How do parents educate children who lie better?

Many parents lie to their children, which is an emotion of "hating iron and not producing steel". My mother once told me that she was not afraid of children being lazy or stupid, and she was afraid of children cheating.

Some parents even think that children should be severely punished for cheating, otherwise they will cheat when they are young and grow up?

In fact, there is nothing wrong with thinking this way. If children learn to lie when they are young, they will be more likely to lie when they grow up and be dishonest when they are young. Such a child must learn a good lesson.

However, in the face of a lying child, if we just beat and scold, we will soon find that the more we beat and scold, the worse the effect, and the child's lies will never be changed, which often makes us flinch and don't know what to do.

Is lying really hard to change?

Are children who lie when they are young necessarily bad people when they grow up?

Today we will talk about how to treat children's lies and how to deal with them. The effect will be better.

Three understandings of lying should first reassure parents: a child who loves to lie is inevitable in his growth, but this does not mean that the child will "get worse" in the future.

When the child crossed the "devil's two years old" and realized that he had become an independent individual different from his mother, he began to lie consciously or unconsciously.

A survey on the probability of children lying shows that the proportion of children lying has increased year by year since they were about two years old. The proportion of children lying is 30% at the age of two and 50% at the age of three. By the age of four, almost all the children had lied.

When a child realizes that he is different from his mother, he will like this feeling very much and he will try to do something to prove himself.

For example, he will say "no, don't" loudly when facing his mother's request.

He will be very happy to play hide-and-seek, and he will be very happy if his mother really can't find it or pretends not to see it and looks particularly anxious.

He will find that he knows something that his parents don't know, and he won't tell his mother, such as "I ate cookies in the cupboard, and my mother doesn't know", which also makes him feel very interesting.

This kind of thing is deceptive in the eyes of adults, and children have no such consciousness.

Secondly, they are all called lies, but they are actually different. Generally speaking, they can be divided into three types:

1. Lying driven by imagination and creativity is carried out by making up stories.

For example, I went home by plane, and even though my parents corrected "You went home by car", the child still insisted on this statement. Parents should pay attention to such lies so as not to dampen their imagination and creativity.

2. Lying for fear of being punished or getting something.

For example, "I didn't break the cup, it was my grandfather." "My mother promised me to go to the playground tomorrow." This kind of words is a lie that children tell in order to escape punishment and meet their needs.

3. The third kind of lies is very harmful, which is often manifested in the way children learn and imitate their parents.

This practice often appears constantly, and it will destroy children's mental health for a long time. This is the most difficult way to deal with it, and it also requires patience.

Finally, parents' attitudes and practices in the face of lying have a great influence on their children, but it should be noted that if they take the wrong way to deal with it, it may strengthen this behavior, which is not worth the candle.

Some mothers will say, what kind of lies are these? Very troublesome. If you ask me, go up and criticize. His parents' strict attitude will definitely make him afraid to lie next time.

Yes, straightforward, straightforward scolding and even beating, simple and straightforward, good-looking. But often we will find that children who always beat and scold like this not only lie, but even lie more and more.

Therefore, it is necessary for us to distinguish children's behaviors and then do them in a targeted manner in order to achieve results.

Trust me, you don't want to beat and scold the children. If there is an easier and more effective way, would you like to try it?

Liu Yong, a famous writer known as "the light of Chinese", once discussed the problem of children lying. He talked about two important experiments.

In the first experiment, a psychologist asked the teacher to tell the children in kindergarten that an uncle would come in later. He was very nice and lovely. After that, he let the uncle in, circled twice and went out.

Then the teacher asked the children, what about this uncle? It is clear that this uncle only went out for two laps, but the children can say a lot of good things about this uncle.

Another opposite experiment is to let the teacher tell the children that the uncle who comes in behind is a bad person, so be careful! Then the uncle came in, walked twice and went out again. How about asking that uncle again? I don't believe the children can tell this uncle what's wrong here and what's wrong there.

How can a child be like this? This is because they first received the teacher's hint, and then in order to cater to the teacher, they used their imagination to say things that were not in line with the facts, that is, lied.

In the second experiment, kindergarten children were given biscuits, two white biscuits and two black biscuits. After the child ate one, the adult asked which one was delicious. The child said it was delicious, and the adult took the rest of the white biscuits away.

Do the same experiment the next day, this time the black one tastes better. Adults ask children the same question, and children honestly answer that black is delicious. The adults took the black biscuits without saying anything.

After repeating this several times, it soon became clear that black is delicious. When adults ask children, they will say that white is better, because they know that if black is delicious, adults will take it away.

So, why do children do this? Is it forced by adults? Take the delicious food away?

The above two experiments are exactly what many parents often do unconsciously, such as telling their children that lying is not a good boy. This is true, but it implies that if your mother says you lie, you are a bad boy. Children are afraid of being called bad children by their mothers, so they will try their best to prove that they don't lie. Refuse to admit mistakes, or admit mistakes is a bad boy.

As a result, parents pushed their children in the opposite direction with their own attitudes.

We always tell our children that they can't lie, but tell their parents honestly that we won't hit you. If children believe it and tell the truth, many parents often beat and scold when they fly into a rage. At this time, they have long forgotten their previous commitments to their children.

Therefore, the harder we try to correct it, the more we seem to push the child in the opposite direction. That's it.

In the face of lying, we are all aware of lying before doing so, so let's talk about how to do it next. This is the key point.

Many parents will be puzzled when they hear that they should not always beat and scold their children: how can they educate their children without beating and cursing? He doesn't listen to advice, and he can't control his emotions when he talks too much.

If you don't criticize, beat and scold, you won't educate your children, right?

If we are often in this embarrassing situation, it shows that we don't have many "weapons" for children to use, and it is easy for children to see that we are "paper tigers". Is there anything more powerful than beating and cursing?

It is also easy for us to stand on the opposite side of children, which is not good for education and harmful to parent-child relationship.

Today we are going to talk about how to face lying. The above situation and spatial relationship can be written in another opportunity, so I won't expand it here.

1, * * * with "lying"

Yes, use your imagination with your children. For example, the child said that I went home by plane, but you corrected it and found that the child still insisted. You can say, what kind of plane is it? What color is that? Come back with who? What did you do along the way?

You are not mistaken. Since he is exerting his imagination and creativity, let's imagine it together and finally praise him. Why are you so good? Here, there is no need to rush to correct and get angry, and this is not a deliberate lie. We don't have to worry.

Of course, this situation is generally common in children before the age of 4.

2. Emotion * * *

Parents easily lose control when they find their children lying. It should be noted here that first of all, we should believe that the child is kind, understand the reasons for his doing so, and give him a chance to explain.

Secondly, the child is furious, scolds him and imposes a heavy truth "judgment": you are a bad boy, a liar and so on. These words are unbearable for the average child, who will feel guilty and insulted, especially in the presence of his parents. Children's reactions are often denial and crying, which are protective reactions.

Finally, give children a chance to make up, which requires us to negotiate with them. For example, it is obvious that he broke the glass himself, so he needs to take part in cleaning it up. Direct contact with glass fragments is dangerous, and he should also help do what he can.

Remember, many lies are children's subconscious self-protection It will be more effective to control our emotions and let children find ways to make up for it.

3. Criticize education

Tell children that lying is wrong. Be an honest boy. I won't scold you if I have a promise. If the child really says it, you must keep your promise.

You can also face this matter with the "cunning" of adults. For example, you said that you were not allowed to eat at noon and didn't tell the truth! Telling mom can reduce the punishment. Finally, the child said honestly that you said there would be no heavy punishment, but there would still be punishment for lying. As long as it is lighter than the original statement, it is considered "lenient".

You can criticize seriously, give your child a frank opportunity and honor your promise, which will help us educate our children from a positive perspective.

4, personally demonstrate in front of the children, parents should not play "double standard" and ask the children to tell the truth. As a result, there are lies outside.

Obviously, your child got 90% in two subjects in the exam, but did poorly in other subjects. When asked by a friend, you said, "You did well in the exam, with 90 points or more in all subjects" to save face. How do you feel when your children listen? Why would mom lie?

Face saving or foundation?

Of course, we can say, "90 in two subjects, and nothing else is good." To tell the truth, children will accept it silently when they see us say this.

You can also say, "I usually get good grades." I did well in two subjects this time. I got 90, but I didn't do well in another subject. It's a pity. " Not only true, but also not shameful. After listening to this, the child learned how to speak well. Has EQ improved?

Write it at the end. Of course, if the above methods don't work for you, just use your old methods, give a good scolding and then calm down. Let him know that doing so will be scolded, and it is not impossible, but don't make things too serious. If the control is too strict, it is easy to strengthen the child's lying.

Because once a child tells a lie and makes a mistake, parents will make a hullabaloo about and criticize it severely, which often makes the child only remember to be more careful next time, and to cover up the lie, he must tell more lies. If this continues, it will continue to strengthen lying. At this time, it is often difficult for children to get rid of the habit of lying immediately. Only by repairing the parent-child relationship and improving communication can we start.

The above is the analysis and practice about children lying. Do you think it is worth it? If so, please leave a message like it or forward it.

I am a father, the father of my 8-year-old daughter, a creator in the field of quality parenting, a family education tutor, an uncle born after 70, a thoughtful parenting education expert, and more parenting education issues can be communicated with me. Make parenting easier and education more effective.