Five kinds of thinking that partners must give up when they cheat.

Five kinds of thinking that partners must give up when they cheat.

I. Introduction

All of them can't be put down, because they are unwilling. Many originators also know that to get out of the shadow of derailment, we must let go, but we can't. Festinger's law says: "65,438+00% of things in life are made up of what happens to you, and the other 90% is determined by your reaction to what happens." In other words, the impact of being derailed on us does not depend on this matter, but on our thinking about it.

We summed it up. The reason why we can't let it go and why we are unwilling is because we are bound by five kinds of thinking, namely, "white-headed obsession, eternal love, should, must, are all my faults and victims", which hinders our progress. Today we will solve how to let go of these five kinds of thinking.

Second, never leave each other.

Thinking 1: "Never leave"

This poem, "I am willing to unite as one and never give up", has become the oath and obsession of marriage in many people's hearts; But the premise of "never leaving" is "one heart"; And there is a "wish" in front of the "single-minded person". It is not difficult to understand that this is just a wish, which is our yearning for marriage.

Now that he is cheating, it means that the wish of "single-minded" has failed, and the premise of "never leaving" no longer exists. Should we let go of this obsession? No matter how you go in the future, you must let go of this obsession, otherwise you will only suffer yourself.

Third, love is eternal.

Thinking 2: Love lasts forever.

"Many people think that true love should be eternal. In fact, the probability of being able to do the so-called "love only one in your life" and "love you for 10 thousand years" is almost zero. Even if there is no cheating, even if there are few quarrels in marriage, the form or meaning of love is not what it used to be. The world is material, and matter is in motion.

The ancient Greek philosopher Heraclitus said that "one cannot step into the same river twice"; Love is also a flowing river. There may be spectacular rapids in this river, but there must be gentle currents; There may be obvious main channels, but there may also be tributaries and undercurrents. We believe in love and true love, but we also need to know that love is not eternal. Love is fluid!

Fourth, it should be necessary.

Thinking about Three "Should Must"

Many original cheats are hard to face. "shouldn't he feel guilty and blame himself for doing such a terrible thing?" "Should" is kidnapping; "Must" is more convincing. Cheating is actually just his personal choice.

Just because we are husband and wife, he is responsible for us, but he has to be honest with us. As a moral category, he really shouldn't cheat, and he really should be responsible for us. But he is also a human being, and he also has the right to choose. He is willing to accept moral criticism. Can we make him continue to love us with morality? Can't!

Fifth, put aside the thinking that should be there.

The provisions of the Marriage Law are also "freedom of marriage and freedom of divorce"; It is impossible for a person to get married only once in his life, let alone the word "should". At the same time, the law does not stipulate that "if you are derailed, you must lead an honest and clean life." So, sisters, we can only change ourselves and how to face this matter.

No, there shouldn't be, only willing or unwilling. So, abandon this kind of thinking and tell yourself that he has the right to choose the life they want and the people who live with him. So do we. At this time, we should also think about what kind of life we want. What are we willing to do? He is no longer qualified. Do we still want him?

Six, it's all my fault

Thinking 4: "It's all my fault"

In order to rationalize their cheating behavior, some people often suppress the original match and say "you forced it" and "you are too strong" and so on. At this time, it is difficult for women to face the pain of being derailed and unable to extricate themselves from wrong thinking, which is even worse for "letting go".

Frederick Fung's Confidence in Healing Pain said: "Self-blame is devastating: self-blame paralyzes your life;" Self-blame makes you deeply uneasy; Self-blame is usually unfounded; Blame yourself for ignoring reality; Self-blame hinders your progress! " Problems in marriage are each 100% responsible, but cheating is 100% responsible. Dear vampire ancestors, don't think this is all my fault. His cheating is his personal choice, and it has nothing to do with whether you are good or not.

Seven, the victim's thinking

Thinking 5: "Victims"

What was the victim thinking? The victim's thinking often comes from a person's inner projection. That is, in their hearts, they will instinctively think that they are weak. When there is a problem, they will habitually think that they are very sad and painful. The way they evaluate the problem is how unlucky I am and how miserable my life is.

Most women are like an arrow in the face of being derailed, and it is difficult not to put themselves in the position of "victim". But everything has two sides. "A blessing in disguise is a blessing in disguise"? A blessing in disguise, when others are saying that he is unlucky, he is noncommittal and thinks that it is not necessarily a bad thing. Later, the horse came back with a pony.

Eight. conclusion

Efforts should be made to turn "victim thinking" into "creator thinking". This kind of thinking can make us face all the challenges in life bravely. When you have more control over yourself, your heart will become stronger and stronger. So what is good thinking for us? That can promote our growth, push us forward and make us think better and better! I'll give you an analysis later. Generally speaking, we should have the courage to sail against the current, the determination to break through the sky, and do what we say.