These three things must not be done on the day you find out that your husband is cheating.

These three things must not be done on the day you find out that your husband is cheating.

What would you do if you found a man cheating on you on the first day? Is it a showdown right away, or a 300-round contest with men, or a direct decision to divorce ... There are three things to be widely announced today, reminding everyone not to do it! Xiao Zhang has been a full-time housewife for five years after marriage, and her husband has been doing business. These years are getting smoother and smoother. Work is getting busier and busier, and the frequency of men leaving home for business trips is getting higher and higher. Although the two have been away for a long time, the relationship between husband and wife has always been inseparable.

But since last year, every time my husband came back from a business trip, his interest was not high. It's not good to find fault with Xiao Zhang and dislike her. That's not good either. Sisters are considerate of their husbands' hard work and still take good care of them. It was a short message from a strange woman that really found her husband cheating. "You must be * * *' s wife, and I am his girlfriend. "Xiao Zhang was shocked and dialed the telephone immediately." Who are you? " Xiao Zhang asked. Then came a gentle woman's voice: "I'm pregnant. Let's divorce. "

Xiao Zhang behind him suddenly broke out in a cold sweat, and his voice trembled and asked about the situation. At the same time, the anger in his heart is growing. It turned out that her husband had found a little wife abroad, even gave birth to children, and he always promised San Xiao to divorce his wife. This explosive news made Xiao Zhang heartbroken. She looked down at the second child in her belly. It was only four months, and tears immediately flowed out ... Xiao Zhang, who was already in a mess, was distracted at the moment. She called her parents and cried loudly that her husband was having an affair and had an illegitimate child.

Xiao Zhang married far away, and his parents who were far away were so anxious that they didn't know how to comfort him. Soon, after her husband came back in the evening, Xiao Zhang spread his cards and his affair was spread to his in-laws by his parents. In-laws scolded her, and the man apologized for Xiao Zhang's forgiveness, saying that he had long planned to break it, and the child had to be aborted by a woman. Anyway, she didn't listen and went home. At this moment, Xiao Zhang is venting his dissatisfaction and grievances, complaining about his shamelessness, pouring out all the ugly words to him, and throwing the word "divorce" directly when he is emotional!

She can't stand the child's father being so dirty, and Xiao Zhang feels ashamed to continue living with him. That night, Xiao Zhang thought about it and stayed up all night. On the second day of D, her emotions began to recur. Want a divorce? How can I live alone with two children in the future? Is that how I make room for my mistress? The more I think about it, the more unwilling I am, and the more I think about it, the more I dare not give up. After the showdown that night was fruitless, the relationship between Xiao Zhang and her husband was different.

Xiao Zhang never mentioned the divorce again. She recalled her feelings with her husband for many years and began to feel sad. She tried to ease the relationship between them, but the man's attitude was hot and cold, and he didn't give Xiao Zhang very enthusiastic feedback. In addition to indifference, the man accused Xiao Zhang of telling his parents why they were so old and their health was affected. Xiao Zhang was angry at the abuse of the man and Xiao San, and was indifferent to the man, but he was actually afraid of her husband's departure.

After a while, Xiao Zhang found that the man was still in contact with Xiao San. Under questioning, the man said: I am dealing with it, don't intervene. Xiao Zhang didn't dare to act rashly as before, and asked someone to tear up Xiao San, but seeing that Xiao San's stomach was getting bigger and bigger, she began to sleep like an ant on hot bricks.

Then, through this case, let's talk about what we can't do at the beginning of the derailment. One: showdown without preparation, wasting gold. Once, a female friend told me the experience of being a mistress. Although at first it was Xiao San who thought of breaking up after learning that a man had a wife, his feelings had already bred and he could not break off the relationship quickly. But the guilt of the original match has been bothering her until one day, she received a phone call, which was the original match. The other party scolded her with all the dirty words. She didn't answer a word, but after the phone hung up, "the guilt magically disappeared."

Although her relationship with that man still broke down, I am curious about the experience of the mysterious disappearance of guilt. Later, it was discovered that when people did something wrong, they actually hoped to be punished. Just like sometimes a child does something wrong, he will take the initiative to say to his parents, "You scold me, and I will feel better if you scold me a few words." Because after doing something wrong, social morality, which has long been internalized as a personal judgment standard, will torture the individual's mind.

At the same time, our simple view of justice believes that mistakes will be punished and paid. That is to say, once an individual who has made a mistake thinks that he has been punished, his inner disorder will disappear, his mind will no longer suffer, and he will no longer have the consciousness of compensating the other party. Take a man for example, even if he keeps his mouth shut, he knows that he has made a mistake. He knew in his heart that he would face a storm and was prepared to pay the price, but the price should not be too high.

If his wife, like Xiao Zhang, used up all the dirty words after she found out and mobilized all her relatives to judge and blame him morally, then he would think that he had paid the price for the negative emotions brought by this venting. Just as some sisters don't admit to slapping a man during the showdown, the man will think that these slaps are enough to pay off the derailed debt. Then I heard the sentence: "almost, it will be your fault to make trouble again." But this price can't stop a man from cheating again, and it's not good for his wife. How can the marital property agreement be fragrant?

Smart wives are: don't cry, don't make trouble, don't complain, don't blame, make men feel guilty, continue to pay for themselves, and seize the time to let men sign marital property agreements or transfer pre-marital interests. This is a good window to grasp the interests. Some people say, "What do we need welfare for?" If a man doesn't come back and doesn't love me, it doesn't matter how much I want! ""this is not to push him out? He said, what should I do for the money? " "He still has hope of coming back. If I ask for money, won't there be a gap between my feelings in the future? "No, please remember: a man's infidelity is a heavy blow to intimacy.

The premise of what you do is whether I want to stay in the marriage or not, not how I want to pull him back. The former is based on the fact that you are an independent person and can leave marriage at any time, while the latter is based on the fact that you are a parasite in marriage and cannot leave marriage. If you are a parasite, you are not qualified to talk to him about equality and loyalty. You can't even punish him for doing something wrong. You don't get respect at all. If you are an independent person, you can leave him at any time, or draw him with interests. What do you want to do?

As I said, marriage is ours, not ours. Therefore, when he betrays us and hurts us, what we have to do is to plan our own future, and interests are our great backing and guarantee; He, no, doesn't take advantage at this time. When his guilt period is over, he won't make a profit easily, and he will even come to calculate us with Xiao San. After all, from a legal point of view, if it is time to sue for divorce, he can claim 55 points of marital property, and he will leave home cleanly, with no intention of cheating at all.

Two: I didn't dare to talk about divorce first, and I played a good hand at random. After Xiao Zhang discovered this, he called his parents who were far away from home for the first time. My parents were anxious but didn't know how to comfort them, so they told their parents-in-law. When my in-laws found out, they scolded my son. After the husband came back, the wife also vented her anger and opened her mouth to divorce, but later regretted it. This led to Xiao Zhang's showdown in advance. The man found that she was a paper tiger and dared not divorce, so he dared to continue to associate with Xiao San unscrupulously, turned a blind eye to Xiao Zhang's injury and accused her of not telling her parents.

Xiao Zhang's whole process can be said to be disorganized, and he never thought about what he wanted. Vent when your emotions come, and go back on your word if you can't leave. After being buried, it is easy to be dealt with by men, without repentance or compensation. The correct way is to know that your purpose is interest first, and then judge whether to divorce according to your own interests and your own situation. There are still a few cards to play in your hand to ensure that you achieve your goal.

For example, for Xiao Zhang, from the perspective of economic ability, it may be difficult for her to get a better job after being a housewife for many years: from the perspective of personal ability, she still has a four-month-old fetus in her belly, which is when she is very weak and should not fight; From the side support, Xiao Zhang's parents are far away from home and have no family support. Judging from the external threat, D 3 is also pregnant, even if it is decided, it is necessary to break the money and eliminate disasters. Therefore, obviously, it is a good choice not to divorce at this stage and let men and their families help her through the difficulties of having children.

Of course, she also considered not having a second child, but after four months of fetal movement, Xiao Zhang could not bear to have children. The price of staying is that she has to deal with a man for at least three years before she can compete with him. After all, she still lacks money and social viability. Only when Xiao Zhang has the ability to leave a man can he be qualified to talk about morality, respect and being single. So Xiao Zhang changed his original strategy. He didn't quarrel or divorce, but he could only wait to see the women outside eager to reach the top.

At the same time, he is cold to men and cajoles him into paying for his family. On the surface, his relationship with men seems to be getting better and better. And this move also makes Xiaosan more anxious. He kept playing bitter dramas with men and harassing Xiao Zhang. Before, he sent her sweet words with men and even tried to stimulate Xiao Zhang with humiliating words. Under the constant beating of my sisters and me, Xiao Zhang has never been influenced by the disgusting things of Xiao San again, and he is getting more and more handy on the road of using men to pay for himself.

Three: if you corner him, he can break the jar and fall. Xiao Zhang was humiliated+told both parents+asked for a divorce, and all the cards in his hand were played at once. Men think she will break the pot and fall, leaving no way out. If a man thinks this marriage is hopeless at this time, no matter how coaxed, he will have the idea of "in that case, it is better to start all over again". Xiao Zhang obviously didn't have the conditions for divorce at first, but her self-esteem didn't allow her to bow her head, so she didn't want to pull her face down and say good things to men.

Then there will be a deadlock at this time. Men feel suffocated at home and go out. Women think men should keep a guilty attitude. This kind of pulling will only make the relationship collapse more and more, leaving less room for Xiao Zhang to maneuver. After all, Xiao Zhang has a second child, and her independence and divorce need time and energy to accumulate. She must get a man to pay for herself now, or she can't even get a second child. What are we going to do? Do we really have to bow to men? Just as we are reluctant to part with our parents, isn't it because of their love? When my mother died, the feeling of longing for pain was that the people who loved me in the world were gone.

In reality, not many men are overbearing presidents who like "rebellious girls" and will not be interested and competitive because women don't love him. In fact, most men only like women who have given them hints, so your "love" for him should be the "hook" you want him to do. You know, there is a woman behind him who can always give him advice and protect his property so that they can have enough assets in the future.

If you want a divorce, you can say, "That's because you love him too much. This makes it impossible for you to face him again and completely distance yourself from him. After a year and a half, the possibility of recombination is not ruled out. " You tell him sincerely, "You can't fall in love with others in this life. Even if you don't get back together, you will take your child wholeheartedly for a lifetime. "

If you don't want a divorce, you can say, "You love him too much and don't want to leave, but this incident has really shattered your sense of security. You urgently need some proof that he still loves you, such as the marital property agreement. " The gesture you need to make is: I love you, but I am hurt by you. I love you, but what you did made me miserable. Only in this way can we strengthen each other's guilt and make him have a strong desire to make up for you.

After discovering the man's infidelity, although everyone knows to be calm and rational, we still have to keep our property and consider it comprehensively. Don't trust love too much, and you can't face the upside-down family.