and not married.

I tried to convince her that with so many families, she didn't want to live like me. I smiled bitterly, how bad my life was, and it became a negative teaching material for my daughter. No marriage, no marriage! Everyone has the right to choose their own life.

It's almost a year since the Spring Festival last year, and she hasn't said a word to me. I tried to ask her what was wrong, but she walked away several times and didn't seem to hear me.

I'm lonely. My daughter shouldn't feel it! I tried to run away from my family countless times at her age, and I don't think I would be lonely even if I ran away at that time. When your parents were alive, all your grievances were supported, and there were always endless topics between friends. I want to spend some time shopping in department stores every day. At that time, the market was just booming, and every time I went to the market, I always saw something new.

The three of us are under the same roof, and the doors of the room are locked. Whenever I hear something outside, and one of them is cooking or going to the toilet, I will listen carefully for a while, and I won't come out until they go back to their room.

In the summer of 2008, I forgot the specific month and day. No sooner had I come out of the bathroom than the man came out of the room and took the initiative to talk to me. What he said is ridiculous! He said he forgave me! What did I do wrong that needs your forgiveness? He said he forgave me! Ridiculous, ridiculous, he cheated on me first, he told me to get out in front of outsiders, and he said he wanted a divorce in front of the whole family, hehe!

When my daughter was ten years old, I told her that we should move to the old house! My daughter said she was afraid of the dark. There is a long alley in front of the old house. At night, it is dark and a little scared.

Later, my daughter grew up and told me that she was not afraid of the dark at that time. She's afraid we'll never come back after we move out. Yes, if you really move out, you really won't come back.

My daughter's little trick is not to let us divorce, and we are not divorced. Make do with it for the children! I swear, I will never forgive that man again. Since then, no one has mentioned divorce, but what's the difference between being inseparable from the roots for more than 20 years?

Once my daughter asked me if my mother would live a completely different life if she was not born! I told her that life is not good now? I have a formal and decent job and a little social status. I have two houses and many clothes. I can buy whatever I want. What am I dissatisfied with?

Why does my daughter ignore me? She is a doctor. She stays at home except for work. She can watch her mobile phone in circles in bed for a day. Who does she look like? Neither I nor that man was like this when he was young.

I quietly made a wish-home and everything! My family is just me and my daughter. My daughter's marriage is a heart disease. My daughter's personality worries me infinitely, and my daughter's ignoring me breaks my heart.

Girls who love spring always have some naive ideas. They look forward to the future and their prince charming. And I knew from an early age that I wanted a practical, stable and plain life.

I am not beautiful enough, and my family background is ok. My parents are both cadres, with three sisters and two brothers on them. They were very fond of them when they were young. I received a good education since I was a child, and I didn't let my family worry at all when I took part in the work.

Someone introduced me to a man, and I felt very reliable the first time I saw him. He is not good at words, but he is careful. He is tall, but peaceful. He is a worker, but he is also an engineering graduate. At first, my family disagreed with us. My mother said that his family was not particularly good, and my sister said that she could introduce me to a better one. I stick to my choice, and I think it is a good standard.

Looking back on the capital for almost forty years now, I have never regretted my decision. Men before marriage have white skin and heavy eyebrows. When he smiled, there were two small arcs around his mouth, and his teeth were white and reflected in the sun. He always wears a white short-sleeved shirt, and I can smell soap sitting in the back seat of my bike. He rode his bike so steadily that he didn't feel the wheels shaking when they ran over a stone.

I had a short happy time. I thought that feeling could last a lifetime. I don't want to be anyone's little princess. I just hope I can win everyone's heart.

There will inevitably be some friction in marriage. Generally speaking, I feel very happy and married the right person.

He was laid off on 1998, and he was not the only one who was laid off at that time. I could clearly feel his loss, and he began to smoke. I stayed with him as long as possible. I stayed with him when he wanted to talk, and I sat quietly when he didn't want to talk. I'm afraid he is short of money, so I give him enough living expenses every day. I know that a person can't lift his head when he goes out without money. I comforted him that you can look for a job at any time if you have the ability, and I also used my contacts to help me inquire. There are three jobs for him to choose from in a short time. Two jobs are in the field, and the salary is seven or eight times that of his original job. A local job is also much better than his original job. He doesn't appreciate my efforts. He turned down the job and told me to mind my own business. I can understand the injustice and don't blame him. Men love face.

I heard what happened afterwards. Someone told me that he was very close to a woman in his previous unit, who had a family and was laid off.

After work that day, I opened the door and ran into them in my house. The noise alarmed the neighbors and the door was crowded with people. I let go of that woman, and she pushed me out of the door and told me to get out. That's my home. where am I going?

My daughter came back and saw me crying, so she lay in my arms and wiped my tears. The man drank half a bottle of wine and fell asleep. I don't know how to explain to her what happened at home. From then on, my daughter suddenly became sensible. Yesterday, she went to buy toys in tears. Today, she began to say "Mom, be happy".

I'm halfway through my life. Is there any point in discussing right and wrong?

My daughter said in her early years that I was too stubborn to leave any room for anything. In those years, she had a good relationship with her father. Seeing them talking and laughing, I'm a little jealous. I think it is also a good thing that one more person loves his daughter, and her daughter needs father's love.

Once I changed a bed and bought a big double bed. At that time, my daughter had gone to college and had a separate room. Seeing my new big bed, my daughter said that I subconsciously wanted to get back together with her father. I won't blame anything my daughter says. At that time, she was the only family I had.

I thought about getting back together. I can forgive him as long as he can sincerely apologize to me.

Last year, my relationship with my daughter was not too bad. Once, she told me that her father said that what I saw was a misunderstanding, and that it didn't happen later.

Misunderstanding, why haven't you explained it for over 20 years? I have never refused sincere communication.

I just want to ease my relationship with my daughter. Some people say that the key to the problem lies in my relationship with him. Let me put aside my resentment and start over. Reconciliation, reconciliation! The mistakes you made when you were young, let go of your resentment and reconcile!

Resentment, resentment makes me lose myself. Over the years, I have lived in resentment, my colleagues began to reject me, my friends began to stay away from me, my relatives began to give up on me, and I lost my heart in resentment.

Holding up the mirror, I looked at the woman in the mirror, an old lady in her early sixties. The dim eyes are full of malice and hatred, and the locked brows convey despair and misfortune. I hate who I am. I want to start a new life.

What does it matter to have that person? Starting today, I will let go of all my resentment and sadness, and I will embrace the world again and start a new life!