Degang Guo classic language?

Degang Guo's classic quotations are as follows:

1: "Excuse me, Grandpa, how can I get to America?" "Then who knows? Ask the village chief! "

2: Speak louder without electricity!

Don't leave after the party, go to eat-whoever goes will pay.

4: Crosstalk is good! Attack ugliness, musk and righteousness (promote righteousness).

There are always more than 1000 traditional cross talks left by the old gentleman. After years of continuous efforts by our actors, there are now more than 400 pieces left. There are still 300 paragraphs that are not allowed to be said. 100 is in conflict with building a harmonious society.

6: Listening to cross talk more shows that you are patriotic. There is a child near our home who can speak seven or eight foreign languages, such as English, Japanese, Korean, Yugoslav, North Slavic and West Slavic ... Can he sit with Eight-Nation Alliance and scold him anyway? Tell him you listen to cross talk. "Don't go! I don't understand! " Ignoring the law, I would have killed him! He can cross talk in a foreign language in July and August, but he doesn't understand!

The house where we live is full of holes. It is fatal when it rains: it rains outside the rain house, and it rains outside the rain house. Sometimes it rains so hard that the whole family goes to the yard to take shelter from the rain.

8: We decided that we want to fly in heaven, and one of the two birds wants to make cauliflower.

9: Are you willing to listen, are you willing to listen, or are you willing to listen? I will never insist.

10: This guy robbed the bank and drove on the North Third Ring Road. 5: 30 in the afternoon! When the police arrived, the traffic jam was very serious.

1 1: Your shameless appearance is like my charm.

12: Huh? You don't know me? I am an artist! I have been an artist for over a week. I ...

13: Brother, I hope the world will be peaceful, the people of the world will live and work in peace and contentment, and there will be no war, ok?

God thought about it. Let's tell the truth about this difficulty. I'm not that easy. Really, brother, I'm not refuting your face. I won't tell you anything else. Can you change it? Let's discuss something else. I brought a photo of Yu Qian when I touched him. Brother, look at this. This is my other disciples. His name is Yu Qian. He looks cold and can't find anyone. Please make him more beautiful.

God: (thinking) Let's talk about world peace (tearing up photos).

Degang Guo: Hey, why did you tear up the photo? I don't agree. I don't agree. Why tear it? I still keep it to ward off evil spirits!

14: I have money at home and drive a 13 Cadillac. You can tell by the sound that it is a good machine, imported from Germany, and "chug chug". Oh, three jumps.

At first, half of Beijing was smoking black smoke, and the traffic police shouted at you, "Elder Sun, take away the divine power."

15: From today on, I will never eat lobster again.

16: If there are six grenades for one dollar, I'll throw you one hundred dollars first. If the law didn't care, I would have killed you!

The young man looks like an actor. ...

18: ok! This plane, like Dafa, has a rocking glass! ..... sitting on a big hat, Li Xia didn't give the newspaper ... Tianjin didn't make a big hat, but they all went to the United States ... and flew to the United States for half a year, adding more than 40,000 oil.

19: Guo: What should I do? I'm so rich. I don't know how to spend it Hey? ! Yu Qian, why don't I take care of you?

Will you take care of me? !

Guo: Ah ... no ... No matter how rich we are, we must choose our looks!

20: Shouxing Lao: Jade Emperor Jade Emperor! ~ something has come up.

Jade Emperor: What happened to the birthday girl?

Shouxing Lao: Do you have a hammer and nails? Let me use it. My sika deer bit the railing.

Jade Emperor: Shouxing, what can I say about you? It doesn't matter if you ride that deer, you have to feed it! ~

2 1: Degang Guo: I found a good job as soon as I arrived here, building a chimney of more than 70 meters!

Yu Qian: Not bad!

Degang Guo: Get up early and get the job done. People come to check and accept, but they won't give us money anyway!

Yu Qian: Is the quality not good?

Degang Guo: I turned the drawing upside down and they told me to dig a well!

22: Guo: Hey ~ ~! There was an opportunity to make money before me, but I didn't cherish it. The opportunity passed and I regretted it. The most painful thing in the world is this. If God gives me another chance, I want to say to the village chief: I am willing to go. If I have to put a limit on that salary, I hope it is: 400 yuan.

It was cold, so I sent you a coat. The post office said it was too heavy, so I hinged the belt buckle down and put it in my pocket. Sew it yourself.

24: Paris ... You know, there is a zoo in Paris ... The zoo is opposite ... Hey ... There is a clothes seller in the zoo ... You can't say you buy clothes ... You have to say you want goods. ...

25: Wen Shun, what do you have?

I won't tell you that I brought boiled eggs.

-Give it to me.

-Don't give up ... Guess, guess Degang Guo.

Degang Guo

Some.

I guess you gave me one.

-If you want to guess, I'll give you two.

- ..............................................................................................................................................................................

This is a false tooth.

── throw it away quickly.

Don't throw it away, it's too bad.

-Why?

-Tie a stick to it as a tickle.

The story told today is not far from now. If you have an old man at home, you can go back and ask him-during the Spring and Autumn Period and the Warring States Period. ...

Flight 28: 90 14, from Xizhimen to Daxing Huangcun, the fare is 5 yuan, please board. You said it was ... interesting. The flight attendants will shout when they stand there. Let's go, let's go. There are big seats, there are big seats. Be sure to have a big seat!

When XXX was born, his father was ill. After returning to China, his mother is the hardest. Here is the husband and there are the children. We should take care of them. Feed the medicine here, feed the medicine there, feed the milk, feed the medicine. Feed medicine, breast-feed His father is too strong, and the child has taken the wrong medicine.

30: the old vine is faint, and the small bridge is flowing. The old road is thin, the sun sets, heartbroken people ... in the hospital, ... don't go to the hospital if their intestines are broken! ..... I am the first master of tampering with Tang poetry and Song poetry.

3 1: abiding by the law, facing the imperial court, feeling depressed, singing at night, riding mules at the expense of others, being fair and just, and starving. Building bridges and roads is blind, killing and setting fires. I went to the Western Heaven to ask my Buddha, and the Buddha said, No way!

32: The foot of my bed is shining so brightly. Is it frosty already? , looked up and found it was moonlight, (pa! My name is Degang Guo. There are many people here. I am very happy. Thank you for coming. Don't go after the party. Go and eat. Whoever goes will pay. Listen to cross talk for twenty, and make a noise of sixteen thousand. Laugh and add money.

33: "We fell in love with cross talk on TV. Why? Say it! The assistant director arranged for people to take the lead in applauding. As soon as I took the stage,' today', wow-(applause thundered),' the two of us', wow-applause broke out,' for everyone', wow-applause,' tell a story', wow-,'voice', wow-,(laughter: every word is a drum. )' that's not good', wow. Clap if you don't speak well. You see how good it is today, no one applauds. "

34: Yu Qian: A tooth is still stuffed.

Degang Guo: He ate the lotus root and got it in his eye!

35: "I am rich. Today, backstage, I drove here and they all came on foot. Those old gentlemen in Tianjin went out on Tuesday. But my car has had some problems recently, and the speed is a bit slow. At first, I thought the carburetor was broken. I won't know until I check. Is the pedal off ... "

36: "Then anyone can eat it. Everyone looks like pancakes all day. It is also ok to roll steamed bread with rice. It's porcelain. It's time to carry it. Sometimes, I come backstage to sneak pancakes and drink fruit ... ""Drinking at the drinking ground is the first person in history. "

37: Where is my gun? Borrowed my security suit, I put it on and hit him.

You can shoot for five minutes. If you are caught, shoot first and then ask questions.

38: Rogues know martial arts, and no one can stop them! Scientists know martial arts, and even hooligans can't stop them!

39: I'm dying!

40: How can I describe his appearance to you? Have you ever seen baked sweet potatoes? Just baked. It's too hot in your hand. I accidentally failed to hold it and fell to the ground. What about over there? A child came running, wearing spikes, and stepped on this sweet potato. . His face is like this sweet potato. (Bang: He looks like he can make up stories. )

4 1: I want to oppose the three customs.

42: You are vulgar-but I like it.

43: (Henan dialect) "Why are you here? What are you doing, you son of a bitch! "

"Slap you in the street!"

On this day, I came to the railway station with prejudice, and all the tickets were sold out. Bias went to ask a policeman, "Do you know where the conductor is?" The policeman listened to the music: "I'm still looking!" " "

45: I want to commit suicide and plan to jump off a building. I have studied this kind of jump. The second floor is different from the twentieth floor. The second floor is "pa! Ah ~ ~ ",the 20th floor is" Ah ~ ~ Pa! " Degang Guo

Degang Guo

Hearing the news of your father's death, the neighbors cried: "such a good man, he died too late!" "

47: After midnight, two grandfathers took to the street naked, only Jing Li wore a pair of glasses-if he wore a mask, it would be three points.

48: Two nurses came down, how beautiful: 1.7 meters tall, with sideburns and beards, and a palm wide to protect the heart.

49: Yu Qian's father-Wang Dad.

50: Li Jing has a cousin who can tiptoe under Li Xia in high heels. She looks poor. Her picture is posted on the door to ward off evil spirits and on the bed for contraception.

5 1: Have you ever seen a gangster with a crayon tattooed on his body?

52: I don't know you yet! You get drunk when you touch wine, and you get lost when you see the world. When you get rich, you will begin to forget the words. You only have one advantage. As soon as you see your aunt, you will become digital.

53: "Single Knife Club" Everyone knows that Liu Guan and Zhang Taoyuan have sworn three times, and the three brothers hit their heads on the ground like brothers, and then went to protect the Tang Priest. There is this story in A Dream of Red Mansions.

54: The mainstream music industry is not troubled by failure, but by the lack of excuses.

55: We all drove back to Beijing. Mr. Yu is taller than us. He watched us drive, watched us, and rode back by bike.

Degang Guo: Your father's name is written on it. Qin Feng Deng Assistant Minister Yu Taigong (taboo) into the pot.

Yu Qian: My dad told the fish to go into the pot. What's his name?

Degang Guo: Whatever you say, Yu ... Yu Shaoqian, write it down.

57: You hit a monk after reading the Bible.

58: Degang Guo: Please ask the layman in Jushilin to write a spell for your father.

Yu Qian: Right.

Degang Guo: Can ordinary people invite you? Jushilin's came, Kutokuhayashi's, Zhilin's, McDonald's and Quanjude's also came.

59: Degang Guo: Seeing your father like this, I have no taste in my heart. I grew up with the old man, grew up in front of him and watched me grow up. Now he is so ill, can I feel it in my heart?

Yu Qian: Exactly.

Degang Guo: Alas ... (pointing) Old man, you are where you are today.

Degang Guo: There was a case where the body was dismembered, which was terrible. The detective asked Yu Qian, "What do you think is going on?"

Yu Qian thought for a moment and said, "I think this is suicide." Policeman: Ah, suicide?

Degang Guo: The detective liked Yu Qian very much. He pointed to the body and said, "If only he were you."

6 1: Three characters "Tongguan" are written on the rostrum.

62: You haven't seen my daughter-in-law, beautiful! Tall, with a big face and heavy eyebrows. She has no beard. She should have a beard like Zhang Fei.

63: Take out a golden pen, dazzling and cold.

64: This plane is also diesel.

Guo: Oh, the white one in the White House-just painted.

Y: You care about others, but not others!

65: There are more than twenty people standing in front of the White House, men and women, and their bags are all ready-reporters! I have to be careful what I say. I don't want to be caught by them and embarrass China people. Next, the gang came over: "Master, would you like a plate?"

Selling vegetables! What do you think the White House Cultural Bureau does for food?

There is a rockery in the White House with a banner below it: Everyone is responsible for family planning.

67: One day, the master went down the mountain to dance. Accidentally met the daughter of his young confidante. From the moment I met her, the master knew that his Jianghu career was over. Destined to leave these days when white clothes come and go like snow, the old man resolutely put on a wig and went to secularization at the age of 80.

68: If two kinds of feelings last for a long time, do they exist in pork and pork?

Guo: How many stops is Tieling from America? Y: How many stops are there? !

There are four plates on the table. Open the first one. Very good! Old vinegar peanuts! Open the second one, even better! Old vinegar peanuts! Open the third one, peanuts, no vinegar! The fourth one looks like a plate of vinegar!

7 1: help if you are in trouble, and help if you are not.

72: As soon as the girl turned around, she combed four hairs.

73: Walking, hey, there is a question mark in front, and Liu Bei is "surprised". Ah, a mushroom came out to eat, and Liu Bei grew taller. Still moving forward, another, a question mark, touched it, and a flower came out. After eating the flowers, Liu Bei raised his hand and fired bullets "toot toot toot toot toot toot toot toot toot toot toot toot toot toot toot"! Thorny son, and then the tortoise came. ...

74: What's your name? Ah! What's your name? Stop it! Saying it is a curse!

You know my appetite, and I don't like roast duck, so I can't eat it after eating four. I said, I really can't eat. I have to eat when I get home later.

75: God, it's so exciting!

76: I am very generous when I watch my colleagues being impassioned and generous at the "anti-three customs" conference. I wanted to persuade them: "Don't give me the story of the underworld as a work-study program."

Degang Guo: Your daughter-in-law is crying.

Yu Qian: I am distressed!

Degang Guo: My leg hurts ~ ~ ~

78: I used to talk. I thought I was blind.

Degang Guo: "Your grandmother said to your mother,' Jinlian, you are leaving.'

Yu Qian: "Ah? ! "

Degang Guo: "What's your hurry? I haven't said your grandfather's last name is Pan. "

80: Several inhuman hooligans abused Li Qing's cousin in the moonlight. When the moon came out, several hooligans turned themselves in.

8 1: People always want ghosts and gods to know when they do good things, but ghosts and gods don't know when they do bad things. We are too embarrassed for ghosts and gods.

I like playing the flute. I told my wife that I buried the flute with me when I died. I like erhu. I told my wife that I buried the erhu with me when I died. Recently, I fell in love with chimes ... My wife said: If the country is easy to dig, don't bury it.

Degang Guo: I'm going to steal two terracotta warriors and horses, paste Yu Qian and his father with mud and put them there. Then I'll wash the terracotta warriors and horses, write down eight honors and eight disgraces and take them to Panjiayuan for sale.

Yu Qian: You are really good at selling the real thing as a fake.

84: Big cakes and steamed buns with rice. International celebrities eat fried liver in the morning, stew it at noon and stew it at night. Yu Qian: This international celebrity is also very ashamed.

85: Tear off clothes, a palm-sized hair conditioner, and two hairtail tattoos on the chest.

Degang Guo: How many mummies are there? ..... Hey, Yu Qian, are you free? How about I wrap you in a white cloth and lie there?

Yu Qian: No. You forget that my father and I are standing in front of the Terracotta Warriors.

Degang Guo: ... Why is your cross talk like a TV series?

87: Your Majesty: Is this the monster who helped pay tribute?

88: Guo: "Come on, there are two Japanese people living in our community. They are both quite tall."

Yu: "How high!"

Guo: "The male is 1.4 meters and the female is 1.2 meters."

Yu: "This is still high."

Guo: "Hey, you are wrong. This is high in Japan. "

This adult played in the backyard when he was three or four years old. Suddenly, a fairy fell from the sky, stepped on the clouds and landed in front of him. He wondered, "This is, what kind of bird is this?" This is, ah! "

The fairy was very unhappy: "Stop it!" This child should have great respect for God, you know? Do you know I smoke? "

The child was frightened: "the hooligans in the street scared me." What did you say you wanted? " ? I will steal my father's money for you. "

The fairy said, "You talk nonsense! There are other things this time, and there are other things. "

90: How many people are there on the ground and how many watches are there in the sky? Bad people's hands turn fast, but good people's hands turn slowly. Where is my watch hand? Oh, be a fan of the house of God.

9 1: As we all know, Water Margin is a classic literary work adapted from TV series.

92: It rained twice this week, once for three days and once for four days.

93: my friend said to print counterfeit money for me, and I gave him 50~~ and he gave me 1 yuan. I can't go anywhere for my holiday. I thought about it for two months and wondered if he was lying to me.

Guo: Do you have any chickens here?

Attendant: Shh! ! ! ! I am!

Guo: You?

W: That's right.

Guo: Come on, eat. I'll get it. Later, she took me to a small room in the back. There is no table here, only a single bed. She plugged in the power and turned off the light. The next morning, the sun came out

Y: What happened after the lights were turned off?

Guo: After the lights were turned off ... the next morning, the sun came out. What a big sun!

Y: Tell me what happened after the lights were turned off.

Guo: After turning off the lights, the police came and fined 2000 yuan.

95: Little girl, give your uncle a smile. If you don't smile, your uncle will give you a smile

96: Degang Guo: I turned and stood at the door of the bathroom. I feel much calmer. A man came out of the bathroom opposite me.

97: The old father is lying in bed. You are a dutiful son. You looked at the old father like this, and just ran to the bed, and at this moment you saw that something was wrong with the old man. He was so angry there that he had something to say but couldn't say it. He asked for a pen, a pen and a piece of paper, and wrote a few words on the paper trembling: "Get out! Stepped on my oxygen pipe. "

98: Guo

Degang Guo

Degang: A director asked me to shoot nude scenes, and my beauty went away like a fart. I came back crying like Liu Bei: naked, naked, playing with more than 20 old men in the river, freezing me to death.

The next day, he told me that there was a kissing scene without me, and we went back and cried like Liu Bei: it was a kiss with a hippo, and the hippo's mouth covered my head.

Later, he told me that there was a beautiful scene on the bed, and I cried like Liu Bei: the scene on the bed was sex, and I had to have passion to play cotton on the bed. Almost made me dizzy.

99: "I opened the letter and it said," Son, it's been a year since you left home in a blink of an eye. Today, under the reminder of my neighbor, I remembered that there is another child like you. Our family has moved, which is 400 miles from here. Guess where it is? ..... Come back quickly, we are waiting for you! "(crying) Where can I find you?"

100: You are in good health. I can see at a glance that you must live to death.