Talking about Marriage

During the Spring Festival, it is time to urge every family to get married.

For the 35-year-old Lu Ke, she has been "handy" in dealing with the "trivial matter" of the elder urging marriage.

network diagram

When Lu Ke was preparing for the postgraduate entrance examination at the age of 24, she was arranged by her mother to go on a blind date. For marriage and love, Luke's parents are typical "you can't fall in love when you go to school, but you must get married when you graduate", which once made Luke very upset.

After failing the postgraduate exam, Luke found a job in the insurance industry in Nanjing, and now he is a small supervisor with a monthly salary of 1000 yuan.

In the ten years of being urged to get married, the location of Luke's blind date spread to the surrounding cities and counties 40 to 50 kilometers away, and she still didn't meet the right person.

In the process of being constantly urged to get married, Luke faces pressure, self-doubt and self-examination. "See if you are beautiful, short and a little fat. Should we lower the criteria for mate selection? " Luke's anxiety about marriage and love once affected his work.

Lu, 35, can choose to reconcile with singles. Stop fantasizing about love and start a career. But the only thing that makes Luke feel sad is that she wants a child.

The following is Lu Ke's account:

"You don't have to fall in love when you go to school, and you must get married when you graduate."

Our family is typical: "You can't fall in love at school, but you have to get married after graduation." I study in Nanjing University. At that time, I talked about a boyfriend in Jilin, a sophomore, and my family always disagreed. First, it is too far away, and the boy's family conditions are not good. Let me study hard and prepare for the postgraduate entrance examination. Later, we talked for more than a year and then broke up.

I graduated from college at the age of 23. Two years after graduation, I failed in the postgraduate entrance examination and found a job in Nanjing. Now I am a small supervisor in the insurance industry, with a monthly income of more than 654.38+0 million.

From the second year of postgraduate entrance examination, when I was 24 years old, my mother began to introduce me to blind date, saying that it would be difficult to find girls after 26 years old and it would take another year to get married. It's getting late, even if I get married, it won't delay my graduate school. Later, I didn't go to graduate school, and I was more anxious after I started working. My mother began to mobilize relatives and friends around me to introduce me. The most exaggerated time, when I went home for the New Year, I met five boys in more than a week. Once I met two boys one day, one at noon and the other at night.

To tell the truth, I wasn't too exclusive at that time. I think blind date is blind date. Indeed, most men around me get married after work and can't get in touch with suitable single men. At the age of 26, I felt that "this road is impassable", because my hometown is in a small county, and I felt that I could stay in the county and not go out to wander. I usually listen to my parents, but I really can't talk. Try to chat on WeChat. Do you eat every day? Are you asleep? What did you eat? "Something like this.

But my mother didn't give up. Nanjing is close to our hometown. I used to go home every holiday. Every time I come back, my mother advises me to meet two people. The location of blind date has also spread to surrounding cities and counties 40 to 50 kilometers away. There are also some industries that I think are not bad, but people don't like me. Girls here are the most popular in the marriage and love market, and the insurance industry is not stable.

network diagram

At the age of 30, I "lie flat" and no longer fantasize about love.

When I was most anxious to get married, I was between the ages of 28 and 30. At that time, many friends and classmates around me were married or had children, and I felt like an alien. In addition, there were many sayings of "leftover women" in those years. Sometimes I seriously deny myself. It seems that if I am not very beautiful, short and a little fat, I should lower my mate selection criteria. These seemingly objective comments are actually

My mother had a great influence on me in those two years. Her attitude changed from "talk for at least another year after marriage" to "get married as soon as you meet the right person, and then leave without talking". Then my cousins got married one after another, and my younger brother, who was three years younger than me, got married when I was 29, so I became an exception in the big family. Every time I go home, I have to mention, for example, "If I have more children, I will be an older woman." "No matter how well a woman does her career, no home is complete." My marriage has also become my grandmother's heart disease, and I feel most sorry for her.

But at that time, it was not easy to have a blind date in my hometown at my age. At the age of 30, people began to introduce me to men who had second marriages. I'm just deeply anxious and not in the mood for work. I envy others falling in love and getting married.

When I was 30, I was flat. I was unwilling at that time, but I felt that I was 30 years old. Do not fantasize about love. Let's get started. I have been going home less and less in recent years. I feel that I have nothing to talk about with my parents except blind date and marriage. Generally, I only go back on National Day and Chinese New Year.

My secret in recent years is to always say "I'm talking" and "I want to talk for a while". When people hear that you are seeing someone, they seem to have nothing to say. Just say "Let's get married" and "When will we have a big meal", and the topic can be terminated without introducing the boys around us and criticizing my concept of mate selection.

network diagram

In the past two years, I really made up with myself, because there were many boys I met, and the longest one talked for a few months, but it was really inappropriate and even a little tired of men.

There are also female friends who are troubled by this, and those who have been married and divorced before. They feel that marriage doesn't seem so beautiful, and marrying an inappropriate person is a nightmare. It's good to be alone now. I make my own money and spend it myself. I can go wherever I want. I am comfortable and free.

The only thing that bothers me is that I want to have a baby. Seeing a friend's child is particularly cute and envious.

My brother gave birth to a child two years ago, and now my mother is helping them with their children in other places, and she doesn't pay much attention to my affairs. Only when I call will I ask about love, so I will make up with her, and she will feel much more at ease when someone talks to her. She was really anxious, so I sent her a photo of my male colleague, and one of my male colleagues and I took several photos. When my mother started urging me to get married, I made an excuse and said it was inappropriate, and it was over. I don't want her to worry about me all the time.

My aunt is still trying to find a way to introduce me to the Spring Festival this year, so I told her that it was settled and I would take it back to my elders when appropriate. My aunt said, "Don't keep talking about this, we have to push forward." I just smiled and said, "Okay, okay." Otherwise, what can I do? What is particularly speechless is that my cousin said that I might be a "feminist", which attracted everyone's attention. I seem to have found the root cause of not getting married for so many years, and began to persuade me to be "advanced in thought, but not suitable for our society" and so on. I'll just listen. It's no use arguing. The elders are actually expressing their worries, but they don't care what you think. I'm either a feminist or I haven't met the right one.