Will your eldest child secretly beat the second child? How did you coordinate that?

When I saw this question, I remembered the incident when my daughter beat her brother severely when she was a child and I found out. From that incident, I learned that my daughter had secretly beaten her brother several times before. The beating was so severe that I only discovered the bruises on my son. At that time, one of them was 5 years old and the other was 3 years old. I felt really complicated at that time, and I especially regretted not discovering the problem earlier and educating the children well. Fortunately, after timely reflection and constant education, the two children gradually got along harmoniously until they are now very harmonious. My experience is:

1. Adults should reflect on themselves, find the crux of the problem, treat them fairly, and do not scold them at will.

Generally, after a family gives birth to a second child, the parents have to take care of the younger one, so they naturally focus less on the eldest child. The eldest child will feel lost at this time, especially when he starts to understand things but doesn’t quite understand them. Children of abstract principles. In the past, when Dabao was the only one, parents basically revolved around him/her. Now, adults no longer think about that. Dabao will psychologically think that adults don’t love me anymore and only love his younger brother or sister. At this time, they will lose their psychological balance and simply If you think this is all Er Bao's fault, you will naturally take it out on Er Bao intentionally or unintentionally. My daughter said that time she usually beats her brother secretly because she often sees her parents teasing her brother and rarely plays with her. If there is something delicious to eat, give it to her brother first. This is really because we adults ignore the feelings of our children. We really cannot show favoritism in our behavior, even though we love them equally in our hearts. Therefore, children must be treated fairly.

Later that time, my daughter beat her brother so hard that he turned purple because his brother broke something. We didn’t ask clearly and thought it was my daughter who broke it. We criticized her severely, and she vented her frustration on her brother while we were not paying attention. After this incident, we fully realized that even if the child is still young, we must never ignore Dabao’s feelings when we do anything, and try to be fair and just in everything we do. At the same time, we must often tell them: Dad works very hard and takes you less, but Mom is considerate of Dad: Mom also works hard to take care of you two, and Dad is also considerate of Mom. No matter what, mom and dad love each other. Mom and Dad both love you very much. Sometimes you take care of your brother more because he is still young and needs to be taken care of. As a sister, you should understand that your mother loves your brother more. Even though my daughter is only 5 years old, she has really become more sensible and considerate of us since then. She also often said: "Mom, I don't need to take care of you when I am older. You can take care of your younger brother."

2. Cultivate children’s character of unity, friendship, and mutual humility. We can design some games that need to be completed together. For example, let Dabao lift something that is slightly beyond her ability but can be lifted by two people together. After my daughter beat her brother severely, I often asked my daughter to carry things, and sometimes I deliberately poured some rice onto the small bucket. If she couldn't carry it by herself, I asked her brother to come with her, but the result was that Yes, they were very happy. At this time, I took the opportunity to tell them the benefits of unity and the good emotions that friendship brings to people. At the same time, if there is something delicious to eat, try to give the other person a humble character first.

3. Consciously train children to help each other and experience a sense of responsibility and warmth. For example, sometimes I ask my daughter to help her brother put on clothes (because the brother is still young and cannot wear clothes), or if the brother falls, I ask my sister to help him. Every time the elder sister helps the younger brother, the younger brother must kiss the elder sister and the elder sister must hug the younger brother. When my son is older, I will also let my son help his sister, so that they can experience the tender feeling of helping each other.

4. Regularly organize family parent-child activities. As long as we get together, we often play parent-child games, interactive games or go out for activities, so that the children can feel that we are all a family that loves each other. A family must be happy, tolerate and care for each other.

The phenomenon of Dabao secretly beating up the second child is common in families with two children. Because in Dabao's view, with the addition of a second child, the focus of parents is no longer on Dabao. Because with the second child, parents do not have as much time to spend with each other and do not have as much love for themselves.

The second baby will compete with the eldest baby for toys from his father and mother, etc. So sometimes if Dabao and Erbao have a disagreement, Dabao will beat Erbao. At this time, parents need to coordinate well. First, ask clearly about the reason for the matter, and then judge who is right and who is wrong. But no matter what, the two children have to talk about it. They can't just talk about Dabao. In fact, Dabao should be given more care and more attention. Do more of his ideological work.

I am also a mother of a second child, and my eldest child will also beat the second child secretly (because my second child likes to touch the eldest child’s things), so I beat both children, and then I will reason with them after the beating. Then I will often create some time for Dabao to take care of the second baby independently, so that they can have a better relationship.

In fact, many times we are careless as parents and fail to notice the psychological changes of our children in time.

Let me answer this question. Sweet burden. First of all, you must have some understanding. While savoring the sweetness of having two treasures at home, there is also helplessness and bitterness. When facing conflicts, we must first be patient and face the competition between the two treasures. It is normal for siblings to have natural competition. If parents master some basic principles, they can make competition between children healthy, promote brotherhood and long-term development of children. The love given to the two children must be unique. Every child is different. Parents must see the advantages of each child and let them understand that they are different without having to compare themselves with each other. In this way, the love parents give to their children is no longer limited to the dilemma of "split in two", but both children get a complete love that belongs to them alone. Only in this way can the competition between the first and second treasures be effectively reduced. For example, Dabao loves reading, so we buy more books for Dabao, but Erbao is not happy because she loves toys. At this time, while buying books, we discuss buying some toys with Erbao.

Cherish every child and their growth. I believe we will all have different experiences.

What we want to stop is the incorrect behavior of hitting someone, not blocking his emotions. If we want to stop the boss from hitting others without suppressing his emotions, we can try the following steps to face conflicts more calmly.

A mother once complained: "The eldest brother is not friendly to the second child at all! He always beats the second child and kicks him!"

I felt that the child's behavior seemed a little abnormal, so I asked my mother: "Does he hit his brother anytime and anywhere?"

The mother replied: "It doesn't hit him anytime and anywhere, but he pushes him occasionally. , it’s not a heavy blow, it’s just fun.”

I looked at her: “That’s not really ‘unfriendly’ at all, is it?”

The other party laughed: "Yes."

In fact, when the child is beaten, the mother's reaction is always excited! Don't talk about other people's children coming to beat their own, even if the eldest child hits the second child, sparks will often fly in front of the mother's eyes, and she can't wait to rush over and push the hitter away! But such reactions often cause us to lose the most valuable quality in dealing with problems - calmness.

For example, in the mother's house, the eldest son occasionally pushed and hit the second child, but in the eyes of the mother, it became "not at all". Unfriendly". Not only is this completely different from the actual situation, but it will also put an unwarranted label on the poor eldest son. As long as the mother thinks about the eldest son, she will feel that he is not good to the second child. When the mood rises, let alone handle the problem properly, even speak properly. It can’t be done anymore.

Therefore, when the boss fights against the second child, calmness is the first requirement!

If you are furious, how can you expect to comfort two young children? Take three deep breaths to calm yourself down! Let’s look at the second step.

If you don’t want to yell, let’s move on to the next step.

Only by finding out the reasons why children hit others can we "prescribe the right medicine".

Sometimes, children find it fun

Like My brother once knocked on my sister's head, imitating the sound of a wooden fish while knocking, dong dong dong, dong dong dong.

I understand that because he regards the newborn as a small toy, he still cannot understand that the newborn, like him, is a little life that is afraid of pain, loves to cry, and longs to be protected. So, when I catch him banging his head, I will stop him firmly. Tell him: "If you want to knock things for fun, you can knock the pot, the piano, or the snare drum, but you can't knock my sister on the head."

My brother looked at me blankly, and I asked him: "If your head is knocked, will it hurt?"

He nodded, and I continued: "Then if my sister is knocked on the head, she will also feel pain."

Since then, the brother has not knocked on the sister again.

Sometimes, it is because of fighting

Especially when the second child is older and knows how to fight for what he wants, this phenomenon will become more and more common.

Often, two people are having a good time one second and start crying the next second. At first glance, I found that when the boss and the second child were grabbing something, one hit the other.

In this case, you should calm down first and don’t rush to accuse the child of hitting. We can comfort the crying baby first, because it is difficult to reason with the child when he is crying. When the emotion is almost over, let the two children sit down and let them talk about their respective reasons.

For example, in my family, the eldest son has sufficient language skills, and he will explain the causes and consequences in detail. The second child can't speak clearly yet, but I will give her a chance to speak.

In fact, asking them to describe the incident and tell their respective reasons is not just to "judge the case", but also to make them feel fair - if there is a problem, at least everyone has something to do with it. say!

The real response is not to judge whether this matter is right or wrong, but to continuously strengthen some existing rules and let them follow them rules to handle conflicts with each other.

For example:

——Who got the toy first? Whoever gets it first has the right to dispose of it.

——Who snatched it first? No matter when, snatching is wrong. Use language to communicate and use toys to exchange. Don't grab forcefully.

——Who made the first move? If it is a robbery, it must be wrong. If you are passively counterattacking, please counterattack in another way, such as rejecting loudly and saying "no"!

The more the rules are emphasized, the more peaceful the order will be for both children! After all, fighting is a superficial problem, and the deeper problem is how children deal with conflicts and coordinate contradictions. We can restrain fights through punishment and yelling, but a better way is to let them construct their own rules, which will not cause fights but make everyone feel fair.

The last thing I want to say is some basic common sense . According to the recommendations of the American Academy of Pediatrics: Children under the age of 12 are not recommended to be alone with babies, because although they may not necessarily cause active harm, they are likely to cause some unintentional harm.

For example, small parts falling from older children’s toys may cause suffocation if swallowed by small children.

Another example is that the older children do not consider the safety of the younger children and will make some unintentional dangerous actions (just like once my brother was holding his sister, and suddenly a friend came to play with him, and he ran away as soon as he let go However, my sister fell to the ground with a plop, hurting her butt)

In these aspects, adults should be confident. The safety common sense for one child still applies to two children. When two children are playing, it is best to have an adult not far away. They cannot be completely "raised like pigs" and just let them be raised free-range!

Everyone must not forget that children are children after all, and it is almost impossible to expect them to become "sensible" bosses overnight! It is normal for the eldest child to hit the second child and fights. When we were children, didn’t we grow up bumping into each other?

Therefore, it is much more useful to calm yourself, find the psychological motivation of your child to hit, and deal with it intelligently than to complain about "Why are the two of them not affectionate?"

Happiness will not fall from the sky, and a happy sibling relationship requires careful cultivation. I believe that bumps and bruises are just a small episode in how siblings get along. With the patience of parents, Under their guidance, one day, they will compose a beautiful piece of love for each other!

My eldest child never beats the second child secretly.

People often say that wherever there are people, there are people

: Jianghu is just a matter of big and small; parents must understand the possibility of conflicts and guide the relationship between big and small treasures in a subtle way since childhood** * mode. Choose to believe appropriately and authorize the eldest child to manage the second child well. The eldest child who is trusted will usually take good care of the second child; tell the second child since he was a child that he should listen to his words, and if there is a dispute, tell his parents to coordinate and handle it.

Usually, Dabao acts as a good person, and the older one takes the younger ones to enjoy delicious food, play games, and watch movies... Dabao becomes an all-powerful and admirable idol in Xiaobao's heart. Through Bao's admiration and trust, he gradually grew up to be the loyal guardian of the second Bao. Occasionally, if there is a dispute, let the big and small Bao solve it on their own. If it really can't be solved, the parents will step in and slap them. Normally, if there is a dispute, the two of them will be criticized at the same time. Regardless of whether the child is punished fairly or not, over time, the need for parental mediation has become less and less. The child and the child have become comrades in the trenches, keeping each other's secrets in front of their parents.

Not only does Dabao not beat up Erbao secretly, but he always protects Erbao. Occasionally Erbao will plead for him when he makes a mistake. Erbao is an absolute fan of Dabao, and as long as he has something, he will definitely do it. Share it with Dabao without any reservation.

To prevent Dabao from secretly beating up Erbao, parents must choose to believe and let Dabao take care of Xiaobao, and become comrades in the trenches through thick and thin, taking care of each other and keeping each other's secrets. .

Yes! When my second baby was born a few days ago, the eldest baby liked it at first and found it so fresh. But when the second baby cried, the eldest baby felt very annoyed and would give him a few strokes from time to time. Once, I even bit Erbao’s little finger red!