"I don't want you to support the elderly, so I don't bring my grandson." Is it my responsibility or mutual affection for my mother-in-law to take care of her grandson?

In the traditional China family, any contradiction that can be solved by emotion and reasoning is not feasible, but if everything is reasonable, no matter how deep feelings are.

Therefore, we should make it clear that a happy marriage and a harmonious family need warm human feelings in addition to rational thinking and distinguishing right from wrong.

When it comes to human feelings, most readers will probably think of the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, because not every woman can accept and tolerate this emotional relationship coldly from a strange relationship to her relatives under the same roof. Even decades of husband-wife relationship needs to adapt, and there will be quarrels and contradictions, not to mention mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. The difficulty of dealing with the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, I think the core contradiction is four words: emotional stance.

Only when a mother-in-law treats her daughter-in-law as her own child can she establish a positive elder image in her family. The initial establishment of all feelings often requires reciprocal emotional communication. On the other hand, a daughter-in-law can treat her mother-in-law with the same respect as her own parents, and also have a place in her husband's family.

Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law have opposite but not contradictory emotional positions. Accurately speaking, they are the two most important women in the same man's life, and they are always "competing for favor" and "grabbing love". Otherwise, why have people always complained that their sons "married their daughters-in-law and forgot their mother" since ancient times? But a man who knows how to be filial to his mother must know how to love his wife. In other words, a man who really knows how to run a marriage can cherish the person he loves.

From this perspective, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is the core point of a marriage. They get along well, and the relationship between husband and wife will not be very bad. If they get along like enemies, there will never be peace at home. Don't think this sentence is a joke. Say one thing and everyone will feel it.

Zhang Li, aged 3 1 year, is the mother of two children. After six years of marriage, she, like many women, made a living, from being a wife to being a mother, and then worrying about where tomorrow's expenses would come from every day. She and her husband David both come from ordinary families. They were college classmates. David didn't find a decent job after graduation, so she started her own business. In recent years, the company has been tepid and business is average, and she wants to.

My mother-in-law is not David's biological mother. Her biological mother died of illness for several years, and her father-in-law remarried 10 years ago. David has no deep feelings for her. For the sake of his father, he tried to be a junior. However, since Zhang Li had her second child, her relationship with her mother-in-law has become closer, and David often learns to be caring and attentive to her stepmother like a son.

There is a simple reason. Zhang Li hopes her mother-in-law can help her with the children. Dabao goes to kindergarten. If Bauer is not taken away, one person in the family will make money. In order to reduce the burden on her husband, as a wife, she should ask her mother-in-law at this time.

On the day of Bauer's full moon wine, all her relatives came, and her mother-in-law was busy receiving guests. On this festive day, Zhang Li returned her mother-in-law's red envelope and said this.

"Mom, you don't have to follow the ceremony. If you are always sincere to me, come to the city to help take care of your grandchildren. We are under great pressure, so we can't sit at home and eat nothing, can we? "

Mother-in-law didn't answer in a hurry, ha ha smiled and kept silent. Zhang Li's face was suddenly trampled on the ground. Anyway, she doesn't want face. What's the harm in bowing to her mother-in-law? She asked her mother-in-law again.

"Mom, what I said is true. If you are silent, I'll take it as a tacit agreement. I'll clean your room another day! "

Zhang Li quietly begged her mother-in-law, but her mother-in-law didn't appreciate it. She just replied to Mr. and Mrs. Zhang Li in person: "I don't want you to support the elderly, so I have no grandchildren. Since they are born, they must be raised. "

Mother-in-law was angry with Zhang Li, and the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law instantly dropped to freezing point. From a rational point of view, there is nothing wrong with her mother-in-law's remarks. Taking care of her grandson is not her responsibility, but her obligation. Only the second half of the sentence seems to clearly emphasize the causal relationship between taking care of grandchildren and providing for the elderly. In a family, this is completely against the feelings of family members. Besides, Zhang Li and David never said that they would not give her a pension.

Even the father-in-law who stood by couldn't stand it anymore, and gently advised her mother-in-law: "Wife, you too, there is nothing at home. Is it wrong for you to bring your grandson? " How stressful the two children are! Help the elderly! "

My mother-in-law said directly to her father-in-law: "It's not my child, I won't help! Why bother asking for trouble when you have nothing to do? "

Mother-in-law's rational attitude only shows her emotional view, and she is not keen on filial piety of her children. In her view, the emotional communication at home is more like a transaction, a naked selfish consideration. It never occurred to her that behind rational thinking, emotional embellishment is needed to get real respect. Similarly, a woman who loses her human touch often ends in tragedy.

A year later, not long ago, my mother-in-law had a stroke, her mouth was full of hadazi, and she was limping. My father-in-law was in poor health and fell ill after three days in hospital. In desperation, he sent a message to his son David, hoping David could persuade his wife Zhang Li to take care of her mother-in-law in the hospital for a few days.

When Zhang Li knew this, he sneered in public and called her mother-in-law directly and said, "Mom, I'm sorry, you don't need me to take care of the children, so you don't need me to support the elderly. You said this sentence, and I still remember it. "

After that, my mother-in-law was speechless. Facing his father's pleading, David explained helplessly, "Dad, don't blame me for being cruel. At the beginning, she was cruel and didn't treat us as family. Now this is what she deserves. This time, I firmly stand on the side of Zhang Li, and no one can convince me. "

What the author wants to say is that when anyone encounters difficulties, affection is not a bargaining chip we ask for from each other, nor is it a reason for us to ask for it against our conscience. You help me for a while, and I'll help you for a lifetime. You give me a foot, I'll give you a foot back. This is the most basic principle of being a person, even among relatives. If you are heartless, I will treat you coldly.

Taking care of grandchildren is not a responsibility. If a mother-in-law doesn't want to bring it, please think it over. Don't speak in places where children need filial care in the future. Don't be a moral saint while telling the truth. After all, isn't it that family members help each other and learn to put themselves in their own shoes within their own ability? It is better to leave a way out for yourself than to help others.

A mother-in-law with a pattern will not take care of her grandson as a responsibility, but an experience of emotional contact between relatives.

The author has always been an emotional woman, telling the truth. In this matter, I very much agree with what Zhang Li and David did. Paying for the person you love is called feeling, and paying for the person who doesn't take you seriously is called wasting feelings. Even the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law needs an emotional balance, and the premise of justice and fairness is mutual respect.

As you sow, you reap. Only by planting good seeds can we reap real happiness. If you plant the seeds of selfishness, don't blame others for their ruthlessness. As a mother-in-law, you must remember not to let yourself No Country for Old Men because of temporary interests.

Discussion after reading: Do you think it is duty or mutual affection for your mother-in-law to take care of her grandchildren?