Degang Guo's classic jokes and lines.

1, it's not that I don't want to be a lady, it's life that forces me to be a bitch ............ 2. I always feel that the bed is too neat, which will mean a little to spend my old age safely. Well, it's still messy and energetic. ......

3. It doesn't matter if your head is empty. The key is not to get into the water.

4. The geography teacher asked: What are the four oceans? I replied: pleasant goat, beautiful goat, lazy goat, boiling goat.

6. People who like me are good people. Those who don't like me are all bad people. Nobody hates me.

7. I am good-looking, so you should be patient.

If you are willing to die, I am willing to bury it.

Ignoring the law, I would have killed him!

10 This guy robbed the bank and drove up the North Third Ring Road. 5: 30 in the afternoon! When the police arrived, the traffic jam was very serious.

1 1 Your shameless appearance is like my charm.

12? You don't know me? I am an artist! I have been an artist for over a week.

13 Degang Guo: Brother, I hope the world will be peaceful, the people of the world will live and work in peace and contentment, and there will be no war, okay?

God thought about it. Let's tell the truth about this difficulty. I'm not that capable. Really, really, I won't tell you anything else. Can you change it? Let's discuss something else.

When I touch my body, I bring other people's photos. Brother, look at this. This is my other disciples. They look cold and can't find anyone. Please make him beautiful.

God: (thinking) Let's talk about world peace (tearing up photos).

Degang Guo: Hey, why did you tear up the photo, huh? I don't agree. I don't agree. Why tear it? I still keep it to ward off evil spirits!

14 has money at home and drives a Cadillac 13. You can tell from the sound that it is a good machine, imported from Germany, chug chug, oh, triple jump.

At first, half of Beijing was smoking black smoke, and the traffic police shouted at you, Elder Sun, take your magic.

15 From now on, I will never eat lobster again.

16 grenades are expensive. If there are six grenades for one dollar, I'll throw you a hundred dollars first.

17 This young man looks like an actor with his face covered.

18! This plane, like Dafa, has a rocking glass! ..... sitting on a big hat, Li Xia didn't give the newspaper ... Tianjin didn't make a big hat, but they all went to the United States ... and flew to the United States for half a year, adding more than 40,000 oil.

19: We decided that we want to fly in heaven, and one of the two birds wants to be a cauliflower with its wings.

20: Would you like to listen, would you like to listen, or would you like to listen? I will never insist.

2 1: This guy robbed the bank and drove on the North Third Ring Road. 5: 30 in the afternoon! When the police arrived, the traffic jam was very serious.

22: Your shameless appearance is very similar to my charm.

23: Huh? You don't know me? I am an artist! I have been an artist for over a week. I ...

24. Degang Guo: Brother, I hope that the world will be peaceful and the people of the world will live and work in peace and contentment, and there will be no war, okay?

God thought about it. Let's tell the truth about this difficulty. I'm not that easy. Really, brother, I'm not refuting your face. I won't tell you anything else. Can you change it? Let's discuss something else. I brought a photo of Yu Qian when I touched him. Brother, look at this. This is my other disciples. His name is Yu Qian (Jing Li). He looks cold and can't find anyone. Please make him more beautiful.

God: (thinking) Let's talk about world peace (tearing up photos).

Degang Guo: Hey, why did you tear up the photo? I don't agree. I don't agree. Why tear it? I still keep it to ward off evil spirits!

25: If you have money at home, you can drive a 13 Cadillac. You can tell by the sound that it is a good machine, imported from Germany, chug chug. Oh, three jumps.

At first, half of Beijing was smoking black smoke, and the traffic police shouted at you: Elder Sun, take away the divine power.

26: From today on, I will never eat lobster again.

27: If there are six grenades for one dollar, I will throw you one hundred first. If the law didn't care, I would have killed you!

The young man looks like an actor with his face covered.

29: Good! This plane, like Dafa, has a rocking glass! ..... sitting on a big hat, Li Xia didn't give the newspaper ... Tianjin didn't make a big hat, but they all went to the United States ... and flew to the United States for half a year, adding more than 40,000 oil.

30: Guo: What should I do? I'm so rich. I don't know how to spend it Hey? ! Yu Qian, why don't I take care of you?

Will you take care of me? !

Guo: Ah ... no ... No matter how rich we are, we must choose our looks!

3 1, driving is not difficult, but there are new people!

32. I chase Cupid's bow and arrow, and you fly and fly in bulletproof vests!

33. Me Before You, my world is black and white. After knowing you, wow, it's all black.

I feel like two pigs, because one pig can't describe your stupidity.

35. When I love you, you hit me and scold me, but I put up with it. I do not love you anymore. Please touch me again.

36. Today, a customer went to the bank to deposit money. The next sentence makes me dizzy. Hello, I deserve to die.

37, there is a fart, choking the heart. Don't push, exercise.

38. Behind a failed woman, there is always an eventful man.

Uncle 39, how to get to America? Ask the village chief.

You don't need electricity to speak loudly.

4 1 Don't go after the party, go to eat. Whoever goes will pay.

I am a rich man. Today, backstage, I drove here and they all came on foot. The old gentlemen in Tianjin began to leave on Tuesday. But my car has had some problems recently, and the speed is a bit slow. At first, I thought the carburetor was dirty. I won't know until I check. I dropped my pedal.

The traditional crosstalk left by the old man has more than 1000 segments. After years of continuous efforts by our actors, it has basically been lost.

When I arrived at the railway station, there were no tickets left. Thanks to my girlfriend, I found a policeman and asked, do you know where the conductor is? Police: I'm looking for it, too!

You have a good physique. I can see at a glance that you must live to death.

Degang Guo's new paragraph

1, this brain nucleus is as big as a pine nut. When you open the skull, you can cook it in a bowl.

2, the general lock can be opened with a noodle, a bag of instant noodles can be opened.

If you want to eat a hamburger, wrap a piece of paper and open it. Want to eat crabs, uncover them; Want to drink milk, take the steamed bread and pull it. ...

4. Come to heaven, the buildings here are beautiful, and there are signs on both sides of heaven. /kloc-no stalls around 0/00 meters!

There is a frying pan under Cao Yin Bao Guan. The little devils took steel forks and picked up frying pans from people who had just died. One person goes down, two people go down and fry together, and fry in four directions ...

6. Last time I drank too much, I used chopsticks as chicken feet and ate one and a half.

7. Do you know Yu Qian? I don't know! Then you won't often watch the legal system go on.

8. Do they have a family style? If you don't pick things up in the aisle, you'll lose them.

9. Give forty steamed buns and eighty catties of pancakes. There are many ways to fry two copies in this recipe, which is terrible.

10, I threw the shot very far, and the coach said, it doesn't count if people go out!

1 1. We got lost halfway. He took out a bunch of instruments and pointed to the needles in the southeast, northwest and northwest ... I said you were all behind, so we had to take advanced measures and throw shoes.

12, "Dad, I'm hungry!" "Hungry again, didn't you eat last year?"

13, just then, Bush's Bp machine rang, obviously in English.

14, a friend from Taiwan Province province came backstage and took my hand and said, we like your cross talk very much, but it's getting late. We should go. 105 There won't be a car.

15, as soon as I took off my cotton trousers, Teacher Chun came!

16 introduced me to a girlfriend. It's beautiful. Her face looks like a car accident scene.

17, I ordered a shark's fin fried rice, but I couldn't find shark's fin in three pairs of chopsticks. Can you tell me where the shark fin is? The chef said, my name is shark fin.

18, failed to stop his door, failed to stop his lock, it was a bank security lock, and he could pry it open with a celery.

19, you think I dare not stew you. If we had a pot at home, I would have stewed you.

20. If I hadn't hit you, I would have turned against you.

2 1. Do you have a two-foot lobster? Sorry, there is nothing two feet long, only two feet two. What stupid restaurant doesn't even have a two-foot lobster? Eat a plate of shredded potatoes.

22. You don't even like dregs? You forgot your roots!

23, I buy 50 good cars-Alto, Alto, Alto! Get up with a dart and drive like a train!

24, a penny of watermelon, weighed on time.

25, everyone knows! You didn't mention me in the gossip?

26. I haven't eaten for days, and everyone looks like pancakes.

27, take a taxi ... we don't play one piece six, we play one piece two! I don't sit in the front. I have to pay for sitting in the front!

28, people have plasma TV, I also get one, find a friend to save it. As big as a wall, Motorola's brand ... looks empty, and the TV you are watching is not in the service area ... What's the point? This 300 yuan is not wasted.

29. I sell Kaifeng food, and I make it full of foreign flavor. Take the first word of the English letter. Open (take) K, seal (take) F, set (take) C, KFC. I also hung a picture of my grandfather wearing glasses.

30. The sound of music "Dangdang, Dangdang, Dangdang, Dangdang, Dangdang, Dangdang, Dangdang, Dangdang, Dangdang, Dangdang." ..... Zhu Bajie recited his wife's music.

3 1, playing computer with my family and chatting with netizens on SM, I try my best to play myself.

32. Ten years of primary school and twelve years of secondary school. I was named the most familiar face in the school. When the new teacher came, he asked me the inside story of the school. ...

33. Tell me one more. What are you talking about? Say something practical.

Classic jokes popular in Degang Guo.

Degang Guo Classic Collection 1. Sorry, buddy, you're blocking my cell phone signal.

I want the whole world to know that I'm keeping a low profile.

Ouch, are you too busy to go to the bathroom by yourself?

Your stupidity is always so creative.

I didn't intend to go back alive when I came to this world!

6. Children, fools can't be resurrected!

7. Since I got mental derangement, the whole person has been much more energetic.

8. You can't treat me as a holiday just because we have problems.

9. I don't know music, so sometimes it's unreliable and sometimes it's out of tune.

10. Alas ~ If this person has no orthomorphism, even his headache is partial.

1 1. Ahem! Say what you should, and whisper what you shouldn't.

12. How I wish I could grow old with you inadvertently.

13. If you can't tolerate me, it means that you are either too narrow-minded or my personality is too great.

14. Tell me about you. If you don't have a diploma, you should learn to wash your dirty linen. If you are not smart, you should learn to be bald!

15. Look at you. Look at your back. You are in a hurry. You turned your head and scared away a million lions.

16. It occurred to me that day to use your photo as a computer desktop. Damn, I'm infected by a computer virus!

17. Give me a beautiful photo of you at home to ward off evil spirits.

18. As a typical failure, you really succeeded!

19. My heart was broken and I held it out like dumpling stuffing.

I don't even believe in punctuation.

Degang Guo hilarious classic paragraphs recommended.

1. Relax, I'm not a good person.

2. Life is like a super girl, and all the men come to the end.

3. I have something to burn when I die, and little things have to dig graves; Really want me to come down with me, if you touch the line, it is a pure corpse changed!

4. When you go out, there are no birds in a hundred mountains, and there are no footprints in a thousand paths.

Your teeth are like stars in the sky, brightly colored and far apart.

6. The world is bigger than what you lack.

7. No one has blown cowhide so fresh and refined for a long time.

8. Get out of here, get out of here!

9. Don't push me, or I will become great and out of control.

10. How dare you say that you are pure? Look at your eyes, they are muddy.

1 1. What is youth? Who hasn't been young! Are you old? Really.

12. Don't move! Your left brain is full of water and your right brain is full of flour. It is easy to move, and everything is burnt.

13. The mood at work is heavier than going to the grave.

14. Don't call me arrogant, I just refuse to deal with animals.

15. It doesn't matter if your head is empty, the key is not to enter the water.

Degang Guo's popular classic paragraph recommendation.

1. Help if you are in trouble, and help if you are not.

As soon as the girl looked back, she combed four hairs.

3. Walking, hey, there is a question mark in front, and Liu Bei is jumping. Hey, a mushroom came out to eat, and Liu Bei grew taller. Go on, there's another question mark. When you touch it, you spend it. After eating it, Liu Bei raises his hand and toots toots toots toots toots to shoot bullets! Here comes the tortoise with a thorn.

4. What is your name? Ah! What's your name? Stop it! Saying it is a curse!

You know my appetite, and I don't like roast duck. I can't eat any more after eating four, so I said, I really can't eat any more. I have to eat it when I get home later. God, this is so exciting!

6. Listening to cross talk shows that you are patriotic. There is a child near our home who can speak seven or eight foreign languages. What are English, Japanese, Korean, Yugoslav, North Slavic and West Slavic? Anyway, he can sit with Eight-Nation Alliance and curse! Tell him you listen to cross talk. Don't! Don't understand! Ignoring the law, I would have killed him! He can cross talk in a foreign language in July and August, but he doesn't understand!

7. The house we live in is full of holes. It is fatal when it rains: it rains outside the rain house, and it rains outside the rain house. Sometimes it rains so hard that the whole family goes to the yard to take shelter from the rain.

We decided that we want to fly in heaven, and one of the two birds wants to make cauliflower.

9. Do you want to hear, do you want to hear, or do you want to hear? I will never insist.

10. This guy robbed the bank and drove on the North Third Ring Road. 5: 30 in the afternoon! When the police arrived, the traffic jam was very serious.

1 1. Your shameless appearance is like my charm. Huh? You don't know me? I am an artist! I have been an artist for over a week. I ...

12. Degang Guo: Brother, I hope that the world will be peaceful, that the people of the world will live and work in peace and contentment, and there will be no war, okay? God thought about it. Let's tell the truth about this difficulty. I'm not that easy. Really, brother, I'm not refuting your face. I won't tell you anything else. Can you change it? Let's discuss something else. I brought a photo of Yu Qian when I touched him. Brother, look at this. This is my other disciples. His name is Yu Qian (Jing Li). He looks cold and can't find anyone. Please make him more beautiful. God: (thinking) Let's talk about world peace (tearing up the photo) Degang Guo: Hey, why did you tear up the photo? I don't agree. I don't agree. Why tear it? I still keep it to ward off evil spirits!

13. I have money at home and drive a 13 Cadillac. You can tell by the sound that it is a good machine, imported from Germany, chug chug. Oh, three jumps.

14. At first, half of Beijing was smoking black smoke, and the traffic police shouted at you: Elder Sun, put away your magical powers.

15. From today on, I will never eat lobster again.

16. If there are six grenades for one dollar, I'll throw you one hundred dollars first. If the law didn't care, I would have killed you!

17. The young man looks like an actor with his face covered.

Classic lines of Degang Guo crosstalk

Degang Guo: Many people are coming.

Yu Qian: Hey, it's all full today.

Degang Guo: I'd like to introduce the famous crosstalk performer sitting next to me.

Yu Qian: I dare not.

Degang Guo: Donkey money.

Yu Qian: Donkey money! Yu!

Yu:? Yes, sloppy fish.

Yu Qian: Mahu still wants donkeys, so, dry ditch.

Degang Guo: Yu Qian. Crosstalk is really good.

Yu Qian: You flatter me.

Degang Guo: I am very happy to return to my hometown to perform.

Yu Qian: Are you at home?

Degang Guo: I've been playing somewhere else some time ago. Long time no see, I feel very confused.

Yu Qian: Competition? What race are you playing against?

Degang Guo: You don't know what our country is doing these days?

Yu Qian: We are hosting the Olympic Games.

Degang Guo: Yes, isn't the Olympic Games a competition?

Yu Qian: Oh, did you go to see the Olympic Games?

Degang Guo: Look! You don't know me?

Yu Qian: No.

Degang Guo: No culture! Don't you usually read newspapers and TV?

Yu Qian: Look, I didn't notice you. What do you do?

Degang Guo: I-I-I'm embarrassed to say that my career is great for fear of scaring you.

Yu Qian: Don't scare me if you speak boldly.

Degang Guo: Then I really said it.

Yu Qian: You said you said.

Degang Guo: I'm a football player! You said this thing, which reason?

Yu Qian: Oh, you are a football player.

Degang Guo: Why don't I sign it for you?

Yu Qian: No need. You are not Beckham. What's the use of asking for your autograph?

Degang Guo: Really? Don't regret it. When I become famous and a star, I won't need it. You don't even have room for me.

Yu Qian: Then I'll often run to bars, and maybe I'll meet you again.

Degang Guo: Yes, you are familiar with life in our circle. Have you ever played football before?

Yu Qian: Who is it? People all over the country know where to find you. The media reports it every day.

Degang Guo: You don't know, do you? Actually.

I didn't play football before.

Yu Qian: So what do you do?

Degang Guo: After graduating from junior high school, I worked in a bath center.

Yu Qian: Please wait! Does anyone in the bath center want a child like you? The law doesn't allow it.

Degang Guo: Well, I'm not young. I was 2 1 that year.

Yu Qian: You just graduated from junior high school 2 1.

Degang Guo: Well, you started school at the age of seven, with eight years in primary school and six years in junior high school, which is exactly 265,438+0.

Yu Qian: You have been in school for a long time.

Degang Guo: After working in the bath center for a while, I found a problem.

Yu Qian: What's the problem?

Degang Guo: People who come here are very rich.

Yu Qian: That's true. Ordinary people go to bathhouses.

Degang Guo: They all live in buildings and drive cars. How rich they are! When can I be so rich?

Yu Qian: You can also work hard by yourself.

Degang Guo: At the turning point of my life, I met a noble man.

Yu Qian: Who did you meet?

Degang Guo: Your father?

Yu Qian: Does my father go to that place?

Degang Guo: Not only that, but also our distinguished guests. All ladies can order what they want.

Yu Qian: gnome male-",don't say this.

Degang Guo: Yu Qian's father, Wang's father, this old man-

Yu Qian: Wait a minute! My surname is Yu, and my father's surname is Wang.

Degang Guo: Father?

Yu Qian: Which one? Just one!

Degang Guo: Yu Lao. This old man is really a good man.

Yu Qian: Do good people go to that place?

Degang Guo: That night, the old man finished steaming in the sauna and went into the massage room. He pointed at me and said, Degang, Degang, come in and rub it for me.

Yu Qian: Let you pinch?

I also want to know. Is it for a change?

Yu Qian: What a mess!

Degang Guo: When he entered the massage room, he was already lying on the massage chair. I was holding it for him when the old man asked me, Degang, I think you are sad all day. If anything bothers you, tell my brother.

Yu Qian: Brother? What a generation this is!