I always wanted to be a cool girl.

I've always wanted to be that kind of cool girl, but whether I grew up or was a child, my behavior and dress always had nothing to do with this word.

When I was in primary school, my grades were unknown, not top-notch or bad, and I have been wandering in the middle and upper reaches. It was not until the fifth grade that she was selected by the class teacher and became the monitor. In the messy class, Piapia shook the small bamboo stick suppressed by the class teacher and shouted "Quiet, Quiet", just like the red scarf of the standard socialist successor.

It was not until the beginning of junior high school that I was steadily promoted to the "key class" of key junior high schools. At that time, grading according to scores was not prohibited, so our class became the first seed player to set up a top class (that is, the Olympic Mathematics class).

I seem to be more and more deviated from the direction of wanting to be a "cool girl".

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At that time, I didn't think it was great to be "someone else's child" or "an example for others to learn". I don't think it's cool to be a well-behaved student rooted in Hong Miao. Doing well in exams is just a way to gain more freedom and less nagging.

It was adolescence, and I was a little rebellious, so I dyed my hair crazy, permed the lion's head (it was very popular at that time to cut the upper part of my hair short and make it fluffy, and straighten the rest), pierced my ears and wore earrings, which I thought was cool.

However, more and more "cool" girls in the next class got a "lion head", dyed their hair and wore earrings, while I kept my hair straight for three years.

Fortunately, I have a yellow hair that looks malnourished, and it is close to chestnut color without dyeing.

This yellow hair also made me once considered a "bad student" in my freshman year. I was even a little happy to hear such an evaluation at that time.

I think, maybe every good girl has a "bad girl" in her heart. She hides all the fields and behaviors she wants to try, challenge and explore in her body, and once she has the opportunity, she will take root in her heart.

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When an idea is planted in the heart like a seed, it will not be easily pulled out. When there is no nutrient, it will lurk, and when it absorbs nutrients, it will take root and sprout.

I often pay attention to cool girls in neutral styles on the street and neutral clothes in the window. I often think about how to be cool.

I think, cool girls should be able to play computer games like boys and play well.

So I began to pay attention to the online games that my classmates were playing. I found out the fairy sword game CD that my brother played in the customs clearance, starting from the first level.

I also registered an account to play an online game (I forgot the name) and started playing day and night. At that time, I practiced my number to level 60. As long as I have time every day, I jump in front of the computer and start to brush tasks, be strange and train.

Then at the end of a mission, I was pushed out by a stranger. I was killed three or two times and returned to the underworld. I lost a lot of equipment and items, but I was angry but I couldn't "revenge". From then on, I bid farewell to online games and didn't have the courage to challenge to be an online game master.

Later, the trend of "non-mainstream" and "killing Matt" gradually became popular in the town. Coupled with the upcoming senior high school entrance examination, the crowd began to differentiate and the group characteristics became more and more obvious. Some people are becoming more and more arbitrary, while others are becoming more and more in line with mainstream values.

I no longer envy those students who dare to draw cartoon characters on school uniforms and change their school uniform pants into narrow-footed "radish pants", and I no longer think that ironing a "lion head" can turn them into cool people.

In the third grade, even if the class teacher criticized and discouraged me in person, I still insisted on drawing occasionally, and even left a pencil drawing that was "difficult to get rid of" on every desk I sat on (all of them were pasted with transparent tape after drawing).

The head teacher can't help me, after all, my academic performance has not obviously regressed, even if there is no obvious progress.

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I also want to be a cool girl crazily. I don't want to be a bleak boiled water that people can read instantly, and be labeled as a "good girl" and a "good student" instantly. Even if I can't be an eccentric girl, I must look a little different and special.

At least in the crowd, it can be remembered and recognized.

When I was a junior, I had the opportunity to exchange and study in Taiwan Province Province. Seeing fashionable and beautiful girls in Taipei inspired me to be special and have personality.

I want to learn makeup. I watch makeup tutorial videos on Youtube, I study the complicated steps and tools involved in a complete makeup, and I also learn to wear contact lenses.

But I will never learn to draw a straight and thin eyeliner. Every time I shake my eyelids, I draw them askew. Like earthworms, I rub a little black on my eyelids in the blink of an eye.

Try again and again in frustration, or try again and again.

In an excellent makeup, eye makeup is the most distinctive part. Eyeliner, eye shadow, mascara and false eyelashes are all called cosmetic techniques.

And I can't even draw small eyeliner, trying to draw a big thick makeup to be cool, and then I failed.

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Now, I begin to realize that I can't be a strong and mysterious girl like liquor. I'm just an ordinary girl as cold as boiled water. Even if I inadvertently become the kind of "cool girl" I think, I may return to ordinary after the stimulation.

And I have gradually discovered that what I think is "cool" is actually not cool. They are just an external and superficial "cool", a little unconventional and always follow the trend, but they are far less cool than the experience of traveling alone in Europe, with a pure accent and fluent foreign language skills as their mother tongue. A photo can be used to do a large-scale PS technology, or a rescue experience of MSF.

I also gradually found that the girls I really like and communicate with are all plain boiled water girls. The way of communication that we all enjoy is to casually find a brightly lit restaurant or a literary cafe, have a cup of tea with them, talk about a topic, and occasionally have a little wine to talk about gossip. There are not too many tricks and antics, and there is no excitement and freshness.

I haven't learned to wear a full makeup yet. I don't have colored lipstick, I don't have pierced ears, I don't like to wear a lot of jewelry, and I buy the most basic ones.

Sometimes I even feel that I am not even interesting.

I can't learn to be tactful and sophisticated, learn to flatter, learn to talk to everyone, and learn to look good. I just behave myself, never do anything wrong, and I don't offend people easily.

Maybe I am a traditional and introverted ordinary girl in my bones. I don't like to join in the fun, and I don't like to follow suit. I prefer the golden mean to independence.

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I am finally no longer ashamed to tell others that I am an ordinary and monotonous girl.

It's no big deal to admit it

When I go shopping, I still pay attention to the neutral displays in the window, but I no longer want to fill my wardrobe with them.

I began to pay attention to those innocent girls.

They wear simple and elegant clothes, plain and natural faces, no exaggerated jewelry, no mysterious tattoos, no fancy clothes, no accessories that jingle all the way when walking, and no thoughts that will challenge ordinary people's values and world outlook at any time.

However, they are all doing themselves seriously, living their lives seriously and pursuing their dreams seriously. Even if they are virtuous and capable housewives, they are paying close attention to the operation of family life rules, which can be cool.

Isn't it?