Do children have problems with their classmates at school? She solved the problem steadily with clever skills.

Author | A Deer with Happy Wings Student

Coordinates | Yancheng Jiangsu

0 1. The teacher's interview is very annoying.

On the road of children's growth, we will always encounter all kinds of troubles. No, another tricky thing happened.

This afternoon, when I went to school to pick up my children, the teacher took me aside and asked me to stay and said that I wanted to talk to me later.

While waiting for the teacher, I saw a red bar on the right side of the child's nose, and I thought to myself, I guess there is a conflict with the child.

At this time, the teacher came to me in a hurry and said, "In the morning, a classmate built a building block, and your child knocked over the building block that the classmate had just built."

I thought it was normal for children to fight, so I said, "That may be a bit contradictory." I pointed to the child's nose. "You see, my child's nose has also been scratched, and it is normal for classmates to bump into it."

"But the child's nails may need to be cut! You can remind his parents to avoid scratching other children. "

When the teacher saw me say this, she answered me affirmatively: "I didn't catch it." We usually trim our children's nails. "

I want to know, "What happened to that child's nose?"

The teacher prevaricated and didn't say what the reason was, but emphasized to me that children always take the initiative to disturb other children.

I echoed the teacher and told the children to get along well with each other.

As we talked, we walked to the school gate. This walk, the teacher said a lot. The child was a little impatient and grabbed my hand and urged, "Mom, let's go home quickly!" " Let's go "

I said to him a little angrily, "The teacher is talking to you! We won't leave until the teacher has finished. It is wrong for you to overthrow your classmates' building blocks. We should be more serious! "

Many parents and children gather at the school gate after school. There are too many people. I dragged the child to my side, and then he shouted angrily, "You let go, you let go!" " "

His voice is a little loud, and the parents around him have cast strange eyes. I suddenly felt a little embarrassed and wanted to leave quickly, so I said goodbye to the teacher.

On the way home, I think he not only knocked over his classmates' building blocks, but also had a very bad attitude. He was clamoring to leave at the school gate just now, so I didn't pay much attention to him all the way.

I was a little angry and decided to calm down first, because I was afraid that I would lose control of my emotions and scold him loudly.

The child didn't notice that I ignored him and kept sitting next to me talking. When I heard him say that there was a nosebleed today, my perceptual brain suddenly returned to reason!

I'm a little shocked! But the first feeling is that the child is lying to avoid the problem, because if there is a nosebleed, why didn't the teacher mention such a serious thing just now?

I quickly asked the child some details, and he could tell the details, even the blood flowing out of his right nostril.

Seeing the red mark on the right side of the nose, I asked the child lovingly, "Why is it bleeding?"

The child frowned and said with grievances: "It was a classmate who smashed it with building blocks! Later, the teacher came to get a paper towel to help me block my nose. "

I nodded to show my understanding, knowing in my heart that what the child said was true. He is too young to tell a lie.

But on second thought, my mood is more complicated. I care about my children, and I blame the teacher for not telling me the truth. I even think she is biased against my children.

After school, I asked her what happened to her child's nose. She didn't say why, and she didn't mention nosebleeds at all. I think it is necessary to communicate with her now.

02. Six keys, "open the door" in turn.

When I got home, I was still a little excited, but there was a strong voice in my heart telling me that an emotional brain could not handle the problem! If you want to handle things well, you need to handle your emotions first.

After calming down, I decided to try to analyze this matter with the "six keys" in "Upgrading Psychological Age" and then solve it myself.

Boundary:

The child is naughty at school, which is his own business. The child is still in childhood, and he doesn't know some rules of kindergarten, and he doesn't know much about how to get along with children. When things happen, I need to ask the ins and outs of things clearly and then give appropriate guidance.

I want to do what I can, not tell the truth and scold the children.

Global:

The children are in a good mood after school. Recently, they also like to go to kindergarten. They often tell me which children they like to play with and get along well with them. It is normal for children to have conflicts once or twice occasionally, and their performance in school cannot be completely denied.

I hope that through the handling of this matter, children can better adapt to the interaction with children.

Order:

Deal with emotions first, then deal with problems. I need to communicate with the teacher and express positively. I also hope that the teacher can get rid of the solidified impression of my child, look at his advantages, affirm him, encourage him and accept his imperfections.

Accept:

All unhappiness stems from not accepting it. Accept the child's true state and get rid of the ideal child with a score of 100.

My child is naughty. They usually like to touch their children's faces, pull their hats and hug them warmly, but sometimes if they don't master the strength well, people will mistakenly think that they are attacking others.

We need to master the age characteristics and personality of children in childhood with teachers and make corresponding guidance.

Sometimes, what children do really depends on how adults guide them. When he does something positive and enthusiastic, he shouldn't just say "no" to him, otherwise he will find it more fun and turn against us. Only desalination is effective and feasible.

Goal:

Everything has two sides, just like the two sides of a coin. We need to see more advantages of children and foster strengths and avoid weaknesses.

My children are smart, lively, helpful and love to make friends, but sometimes they are a little too much.

After calming down, I patiently asked the child, "Why did you knock down your classmate's building blocks?"

The child explained slowly: "The children are going to play outdoors, and the teacher said that the building blocks should be stored first."

I suddenly felt guilty. It turned out that the child's original intention was to help his classmates collect building blocks first, and then go out to play together, but both the teacher and I thought it was him who wanted to be naughty again.

We didn't understand the reason, so we talked to him at the school gate, which really made us feel a little ashamed.

I shouldn't be prejudiced against the teacher. After all, there are so many children in the class that it is reasonable for the teacher to take care of them for a while.

Later, I called the teacher to ask about the situation. Is there really a nosebleed? The teacher said it was normal for children to have nosebleeds. This is a small problem. If it is a big problem, they will be dealt with by the school doctor.

It pains me to hear her understatement. Nosebleed is more important than knocking down building blocks.

Besides, the teacher didn't tell me this situation in time. If the child didn't say it was a building block, I really thought it was scratched.

Of course, I can also understand the teacher's idea, roll with the punches, roll with the punches, and don't create conflicts between classmates.

Thought of here, I will not entangle the teacher's practice, and my heart will be relieved. I didn't argue with the teacher, but started from the overall situation. After all, children still need the care of teachers in kindergarten.

After that, I sent a long short message, which roughly told the story and positively expressed my inner hope.

First of all, I affirmed the teacher's hard work and thanked her for her long-term concern for the children. Then I told the truth, the child is really naughty. I hope the teacher can accept the imperfection of the child, and some of his behavior habits need to be corrected slowly.

I also hope that the teacher can talk about what happened in school in the future. For example, this kind of nostril bleeding may be caused by external forces, and our parents can observe and deal with it in time after they know the truth.

In addition, children are highly malleable. I hope the teacher will not label him easily, see more advantages of the child and give positive guidance and feedback when he does something wrong.

Later, the teacher also replied to me: "Thank you for reminding me. I will learn to do it and learn more about parenting experience in the future. "

I think: after such a thing happened, children can't express themselves well. As a mother, it is necessary for me to stand up and help my child change the teacher's view of him and establish his image in the teacher's mind.

03. Be reasonable and express positively

I had a heart-to-heart conversation with my child. First, I affirmed his motivation to help his classmates collect building blocks together and then play outdoors.

I asked him a heuristic question: "You are a helpful child, but you need to discuss this matter with your classmates in advance." If you ask others for permission and clean up with him, your classmates will not hit you with building blocks again. "

"But, if your hard-drawn drawings or new building blocks are destroyed by others, will you be sad?"

My son nodded, and I then patiently said, "So, my classmate thought you were going to ruin his work, so he hit you with a building block." You see that your nostrils are bleeding, and your mother is very distressed. However, do you think it's right for students to hit people with building blocks? "

The child shook his head and said, "No!"

I slowly guided him: "If someone offends you, you can't solve it by force, but tell him in words. You see, the little rabbit bear in the cartoon accidentally knocked down someone else's building block. How did he do it? "

The child didn't even think about it, and quickly replied: "Apologize first, and then help him set it up together!" "

I quickly confirmed his statement: "Great! Mom hopes that you can get along well with the children in kindergarten and protect yourself from hurting others when there are contradictions. "

"We can't take the initiative to hit others, but if someone hits you, you should tell him sternly that you are hurting me. You're not doing this right! You can also ask the teacher for help at any time. "

On Friday afternoon, Teacher Liu sent a text message saying that the child was worried that she would be tired when she was tidying the quilt at school alone. She helped her to tidy the quilt of the child and praised the child for being warm-hearted. I'm very happy to hear that.

The image of the child in the teacher's mind is changing bit by bit, and my efforts have not been in vain.

It is not terrible to encounter problems on the road of children's growth. The key is that parents can take problems as resources, study more, think more, and practice with the six keys in Improving Psychological Age. In the long run, you can also firmly grasp children in various situations.

Do you feel guilty when you find out that you are wrong about your children?

Talk to Happy Jun.

Editor/Hu Danlei, Doudou

Typesetting/Hu Danlei

Picture /Pixabay