The Decline of Life Prose

"So busy, I just wither and lose my life day by day under my eyes, and my heart hurts."

"It's okay, Ying Ying, it will come back to life."

"Don't comfort me, I know there is no hope, hey, this pile of green."

My family has a sub-shrub-like vegetation-zebra flower, with fleshy stems, opposite leaves, long oval shape, layered like roof tiles, dark green leaves, pale yellow midvein and lateral veins, obvious color contrast and mottled and lovely leaves. This is one of my favorite flowerpots. This potted flower was given to me by a girl named Jing in June 2007. At first, the girl gave me only seven or eight small leaves. After a few years, it has been thriving and full of vitality, and the green of the potted flowers can always be clicked by tourists. But since February this year, it has faded, withered and lost the green of life day by day before my eyes. I am very distressed. Facing the death of zebra flower, my heart was soaked in a kind of helpless pain, full of self-blame, self-blame for my negligence, self-blame for not knowing the habit of flower, self-blame for intentional or unintentional injury, and self-blame for being an executioner. The word executioner jumped out of my mind and my heart suddenly ached. I became the executioner again.

The scene of being an executioner for the first time is vivid, just like it is in front of you. My ghost is an ordinary watchdog named Black Arrow with three-inch long black curly hair. It is not beautiful or tough, but it is very loyal to its duties. The name of the black arrow was given by my little baby. Probably at that time, my little baby named it because it was dark and fast. At that time, I took my children to work, and I was only at home one day a week. Black Arrow was my husband's idea. He can do nothing and look after this family. Black arrow is not familiar with our mother and son. I've always been afraid to approach it. That winter, the black arrow was used to keep out the cold, and the rations against hunger were always the frozen tofu residue that my husband dropped in the yard. At that time, our life was very poor. Before we moved to our new home, we were spacious. We carried a four-meter-deep backpack in front of the main house and set up a shady room and aisle in front of a five-or six-meter-deep yard. We borrowed a lot of money for this, and I inherited my mother's frugality and housekeeping style, so I am more diligent in housekeeping. Nevertheless, when I go home every week, I will mix food for Black Arrow and give some of our leftovers to Black Arrow. It was 1996, and I moved back to Wuhai from Sandakan. Finally, I stopped commuting. Finally, I can be with my family of three. Finally, I can take good care of Black Arrow and finally cultivate my feelings with Black Arrow. So my husband is often scolded, complained and complained about his malice and unkindness. Black Arrow is very spiritual, with excellent sense of smell and hearing. It can accurately distinguish between family members and strangers, and it will also notify us that someone is coming through different calls. Sometimes we can't hear it when we play wildly in the main room. It will trot all the way through the corridor and yard for 8 meters, run to the eaves of the main room to scrape the window and knock on the glass with its front paws again and again until it catches our attention.

The cuteness of the black arrow accumulates bit by bit between us and it, thickening inch by inch. Unexpectedly, it will give me an unforgettable shock. It was a summer day in 1999, wandering around, very unstable and impatient. My husband and I said, are we going to have a puppy? ! It was a day in July that year, a hot night, and the breeze was blowing gently. I fell asleep at about 2 am. I was awakened by a strange sound and shouted to my husband, get up and go out and have a look. It may be a black arrow. Put on your coat and rush to the yard. I feel helpless when I see the hard-produced black arrow. I hear the heavy breathing of the black arrow, see the gentle eyes of the black arrow, and see the orderly busyness of the black arrow. I witness that the black arrow will safely give birth to a small life, a warm picture of mother and child that can fall everywhere. I took a deep breath, slowly loosened my fist, sweated, and there was a heat flow on my cheeks, because it was tenacious, great, calm and calm, and it was difficult to have that kind of deep shock unless I was there. I witnessed a thrilling scene that night, and I was in awe of the black arrow that night.

However, their happy time was so short, only one month, and their three lives fell in my hands. It was a Saturday morning, and I was used to cleaning again. Clean the cool room, accidentally sweep the lunch box mixed with rat poison out of the cool room, and the black arrow killed him by mistake. Its two children died after eating its milk. I was washing clothes in the yard at that time, and the black arrow was rolling with tears in his eyes. I didn't think it was me at first. I shouted: What happened to Black Arrow? ! I rubbed my hands back and forth with washing powder. I was anxious, but there was nothing I could do. When the child heard my shouting and screaming, he ran out of the house and went through the whole process of the black arrow and its children dying with me. The children kept asking for help and said to me, "Mom, please help them, Mom, don't let them die …" Finally, we saw the black arrow and its two children die in front of us after all kinds of struggles. I was frightened, I shouted, and I cried with the children ... The death of the black arrow was so light and insignificant in the mouth of the neighbor's male host, like a wisp of smoke, but it was so sad, magnificent and painful in my eyes! After that, my children and I buried them in the sand not far from the house, which was the place where my children and I mourned the black arrow later, and we shed a lot of tears there. Later I learned that I was responsible for the death of Black Arrow. I hate myself. I grabbed my hair and cried and scolded myself. The black arrow has also become a deep guilt and anxiety in my heart. We never had a dog again, because we were afraid to plant love again and lose it again.

This time, another murderer was made, not a dog, but a living flower. I felt so distressed that I only felt distressed.

20 10 July 14