Goodbye, my heroic sermon

I like what student Jun said: "The relationship between subject and subject is like a bridge connecting two completely lonely worlds. He can understand your strength, and you are spoiled by him. The circle may be the closest fantasy to a hero in our life. " My brother and I realized that this year has been five years, and this year we are completely finished. I always said that I would record our story, and this time I didn't break my word. Our story began on 20 16/201kloc-0/in 2006. At that time, I just entered the circle for a few months, and I couldn't sleep at night, chatting in the group. I happened to meet you, and we were not far away, so we started talking. We were tired of typing, so we chatted by voice. We chatted for a while and found that we slept late every night. You asked me why we stayed up so late. I said, "You didn't sleep either." 1 1 On 27th, I sent a talk about it. I said, "If there are two lollipops in the world, one for me and the other for me." You said, "I want to recognize you." In this way, we began the relationship between the owner and the shell. We just got together. In order to adjust my work and rest, I sleep with my throat open every night. When I was asleep, you hung videos every weekend from the moment I opened my eyes, which lasted for nearly half a year, and it was also my happiest half a year. On New Year's Day of 20 16, I told you, and I said, "You should accompany me for the New Year". You agreed quickly. I couldn't get in touch with you at twelve o'clock on New Year's Day. I am disappointed and ready to go to bed. Your videophone called and told me that I was having dinner at a friend's house tonight, and I had an accident on my way back. When I came back late, I asked, "What's the matter?" You kept silent and told me not to worry. This is your first and last year with me. After chatting for three months, we finally met at the end of the year. When we first met, you didn't practice with me. To relax, you took me to the game city to play games. Finally, there is one gold coin left. You told me to keep it as a souvenir. That afternoon, we were walking on the road, you took me, you were walking on the road, I was walking on the curb, and I didn't realize when I looked down at the road. You put one hand over my head, and the other hand pulled me off the side of the road, looked at me affectionately and said, "Be careful, don't hit the tree." At that time, I was moved by your care. When we parted that day, the two of us hugged each other. From then on, every time we parted, I would hug you. 20 17 it's been a month since we last met, and we meet again. Because just after Valentine's Day, do you remember that I said I would show my love on Valentine's Day, and you bought me chocolate specially when you came? When you took out the chocolate, I was surprised and happy, and I didn't know how to speak at the moment. You said, "Come on, let's eat." After lunch, we booked a hotel for the first time. When I entered the hotel, I was at a loss and dared not look at you. I just looked out the window. You also laughed at me and said that I had never seen such a place. I just laughed. You turn on the TV to relax me, and we sit on the bed. You clap your legs and signal me to lie down. I didn't move. You saw my shyness, so you took a pillow and put it by the bed. Tell me to lie down. I dawdled. You didn't bring any tools, I'm afraid I can't bear it the first time. You asked me if I was ready, and I just nodded silently. You asked me whether you counted or I counted. I said shyly, you counted, so you raised your hand. Your hand started my first practice. I wear thick clothes in winter. At first, you hit me through your pants, and I didn't feel anything. I feel shy just by listening to the sound. You help me take off my pants slowly, and I have no resistance. In this way, while playing and rubbing, you gradually increased the intensity, and I began to feel pain and began to reach out to block. You just held my hand and said nothing. You saw that my pain was severe, so you stopped and rubbed it for a long time and asked me if I wanted to continue. I felt that I had been beaten hundreds of times and shook my head. You keep rubbing it for me. I asked, how many times did you call, and you said 84 times. I thought to myself: Oh, it turned out that it was less than 100. It seems that I am still a little weak. The two of us are very quiet. I'm lying down. You rub it for me slowly. The sound of your mobile phone breaks our direct silence. So you put on your pants and answered the phone. I also sat down at lightning speed and began to watch TV. Because you are going back that day, we will leave soon. Time always flies. You said you would take me out to play on May Day, and I was looking forward to May Day coming soon. But in April, you suddenly told me that you were going to travel, and you might not return your message sometimes. I didn't have any doubts at that time. Seeing that May Day was coming, you told me that you were ill in hospital, and I was cheated at that time. Didn't you tell me you were traveling? Why did you lie to me? When I questioned you, you said, "I don't want to worry me. Everything is fine now." I know I have an important exam in June. You chose not to tell me so as not to distract me. At this moment, I realized the feeling of affection, just like my parents were sick and never told me. I was worried. Because you can't do strenuous activities after your illness, our meeting was postponed to August. You told me to get ready in advance. I was afraid of you then. When I arrived at the hotel, I found that you brought steel ruler, hot melt adhesive and rattan. These are tools that I have never touched. When I look at them, I feel very painful. You are more democratic, too. Ask me if I should be punished. But what can I say? I just knelt down silently. You watch my movements, pick up the steel ruler and start slapping my ass to keep me warm. After that, you said, "Let me guess what tools to use next time." I didn't tell the difference between hot melt adhesive and rattan except that the steel ruler has a large stress area and is easy to guess. I have no other experience except feeling pain. I was shy and didn't want to shout out, but I kept biting my arm silently. You were soft-hearted and only used five components. After the punishment, you have been giving me cold compress. I said, "Look, I'm not crying." You said, "You didn't move. I thought you were crying." I don't know why, I didn't cry. I hold you silently and won't let you move. We hugged you for nearly an hour and hardly said anything. Your embrace gives me a sense of security, and I don't need any words to decorate it. At that time, I didn't think this was the last hug, nor did I think this meeting was the last meeting. You were at the bottleneck of your career. When we broke up, I was still saying that I hope you can have a stable job next time we meet. Later, you got a stable job, but we didn't enter the next September. It seems that we are a little abnormal. You love to ignore me, reply long after sending a message, and often can't find anyone. At first, I thought you were busy at work. So a month passed. After the National Day, we had a quarrel. You told me you were under a lot of pressure. You should buy a house, get married and have children. Nothing has happened this year now, and it has not made me better. You feel guilty. As I said at that time, I am grateful to have you this year. I may not be who I am without you, but you don't listen at all. You just finally said, "I can't go with you in the future. You should be good. " I asked you what you meant, but you didn't reply to me. Since then, I haven't answered the phone or returned any messages. 1 1 month 1 day Halloween, I have a hunch that you will probably delete me. Sure enough, I turned on my cell phone and didn't have your contact information. From now on, you will disappear like a stone. 20 18 10, I suddenly found that someone would always visit my space on QQ. After clicking on it, it was a familiar avatar and name, and I knew it was you. Summon up the courage to add you as a friend. I didn't expect you to agree, so I called you and you answered. I asked you why you left so decisively. You didn't give me a reason to believe at that time. We have been calling for a week. A week later, I asked you if you wanted to reply to the relationship between subject and object. You said you didn't want to put too much emotion into it, but just wanted to play as a game. I know what you mean, and I didn't force it. It was a long year, 20 19, and it was also my most painful year. Because of some pressure, I am so nervous that I can't sleep at night. I can only rely on sleeping pills to maintain my work and rest. I sent you a message saying that I wanted to practice. You asked me what happened. I told you something about my general situation, but you said I was busy and I could feel it when I didn't have time. You have been looking for reasons to refuse me, but I don't know why you refuse me again and again. I didn't say anything more, and started the road of self-harm for half a year. You said you especially didn't like my self-mutilation. When you found out, you asked me what was going on, but I didn't reply. In this way, the painful 20 19 years have passed. I didn't expect it to be smooth sailing in 2020. The sudden epidemic in 2020 caught us off guard. No one expected that this winter vacation would last for half a year. I've been facing online classes at home all day, punching in class on time and unlocking all kinds of snacks. I've already left you behind, but a dream reminds me of you. It was a night in April. Dream that you are married and take wedding photos with your girlfriend. I clearly dreamed of the girl's appearance, even her hair length and dress. This is a happy thing. But I woke up crying from my dream. I don't know why I cried. From that moment on, I asked myself if I liked you, but the age gap made me know that we were impossible. The next day, I sent you a message asking if you had a girlfriend. You refused. I tell you, I dreamed that you were married and your girlfriend. You said it was a joke, so what did you say it was like? I'll find one according to it. I said it in a few words, but I can't go on. The more I talk about it, the more I feel sad. I'm telling you, dreams are the opposite. Don't believe it. It was then that I felt that I would forget you slowly, and I couldn't let my love for you disturb you. I started practicing like crazy. I have never liked pure practice, and now I don't care so much. After every practice, my ass is almost black and blue. When the injury is healed, I will continue to make appointments, and this day will continue until the beginning of school. After practicing with others, I realized your tenderness, gentleness and thoughtfulness to me. Slowly I started a new life, until December, when a message from you brought me back to real life. You asked me how I was recently. I was very surprised and scared after seeing the news. Surprised that you still have me in your heart, afraid that you don't know how to reply. Knowing that you have only logged into QQ once for a long time, I decisively added your WeChat. I have memorized your mobile phone number. After you agreed, I was surprised to find that you had a girlfriend. I looked at some photos and found that the girl was almost the same as in my dream. So I broke down. I never believed that dreams could be so real. We had a few words. Your words make me feel back to our previous relationship. But I already know that you have a girlfriend now, and I can't bother you anymore. I resist the desire to chat with you every day. Seeing that New Year's Day is coming, it is another New Year's Eve, and this time I hesitated for a long time. 202 1 Without you, I sent you a happy New Year! Soon you got one, and so did you. The next day, I looked at my circle of friends and found a message from you. So you and your girlfriend were celebrating your birthday last night. Looking at the photos you sent, I can feel that your girlfriend loves you very much. I know your birthday is at the end of1February, and I hesitated to give you my blessing on your birthday, so I finally chose No. I guess you postponed your birthday to New Year's Day to celebrate with your girlfriend. After reading the circle of friends, my heart became more and more uncomfortable. I don't know what language I should use to express my feelings at that time. Can't I love? Or envy? I've been thinking about it for a long time, and I think there should be an end between us. I know there may be some things, and I'm afraid there will never be any connection between us in the future, but I'll make it clear so as not to upset me. So I got up the courage to send you a message. I said a lot, and your words made me fully understand. You have rejected me for two years to protect me, and you left because of some of my problems. For such a long time, you are afraid that I can't accept it, but you have always chosen to bear it silently. I said, that's it, I won't give you any more trouble. I deleted you, your contact information and photos without waiting for your reply. But I understand deleting contact information and photos, but not deleting memories. For more than four years, you have been treating me like a child. To tell the truth, I was naive and imagined everything too beautifully. When the reality is cruel, all the grievances or resentment against you come to mind, and tears unconsciously stay. I comforted myself that your life would be better without me! I should officially start my new life. Now that I have further courage, I also need to take a step back. Although it will be difficult for me to accept this for a while, I also know that this article will come sooner or later. I don't know if you can understand it, but I still want to tell you something. You are too important to me. All along, I promised to play a song for you. I haven't forgotten, but I won't play it for you. Let it be a pity. In my later life, I would like to be full of hope where the other person can't see me. Without my time, you still don't lack warm sunshine! Goodbye, my hero!

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