[Parenting] Don’t be anxious about being a mother, that’s just what you say!

Text/LiLi

I always say that when you are a mother, you should be calm and let nature take its course, and don’t put pressure on your children or make yourself too anxious. But in fact, it is like comforting a pregnant woman who is about to give birth: relax, don’t be afraid, take a deep breath, everything will go well! Yes, of course it is easy to say, because someone else is giving birth to the child.

Just like me, countless times in life, in interactions with children, and in articles, I have told myself to relax, but I have no choice but to say it nicely, but when I actually do it, I don’t know why. Getting nervous and anxious.

Speaking of which, the anxiety behind it is not a big deal. The reason for anxiety is always my lack of patience with my children and all my own shortcomings of being competitive. Although I am aware of my own problems and will often remind myself to improve, I will relax my vigilance and requirements for myself in life. At this time, those bad qualities will quietly breed and spread around me. Come.

When the weather is still warm, go to the girl’s school for a meeting. The teacher said that the children’s sports goal in the kindergarten year is: riding a bicycle, and the assessment is level 1-4. Level 1 is low, that is, you can ride with training wheels; level 2 is with the assistance of others, pushing, holding, and removing the training wheels, and you can ride a little; level 3 is that you can ride freely and flexibly on your own. Cycling; level 4 is the highest level, which means you can not only ride but also do tricks.

At that time, the chick was level 1. And what I have seen (note, unconsciously I began to use the level of other people's children to ask my own children) is that many children around me have Level 3, and Level 4 is not uncommon.

Once, at dusk, the night was just approaching, and I was practicing cycling with a girl at the door, I saw a boy riding a bicycle, just like Nezha riding a hot wheel, his There were neon lights on the wheels. The boy was very skilled in driving, and even put on a special performance in front of us. He jumped with the car and raised the front wheels off the ground, a bit like an actor in a circus.

The girl is naturally envious, but I am actually even more envious. If it were me, not only would I not be able to do it, I wouldn't even dare to try. So, I asked the chick to do things that I couldn't do myself. Of course, I said it in a seductive tone: Look, isn't he cool? Do you want to be like him? Do you want to reach level 4?

Yes, of course I do. The girl's eyes were filled with yearning and expectation. But the truth is, she wasn't the kind of kid who quickly overcame her fears in sports. She didn't expect this, but I also deliberately ignored it.

Soon, I made full preparations and plans for my child to learn to ride a bicycle. According to my wishful thinking at that time, the girl should be able to ride a bicycle in a week at most, and in two weeks Achieve a level of flexibility and ease.

She had the smallest bicycle, which I thought was a little too small, so I bought a larger one. Now that you have the tools, the next step is the method. For this reason, I specially found some videos from the Internet and watched them with the girl. I roughly chose two options. One is to remove the auxiliary wheels and pedals from the bicycle, and the child uses his legs to push the ground and slide forward. The main purpose is to practice balance. After the balance is established, the pedals can be put on to ride. The other is to adjust the auxiliary wheels of the bicycle to one high and one low. The child needs to find his own balance while riding without worrying about falling. Of course, the most traditional thing is for adults to support their children while riding and exercising.

We have tried all three methods. And decided to practice every day. On the small bicycle, the auxiliary wheels and pedals are removed to practice gliding. On the big bicycle, the auxiliary wheels are adjusted to one high and one low to practice finding balance while riding. Then, I will keep supporting her and running when needed. Keep practicing.

To be honest, I work very hard and I am so tired that I can’t stand straight up every time. But the result? After a week, except for the fact that I was pregnant for seven days, my little girl not only made no progress, but also began to resist practicing riding a bicycle.

First of all, when she was practicing gliding, her legs were touched, and then she became more cautious; secondly, when riding a big bicycle, she tilted to one side and her feet could not reach the ground, which gave rise to fear. There was no speed at all; and another time, when I was supporting her to ride, I let go after seeing that she was riding steadily. As a result, she scraped her knees after falling and cried again and again.

These "bad" experiences made her hate practicing cycling. In addition, I would roar like a lion every time, so she finally stopped practicing at all. No matter how I tried to coerce her, nothing could sway her decision.

In this process, I did not play a positive role. Because I am eager for quick success, I don't care about the fear in my child's heart, and always use various methods to encourage her to practice. To be honest, the child should be eager to learn to ride a bicycle more than anyone else. However, under the double "destroyment" of practical difficulties and mother's urging and pressure, she feels more and more afraid. Riding a bicycle is not only not fun at all, but also It became torture.

My mother and I were at odds over such a small and ordinary thing for several days. I tried my best to force her to obey my will, and she used brute strength to resist my "oppression." ". This is a lose-lose situation where everyone is tired. Only later did I calm down and ask myself: What if the child cannot learn to ride a bicycle in the end?

Yes, so what? Bicycles are no longer an important means of transportation. Not being able to ride them will neither affect your life nor your health. Why must you learn how to ride one? !

The reason why I have anxiety is because it is a goal set by the school, and I unilaterally hope that the child will "achieve results", which means I have made the same mistake again: disrespecting the child's nature. Laws and blind eagerness for success.

After thinking about it, I told my daughter that it was up to her to decide whether she wanted to practice cycling in the future, and how she wanted to practice it was also up to her. Then, I never mentioned bicycle in front of her.

Since then, both parties have found their inner balance and are content with each other. About a week later, when we were playing outside, the girl suddenly asked to ride a bicycle for a while, so she pushed the bicycle out by herself. The auxiliary wheels had been removed. She didn't want me to worry about it, so she put her feet on the ground and slowly started riding. I wanted to kick up, and I was swaying. After struggling for a long time, I finally managed to ride a meter or two.

Apart from applauding, I never made any comments. The little girl's confidence doubled, and she asked to practice cycling as soon as school was over the next day. Then she could ride a little further; over the next few days, farther and farther. Although I am still not very skilled at it, I can take off the training wheels, master my balance, and ride on my own for a while.

In this way, I racked my brains and failed to achieve the goal, but after I completely let go, I naturally achieved a pretty good result. Later, under the influence of nearby classmates, the girl often rode with them on open fields. She became more and more courageous and confident. In this way, her riding skills improved steadily. Although she could not reach the level of juggling, she still It's completely possible to reach level 3. Of course, none of this was important. What was important was that she thoroughly enjoyed the process and experienced great pleasure from it.

This is an extremely common little thing in my parenting life, but it made me uneasy for many days. I write it down and share it with everyone, hoping that I will not forget to reflect on myself from time to time: I should calm down, reflect more and be less impatient when accompanying my children. Whenever a problem occurs, you must first find the cause within yourself, and then correct your behavior and mentality. For children, there is never too much respect, and there is never enough love and understanding.

The End