Let’s talk about “gossip”

? When I was growing up, many rules and regulations about "gossip" were formed in my mind, and of course there were more negative ones. For example, "Don't gossip about others behind their backs", "Don't be a talkative woman who makes things worse", "Don't waste time talking nonsense all day long"... I always have a critical attitude towards "talking about gossip" and will subconsciously avoid it. . One obvious consequence is that I am not good at communicating in interpersonal interactions. The content of my chats is poor, and I often fall into having nothing to say. I also lack a sense of humor when communicating with others.

After searching on Baidu, it turns out that the other names of "chat" are "gossip" and "talk about the mountains". It always feels better to evaluate someone as "good at chatting" than to evaluate someone as "good at gossip". The essence is the same. of. So what is gossip? Simply put, it is a discussion of people and things that appear in our daily lives. Philosopher Julian Baggini says that gossip is "the moral evaluation of others, examining their actions and discussing whether their actions were good or bad, right or wrong."

? Gossip can sometimes become very malicious, for example, "A lot of words make a fortune, but accumulation destroys bones." But scientists tell us that gossip also has its own unique social value. It acts like glue to stabilize our social circles.

1. The emergence of gossip

? Frank T. McAndrew, a psychology professor at Knox College in the United States, believes that "gossip" is not a product of popular culture, but an ancient phenomenon. Yes. Frank pointed out that gossip and gossip are tools to maintain communication and stability within the group and promote group stability and prosperity.

The ancestors of the Stone Age lived in the form of tribes. On the one hand, they had to cooperate with each other and go out hunting to defend against foreign enemies; on the other hand, there was also competition among tribe members for power. In a cruel living environment, one of the means to ensure survival and development is to master information about companions and enemies, so as to better fight against unknown risks and obtain resources.

? In the evolutionary process of natural selection, people who are interested in gossip win over and eliminate those who are not interested in gossip. Today’s human beings are almost born with the gossip gene.

2. The physiological satisfaction of gossiping

? Chatting and eating chocolate can make people happy because they stimulate the secretion of endorphins in the brain. Endorphin is a morphine-like biochemical substance released by the human brain. It has anesthetic and stimulating effects, so it is often called the "opiate" naturally produced by the human body. It is used to help reduce stress, analgesia, and at the same time Gives people a feeling of happiness and joy.

? Appropriate gossiping can relieve psychological stress and is beneficial to physical and mental health. Psychologist Dr. Baker has discovered through extensive research that when gossiping about others and watching entertainment news, people's brain cells will be actively mobilized, stimulating the brain to secrete endorphins.

3. Social interaction needs of gossiping

? Contact between people is divided into different levels and distances. Chatting and gossiping is right in the middle level and is a quite safe way of contact. You don’t have to expose yourself too much or be very intimate. You can promote the relationship between the two parties by sharing third-party information to satisfy people’s certain psychological needs.

? First, create topics and add intimacy. Anthropologist Christopher Behm proposed that "small talk" is a way to promote group unity. Sharing news with each other shows that everyone is in the same "circle" and creates the same topic for two seemingly unrelated people. It is conducive to shortening the distance between people, and can also form a kind of "psychological contract" to encourage everyone to become friends.

? Second, relax and release stress. Research from the University of Michigan found that people who gossip often have significantly higher happiness scores than those who are silent. In the face of life's pressures and setbacks, expressing dissatisfaction and complaints appropriately can release negative emotions and relieve inner anxiety.

Gossip is also a kind of language expression that does not need to pay attention to logic. Unlike making a report, there is no need to be responsible and there is no burden of thinking.

? Third, find a sense of superiority. The essence of gossip is "I know this, but you don't." Hidden behind it is the gossiper's sense of superiority. Gaining a sense of superiority will stimulate the gossiper to gossip endlessly.

? Fourth, take pleasure in misfortune and enhance self-identity. Scholar Van Dyke believes that "when self-esteem is weak, people will do their best to please themselves, and they will take pleasure in someone else's misfortune." The gloating psychology of gossip is one of the behaviors people have when they feel "threatened" by others. A kind of self-affirmation, thereby alleviating one's own feelings of envy or jealousy and increasing one's positive evaluation of oneself.

? Fifth, subconsciously we all long for others to experience pain on our behalf. Psychologist John Mendel believes that people subconsciously desire to have others experience pain on their behalf, and that people who pay attention to scandals and negative news are also to realize this desire to some extent. When many people get together and gossiping becomes a collective behavior, individual guilt also diminishes.

? I am very grateful to my two best friends, because from getting along with them for a long time, I discovered my limitations in interpersonal communication. Part of the reason is that I don’t know how to chat, and then I realize that there is something wrong with my belief. They are all very good at chatting. When the three of us are together, we talk about ourselves, about love and marriage, about the entertainment industry, about the office... From all over the world, there are all kinds of literature and art, and we can always have a great time chatting. In interpersonal interactions, the two of them can always integrate quickly and have many friends. Psychologist Robin Dunbar believes that "gossip" is a kind of social intelligence, and being good at gossip is a manifestation of "high emotional intelligence". Most of the gossip is "privacy" that people don't want to be exposed. Being able to find out these can prove the gossiper's popularity and communication skills, and add points to his personal charm.