200 points for the funniest joke.

Every time the exam expires and is not completed, the school should write a comment to each student, not to mention the comments of the students with the best academic performance, such as excellent academic performance and excellent academic performance. However, the comments of the students with the last academic performance always make the teacher entangled. Finally, the teacher finally made a comment and made an appropriate evaluation: "The students' academic performance is stable. "

Don't be so childish.

Our family was sunbathing on the beach when a beautiful girl passed by. My 14 year old son watched her go away intently. My wife nudged me and whispered, "Your son has grown up." A few minutes later, a young woman walked in front of us in a bathing suit. I can't help looking at her good figure with envy. At this time, my wife touched me with her elbow again and whispered reproachfully, "Oh, don't be so childish."

Quiz show

One day, the biology teacher asked, "What bear has no tail?" A student said, "koala." The teacher asked, "What is a bear without a neck?" A student said, "A bear without a neck." The teacher asked again, "What is a bear without a penis?" A student replied, "There are no birds or bears." Teacher: "Wrong!" A student replied, "Well, there are no chickens or bears." Teacher: "Wrong! Alas ..... It's a female bear! ... today's children ... "

Happy cow

When students in Grade One and Grade Two were writing their memoir Happy Childhood, they mistakenly wrote "I often sang on the back of cows when I was a child" as "I often had cows singing on my back when I was a child". After reading it, the teacher said: That cow's childhood is happier than yours!

Go home drunk

The wife helped the drunken taxi husband home. The husband reached out to open the car door, lifted the slippers and climbed into the seat. The wife wondered why, but he said soberly that there were no slippers at home, so you should sweep the floor tomorrow.

Untitled

A student prayed to God, "Please let Tang build the Great Wall. That's what I answered in the history exam just now. "

Take the wrong

A mental patient has been saying for years that he has a beer bottle in his stomach. When he suffered from appendicitis and had to go to the hospital for surgery, the surgeon consulted a psychologist, who would take the opportunity to dispel his strange fantasies. The patient woke up slowly, and the doctor held up a beer bottle and said, "We finally took it out." "You understand it wrong." The patient screamed, "The beer bottle in my stomach is not of this brand."

lift

Psychologist: You once thought you were Diana, but now you have got rid of this illusion and recovered. Patient: Thank you very much! Please send the list of treatment fees to Prince Charles. Patient's wife: Doctor, help! My husband has a public injury and always thinks he is an elevator. Psychiatrist: Bring your husband here and we'll treat him right away. Patient's wife: I can't carry him. He said he was a high-speed elevator, and this floor went straight.

be absent from work

A clerk has not come to work for two days. On the third day, the boss complained, "What have you been doing these two days?" The clerk replied, "I accidentally fell into the street from the third floor window." The boss asked angrily, "Does it take two days to fall from the third floor?"

pour oil on the fire

Judge: "Did you try to stop him before he hit you?" Plaintiff: "Yes! I tried to stop him with all the most vicious and ugly words, but he still gave me a good beating. "

Chewing gum

After the plane took off, an air hostess distributed chewing gum to the passengers. "That's very kind of you. What's this gum for? " A passenger who is flying for the first time asked. "To keep your ears from buzzing, sir." After the plane landed, the gentleman said to the stewardess, "This gum is really in charge! Now can you help me take it out of my ear? "

Take one tablet once a day.

Just a few days ago, a junior girl went back to her hometown with her boyfriend and classmates. The whole family went to work, and they finally got the first chance to have sex all day. Early the next morning, the family sent the girl to the emergency room of the hospital. The girl complained to the doctor about dizziness, nausea and weakness of limbs. The doctor confirmed that it was drug poisoning after examination, so he asked the girl what medicine she had taken. The girl said hesitantly, I took 8 birth control pills yesterday. The doctor asked in surprise: Birth control pills can only be taken once a day, one tablet at a time! Why did you eat eight tablets? The girl said, I just take one tablet at a time. I ate it eight times yesterday. Is it wrong to eat eight tablets?

What is smaller than a star?

The teacher asked a student. Teacher: "With the naked eye, is the sun smaller or the moon smaller?" Student: "The moon is small." Teacher: "What about something smaller than the moon?" Student: "Stars." Teacher: "What about something smaller than a star?" Student: "Smaller than a star? Well, I don't know. " Another student raised his hand and said, "Teacher, I know!" " "Teacher:" Then tell me! Student: "Monkeys are smaller than orangutans." "

sternly cool and unmoved

An economics professor was explaining "the circulation of money" when a student fell asleep and a classmate nearby hurriedly woke him up. This scene was seen by the professor. The professor understood what he meant and said, "Everyone says that money is very attractive, but it is rare for someone here to be indifferent to the problem of money!" "

Some problems about hair dyeing in colleges and universities (1)

Hair dyeing is popular in a university this year. There are full-dyed, half-dyed and high-gloss heads everywhere, including gold, white and yellow, with more colors than rainbows in the sky. This will cause a lot of saliva. The young professor disagreed, and found it interesting. The students' names were really hard to remember. That's great. Everyone's hair color is different, so it is convenient to call the roll in class, such as the one with red head on the left and zebra stripes in the middle. . . Youth is colorful. The old professor is puzzled: I occasionally dye my black hair, but you are not bad. You don't want bright black hair, but you must be different. Especially the one who dyed her hair white looks older than me! The school's hair salon is ridiculous. It advertised its own hair and changed the name of the barber shop. At first, it was called "tricolor" and "multicolor", but later it was simply renamed "Baise" and "Wanse" because of the need of color. The school sanitation department issued a notice: please don't put your head near the hot place to avoid ignition. Please pay attention! The school security office requires everyone to carry personal identity documents with them and check them anytime and anywhere to prevent bad guys from fleeing to the school to commit crimes. Even the school canteen has intervened: recently, some students have yellow hair, which is not caused by the poor food in the canteen. Please feel free to eat in the canteen. The upper level of the school paid attention to this problem and the meeting discussed the results. Hair dyeing has had a negative impact on school spirit, discipline, style of study and academic atmosphere, and all hair dyeing has been banned!

A female fish

The art teacher drew a fish on the blackboard and then asked the students to draw like that. Delhi sat there motionless, and the teacher said angrily, "You have a week to draw 100 fish exactly like the one on the blackboard." Next week, the teacher asked Delhi to hand over the painting. There is only one fish on the white paper handed over by Delhi. The teacher asked, "Why is there only one?" Delhi replied, "I drew a female fish, which will produce 99 small fish."

Bao Shu

Once in physical education class, Xiaogang didn't have time to go to class because he had to pee. The teacher was already in class when he ran. "Count off in the front row," said the teacher. I saw Xiaogang run to hug a tree at once. The students all looked at him with surprise, followed by a series of laughter. It turns out that Xiaogang listened to "Holding the Tree".

Teachers and students

Female students have a crush on male teachers, and one day they confess, "Teacher, can I?" The teacher said, "This is not good." The student asked, "What's the matter?" "You are still young! Don't think about these things. I don't like children. " "Oh, I'll be careful." The students answered.

In geography class

The teacher pointed to a place on the map and said, "Xiao Ming, what is this?" Xiaoming stood up and said, "It's your index finger!" " "

Hit upon a plan/idea in despair.

I signed up for the eloquence training class. On the first day of class, the teacher asked us to introduce ourselves first and explain the motivation to participate in the training class. When it was my turn to speak, I said, "Oh …" I couldn't stand it for a long time, and finally blurted out, "Now you know why I want to take an eloquence training class!"

gifted child

Teacher: "Xiao Ming, you use the word' sure enough' to make a sentence." Xiaoming: "Drink fruit first, then soda …" Teacher: "No, no, you can't separate fruit from nature!" Xiao Ming: "Don't worry, teacher, I'm not finished yet. The whole sentence is-eat fruit first, then drink soda, it really has diarrhea. "

Smile in the underworld

Once in a Chinese class, the teacher asked the overseas Chinese student some related idioms in order to understand his Chinese level. "Can you say an idiom to describe a person who is very happy? The Chinese teacher gave a question and said, "However, it is better to have a number in this idiom, such as one, two, three, four ... The foreign student thought for a moment and said happily," I see, Jiuquan is smiling! Ha! What a "Laughing Jiuquan"! The whole class burst into laughter, and the old Chinese teacher almost fainted.

prepare

Jack is not interested in learning, and his final exam results are very poor. Knowing that his father would be greatly dissatisfied with his achievements, he sent a telegram to his brother asking him to tell his father that he was ready to accept the bad news. The next day, he received the following reply: "Father is ready, you'd better prepare yourself!" " "

Bus anecdotes 1 set.

My high school classmate told me that he once took a bus with his classmates because his classmates were fat and untidy. Soon after his classmates got on the bus, a little sister said in a childish and lovely voice, Aunt. This seat allows you to sit. His classmates thought it strange why the little sister gave up her seat, so they asked curiously: How did you give up your seat to the big sister? I didn't expect the little sister to answer confidently: the teacher said to give up her seat when she saw pregnant women! ! ... the whole car is dumb!

With an axe in his hand.

In the moral class, the teacher said, "When President Washington was a child, he once cut down a cherry tree in a plantation. Because he bravely admitted his mistake, his father did not punish him. " Then, the teacher asked, "why didn't Washington, who made a mistake, get punished?" Who can tell us why? " A boy stood up and said, "It's easy, because Washington has an axe in his hand."

know nothing at all

The teacher asked the students, "If your father promised to pay back two dinars a month, how much would he pay back a year?" The student said, "Four dinars at most." The teacher said, "You know nothing about numbers." The student said, "You know nothing about my father's shortcomings."

Sleep in class

Teacher: "I have a class, you can't sleep." Li Jie (in a low voice): "I can fall asleep if they are not so noisy."

Number of self-study classes

Dina's father is very concerned about her study and class, so as to know what kind of environment her daughter is studying in. Once, he asked his daughter, "How many people were there in your classroom during the self-study class?" "If the teacher were alive, there would be 36 people." "So, there are 35 students when the teacher is away?" "No, if the teacher is not here, there won't even be anyone in the classroom!"

What was the result?

A teacher asked his students, "What happens if two snakes bite their tails and then eat each other?" A student replied, "Neither." Another student disagreed: "I think there are only bones left." "None of them are right!" The teacher proudly said, "I think there are only two stomachs left in the end, and there is a snake in each stomach."

The busiest man

Jack: "I am the busiest person in the world in my class." Jenny: "Why?" Jack: "I am busy listening to the teacher and reading picture books." The teacher is coming, I have to hide. "

What kind of place is heaven?

Glenn. Smith asked Professor Peter, an astronomy teacher, what kind of place heaven is. The professor replied, "I have been studying the mysteries of the universe and existence all my life." I hope the kingdom of heaven is a place where I can no longer be asked questions, but can ask,' What is the answer to this question?' "

conclusion

In class, the professor was annoyed by the students' series of questions. He said helplessly, "A fool asks more questions than ten smart people can answer." Student: "No wonder so many of us failed the exam."

In college, my daily life is the same: class, self-study, work, and then sleep. One day, I received the following message, only to find that I haven't written home for a long time. "Love: Your mother and I were very happy when we received your letter. Of course, we were much younger and more easily moved at that time. Mother letter. "

Untitled

There is a female teacher in my college who is pregnant and walks around with a big belly. It happened that HKCEE's grades were announced, and her eldest daughter got six A's. She was very happy and hurried to tell the students the good news. Hearing this, one of the students jokingly said, "It's a double happiness. Mother and daughter are pregnant at the same time. "

There are enough reasons to be brave.

Teacher Helen asked in Chinese class, "Give me freedom or let me die. Who said this? " Please raise your hand if you know. "Silence in the classroom, no one raised his hand. Teacher Helen was quite disappointed when a chubby little classmate replied in extremely unskilled English: "1775, said by Butrick Henry." "Yes, classmate, now the answer is Japanese students. How sad it is that you native Americans can't answer, but Japanese students from foreign countries can answer correctly! " At this time, a serious strange cry came from the last few rows of the classroom: "Kill the Japanese!" " "Teacher Helen heard the cry and shouted angrily," Who? Who said this? " After a short silence, an American classmate stood up confidently and said, "1945, said by President Truman!" "

There are no wooden slippers.

John's father bought him a flower cat, and he likes it very much. John often takes it to the classroom and plays with his classmates. One day, the animal teacher asked him, "Why doesn't the cat make a sound when it walks?" John immediately replied, "Isn't it obvious? The cat didn't wear wooden slippers. "

The worst thing.

Teacher: "Is there anything worse than we bite the apple open and find bugs in it?" Student: "Yes, there are only half of the bugs left."

strong point

Once in a Chinese class, the teacher asked the little intellectual, "Can you explain the meaning of' major'?" "Yes!" Little intellectuals are very proud. He said, "A major is a special major." The teacher said, "Yes, can you make sentences with it now?" "Yes!" Little intellectuals are very proud. He said, "My uncle's hair and nails are great!"

Dao Liang is hard to find.

I asked the students, "I told my father that in the circus I watched the day before yesterday, there was a program in which a man put his head into the lion's mouth." Father shook his head and said,' This bowl of rice is really not easy to eat.' I know you all know these words, but do you understand the meaning of this sentence? The students said in unison, "That is to say, the lion is thinking: the head is too hard, I'm afraid it's not delicious." "

Every day has a good turn for the better.

The teacher asked two students, "Did you do good things every day today? The two students said in unison, "Yes! The teacher asked, "What did you do?" Student: We helped an old lady cross the street. Teacher: Well, that's good, but why do you need two people to help an old lady cross the street? Student: Because the old lady doesn't want to cross the road. 」

ballute

After the first class, the teacher of the skydiving modeling school asked the students if they had any questions. "How much do we have to pay for each jump?" A student asked, "10 $!" Another student looked a little nervous and stood up and asked, "What if the parachute doesn't open when skydiving?" "Don't worry, if you can't open the parachute, we will refund your money." The teacher replied.

Examination article

The teacher said: exams are generally snacks, and they are not tired of eating; Duan Kao is a dinner, regular and quantitative; The entrance examination is a feast, and once is enough. Why don't you study hard? The student said: report to the teacher, we are losing weight! ! !

Unfamiliar and inexperienced

Cheating is common in a class. Suddenly one day, two strange teachers invigilated, which was very strict. After a while, several lucky people were warned, and one was finally lucky enough to be invited out. After returning home, the students were extremely wronged, angry and talked about it. Finally, everyone agreed that the two teachers should be forgiven and understandable because they have never seen the world.

The ugliest boy

Life in senior three is really boring, stressful and not fun at all. Once I had a whim, I wrote a "love letter" and wrote "the ugliest boy in our school" on the envelope, and then I went into the mailbox to see the development of the situation and had a good time. I found it in my desk the next day.

Son's filial piety

Smith didn't study hard in college, but played all day and always failed in the exam. His father wrote a letter and told him, "If you get an A, I will give you a car." After the final exam, Smith wrote back to his father: "Dear father, I decided not to take the exam, because it is not easy for you to make money, and I can't bear to let you spend money."

catch cold

A classmate caught a cold because it was very serious, but he didn't see a doctor. So it's awkward to talk. Every time he talks to his classmates, they make fun of him. He said, "Why is your voice so cool? It's almost like dawn. " He said, "About what?" .

Original name

On the day of the exam, the professor suddenly announced that the exam would be postponed. A student immediately stood up and protested that the postponement would upset his plan to review other subjects. The professor immediately asked, "What's your name?" The tone of "Wang Daming" students has softened. "Well, Miss Wang, I'll give you an A, so you don't have to take the exam, because you have the courage to say it. This is the most important purpose of education." The student replied, "In that case, my real name is Li Xiaohua."

God got the best.

"Only God knows the answer. Happy birthday! " The student wrote on the answer sheet: "God gets the best, and you get the worst. Happy New Year! " The teacher commented.

Be serious

The teacher put forward the idiom "earnest" and asked students to make sentences. Xiao Xiong wrote: "I found that all the books my brother read were not serious."

ballute

After the first class, the teacher of the skydiving modeling school asked the students if they had any questions. "How much do we have to pay for each jump?" A student asked, "10 $!" Another student looked a little nervous and stood up and asked, "What if the parachute doesn't open when skydiving?" "Don't worry, if you can't open the parachute, we will refund your money." The teacher replied.

Talk about hygiene since childhood.

When the bell rang, Mr. Hu walked into Class One, Grade One. He dipped his hand in saliva, slammed open the textbook and cleared his throat: "Students, today we are teaching the first lesson & gt Please open your books. The children stared at the teacher one by one, and some put their fingers into their mouths blankly and dipped their tongues. .......

learn Chinese

When foreign students learn Chinese, they often make jokes, which makes people laugh. One student couldn't tell the difference between rich and expensive, so he made a sentence: "After the Third Plenary Session, farmers became more and more expensive." A sentence in a girl's homework said, "I am busy doing homework during the day and practicing having children at night." Another boy translated the sentence meaning "Mrs. Zhang divorced her husband, and I feel sorry for her" into "Mrs. Zhang divorced her husband, and I am very sorry for her"

A question about time.

In a math class, the teacher asked the students, "Who can ask a question about time?" As soon as the voice fell, a student raised his hand and stood up and asked, "Teacher, when is school over?" .

Dianbei

The girl was discouraged from cheating in the exam. B: What's the matter? A: In the biology exam, the teacher found it when I counted my ribs.

What is friendship?

Xiaohong saw many people on her way home from school. He wants to have a look, but because he is too young, he just can't see, but he has an idea. I am the father of the deceased. Please forgive me. At this time, everyone around him got out of the way. He realized that it wasn't a dog.

Pig skin soup

After the teacher finished the theoretical principle of dietotherapy, a girl boldly stood up and questioned: "Teacher, you said that eating pig liver can nourish people's liver, so what should I do to nourish the skin?" The teacher replied without thinking: "You can take Zhang Zhongjing's pigskin soup." The girl was a little surprised: "No? My skin is worse than pigskin! "