How to improve your eloquence and be fluent in life?

Improving communication skills is nothing more than two aspects: one is to improve the ability to understand others, and the other is to increase the possibility of others understanding themselves. So how can we improve our communication skills? After research, psychologists put forward a general procedure to improve communication ability.

1. General steps

(1) lists the communication situation and communication objects.

This step is simple. Close your eyes and think about the situations where you interact with people, such as school, family, work unit, parties and all kinds of situations where you interact with people every day. Think about who you need to communicate with, such as friends, parents, classmates, spouses, relatives, leaders, neighbors, strangers and so on. The purpose of making a list is to make yourself clear about the scope and object of your communication, so as to improve your communication ability in an all-round way.

(2) Evaluate your communication.

At this step, ask yourself the following questions:

Under what circumstances are you willing to communicate?

Under what circumstances do you feel psychological pressure on communication?

Who would you like to keep in touch with most?

Who do you like to communicate with the least?

Do you always keep happy communication with most people?

Do you often feel that your meaning is not clear?

Do you often misunderstand others and realize that you are wrong afterwards?

Do you keep in touch with your friends often?

Are you often too lazy to write or call people?

……

Answering the above questions objectively and seriously will help you to know who your communication with is the best and who your communication with needs to be improved.

(3) Evaluate your communication style.

In this step, I mainly ask myself the following three questions:

Usually, do you communicate with others actively or passively?

Do you pay attention when communicating with others?

Is the information sufficient when expressing intentions?

The communicative situations of active communicators and passive communicators are often obviously different. Research shows that active communicators are more likely to establish and maintain extensive interpersonal relationships with others, and are more likely to succeed in interpersonal communication.

Maintaining a high degree of attention in communication helps to understand the psychological state of the other party and can better adjust their communication process according to feedback. No one likes talking to people who are always looking around and absent-minded.

When expressing your intentions, you must pay attention to making yourself fully understood. If the information such as words and actions in communication is not sufficient, it will be impossible to express clearly; If there is too much information and redundancy, it will also cause discomfort to the information recipients. The most common example is that you accidentally stepped on someone else's foot, so apologizing is enough to express your apologies. If you continue to say, "I really didn't mean to, and someone squeezed me, I somehow lost my footing ..." This kind of verbosity is disgusting. Therefore, complete information without redundancy is the best way to communicate.

(4) formulate and implement communication plan

Through the first few steps, you will certainly find out where you have shortcomings, so as to determine where to focus on improvement. For example, if the scope of communication is narrow, it is necessary to expand the scope of communication; Ignore contact with friends and need to write and call; If communication initiative is not enough, you need to take the initiative to communicate with others and so on. Make these into a step-by-step communication plan, and then put your own plan into action, which is reflected in the specific little things in life. For example, if you feel that your communication range is narrow and your initiative is not enough, you can stipulate to greet two strangers every week, such as asking for directions and chatting. Don't be shy, no one will make fun of your initiative, on the contrary, the other party may appreciate your courage!

When making and implementing the plan, we should pay attention to the principle of gradual progress, that is, we should not set too high demands on ourselves, lest we fail to achieve our goals and dampen our enthusiasm. After the small requirements are realized and consolidated, they will put forward higher requirements for themselves.

(5) to supervise the plan

This step is crucial. Once the supervision is weak, it may fall short. It is best to supervise yourself, such as recording your own development with diaries and charts, and evaluating and analyzing your feelings.

The implementation of the plan needs confidence, and we must firmly believe that we can succeed. Remember: what a person can do is much more than what he has done and believes he can do.

2. Improve body language communication

We have understood the role of body language in interpersonal communication. However, it is not easy to effectively apply body language to interpersonal communication. This requires us to do two things: one is to understand other people's body language, and the other is to use our own body language properly.

(1) Understand other people's body language

Body language can express more information than oral language, so understanding other people's body language is an important way to understand others. From other people's eyes, expressions, body movements and postures, as well as the spatial distance between them, we can all perceive each other's psychological state. Knowing each other's joys and sorrows, we can adjust our communication behavior in a targeted way. However, to understand other people's body language, we must pay attention to the following questions:

The same body language may have different meanings in people with different personalities.

The same body language may have different meanings on different occasions.

Think from someone else's point of view.

Cultivate their observation ability.

Don't jump to conclusions easily.

The same body language may have different meanings in people with different personalities. A lively and cheerful girl who is willing to communicate with others will use rich body language when communicating with you. She doesn't care much about keeping close to you, and often talks to you with a sweet expression. But this may not have any special significance, because her interaction with others is the same. However, for a quiet and introverted girl, the above information may mean that she has begun to like you.

Similarly, when explaining other people's body language, we should also consider situational factors. Laughter is the same, sometimes it shows kindness, sometimes it shows embarrassment, and sometimes it shows ridicule, which requires us to distinguish.

To understand other people's body language, the most important thing is to consider the problem from the perspective of others. Understand the emotional state of others with your heart, that is, you should pay attention to "empathy" in psychology. When others are indifferent to you, it is probably because the other person has met something unsatisfactory, so don't think that the other person doesn't value you when you see the indifference of others. In fact, this misunderstanding is most likely to occur among young people, and it is also most likely to lead to alienation between friends and lovers. Standing in the perspective of others and thinking for others can make communication more humane and profound.

It should be noted that we should cultivate our keen observation and be good at discovering the true state of each other's hearts from their unconscious gestures and eyes. Don't jump to conclusions For example, people in China like to be polite. When tourists get up and leave, they often try their best to stay. However, many times, these reservations are not sincere. It can be seen from the host's posture that they walk slowly verbally, but they have already assumed the posture of Fujian.

(2) Use your body language properly

The correct use of our body language requires us to do the following:

Always reflect on your body language.

Consciously use body language

Pay attention to the use of body language.

Pay attention to your role and body language.

Pay attention to match words with deeds.

Get rid of bad body language habits

The purpose of introspection is to test whether our previous use of body language is effective, natural and misleading. Knowing this will help us to adjust our body language at any time and make it serve our communication effectively. People who are not good at introspection often have problems. Some girls with cheerful personality are always close to each other in the communication with the opposite sex, which always makes people daydream. A friend of mine once met such a girl, and as a result, this friend fell into unrequited love and got into great trouble. In fact, girls have no special meaning at all. For my friend, he should enhance his understanding of other people's body language and avoid misunderstanding; And that girl should reflect on whether she is always misunderstood. If so, she should pay attention to her behavior. If you don't pay attention to introspection, it may be dangerous.

We may notice that those famous speakers and politicians are very good at using body language with personal characteristics. These distinctive body languages are not innate, but the result of frequent conscious use.

The use of body language must be adapted to one's own role and life situation. Graduates from a famous university in Beijing went to a company to apply. During the interview, the college student who felt good about himself sat on the sofa as soon as he entered the door, crossing his legs and shaking from time to time. If you are at home, this is a normal posture, but in an interview, it is very inappropriate. As a result, the person in charge of the interview didn't even ask half a question, but said politely, "Go back and wait for the news." The end result can be imagined, he lost a good job opportunity.

The significance of changing bad body language is to eliminate bad body language habits that do not help communication but reduce communication efficiency. When talking with people, some people often have the habit of combing their hair and snapping their fingers, and some people also have small gestures such as picking their ears and noses, which will leave a bad impression on others and sometimes make people feel impolite. At the same time, these meaningless body language will distract each other's attention and affect the effect of communication.

Sincerity is a virtue, and words and deeds are the embodiment of sincerity. Inconsistency between oral language and body language will make people feel that you are hypocritical, just like saying that you stay here and your body language has sent you away. You must remember that you can't hide anything. Your eyes have said everything.

Sorry for talking too much. I don't know if you understand.