Qingming Festival in memory of my father

On Qingming Festival, because of the epidemic, I cannot go to my father’s grave to worship. Posting old articles to pay homage to my father from afar.

In memory of my father

Feihong

On February 9, 2018, my father passed away on a crane to the west at the age of 83. As a farmer, 83 years old is considered a long life. As his child, it is necessary to write down his life, because my father is an extremely ordinary farmer with a humble status and low status. No one knows or knows about him. If he does not leave any words to record his life, his father will really be "The body is the same as the mountain".

Difficult times

His father’s name is Zhang Dianhua, who was born on July 10, 1936 in Zhangzi Zhang Village, Binbei Town, Bincheng District, Binzhou City, Shandong Province (this is the date of birth on his ID card, the actual date of birth is He was born on the fourteenth day of the twelfth lunar month in 1936. I don’t know how he was registered when the ID card was issued. The dates of birth on his parents’ ID cards were wrong, and even his mother’s name was wrong).

China in 1936 was in a period of turmoil. The fate of those born in that era was destined to be as difficult and tortuous as the historical process of the Chinese nation. At that time, his birthplace belonged to Bohai County, Wuding Road, later also known as Bin County. Binxian County Government was located in Dujiazhai (today's former residence of Du Shoutian). Even today, the elders in the village still call the crossroads north of Dujiazhai "Yamen Front". Dujiazhai is located in the center of Laobincheng (formerly known as Phoenix City). It is a magical place. It was first a county government and then a school. My father, younger brother and I all studied there. Phoenix City is surrounded by walls and its four gates are tall and spacious. The city wall was especially there when I was in junior high school (1981---1984). During my spare time, I climbed the southwest city wall with my classmates to gaze into the distance and reflect on the past. Now the city wall has long been turned into a homestead, and it is no longer what it once was. My father recalled that on the eve of the surrender of the Japanese in 1945, he saw the Japanese driving out of the city on the tall city gate. There were seven Japanese soldiers lying in the car. They wandered outside the city for a long time before entering the city. There were seven Japanese soldiers standing in the car. Japanese soldiers. My father said that it was a show for the Chinese when the Japanese were defeated. On the surface, they seemed to be continuously replenishing their troops, but in fact they were bluffing to scare the Chinese. What the Japanese did not expect was that a 10-year-old boy was witnessing their last performance on the high gate tower of Phoenix City. During the Huaihai Campaign, Zizizhang Village was one of the field hospitals in the rear of Chen Yi's army. My father mentioned more than once the tragic situation of the wounded in the hospital when their limbs were amputated, which made people feel frightened.

Bin County was the earliest liberated area, and my father was fortunate enough to be able to go to school. But my family was poor, and my grandparents made a living by selling steamed buns. My grandfather often called my father out of school, coaxed him to deliver goods, and relied on him to keep accounts. My father was not very good at reading. Despite this, because of his smart mind, his father excelled in reading and was reportedly admitted to school. However, because of his bad temper, the teacher who hated him took a copy of the book and sent him home to farm. There is no way to test whether this matter is true or not. My father told my mother, and my grandmother also told my mother. If this is true, I speculate that my father was admitted to a normal school, because many of his classmates were teachers, and my junior high school teacher Zhao Zengyin was one of his classmates. When the Korean War broke out in 1950, my uncle (named Zhang Dianfang) and three young men from the same village joined the volunteer army to resist U.S. aggression and aid Korea to defend their country. There was only one boy left in the family, his father. He ended his schooling career and devoted himself to filial piety and labor at home, working with the people of the country to develop production and support the front line.

After the Korean War, my uncle returned to China, and three of the four young men from the same village came back. One of them was named Zhang Zhao? They stay in a distant country forever. In 1957, during the country's first five-year plan, the Northeast heavy industry base needed a large number of laborers. My father and many other villagers went to the Hegang Coal Mine in Heilongjiang to participate in socialist construction. Because he was literate and hyphenated, his father was appreciated by his leaders and became a cultural teacher. I work 12 hours a day and teach 2 hours of cultural classes, safety classes, and political classes. The rest of the time I follow the mine leaders to inspect safety hazards, learn management, and eat bread with meat fillings. At that time, there was a Japanese technician in the mine who was responsible for machine management and maintenance. He could judge whether the machines in the mine were operating normally by listening to the sound. The Japanese went to work with their father and taught him how to operate the machines. After get off work, they were protected by soldiers and could not act alone. After Japan surrendered, the Japanese in China were very timid and did not dare to go out alone for fear of being revenged and killed by the Northeasterners.

My father worked successfully in the coal mine, but unfortunately he was recalled by his grandparents because of famine in his hometown. The leader of the coal mine hoped that his father would go back again and send him travel expenses. Because he was hungry, the travel expenses were exchanged for food rations. My father's trip to the Northeast lasted only seven months. These seven months have become a topic that our family, especially my father, often talks about. My father's monthly salary was less than 30 yuan, and he gave 8 yuan to his grandparents, 7 yuan to his uncle and my great-uncle, 7 yuan to my mother, and the remaining few yuan to eat and smoke. When I was a child, I often blamed my father for not staying in the Northeast. Otherwise, the four siblings would have spoken standard Northeastern Mandarin. My father told my mother that there was a female worker in the coal mine who was very kind to him. She secretly brought him delicious food and found out the smelly socks he had hidden and shredded them cleanly. Mother said, people are so kind to you, why don’t you live with them? My father said that as a man with a family and a family, he could not be without conscience. After returning from the Northeast, my father was firmly fixed on the land of his hometown. There were seniors and juniors, and the family burden became heavier and heavier. He suffered hardships, suffered from hunger and cold, and almost starved to death. Thanks to the help from my grandfather and grandmother, the family was able to save their lives. My father once told us a story about an uncle who shot flies. During the three years of natural disasters, my uncle was sick and hungry. His whole body was covered with yellow sores. He lay dying on the ground. Flies fell on his face and feasted on him. He was unable to drive them away. He could only make slight noises from his mouth. The "hissing" sound is a protest against the flies.

In my memory, eating was once the biggest problem for the whole family. The family is poor and has many children. The most difficult thing is filling their stomachs. Each person in the production team is only given a few dozen kilograms of rations every year. We spend most of the 365 days a year hungry. Without money to buy high-priced grain, my father had to resort to bartering to provide food and drink for the family. The wheat is harvested and exchanged for corn, and the corn is harvested and exchanged for sweet potatoes. We ate corn and sweet potatoes that our father bought from Sang Laoshu (actually Sang Luoshu), and we grew up little by little with yellow faces and skinny muscles. Due to malnutrition, the four brothers and sisters were all thin and small, but fortunately they all survived. My brother was born in 1959. My mother said that there were five or six children of the same age as my brother in the village. In the end, only my brother and the first girl in the west of the village survived. The girl’s father is a worker (the girl’s father went to the Hegang Coal Mine in Heilongjiang with my father, and later the girl’s father stayed and became a regular worker), and he received a fixed salary every month. When my brother was 8 years old, he only weighed 27 kilograms. The reason why I remember it so clearly is because the production team distributed winter melons that year. Our family of six shared a large winter melon weighing 27 kilograms. When we were weighing, we made an appointment with my brother. We all have the same weight. During the Mid-Autumn Festival on August 15th, our family did not eat moon cakes but winter melon steamed buns. My younger brother ate 8 in one go. There were no toys or snacks in our childhood. Occasionally, if we got an apple, our parents would cut it into four pieces, and the four brothers and sisters would enjoy the sweetness. One time, my brother was not at home when we were sharing apples. My mother left my brother's portion in the cupboard. I couldn't help but help him take a big bite. When my brother came home and found out, he reported it but no one would admit it. Finally, he asked my father to be the judge. . Father said: Right teeth mark. I was so scared that I closed my lips tightly and didn't dare to say anything.

In order to support the family, my father went to work in the Xiaoqinghe Shipping Team around 1970. Because he was good at abacus, he specialized in accounting. The shipping team was busy with work and did not go home during the New Year. When the Yongxin Road in front of the village was being built, my father was in charge of measuring earth and stone. He crossed the Yellow River in a charcoal-burning car to transport stones to the construction site, which was a great sight. After my father passed away, I asked my mother why my father didn’t stay as a worker because he did such a good job. My mother said it was a bad time. At that time, my father picked up a jujube sapling with two branches on the construction site and planted it in the yard. When we were children, my brother and I used to play among the branches of the trees. Fifty years later, the small saplings have grown into strong old trees, with two trunks tightly nestled together, providing countless sweet dates to the family every year. As winter turns to spring, the old jujube tree sprouts new green shoots again, and it looks like a canopy, but my father is gone.

The Years of Bitterness and Joy

Wang Yan, a poet from the Song Dynasty, said in his "Nan Kezi: The Mountains Are Dark and the Clouds Are Heavy": The hardships in the world are caused by agriculture, rural areas and farmers. In my memory, as a farmer, my father's hard work was not limited to spring plowing, summer work, and autumn harvest. He never stopped all year round. My father was so ingenious that he could make a small cart made of tangerine poles and roll it at will. He also put up lanterns for the Chinese New Year and the figures on them would spin when a candle was lit. People in the village came to watch and marveled at the lanterns. When winter came and the land was frozen, my father began to think about making money from his crafts.

When I first started steaming steamed buns, there were no machines at that time, so the dough was made and kneaded purely by hand. The profit was small and I couldn’t make much money. Later, he made cotton-padded shoes for others (we call them "shang boots"). This was a craft that my father learned from his elder brother. Every time there is a big market, my father goes to the rural market to collect boots. The market goers gave the semi-finished cotton shoes (prepared soles and finished uppers) to their father, and paid a craft fee of 70 to 80 cents for each pair of cotton shoes. After dinner, a kerosene lamp was lit, and my father began to put on his boots. First, compare the ratio of the upper and the sole to determine whether it should be sewn on the front or the back. By the way, comment on the shoe owner's female color. Then pick up a set of needle awls, first use the awl to pierce the big eye, then use a thin needle with hemp thread to pass through the big eye and sew it with a counter needle. Use a straight needle to sew the cotton shoes on the front and sew on the back. Use a curved needle. The cotton shoes are very thick and require a lot of force to penetrate. My father moved his needle and moved his head while singing Peking Opera. When I sang "Heart to the Red Sun" by Jiang Shuiying (Fang Haizhen?), I just pulled out the needle. My mother was also busy stitching, sewing up the uppers of the shoes with black cotton thread with a smile, and threading the thin needles my father had used up into the hemp thread for reuse. The lamp oil was about to burn out, and in the dead of night, my mother rubbed her numb legs and got up to make something to eat. All we could do was help her eat a few midnight snacks. The tuition fees for my brother and I were paid by our parents stitch by stitch. When I was in high school, I lived on campus. Once I asked a classmate from the same village to ask my father for five yuan, and my father actually gave me ten yuan. Ten yuan was earned by my parents through two full nights of hard work.

As winter passes, the cotton shoe business becomes increasingly slow. The father began to toil in the fields of responsibility. Plant cotton in the spring, corn in the summer, and wheat in the fall. During this period, you need to water, fertilize, weed, and apply pesticides... The land in the village is just like people. It is graded according to whether it is fat or thin. For the sake of fairness, each household has one, two, and three grades of land. Therefore, the land is very fragmented and cannot be used on a large scale. . My father goes out early and comes back late. Today he is weeding "32 acres", tomorrow he is fertilizing "12 acres", and the day after tomorrow he is spraying pesticides on "sugar bags" ("32 acres", "12 acres" and "sugar bags" are all defined by the villagers according to the size and shape of the land. name), extremely busy. The household responsibility system has solved the problem of food and clothing for the whole family, but money is still tight. My father started growing vegetables to meet daily expenses. In the cold spring, my father planted zucchini on "32 acres", covered it with plastic film, watered and fertilized, and the seedlings grew up little by little, blossomed, and bore fruit. My father would go around the village selling food for a dime a pound. There were mostly poor people in the village, and few could afford to eat vegetables. Occasionally, he would meet a big customer. For one yuan, my father could give him a big bag of zucchini. My father also planted chrysanthemums, leeks, cabbages, and onions, but they were not worth much. Our family eats whatever they grow. Cabbage makes the whole family turn green, and onions makes the whole family lose their appetite. Once, my father went to the county town to sell vegetables. A city man walked up to the vegetable stall and asked: What kind of fertilizer is used? The father replied: chemical fertilizer. The city people turned around and left. My father was puzzled and talked about it with me when he came home. He said that he was afraid that people would think it was dirty, so he didn’t dare to say that what he got was feces. I said to my father: City people are very particular about eating food that is full of shit.

The most unforgettable thing is that my father planted eggplants on the bank of the river. The river ditch is very deep and the embankment is very steep. It is very laborious to carry water for watering vegetables. The father led his four children to erect a long pole on the embankment, then tied two long wooden sticks horizontally and vertically, and used the principle of leverage to draw water from the ditch. Together with my father, we poured buckets of water from the ditch and poured it on the eggplant roots. That year, the eggplants grew like crazy. My mother would add a little oil and a few chili peppers to a big pot and fry the eggplants for us every day. That was the most delicious eggplant I have ever eaten in my life.

In addition to growing vegetables, my father and mother also engaged in breeding, raising pigs, cows, sheep, chickens and ducks. After school, we cut the grass and dug wild vegetables, looking forward to the chickens and ducks laying more eggs, and looking forward to the pigs and sheep gaining a few pounds. Meat, but unfortunately the scale is too small and you can’t make much money. There is a story about a reed chicken. This chicken is older than my niece (born in 1982) and is one of the many chickens raised at home. The other chickens either died of illness or were sold and eaten, but only this reed chicken lived longer. It is fat and has a rooster's comb that looks like fire. It has been cultivated to the point where it is almost perfect. Every time I make dumplings at home, it will sneak into the house, pick up a dumpling from the curtain and run away, never missing. In summer, my younger brother was carrying a cicada on a bamboo pole, and it followed him happily. It ate one of the cicadas that my brother had set on each other, and the cicada was still squeaking in its croak after returning home. Whenever his father told him to eat it, it would definitely lay an egg the next day. This chicken lived in my family for more than ten years and was later eaten by a relative.

When my father passed away, my relatives didn’t even call me. I cried a lot because of the reed chicken.

My father often told stories about Jiang Taigong’s bad luck. It is said that before Jiang Taigong came out of the mountains, he sold pigs, and sheep were expensive; he sold sheep, and pigs were expensive; he sold pigs and sheep together, and slaughtering them was forbidden! Jiang Taigong looked up to the sky and sighed, when an old bird flew by and a drop of feces fell into Taigong's mouth. We laughed, and my father laughed too. Being young and ignorant, we couldn't sense the bitterness in our father's smile.

Happy times

Times are developing, and farmers’ treatment is getting better and better. It is a pity that the aging father is gradually unable to hold a hoe; the development of society has made his father's skills no longer useful. My father gave the land to his sister-in-law to plant, and asked his mother to put away the lasts he used to make cotton shoes for people. He bought a shoe repair machine and started repairing people's shoes in the streets and alleys. The children have all gotten married and started businesses, and they come home from time to time to support them; the father is carefree, playing cards and chess after repairing shoes, and almost forgets to eat while playing. Starting in 2009, the 74-year-old father began to receive a monthly pension of 70 yuan, which together with his mother’s pension was ***140 yuan. Later, it grew to 100 yuan a month, and my parents received 200 yuan a month. My father is extremely contented and often praises the goodness of socialism; what my mother often talks about is: I am rich! Old age is the happiest time for parents. They are free from illness and have money in their pockets. My father can finally enjoy life leisurely, smoking, drinking, eating and drinking, and being free and happy. My father goes out to repair shoes every day, and my mother cooks at home and waits for his return. After returning home, my father handed over the money he earned to his mother. He drank first, then ate, and told her what he had seen outside. At the end of the month, my father rode an electric bike and took my mother to the bank to collect their pension. The father counted the pension again and again, and gave it to his mother, locking her in a box that he thought was strong. We once persuaded my father to put the money in the bank, which is safer and earn interest, but my father was stubborn. He felt that my mother was safer than the bank.

The jujube trees in the yard turned green and yellow, and turned yellow and green again. It turned out that only the increasingly aging father and mother were left in the lively family. A neighbor sent two puppies without their mothers, and their parents raised them as babies. There are two dogs, one yellow and one white, one male and one female. Their father named them Xiao Huang and Xiao Bai. Xiao Huang and Xiao Bai are a pair of pugs, with a small body and a delicate face. Unfortunately, they were born in the countryside. Like the native dogs in the village, they never take a bath, don't know what dog food is, eat poor food, and grow like crazy in the world. With the addition of a civet cat at home, the originally deserted courtyard became lively again. Every time I go back to my parents' home, the two puppies show great enthusiasm. When Xiaobai sees me, he jumps up to me and wag his tail desperately; when Xiaohuang sees me coming, he bends down and twists like a baby, A whining cry came from his mouth. I have never received such a warm welcome in my life, I was absolutely flattered.

As the two puppies grew up, the dog girl Xiaobai became more and more quiet, and the dog boy Xiaohuang became more and more lively, shiny and smooth, and was loved by his father. Although Xiao Huang is small, he still takes on the job of looking after the home and the courtyard. No wild cats dare to invade, and the mice all stay away. Later, Xiaobai became pregnant, and her body became more and more clumsy, with her belly almost hanging to the ground. When I returned to my parents' home, he waddled behind his parents to greet me. I was so moved that I quickly took out the ham prepared for it. A few days later, my mother told me on the phone that Xiaobai had given birth to three puppies. They were so lucky that they didn’t even bother to eat. I was also immersed in the joy of Xiaobai being a mother. When she called again, the mother said that the puppy was missing and had been eaten by a tabby cat. I was shocked and heartbroken. His mother said that Xiaobai chased and bit the civet cat like crazy, and the civet cat ran away desperately, and finally escaped by jumping on the courtyard wall. After all, Xiaobai didn't have the ability to go to the house, so he kept barking while peeling off the wall. When I returned to my parents' home again, Xiao Huang and Xiao Bai were already tied to a chain. Xiao Bai's belly was flat and he was getting smaller and smaller. When he saw me coming home, he still looked at me with watery eyes and wagged his tail quickly. I touched its head and it closed its eyes meekly, with tears still there. I said to it silently: This is your life.

Later, because his mother had a skin disease and was allergic to dog hair, Xiao Huang Xiaobai gave it to a distant relative. My father was extremely reluctant to part with him, but he could only reluctantly give up his love for his mother. More than once, my father talked about wanting to visit his little Huang Xiaobai, but it seemed unreasonable to visit relatives just to see the dog. The sister-in-law comforted the father, saying that Xiao Huang and Xiaobai were eating well and playing well at home, so the father gradually gave up the idea of ??visiting the puppy.

My father spent most of his life in poverty. He was ordinary, even mediocre, and lived a bleak life. His four children were just as ordinary as him, and they made him worry and suffer a lot. But my father was content, grateful, and glad that he lived in a good society and that he had a large group of filial sons and daughters, which allowed him to live a life where he had food, fish, and a car (an electric tricycle).

Children and friends

My father has a hot temper, and his emotions and anger are all evident. He has scolded his wife and spanked his children. He has a high IQ but a very low EQ, which has offended many people. When she got into old age, she still started to quarrel with others, so her brother and sister-in-law had to come to the house with cigarettes and alcohol to apologize. My sister-in-law is a great hero in our family. She is generous, kind, tolerant, generous and very wise. Our big family can live in harmony thanks to my sister-in-law. Whenever there is something delicious, my sister-in-law brings it to my parents’ mouths first; when my parents are sick, my sister-in-law personally prepares the soups and medicines, which is better than my daughter. A few days before his death, my father could no longer speak. He grabbed his sister-in-law's hand with his left hand, which could only move. He opened his mouth but could not speak. After my father left, my sister-in-law mentioned this, and my brother said: That’s because I thank you.

Among the four children, the elder brother has a gentle personality and is the most obedient to his father; the elder sister is afraid of his father; I see that my father will be shy when he is happy, and if he looks bad, he will run away quickly. His younger brother followed his temper and fought hard with him. When his younger brother was naughty and was beaten by his father when he was a child, he kicked his butt with a look of righteousness on his face. When his father could no longer fight, he raised his face and asked: Are you done, Dad? Put your butt away and walk away. Later, the younger brother learned to play chess from his father. Over the years, father and son became brothers, and they would play several games when they had free time. Once when they were in the mood for a fight, both of them got angry and overturned the chessboard, causing rooks, horses, ministers, generals and generals to scatter all over the ground like goddesses. The mother was so angry that she burst into tears and threatened to burn the chess piece. But before the mother's tears could be wiped away, the two men put the chess pieces on the table again like normal people. My sister and I secretly said that they had "the same chemistry."

Because of our parents’ good genes, our four brothers and sisters have never had to worry about our studies. My brother had excellent academic performance, but unfortunately he was born at the wrong time. After graduating from junior high school, he had to work in the fields. Although my sister was good at studies, she dropped out of school due to poverty. In the evaluation of my brother, she was "blind as a technical secondary school student." It was a lifelong regret for the brothers and sisters, and a lifelong pain in the hearts of the parents. Later, my brother and I were admitted to school one after another, jumped out of the farm gate, and became the glory of our parents.

In fact, the greatest glory of parents should be their influence on their children. When I was young, my father loved to tell us stories before going to bed, and from time to time he would test us with an arithmetic problem. My sister still remembers her father's "Chicken and Rabbit in the Same Cage": one cage of rabbits and one cage of chickens, two cages in one cage, counting the heads thirty-six, counting the legs a hundred, how many rabbits and how many chickens are there? When my father had some money, he first bought a radio. We gathered around the radio to listen to storytelling, Yuan Kuocheng talking about "The Romance of the Three Kingdoms" and "Water Margin", Liu Lanfang talking about "The Story of Yue Fei", and Shan Tianfang talking about "The Romance of the Sui and Tang Dynasties". The stories of those heroes warmed our barren boyhood. My father liked to listen to Peking Opera, Shaoxing Opera, Huangmei Opera, Li Yuru, Yang Chunxia, ??Yan Fengying, Wang Wenjuan, Xu Yulan... I knew the names of these artists from my father. He said that Yang Chunxia was the clearest in singing and enunciation, and Li Yuru was the liveliest matchmaker. One year, the collection of New Year paintings suddenly became richer. My father did not buy the Door God or the Stove Lord. Instead, he bought stills from the Yue operas "A Dream of Red Mansions" and "Liang Shanbo and Zhu Yingtai" and neatly posted them on the wall. I stood barefoot on the kang, looking at each picture, even guessing at the text under the stills. Jia Baoyu's "unfaithful things" puzzled me for a long time, and Liang Shanbo's desperate eyes in "The Tower Club" made me feel lost. . The stickers also include "Mulan Joins the Army" in military uniform, "Meng Lijun" with a phoenix crown and Xiapei, and "Chang'e" with long sleeves. Below Chang'e there is a line of words: Thousands of miles of sky are dancing for loyal souls. Advocate knowledge and pay attention to spiritual enjoyment; be uneasy about the status quo and work tirelessly; always maintain a curiosity about the world. This is the most precious wealth that our father left us. Today, my eldest nephew graduated from graduate school and became an excellent doctor, and my younger niece was admitted to the Chinese Academy of Sciences to study for a doctorate, all because he inherited his father's legacy.

Because he knew a few words, his father thought highly of himself and disdained the company of others. Sometimes he was headstrong and would often pick fights with others, not to mention being disliked by others. But when everyone saw that their father was just as shabby as them, they preferred to be wordy and disdainful to communicate with him.

My father had a chess friend with a pockmarked face. We called him Uncle Mazi. He used to come to my father to play chess. Although my father had a hot temper, he was very patient when playing chess. Uncle Mazi was more calm and kept saying "General" ", while knocking the two chess pieces relative to each other, making a "pop" sound. The two often played chess until late at night, burning a lamp of kerosene every night. Although his life was difficult, his father would not begrudge this lamp of kerosene. It only hurt our mother that she was too embarrassed to even yawn, so she stayed with us until late at night. We felt sorry for our mother, but we didn't dare to protest to our father, so we secretly made up a song: "Pockmarked, hemp, climbing up the tree, falling down, baring his teeth." It's a sympathy for the mother. Uncle Mazi is also a different person, with a natural sensitivity to machines. The production team's water pump broke down. Uncle Mazi didn't have to look closely. He could tell by ear which screw was loose. Uncle Mazi has a daughter who is interested in my brother. Uncle Mazi also wants to marry her, but his father thinks that Uncle Mazi has a bad temper and refuses to agree. Later, Uncle Mazi’s daughter eloped with someone, and Uncle Mazi left our village in shame and anger. A few years later, my father accidentally heard about Uncle Mazi and talked to me. I said I would bring the chess set and we would go find Uncle Mazi and kill him. Unfortunately, the phone number my father wanted to call was the wrong one, so we couldn't make the trip. Now that my father has returned to the Pure Land, Uncle Mazi, who is somewhere in Binzhou, are you okay?

Father and Mother

My father graduated from elementary school and is considered to be literate. When he was young, he traveled all over the country and was well-informed. My mother was illiterate and respected people who were literate, jokingly calling my father "college student." My mother was born in 1939. She was discriminated against by a family that favored boys over girls since she was a child. She never had a meal at the dinner table when she was a girl. After liberation, the government established a "literacy class". In the "literacy class", my mother said that she was the fastest in literacy. Unfortunately, she only attended school for a few days before she was sent home. The few words she knew were returned to the teacher. . My mother is as clever as my father, and her needlework is second to none in the village. She can embroider. Before embroidering, she uses a ballpoint pen to trace the pattern on the shoe upper or insole, and then uses various colored silk threads to embroider it stitch by stitch, making it vivid and lifelike. The clothes and shoes that our four brothers and sisters wore when they were young, including the clothes and shoes that her grandchildren and nephews wore when they were young, were all sewn by my mother stitch by stitch. Now I am over 50 years old, and I still wear cotton pants made by my mother.

"Talk about mulberry and hemp over wine" is an elegant taste of literati. My father, who has been farming all his life, doesn't want to talk about it, and he doesn't like to talk about his family's shortcomings. He has few close friends in the village. Many times his mother was his only audience. My father usually doesn't talk much, but it's different after he drinks. It's like a torrent of river water. My father used exaggeration and imagination to exaggerate, making him look like a Guan Yunchang. How he was re-appointed by the leadership at the Hegang Coal Mine, how he was able to build a tide-proof embankment in Laizhou Bay, how he gritted his teeth and endured the pain when the anesthesia failed during appendicitis surgery, and was as brave and strong as Guan Gong, are all stories we heard after he drank. I don’t have the patience to listen to it from beginning to end. Anyway, I fell behind this time and will listen to it again next time. Maybe there will be newer passages. The mother was different. She had to listen from beginning to end, and was not allowed to leave during the whole process. Sometimes my father is unhappy and drinks three times a day, so my mother has to listen to lectures three times, which is hard work for her.

My father did not want to be controlled by others, but he set many rules for others, especially my mother. There are clear instructions on who you are not allowed to visit and who you are not allowed to talk to. My mother has suffered a lot of grievances. My father has a wicked temper, doesn't know what to say, and likes to find fault with others, especially my mother. His mother made poached eggs, but he insisted on eating boiled eggs; his mother hurriedly cooked the eggs, but he wanted to eat poached eggs again. My mother's needlework is exquisite and delicate, but my father can always find flaws in the smallest details. Some stitches are too big, some stitches are not flat enough, and so on. My mother was so angry that she almost went on strike. But my mother couldn't go on strike. During the four years when my father was ill, thanks to my mother's careful care, our brothers and sisters were able to work with peace of mind. Despite his illness, my father still exercised his paternalistic approach. When my father was hospitalized for the first time, he called his mother at the door of the color ultrasound room and said: Watch the door. If there are any problems, wait for me to go back and deal with them! My brother and I laughed secretly. In his last days, we hired a carer for him. The carer was rough and powerful, and his father, who did not want to be controlled, was still very powerful. When the carer was removing his phlegm, he bit his finger and scratched it with his left hand, which could only move. The back of someone's hand.

In fact, my father feels sorry for my mother.

I remember when I was a child, a guest came to the house. My mother served the guest with the only white flour pancakes at home, but she still picked up the poor sorghum flour steamed buns to eat. The father snatched the steamed bun from the mother's hand and stuffed the white flour cake into the mother's hand. Since 1971, the country has implemented family planning and required all women of childbearing age to undergo sterilization. My mother was in poor health, so my father decided to go to the hospital to have a male sternum surgery. In the 1980s, the movie "Shaolin Temple" became popular all over the country. My father quietly rode his bicycle and took my mother to the county cinema to watch it. If he is not working, his father always cooks for his mother. In his later years, his father became even more attached to his mother. After his father became ill, his legs and feet were inconvenient, and he wished that his mother would be by his side all the time. If she left for a long time, he would look for her constantly. Once, my mother was dragged home by an old friend to talk. My father was so anxious that his sister-in-law searched half of the village. A few days before my father left, he held my mother's hand and burst into tears. Although she was speechless, my mother understood that there was gratitude to her mother in those tears, and even more reluctance to leave her.

Destiny

My father believed in fate. In his later years, he often read chess records and the Book of Changes. He once said that he and his mother had a bad fate and would be poor all their lives. After his younger brother was admitted to a technical secondary school and left the farm, he cheerfully said: The original plan for his younger brother was that he would not live in the family home. When the family was poor, could it be that the younger son wanted to be someone's son-in-law? It turns out that I can get into school! I think my father's calculations are both accurate and inaccurate. My father once said that I am the most blessed to live to be over 80 years old. When I suffered many hardships in life and asked my father where my "blessing" lies, my father was speechless. My mother told me that for a long time, my father was drunk and crying, worried about his little daughter. I really want to know when the "blessed" me will be able to have good fortune, and I really want my father to calculate it for me again. However, my father has already left, and the "Book of Changes" has disappeared.

My father often said that he was "the toad in the well". When he was young, he wandered around and saw a little bit of the world, but unfortunately he fell into the well again. He was unwilling but unable to change. Many times he lived aggrieved and miserable. "Zhuangzi" says: Skillful people work hard, wise people worry, and incompetent people have nothing to ask for. Having enough food but asking for nothing is like a boat without ties. My father's irritability, irritability, impulsiveness, and many times the pain of his own incompetence. He had hurt others, but the one he hurt most was himself. In his later years, my father became more adventurous, drinking wine and eating meat as he pleased, truly achieving what Zhuangzi said: "Being full but having nothing to ask for is like a boat without ties." He is free and unrestrained, and is envied by the villagers.

If my father could not read a single word and just muddle along like the people around him, he might not have so many worries. Would it be happier and more peaceful to bask in the sun under the north wall in the winter, enjoy the cool air under the shade of a tree with a cattail fan in the summer, chat with others, and do household chores? However, there are no assumptions in life. If so, there may be our shadow in the team basking in the sun. My father is not willing to accept it, and neither are we. Today, my brothers and sisters are still working hard, and my brother and I are still working hard. This is life.

My father must be strong throughout his life, never yielding to weakness, and always contradicting others. In his last days, he was extremely docile and obedient. When his younger brother gave him a bath, he cooperated obediently; when his elder brother gave him a haircut and shave, he remained motionless. A smart father must know that his fate is coming to an end and he wants to leave cleanly. On the twenty-fourth day of the twelfth lunar month in the year Dingyou, my father passed away with a smile on his face, accompanied by his children and grandchildren. At that moment, I seemed to understand what "the perfection of life" is.

Life is like a journey between heaven and earth. Time, family, encounters, knowledge, character...all kinds of coincidences form unique life phenomena. This is destiny. It is impossible for people to escape the tide of the times, nor can they choose their family background. Birth, aging, illness and death are the normal conditions of life. When people come to this world, they have to work hard, compromise with life, and make peace with life. The body is in the world, but the soul is always looking up to the heights. When there are six pennies everywhere, you still have to look up at the moon. Father, you are our moon, you are the light of our life!