Classic quotations from funny parents

Sitting on the sofa with my mother watching crayon Shinchan.

I had a whim to ask my mother: Xiao Xin is so cute and so short. What would you do if I gave birth to a son like Xiao Xin?

My mother slowly turned her head, stared at me in horror and said slowly: strangle, reborn!

I almost choked on peanuts ~

I am lovelorn, depressed and thin. Dad was worried when he saw it, but he didn't do it for decades. Parenting education didn't know how to enlighten him for some time. One day, I couldn't eat or answer questions. Dad is anxious and painful. He struck the table: You are party member, and I am party member. What can't be discussed between party member and party member? I just laughed when I was lovelorn.

One day, I went to school for an exam, and my father and I were in the car, lamenting the bad road conditions. I had a whim ~ ~ ~

When we have money, we will buy a plane.

When I arrived at Tianhe airport, I waved my hand and said, don't want this, don't want that, don't want that, I want two others ~

When we have money, we will buy a plane.

One for work, one for school and one for the toilet ~

My dad is sweating like a pig: there is a toilet at the airport.

I don't, I want to pull BB to America and RB.

My dad is crazy: that's not cheap for them.

My mother just used her mobile phone a few years ago. She never sends text messages. One day, I recorded a short message with my mother as follows:

Mom: What are you doing? )

Me: Ah, Mom, you can send text messages, haha.

Mom: yawning (I think it was hit by Hado)

in half an hour

Mom: The wind gently blew away my thoughts of you.

Me: Mom, what are you doing?

Mom: Practice sending letters.

Me:. . . .

A few hours later, I received countless harassing text messages from my mother.

Later, my mother called: How do you spell my daughter's crooked words? I said, OK, Mom.

What are you doing? Answer: it doesn't matter

Five minutes later, I received a short message from my mother. The sea roared and poured out my deep affection for you. . . .

Completely vomiting blood and fainting!

I called home once in middle school-mom-

Who is it? Who will call your mother except me? ! )

I, * * (my name)

Oh, * * went to school. Please call back tonight.

Say that finish, hang up the phone ...

I am sweating. ...

Another time, someone gave me a rex rabbit fur scarf, and I was at the bottom of the box. One day, my mother suddenly remembered and asked me, why don't you use the Taliban rabbit that others gave you? -_-|||! Sudden sweating

Mom said the neighbor upstairs bought a car. I asked: automatic or manual?

Mom thought for a moment: it may be a manual gear with a steering wheel in front.

I'm already in a state of spasm, ING

One day when I was squatting in the toilet in junior high school, a classmate called: Uncle, is XXX at home?

My dad replied: Yes, XXX is pulling the handle. I'll call you when she finishes.

.............., that's a male classmate.

A person wandering outside, usually do not want to cook dinner, just eat steamed bread to cope with the stomach.

Once I called home, my mother asked what to eat for dinner.

I wronged the answer to eat steamed bread!

Who knew mom said you eat steamed stuffed buns occasionally?

I want my mother to sympathize with me. I thought he would say how to eat this and ask for ammonia in the restaurant.

I locked the door when I slept at night, but my mother couldn't open the door in the morning, so I couldn't boil water (the electric kettle was in my room). She didn't dare to knock at the door for fear of waking me up. I was furious.

As a result, when I woke up and opened the door, it was her turn to get angry She said

Why did you lock the door? Afraid I'll blow you up?

Always wanted a PSP. ..

Mom: That's amazing.

Me: It's just a video game. There is a man in the subway.

Mom: I still play video games when I am old//I won't buy it.

Me: ...............

After a day, I suddenly had a fever and my temperature was over 39 degrees. Taking medicine is not good.

Mom, sigh: if you burn again, you will burn your brain. Why not buy a game machine to develop your intelligence?

-

Similarly, my dad.

Me: Dad, I can see PSP in my hand everywhere now.

Dad: That's quite big. It's easier to grab than a mobile phone.

Me: Yes, I'll buy a stolen goods when there are more robbers.

Dad: Go ahead.

One of my parents' usual entertainments is playing games. They often play the most primitive kind of tank fighting. They are shouting at home. Once I heard my mother conquer a fortress of the other side and shouted "Shit!" ! My mother, my chin fell off. According to my sister, my father once called: * * * * * Long live! Then a shell occupied the enemy's fortress.

One year, I discussed with my parents to visit a relative in August 1 1. The two of them are fighting video games, and they say absently:

Mom: Oh, let me see the date of August 1 1.

Dad: Today is Monday. Kill!

Mom: Looking for a fight, this * * * should be mine. Xiao X (referring to me), go and buy some * * * as a gift first. Hey, hey, old man, it's my turn to eat.

Me: .......

Once I called home to find my sister. My mother is playing video games, and the phone is nearby. I picked it up while playing.

Me: Mom, it's me. Is little X (my sister) there?

Mom: Oh, yes. X, your phone. Come and get it.

My sister shouted when she was in the restaurant, whose phone is it?

Mom: from the telecommunications bureau, oh, no, your dad, oh, no, oh, come on, it's a woman anyway.

Then I heard my mother put the phone down with a clash and played games again.

My aunt is a very enthusiastic and impatient person. One year after dinner, my father looked for a toothpick. Menstruation immediately jumped up to help dad find a toothpick. As a result, I could not find them. When his father sighed bitterly, menstruation suddenly found a small stick thinner than his wrist and said to his father, Don't worry, I'll cut a toothpick for you right away. I really started cutting under the pull of the whole family before I stopped.

Mom and dad are real childhood friends, neighbors, and have known each other since birth. They never quarrel, they just tease each other. When you tease your mouth, the shortcomings of your childhood friends are exposed. On one occasion, I don't remember why they fought again. Anyway, in the end, my mother flew into a rage: XX (dad's nickname), dare you say that you didn't eat sheep manure as broad beans? Dad blushed: Who lied to me that sheep manure is broad beans? Mom: How do I know you will believe it!

Classic Quotations Funny Personality _ Funny Classic Quotations

1, stupid or not, see if you can play dumb.

2. Argue with MM about whether whales are fish. Finally, I said that the Japanese also bring personal words, and she agreed that whales are not fish.

I must appear in your household registration book. If I am not your wife, I am your stepmother.

4, efforts will not lead to death! But I won't prove it with myself.

Everyone I like is on the hard disk.

6. Never lie to someone you trust; Never trust those who lie to you.

7. I despise four kinds of people most: the first kind loves to play games and is addicted to games all day; The second is homosexuality, which simply tries to stop the historical process of human reproduction; The third kind is a bitch. When someone shouts, he runs like a dog and hugs his thigh. The fourth is sighing! Sorry, my boyfriend asked me to play games! We'll talk later! Woof woof woof! Woof woof woof! Woof woof woof!

8. When I came into this world, I didn't intend to go back alive.

9, it is gold, it will always be spent; This is a mirror. It always reflects light.

10, I suggest you know my appearance first, and appreciate it second.

165438+

12, upper-class people always like to do some dirty work.

13, you can have everything in this era, but you can't have a face.

14, when you fall in love with someone, there is always a little fear, afraid of getting him; Afraid of losing him.

15, some people, when making masks, look much better than real people.

16, don't forget what others said to you when they were angry, because that's what you look like in others' hearts.

17, you kill me, since I came to this world alive, I have no intention of going back alive.

18 actually, I am very curtilage, it's just a matter of whose house I live in.

19, thanks to those who know that I am not good but still stay with me.

20. Dissatisfaction is a substitute for vacancy, which makes people have a constant desire to climb up in comparison.

2 1, they all say that my sister is beautiful, but they are all made up.

22. Unless you get up in the morning and feed yourself a lump of shit, you can't guarantee that you won't encounter more disgusting things all day.

23. After many years, Little Loli became Sister Xianglin.

24. Love needs no reason. Let's see it through.

25, don't ask for the right door, just feel in place. Classic Quotations Funny Personality

26, you have not been loved, you will cherish those who love you in the future.

27. I heard that the day when the college entrance examination results were announced happened to be the Dragon Boat Festival. As for eating zongzi or jumping into the river, it's up to you!

28. Smart people are unmarried, and married people are hard to be smart.

29. Roses are yours, chocolates are yours and diamonds are yours. You, mine! Mouse: I'm in love with bats now, and the children will live in the air from now on, not afraid of your cat. The cat sneered, pointed to the owl in the tree and said, look, she is pregnant with my child!

30. From heaven to hell, I was just passing by.

3 1. When you go bankrupt, except your family, how much money you can borrow is worth.

32, come out to mix, sooner or later will be tired.

33. Chimpanzees accidentally stepped on a bench pulled by gibbons. After the gibbon cleaned it gently and carefully, they fell in love. Others asked how they got together. Chimpanzees said with emotion: ape dung! It's all ape shit!

34. I will never enter a space without access in my life.

35. Smart women deal with men and stupid women deal with women.

Please take your high-profile love and get out of my sight.

I'd rather believe in ghosts than men's broken mouths.

38. Excuse me, how did you break your arm? Aunt, I broke my homework.

It's strange that you breathe in so much courage and spit out a sigh.

40. The Internet is like a prison. You stole a wallet in, but you know everything when you go out.

4 1, love is cheap, and it is cheap again and again. When you stop being a bitch, women will come.

42. You have a desire for a person, which is called like, and you have a desire for a person, which is called love.

43. Smoking is an art of life; Looking for a cigarette is an attitude towards life.

44. Brothers are people who shed tears and shed blood together. Who moved my brother? I made him disappear.

The whole world can be yours, but you can only be mine.

46. Everything has a price, and the price of happiness is pain. A selection of funny classic quotations

47. I usually forget to scold you. I don't want to wait for me to hit you before I know that I am both civil and military.

The night gave me a pair of black eyes, but I rolled my eyes with them.

49. Ahem! Say what you should, and whisper what you shouldn't.

50. I came into this world with no intention of going back alive.

5 1, do you think I will watch you die? I'll close my eyes!

52. My brother smokes because he hurts his lungs and is not sad.

53. Those pasts are deep, but they are not enough to stop the future.

54. Either endure or be cruel.

55. An iron pestle can be ground into a needle, and a wooden pestle can only be ground into a toothpick. The material is wrong, and it's no use trying again.

56. Children in the back seat will have an accident, and children will be born in the back seat.

57. I woke up in the morning thinking I had grown up, only to find that the quilt cover was horizontal.

58. Part I: Maybe it seems to be approximate; Bottom line: However, it is not impossible.

59. I cried when I dreamed that my boyfriend was dead. When I woke up, I found that I didn't have a boyfriend at all and cried even more.

60. I always feel that I am British when I take the Chinese exam, and I always feel that I am from China when I take the English exam. When I took the math exam, I found myself an alien.

6 1, don't talk to me about ideals, quit!

62. Admit your mistakes and never change.

63. Whenever someone speaks ill of you behind your back, many people will follow suit. This is because of the unity and friendship of eating shit and shitting.

64. Only you know whether it hurts or not, and only you know whether it has changed or not. Don't ask me how I am, I can only say that I am still alive.

65. I stayed up late because I didn't have the courage to end the day; Stay in bed because you don't have the courage to start a new day.

66, poor Nike, Fuadi, rogue Armani.

67. Success is 3% talent plus 97% not being distracted by the Internet.

68. It is better to have two than to mix them.

69. Roses are yours, chocolates are yours and diamonds are yours. You, mine!

70. You won't die until you reach the Yellow River.

7 1, youth, you are too acne!

72. Angels can fly because they look down on themselves.

73. Even a piece of shit will meet dung beetles one day. There is no need to feel depressed about being a piece of shit.

74. Work is so interesting! Especially watching others work.

75. Everyone should love animals, because they are delicious.

76. Love is like ice cream. Avoid it anyway, it will eventually melt.

77. A man is a dog. Whoever has the ability will take it.

Time is the best teacher, but it's a pity that he finally killed all the students.

79. Some memories are dull, but they are worth a thousand words.

80. Life is too short to be sexy.

8 1, someone, in a word. Some scenes, a song. It can always tear your emotions easily.

82. I'm not your little raccoon. It's fun to play without you.

We should all face the sun and live proudly.

84. I live on one breath of oxygen, and oxygen is you.

When I saw you, I lost my appetite. What about sexual desire?

86. The lion and the bear shit by the tree respectively. A month later, the lion found that the tree next to his stool was thicker than the bear's, so he said a philosophy full of vicissitudes: lion shit is better than bear shit!

87, the departure of the stool, is the pursuit of the toilet, or the ass does not retain.

88. Believe it or not, I patted you on the wall and couldn't get it off.

89. I don't swear because I have strong hands-on ability.

90. The so-called surprise is that the rabbit you are waiting for is coming, and the classic sentence is followed by the wolf!

9 1, some things don't need to be wrangled, and the surface obeys and secretly resists.

92. You always fart in the office, and colleagues can't help asking if you can keep quiet. Then I saw you sitting there shivering and asked what you were doing, and you replied that I was shaking!

93, women chasing men, sandwich yarn. Men chase women, mezzanine mom.

94. I love you, and I am willing to give up everything-including you-for your happiness.

Be happy when you are alive, because we will die for a long time.

96. Why do you have to sleep for a long time before you die?

97. For girls, pregnancy is a matter of time.

98. Freedom is not given by others, but pursued by ourselves.

99. When I have money, I will take the person I hate the most to the best mental hospital!

100, the oath was just a gaffe.

10 1, diamonds last forever, and one goes bankrupt!

102, love is like a photo, which needs a lot of darkroom time to cultivate.

103, you hit a star.

104, loneliness is not innate, but starts from the moment you fall in love with someone.

105, at this moment, we must live proudly.

106, parents always have a group of schoolmasters, who are called children from other families.

107, I hate people I know, and my relationship is better than mine.

108, everyone looked for her for thousands of times, and suddenly looking back, that person still ignored me.

109. In a harmonious campus, a cyclist may be a doctor, while a Mercedes-Benz driver may be a logistics person.

1 10, the furthest distance in the world is not the distance between life and death, not that I stand in front of you and you don't know that I love you.

1 1 1. What do men fear most? Brother's misunderstanding, daughter-in-law's tears, parents' grievances.

1 12, don't look back, I only love your back.

1 13. If you dare to break my sister's heart, I will break yours completely.

1 14, a temporary impulse, a crisis for future generations!

1 15, Mimi fell into a bowl with a big scar, what are you afraid of!

1 16. Why did the headmaster wear mourning clothes when he was not dead?

1 17, the early bird catches the worm!

1 18, go your own way and let others take a taxi!

Funny classic quotations

1: Don't call me if you have nothing to do, and don't call me if you have anything to do.

2: Do you think I will watch you die? I close my eyes.

3. Exercise your muscles to prevent being beaten!

Angels can fly because they look down on themselves.

5: I want to puppy love, but it's too late.

6. Hugging is really a strange thing. We are so close, but we can't see each other's faces.

7: Personal life can't take care of itself!

8: Actually, I am a genius, but unfortunately I envy talents!

9: Please don't speak English in front of me in the future, ok?

10: Go as far as you want!

1 1: A man's lies can deceive a woman for one night, and a woman's lies can deceive a man for a lifetime!

12: No one has blown cowhide so fresh and refined for a long time!

13: Boss, is money really that important to you? You talked for more than three hours and didn't leave a penny behind?

What are you doing up so early? The nightclub hasn't opened yet!

15: When I woke up, it was already dark.

16: if I become a personnel manager, the first thing I will do is to promote myself to the boss.

17: I just eat and lose weight every day, and you still say I have no perseverance?

18: Water can carry boats and cook porridge.

19: buying a computer without broadband is like a monk who eats only when food and wine are ready.

20: people are not smart, but dare to learn from others' baldness?

2 1: There is an old legend that people who can see beautiful women on XX campus will live forever.

22: If you ignore me, I will become a dog.

23: born, easy; Living is easy; Life is not easy.

I won't tell you if I kill you.

25. The highest state of self-help: help the wall in, help the wall out.

26: Take the newspaper to the toilet. I am a scholar.

27: Go to Google and Baidu.

28: Women must be kind to themselves. Once you are exhausted, other women will spend your money, live in your room, sleep with your husband and beat your baby!

29: How to lose weight if you are not full?

Sleep is an art, and no one can stop me from pursuing art.

3 1: All the old ladies on Naihe Bridge have sold Pepsi. How can I forget you?

32: The early bird catches the worm, and the early worm is eaten by the bird.

33: God, my clothes have lost weight again!

I am different from you because I am human.

35: How much sorrow can a gentleman have, just like a group of eunuchs going to a brothel.

36: I really want to call your grandfather in person: Dad!

I only drink pure water when drinking water and pure milk when drinking milk, so I am very simple.

Your ugliness has nothing to do with your face.

39: If you look like a steamed stuffed bun, don't blame the dog for following.

40: When quarreling, the difference between a man and a woman is like the difference between a rifle and a machine gun.

4 1: Grandpa comes from his grandson.

42: God, you let summer and winter share a room, right? This kind of weather!

Classic quotations are funny.

1. Handsome is useless! Finally, I was eaten by a chess piece!

No one knows what just happened. I'm used to covering everything up with a smile …

In the days when there are no women, I enjoy flirting with men …

4. Women will give up their careers for their feelings, and men will give up their feelings for their careers; Women will be moved by men who give up their careers for their feelings, but they will be with men who give up their feelings for their careers!

5. People are heartless and unstable! People are not damaged, not standard! People are not bad, they die quickly.

You'd better let me kneel on the washboard. Kneeling on the electric heater is unbearable.

7. Oh, my God! My clothes have lost weight again.

8. Is the leaf leaving because of the pursuit of the wind or the persistence of the tree?

9. Nonsense is the first sentence in interpersonal relationship.

10. To be or not to be.

1 1. Men study for Ph.D. because of low IQ, while women study for Ph.D. because of low EQ.

12. It's not necessarily monks who burn incense, but pandas!

13. Who said I was white, thin and beautiful ~ I will be good friends with him.

14. People are not smart, and they are as bald as others! !

15. If you can't shit on one foot, then you are innocent!

16. I admire myself-I found my girlfriend who broke up with me 12 years through Google!

17. The most shameful thing is to discuss salary with several classmates. I thought they were talking about annual salary, but later I found out that it was all monthly salary …

18. I won't tell you if I kill you.

19. Nothing money can solve is a problem.

20. after studying for more than ten years, it is better to mix in kindergarten!

2 1. Even believe in advertisements. You must be stupid to study!

22. No matter how difficult it is, consider yourself 250. No matter how difficult it is, consider yourself a two-faced person.

23. Only when I reached the top of the mountain did I find that the wrong road and the right road were only a few steps away.

24. Optimists see opportunities in disasters, while pessimists see disasters in opportunities.

25. Being angry is to punish yourself with other people's mistakes.

26. I'm not nice to you without money and power. Can you follow me?

27. Go to Google Baidu.

28. It is better to fight the wise than to talk to someone!

29. A big woman can't have no electricity for a day, and a little woman can't have no money for a day!

30. It's not that I don't laugh, but it makes me laugh-_-!

3 1. Youth is dedicated to the house and middle age to the children.

32. There are two ways to cheat: one is a cheat sheet copied on paper, which may be found out and the result is to drop out of school; The other is a cheat sheet copied in my mind, and I can't find it. As a result, I got a scholarship.

When she was a child, her parents always believed that the ugly duckling would turn into a white swan at the age of eighteen! One day when she grew up, her father looked at her intently, and then said seriously, "Son, you'd better study hard ..."

34. In high school, the class teacher often enlightened me and said, "So many beautiful women cross the river. Now you just need to weave a net! " After being admitted to Tsinghua, I want to play with his glass with monkey rubber bands …

35. Anyone who kisses madly in front of the teaching building of the cafeteria study room can't afford a house!

After graduation, I had nothing to do, so I went to Massachusetts to dig for oil. Later, it was really dug, and the oil quality was too good to be purified! Two years later, Mobil oil company sued us, saying that we dug his oil pipeline …

37. Find a big job after graduation and earn 300,000 yuan after graduation. Look at the drawings and build a 40-meter chimney. It's all covered up, and people beat me at a glance! Shit, the drawings are down, and people want to dig wells …

38. After four years of college, no girl asked me for directions. Today, I drove my BMW back to my alma mater for the first time to do something. As a result, five girls came to ask for directions in a short time …

39. I always wander between cow A and cow C.

40. I want to see the moon, but it shines on the ditch.

4 1. I am the most normal among abnormal people and the most abnormal among normal people.

42. Is the blank white?

I don't usually dump ugly girls, but you are an exception.

44. There is no rehearsal in life, and every day is live broadcast.

45. If the son doesn't listen, he can fight appropriately, otherwise it won't show the majesty of Lao Tzu. This is a problem in Taiwan Province Province.

46. Nothing is meanest, only meaner.

47. There are two ways to pollute a place: garbage or money!

48. The perfect figure is also a teasing material in the eyes of people who don't love her.

49. A small tree can't grow without pruning; Children can't grow up without pruning.

50. Long-term accumulation may lead to outbreaks; And if it breaks out for a long time, it may lead to collapse.

5 1. Be respectful to superiors, boss around subordinates, and hide from peers.

52. After a few decades, we will meet again and send them to the crematorium. All of them will be burned to ashes, one for you and one for me, and all of them will be sent to the countryside to be used as fertilizer.

53. Take a newspaper to the toilet. I am a scholar.

If I want to sweep the floor, I will never wash the dishes. If I want to wash the dishes, I will never sweep the floor. Both? You think I'm an alien!