How to make children feel safe?

A sense of security refers to a person's basic trust in the world and emotional stability. How can we make children feel safe?

Establish a safe environment

A safe living and activity environment is the basic condition for children to feel safe;

The light in the child's residence should be soft to avoid irritating the child's eyes;

When children are toddlers, they should try to do it on a flat road to prevent them from falling and having fear; Prepare a small chair suitable for the child's own figure, so that his feet can land when he sits down; If there is no suitable chair, it is better to let the child sit on a clean floor instead of putting him on a high chair or a high table;

Children don't like toys with dark colors, ugly shapes, difficult operation and easy damage. Therefore, choosing safe, sturdy, soft-colored, cute and easy-to-operate toys for children is also an important factor to help children build a sense of security.

Provide space for yourself

Children need a "self-centered" sense of security from an early age. Give children a fixed corner, even if the home is not spacious, this corner is also their "safe little world." A book that belongs to him, a doll that belongs to him, or even a piece of waste paper that belongs to him, he will get great psychological satisfaction and security.

Make a soft sound

Fear of loud voices is the innate nature of young children. When babies hear loud noises, they stretch their limbs and show fear. According to many experiments, the noise and loud sound of utensils will make children feel scared.

Therefore, talking with a gentle voice and playing soft and beautiful music for children in Tekurata will help children build a sense of security.

Arrange familiar opportunities

Before children enter a strange environment, look for opportunities to familiarize them with it. For example, before entering the park, parents take their children to visit the kindergarten to familiarize them with the new environment and kindergarten teachers, which can dispel their resistance and fear of the new environment.

For children who enter school early, if their psychological adaptability really can't keep up, parents can consider letting their children repeat their studies. Some parents worry that "repeating a grade" will make their children feel uneasy, but this is not the case. Children who reread have the opportunity to be familiar with and repeat, and they are more likely to feel safe.

Use clear language

Not knowing the language will make children feel at a loss, thus creating obstacles to adapt to the environment. The younger children are, the more they need to communicate with them in "clear language" to help them build a sense of security.

A mother sent her 3-year-old child to an English-only children's play group to learn English. The child was suddenly put into a strange language environment, which not only lost his sense of security, but also lost his interest in learning. Finally, I got into the habit of enuresis because of my nervousness.

Pay attention to the company before going to bed

Before the baby goes to sleep, if the mother can hum a gentle song and say "good night" gently, they may not understand what the mother said, but they have already realized the love of their mother, so they will sleep quietly and sweetly and feel safe. Parents should stay with their children as much as possible before they go to sleep, even if it is only for a few minutes; Say "good night, baby!" "Baby, go to sleep. Let's have breakfast tomorrow. " These words of love and care will make children fully feel the love of their parents. This moment can't be bought by money, nor can it be replaced by a nanny or anyone else.

Love and security-the foundation of a healthy personality

Motherly love is a kind of nutrition, and love, like sunshine and water, is indispensable for the healthy growth of children; Mother's heart is the cradle of children's healthy personality, and children get psychological satisfaction and yearning and pursuit of a better life in this cradle of care.

The cultivation of psychological quality is embodied in the cultivation of sound personality. Children with sound personality can realize the value of self-existence and responsibility to society, have affinity and cooperative spirit, and know how to care for others. On the contrary, children with personality deficiency may have a series of psychological problems such as selfishness, anxiety, timidity, sensitivity, extreme and stubbornness.

The cultivation of sound personality is influenced by many factors, such as the influence of adult role models, interpersonal communication between peers, cognitive education and practice. However, love and security are the driving forces to start the healthy development of children's personality. The lack of love will lead to the deviation of children's personality development, which is difficult to make up with other things.

Science has confirmed that children can feel maternal love from birth. Children can constantly discover laws in the process of learning and growing up. They will gradually understand that only by continuing to take care of their parents or grandparents can they love him the most, and his survival cannot be separated from these people, thus forming a deep attachment to them. With this kind of love and security, children will always feel that they will not be abandoned and will have the confidence to explore the outside world with great concentration.

0 ~1February "contact" problem

For a baby, mother and herself are inseparable, they are one. He/she has no direct significance to his/her environment. At this stage, his/her sense of security depends on two things. First, it is relatively predictable: his/her life is calibrated and rhythmic, and there are no accidents at all ―― caressing, washing, sleeping and eating are all repeated in an orderly way, and there is not much change ―― this routine makes him/her trust in the people who take care of himself; The second is the coordination of interpersonal relationships: parents' emotions, actions and expressions on their faces are very coordinated. After receiving these two kinds of information, the baby will feel safe, otherwise it will feel unsafe.

Advocate attitude: security is established through physical contact, such as sight, movement and affectionate words. Always hold the child in your arms and massage him/her, and talk to him/her softly. These are also messages, as if to say to children: "Baby, I love you, there is a place for you in my life, and I take time to take care of you. At this time, I am also a kind of happiness. "

1 ~ 3 years old is between adventure and safety.

Children find that they have the autonomy to act and can go to places and objects they want to explore alone. At this age, self-confidence is based on the ability of parents to accompany him/her to explore.

Parents should do this work in an encouraging and comforting way, alternately saying "Yes, you can do it alone" and "No, you are too young". If parents seem too worried, they will make their children doubt their abilities; If you give your child too much freedom of movement, especially if it ends unexpectedly, it will make your child doubt the ability of parents to provide him/her with a safe environment.

Advocate attitude: Give your child some small tasks, such as letting him/her take a bath, which is the source of your child's personal pride and initiative. 18 months or so is the stage of affirming yourself, and children should try their best to make personal choices. For example, choose between two pairs of shoes, two books and two toys, and so on. By confirming his/her taste, he/she can learn to live as a subject.

The road of individual autonomy for children aged 3 ~ 6

Perhaps the most important thing for children of this age is to go to kindergarten. Children will find themselves a member of a team composed of many people and need to obey another authority besides their parents. Children who have difficulty getting along with their classmates or are not adapted to the rhythm of kindergarten will feel that their parents have the desire and ability to help them and are listened to, understood and supported by their parents. Children reaffirm their trust in their parents, which is also their trust in themselves. At the age of 3 ~ 4, children begin to yearn for their own time, and there are no parents around them. This is not only to release pressure, but also to regain your own space. A child who knows how to alternate lonely moments with interpersonal communication will grow into an independent adult in the future. He/she will know how to listen to his/her desires and satisfy them, say "no" without guilt, and draw all confidence from internal resources.

Advocacy attitude: in order to capture the information sent by children (about his/her interpersonal relationship, his/her life in kindergarten, his/her fears and doubts, etc.). It is necessary to listen warily without disturbing them. It is also at this age that he/she will show his/her creativity by drawing or making some objects and things and giving them to his/her parents for evaluation. Excessive praise will make him/her doubt his/her parents' judgment and disturb his/her self-evaluation. Similarly, frequent criticism and autocratic suggestions ("You should draw this or that") will make children please their parents more than they like, and will also make him/her doubt his/her ability.

Views of others aged 6 ~ 1o

Parents are no longer the only mirrors and landmarks for children. He/she will also be evaluated by classmates and deducted by teachers. Children must know their own abilities and weaknesses and find their place in the relationship with others. If children are too protected by their parents or too "laissez-faire", they will be afraid of the outside world and social life. Getting a low score in school is just an opportunity for parents to understand the root causes of their children's mistakes in behavior or understanding. A parent who believes that "mistakes make people progress" will not make children doubt their abilities, but will make them more responsible for their studies. At this age, friendship is extremely fragile, and the phenomenon of excluding others is very common. Whether children can survive these crises depends largely on their parents' ability to distinguish between "support" and "interference".

Advocacy attitude: It is most appropriate to pay attention and listen attentively. Let children express the causes of various emotions, which will help children strengthen their inner security. Adults should always support their children and give them enough space to say "I". On the contrary, directly telling him/her how to deal with interpersonal relationships ("you should be more determined") or letting him/her deal with "your own life" ("solve this problem by yourself") may make children doubt themselves.

10 ~ 13 years old "own scale"

Stop being a child and become a teenager/girl. French sociologist Francois? De? Singley called this age group "adolescent newborns". He/she will pay special attention to the evaluation of his/her classmates and whether he/she is well integrated into the group and start to keep a certain distance from his/her parents. Styles of clothes began to appear. The arrival of adolescence and the feeling of the first love turmoil have changed the way children look at themselves and their parents. I am worried about disappointing my parents' expectations, being wary of their criticism and trying to prove my autonomy to them. If parents leave him/her a free and directional space and let him/her play his/her own scale, then it will be easier for children to be psychologically and physically independent.

Advocacy attitude: It's time for children to manage their pocket money, and clearly tell him/her (through a third person if necessary) about the physical and psychological changes brought about by adolescence. Similarly, at this age, children can also be given some housework (such as cleaning the room and buying some small things, etc.) ), on the one hand, let children know their importance, on the other hand, let children know their ability to take responsibility. These are the two cornerstones of self-confidence.

A mother's deep love and intimate physical contact with her children are the key to establishing the basic emotional connection between mother and child. Mother's eyes, mother's voice, mother's heart, mother's touch and pat are all bridges between mother and child. It is with this primitive and basic emotional communication that children can show their love for all mankind and establish their own sound personality foundation.

Children may be a sign of insecurity:

1. When grandparents or nannies take care of their children, the children are especially good. Once they saw their mother, they clung to her, crying in front of her and not letting her leave.

2. Children love conflicts with the children around them. As long as there is a slight attempt, they will punch each other. If their mother persuades them, he will express "protest" by "attacking" his mother or caring for her.

3. Children are lively and cheerful when playing with children, but when they see the teacher in kindergarten, they dare not look up at the teacher, and their little hands keep swinging and look nervous.

When raising children, we all hope that our children are not only healthy and smart, but also mentally sound. So, how can we make children mentally healthy? Psychologists have confirmed that letting children feel the unconditional love of their mothers and helping them establish a safe attachment are the core of helping children establish a sound psychology.

I believe that no mother will not love her children, but not every mother knows what kind of love her children need and how to give them the right love. Mothers may be confused, they give their children meticulous love, but the problems listed above always appear on their children. Therefore, today I will talk about the importance of "love" and "security" to the healthy personality development of children, and then discuss with the parents present what kind of love our children need.