"Ode to Joy": There must be boundaries between relatives, let alone friends

I recently followed the trend and watched "Ode to Joy", and I was immediately attracted by the plot. While all the girls were obsessed with Song Joong-ki, the shopkeeper was deeply attracted by the five girls in the drama "Ode to Joy".

However, for a shopkeeper of my elder generation, what attracts me most about this drama is not the valuable outlook on life or love conveyed in the drama; what attracts me is just a few characters. The friendship between neighbors and several women.

Be warm to each other, but have boundaries.

Women's friendship is sometimes like a "companion". We go shopping together, eat together, complain together, gossip together, exchange ideas on dressing, skin care, etc. Two women can become good friends because of a similar hobby, they can become good friends because they both like to eat the same kind of food, and they can even become good friends even if they hate the same person.

Friendships between women often come easily, but are fragile. The front foot may still be close friends, talking about everything; the back foot may be because of a word or a trivial matter, and the boat of friendship can capsize at a moment's notice.

Sometimes, friends who are too good cannot last long. Therefore, from the shopkeeper's point of view, no matter how good or close friends are, there should be boundaries.

And "Ode to Joy" is a TV series that gave me such a feeling. Let’s first take a brief look at the character settings in the play.

The first girl, let me introduce Andy (played by Liu Tao), a true returnee elite, but she was an orphan since she was a child. When she was 5 years old, she was sent to the United States because of her superior intelligence in order to find her long-lost brother. After returning to China, she served as CFO of a very powerful company in China. She is a typical representative of successful women in the workplace.

She is beautiful, intelligent, independent and rational. The most important thing is that although she has been in the business world for many years, she is simple and direct and treats people sincerely.

Andy's character can be said to be a highly idealized character. Such a character has a perfect personality. It would be a blessing to have such a mentor and friend around him.

The second girl I want to talk about is Fan Shengmei (played by Jiang Xin), a girl from Nantong, Jiangsu who grew up in an alley. She stayed in Shanghai after graduation and is a senior HR in a foreign company with a strong sense of vanity. , in order to find a rich man to marry, she would always do some disgusting things, but she was righteous and willing to help others.

Fan Shengmei in the play, behind the hypocritical fa?ade, is the backbone of the entire family. She is always burdened by her family and drags her life into trouble. Such roles are no stranger to our lives.

The third girl, Qiu Yingying (played by Yang Zi), is a small town girl with no background. She graduated from an ordinary college and has average work ability, but she is lively and straightforward, carefree, has no scheming, and is still a snack. , the "silly white sweet" in a typical idol drama, comes to the big city with the expectations of his parents to work hard, but because his income is not high, he always needs his parents to subsidize the rent to gain a foothold.

Not to mention coming from a rural area or a small town, even if you come from a family in a first- or second-tier city, a newly graduated student goes to another big city to work hard, and the meager salary is comparable to the cost of living. In comparison, there are really countless examples of being unable to be self-sufficient.

Qiu Yingying’s character has been criticized for being “brainless”. Indeed, in the workplace, she may be the one who dies the most. But in life, if you really make friends with such a girl, you will definitely treat people sincerely.

The fourth girl, Qu Xiaoxiao (played by Wang Ziwen), is the second generation of rich people. She goes her own way and has a high self-esteem. But she is also an eccentric person with a clear distinction between love and hate. She is righteous, not afraid of trouble, and has a high self-esteem. Play according to the rules. It seems that she should be a rich lady who idles around all day long, eats, drinks and has fun, but she works very hard and is extremely good at integrating resources. She is also an "old fritter" with outstanding wisdom in the world. She can always understand the worldly affairs of the world. See through it at a glance.

Insight into worldly matters is knowledge, and understanding of human feelings is all article.

I often lament that my emotional intelligence is too low, and I am always a "back-sighted" shopkeeper when looking at problems. I sincerely admire a girl like Qu Xiaoxiao who is "clear in everything".

But if you really want such a "clear-minded" girl to be your friend, you must be under a lot of pressure.

The fifth girl, Guan Juer (played by Qiao Xin), is a native of Shanghai. She has lived in a happy family since she was a child. She is a ladylike person. After graduation, she worked as an intern in a Fortune 500 company. She is quiet and quiet. Introverted, although she is a rookie who graduated from an ordinary college, she is smart, motivated, upright and honest.

There are many shining points about this girl. She is measured, knows how to advance and retreat, and is diligent and down-to-earth in everything she does, without crossing the line.

But precisely because of her well-behaved character, she could not boldly pursue what she wanted like Qu Xiaoxiao and the others. Most of the time, she chose silence and patience. This character is the most common in my circle of friends.

These five people have very different personalities and very different statuses. Because they live on the same floor in the same community, they gradually established a relatively pure friendship. In fact, these five people cannot be said to be best friends, nor are they attracted to each other or like each other, but they can always stand up and care for each other when the other is in trouble.

For example, in order to help Qiu Yingying vent her anger, Fan Shengmei smashed up the scumbag's room and ended up in the police station. When the young Xiaoguan and Qiu Yingying were crying and didn't know what to do, Qu Xiaoxiao, who had always disliked Fan Shengmei and often mocked Fan Shengmei for wearing clothes sold on the street, learned that Fan Shengmei was in trouble. , immediately asked people to inquire about Fan Shengmei’s whereabouts, and without saying a word, drove to retrieve her.

Fan Shengmei was also very righteous. When she learned that Qiu Yingying had been deceived by a scumbag, and saw her roommate crying, Fan Shengmei said: Sister Fan is here, so don’t be afraid.

In the end, she helped Qiu Yingying get her luggage back, and even smashed the scumbag's room to vent her anger on her roommate. However, Fan Shengmei was called in by the police because she was "good at housing." Although the elder sister felt uneasy, she still pretended to be calm and comforted the two roommates: It's okay, you stay at home, and I'll be back soon.

After regaining her strength, Qiu Yingying was always moved by Fan Shengmei’s words when she was most helpless, “Don’t be afraid, Sister Fan is here.” When she was in trouble, Fan Shengmei was like her own Like her "sister", she stepped forward and gave her a helping hand.

Very warm.

Compared to the generosity of Fan Shengmei and Qu Xiaoxiao, among the five girls, Andy is more like a life mentor. When several other girls encounter problems, Andy can always give the most direct and professional solutions.

For example, Guan Juer was framed by his colleagues and made mistakes at work. He felt aggrieved and believed that the responsibility did not lie with him. Andy helped Guan Juer analyze the matter from the perspective of a company executive and pointed out the responsibilities she should bear.

Under Andy's suggestion, Guan Ju'er decided to face reality and submitted a review letter to his boss. When the boss got the review written by Guan Ju'er from three aspects: admitting mistakes, taking responsibility, and proposing solutions, he nodded with satisfaction to express his approval.

There is also Qu Xiaoxiao. In order to win two projects one after another, she, a newbie in the business world, had to turn to the business elite Andy for help. Although Andy was exhausted, he still agreed to the neighbor's request and stayed up late with Qu to make a detailed plan and provide professional advice. In the end, Qu Xiaoxiao was able to successfully win those two projects.

Of course, the invincible Andy also had troubles. When she was falsely accused of being a mistress, and the rumors spread on the Internet, when she was confused, the neighbor girls united to clarify for her, and in the song With Xiao Xiao's help, the real culprit was finally discovered and the storm was resolved.

Andy is still blind. After learning about this situation, Fan Shengmei immediately said: Fortunately, you have me. If you can't find him, call me anytime. I am your global positioning system.

Following this show and looking at these five girls, I thought of "Friends" which I have loved for many years.

What kind of relationship can be called a friend? Mr. Qian Zhongshu once said: Friendship between people is not due to indescribable benefits, but rather indescribable benefits.

There is a sentence in "Ode to Joy" that says: A good friend is like a hot spring. Lying in it stiffly, every nerve will slowly wake up in happiness.

I like this sentence very much.

A good friendship can always accompany you, support you when you are about to fall, stand up with gritted teeth, and have the courage to move on.

But there are good and bad friendships. What is a good friendship?

As I get older, the shopkeeper feels that even friendship does not have to be too strong. Being too close will make people feel stressed, and being too far away will cause alienation. Long-term friendship should be maintained at an appropriate distance.

There is a saying in the West about the law of distance, called the "Hedgehog Law", which means that in the cold winter, a group of hedgehogs need to get close to each other to keep warm. However, hedgehogs all have long thorns on their bodies. If they get too close, they will They will stab each other; if they are too far away, they cannot stay warm.

After repeated attempts, the hedgehogs finally found a suitable distance. Not too far away so as not to affect heating, but not too close so as not to sting each other. This is called "moderate distance" here.

The so-called law of distance, the shopkeeper simply understands it as the limit.

In "Ode to Joy", although the five girls often help each other and always come forward generously at critical moments, they occasionally get together warmly and care for each other, but it really involves dealing with personal issues. Apart from giving some suggestions, I will not get involved.

Just like what Fan Shengmei once said when she persuaded Guan Ju'er not to interfere in Qiu Yingying's love affair: There must be a boundary between relatives, let alone friends.

In fact, whether it is between husband and wife, between parents and children, or between friends, there should be clear self-boundaries. A comfortable friendship should not involve participating in each other's life in every detail, but maintaining harmony without differences in sympathy.

When the shopkeeper was younger, I once met a close friend who blurred the boundaries. She wanted to know everything about me. The shopkeeper tried his best to explain and defend himself, but to no avail. In the end, he had to let nature take its course and part ways.

I often hear people complain that in the adult world, it is difficult to truly make friendships that can withstand the test. Among them, the most common complaint is that many friends who call themselves "best friends" every day will be intimate with them on the surface, but behind their backs they will slander or make cold shots.

Every time I think of this, the shopkeeper will shudder.

Human life is neither long nor short. Among thousands of people, if we can meet each other in the sea of ??people, and happen to become friends at a certain stage, then we should treat each other kindly and sincerely. Be a little more tolerant.

In this way, even if one day in the future, we naturally or have to turn around and become strangers, when we think of each other again, if we can still remember something good about each other, then it is a good fate. .

Cherish it. After this stop, we may not meet again.

Finally, let me share two of my favorite lines from "Ode to Joy", which are very philosophical about life.

Andy said:

"We can have different opinions in our hearts, but we have no right to throw stones at others. No one is perfect. If the other person is guilty, how can you be innocent? Instead of criticizing others from the moral high ground, it is better to demand yourself first."

Another passage was also said by Andy:

"A group of people are enclosed in two or three words, such as. The second generation of rich people, the second generation of officials, mistresses, and women, choose their sexual characteristics and ignore individual differences. In this case, you will often preset positions in advance, and the judgment results will be irrational. You can just say it in a few words Generalize people, but you should not be induced by popular thinking or follow the crowd. You should make independent judgments based on your own thinking. ”