Send me a photo of my grandfather.

I suddenly dreamed of my grandfather last night. I told him I was lovelorn and cried like a child. Grandpa wiped my tears and caressed my back to comfort me, just like when I was a child. When I was a child, I always told my grandfather at the first time, because grandpa would help me solve the problem and wouldn't just scold me like my parents.

My boyfriend left me resolutely, and I didn't shed a tear. I saw grandpa in my dream, but I couldn't help crying.

When I get up in the morning, I see the world outside the window is white. I was born in the south. It seldom snows so heavily in winter in the south. The snow all over the sky makes me feel alienated and sad.

I don't want to stay at home alone, so I decided to go out and let strangers dilute my homesickness.

Up to the entrance of the Lama Temple, there were no crowds of tourists, probably because of the heavy snow. The Lama Temple is like two worlds inside and outside. Even the snow seems much quieter than outside.

Like a devout monk, I visited every Buddha statue and seemed to have some peace in my heart.

In Fallon Temple, lamas light butter lamps and recite scriptures. I knelt on the futon at the entrance of the hall, folded my hands and kept bowing. I don't know what I should pray for, but I feel inexplicably moved and relieved when I listen to the scripture.

The phone suddenly shook, and when I looked at the number, it was dad. At the other end of the phone, my father's voice was slightly low and my heart was uneasy. Dad choked and said, Grandpa left this morning.

My mind is blank. Although I was psychologically prepared, I couldn't stop crying when I put down the phone. My aunt who was burning incense was frightened when she saw me crying. She repeatedly asked me if I was sick and uncomfortable. I cried with my unknown aunt in my arms: "Grandpa died, and I don't have a grandfather anymore ..."

It turned out that in last night's dream, he came to say goodbye to me.

I want him to hug me again, just like when I was a child. How much I want to hear him say, it's okay, my grandson, with my grandfather.

When I was in primary school, my parents were busy with work, and my grandfather took me to and from school. Children are greedy. On the way after school, I always pester my grandfather to buy mutton kebabs. Grandpa always says it's bad for your health. Don't eat it, but he will buy it for me in the end. He smiled kindly when he looked at the oil dripping from my mouth.

Later, I was able to go to school by myself, and grandpa went back to his hometown. It's only an hour's drive back to my hometown, but I don't go much except in winter and summer vacations. At that time, I always said that I was busy studying. Now that I think about it, it's all an excuse to be lazy.

Every time I go to grandpa's house, he will come out of the house and pick me up on the way. He will buy me pistachios, strawberries, potato chips and many other things I like to eat, no matter how expensive. But he never wants to spend a penny more. He ate the last bite of leftovers and stood in line in the supermarket for several hours early, just to buy promotional eggs.

Grandpa gave everything to the children, but he didn't want to bother them. Even when he urinates blood, he doesn't let his family know. At the worst time, I peed half a basin of blood at a time, but it was only later that we learned.

Grandpa went to the hospital alone. There are no elevators in hospitals in small counties. He dragged his weak body and climbed the stairs step by step. I can cry every time I think about this scene. Grandpa is so ill that he still doesn't want to be a burden to his children and grandma. We wouldn't know that he had bladder cancer if he hadn't been accidentally bumped into by his neighbor. He is afraid of bringing trouble to his family and is unwilling to spend money to see a doctor. He said that he would leave the money to his grandmother for retirement, because her grandmother had no social security and life was not guaranteed.

The last time I saw him, he was skinny, but he was still so optimistic that he didn't want his children to worry. He showed me his ankle and said he didn't know how the edema here was so serious. Poke it and there will be a pit that can't get up for a long time. It was fun. Then he stabbed me seriously. I know it's caused by terminal cancer and the side effects of a lot of drugs. I fought back my tears and pretended to smile and told him that my face was swollen when I got up in the morning, and yours was nothing!

Grandpa said that his greatest wish was to see me get married, but he couldn't wait.

My biggest wish is to take my grandparents abroad to play once after work. Grandpa has never even been out of the province in his life, but he can't wait.

Grandma and grandpa quarreled all their lives, but they never separated. I wonder if there is so-called love between them. At that time, couples were basically organized. Two strangers tied together after three times, five times and two times. Love and not love must look forward. Working, having children, raising children, getting married and taking care of children are busy all their lives. Even without love, they have lived together for decades, and this feeling of mutual ties is far greater than love.

It's a pity that I haven't found love yet, let alone had emotional contact with anyone. It's really hard to get along with another person. It is also my greatest regret in my life that my grandfather didn't see me marry myself.

Grandpa's death made my world empty, and that kind of wayward love will never be there again. I want to be a little girl and let him hold hands. I nibbled at the mutton string, and my mouth was full of oil. He took out his handkerchief and wiped the oil from my mouth.

When I get home, I'm afraid to turn on the light. The photo with grandpa is on the shelf, I dare not look. The whole world is cold, and I sit in the dark and cry loudly.

Children have grown up and have their own troubles in life. In most cases, grandpa can't help. There are occasional conflicts between children, and grandpa never blames right or wrong. Grandpa thinks that life is children's own, and he can't add trouble to them because of his own interference.

Because of this, my aunt has been very critical of my grandfather and thinks he is partial to his son. Facing the cold atmosphere at home, grandpa suffered great loneliness, so he planted a large vegetable garden on the wasteland behind the house. He would rather deal with those fruits and vegetables than disturb the children's lives. His heart is like a mirror, but he tries not to interfere in children's affairs.

Sitting in a cold room, I suddenly feel lonely that I can't communicate. I want to have a good talk with my grandfather. It's a pity that I don't have time to spend with him. I only saw the vegetable garden from a distance, and now I realize the loneliness when he reclaimed that wasteland.

I want to find someone to comfort me, but I don't know who to look for. Everyone in this city is a strange and cold robot. Even if you have a good impression on a person, that kind of good impression is fragile, and emotional communication without utilitarian nature is almost extinct.

I really wanted to talk to someone, so I called home and my mother answered the phone and sobbed. She cried on the other end of the phone and said, "Daughter, I don't have a father …" I don't know how to comfort her, because I am as sad as her, and the person who loves us most in the world has left.

I want to buy a plane ticket, fly to the nearest airport, and then rent a car back to the county seat, but I have been checking the flight information and got the hint that the airport is not open because of the snowstorm. I don't know when I can go home and see grandpa off for the last time. He was afraid that I would be sad, so he specially arranged a heavy snow and wouldn't let me go home to see him off. He is such a person who worries about his children everywhere and doesn't want to give them any trouble.

I can't stay at home and work overtime like a ghost. I am the only one in such a big office. I wanted to find a job to make myself feel better, but I could only cry silently at the computer.

I picked up the phone and dialed my boyfriend's number. There's a beep on the phone. He should have hacked me. The only person I want to talk to, he and I are old and dead.

When the leader came out of the office and saw me crying, he asked me what was wrong. I told him that my grandfather had passed away, and he touched my head and said, "You must be strong." Then he walked away without looking back.

This is the only comforting word I got that day.

The heavy snow made me miss grandpa's funeral. Later, I heard from relatives that my mother was very excited on the day of the funeral. She put grandpa's body away from anyone and didn't want anyone to push him to be cremated. Whoever pulls her, she hits hard.

Grandma doesn't seem to show much sadness about grandpa's death. I always thought there might not be so much love between them. Even if you are sad, you should change your living habits and endure sudden loneliness. Less emotion, less sadness when you lose it.

But I was wrong. My understanding of love is too superficial. I thought that love between men and women, and you love me, is love, but accepting fate calmly, without being too sad because of where you are going, is actually a kind of love sometimes. Since death is the destination that must be passed, it is because I love you, so I won't feel particularly sad because you left first, because we will meet again eventually, and we will meet again.

A year later, our family went to visit grandpa's grave. Grandma looked at the photo on the tombstone and muttered, "Lao Wu, you seem to have put on a little weight."

My voice did not fall, and my tears came out. Mom, aunt and uncle, they also have red eyes.

Grandma probably never believed that grandpa had passed away. He just went to another place, waiting to meet her again.

What a wonderful thing it is for two people to go through life hand in hand.

On the way home, I saw the wasteland behind the building, and the vegetable garden had long been abandoned. Does this mean that grandpa is no longer lonely?

Bye, grandpa.