A glimpse into the communication skills between the sexes from the love letters of the Republic of China

During the Republic of China, many talented people and beauties expressed their admiration for each other or confided in the pain of missing each other through love letters. This article selects some love letters from the "Four Love Letters of the Republic of China" as examples to analyze the verbal communication skills between the two sexes (this article specifically refers to lovers or couples).

Communication and communication vary from person to person, and you need to know how to use different language skills when dealing with different people. People are not only divided into personalities, but also into genders. Therefore, we should pay attention to gender differences in communication and pay attention to certain communication skills. Lovers or couples have a close relationship and tend to communicate more frequently with each other, and they need to pay more attention to verbal communication skills. The Republic of China was a sentimental era, which also gave birth to sentimental talents and beauties. How can a love letter convey our sincere feelings to each other? The language skills contained in it are worth exploring. This article intends to start from the love letters written by Zhu Xiang, Xu Zhimo, Lu Xun and others, analyze the use of language skills in love letters, and explore the communication skills and norms between the sexes.

1. Love Letters of the Republic of China

Deng Zhimo asked in the preface "Love Letters" in front of "Feng Yun Love Letters", "How can we write love letters without expressing our feelings?" That is to say, , his definition of a love letter is a "letter" that expresses "love". This article refers to the "emotion" in love letters in a narrow sense, which refers to the emotions in the relationship between the sexes; "book" refers to letters, and the style is not limited.

The love letters of the Republic of China studied in this article are taken from a collection of love letters known as the "Four Love Letters of the Republic of China", namely Zhu Xiang's "Sending Ni Jun Overseas" and Xu Zhimo's "Love Letters" , Lu Xun's "Book of Two Places" and Shen Congwen's "Hunan Travel Slips".

2. Verbal communication skills

(1) Speech and language

Speech and language are two different concepts. Language is a system composed of speech as the material shell, vocabulary as the building material, and grammar as the structural rules. Language is the specific use of language. We call the activities in which people use language to communicate their thoughts and feelings with each other verbal communication.

(2) Verbal communication skills

Verbal communication skills refer to the speaking skills that people pay attention to when communicating their thoughts and feelings with each other. It is a science. The famous Chinese linguist Lu Shuxiang once pointed out: "The study of language should not be limited to language itself, but also how people use language and the role of language in human life."

3. Institute of Love Letters of the Republic of China The verbal communication skills of both genders

(1) Make good use of praise skills

American writer Mark Twain said: "A good word of praise can make me live without food or drink." Last two months. "This sentence points out to us that people often need to be praised and complimented. Praise is one of the most effective ways to win favor and maintain relationships. It is also the strongest stimulant that encourages people to continue working hard. Many love letters in the Republic of China also used a large number of words of praise, which reflected certain praise skills.

(1) Praise should be specific

Shen Xiang praised Liu Nijun in his eleventh love letter on April 7: "You are so kind to me, you are so kind You are good at housekeeping and taking care of children, and you are very beautiful. Am I not satisfied?" This was Shen Xiang's response to Liu Nijun's inferiority in his lack of knowledge. In this situation, Shen Xiang did not go along with Liu Nijun's self-deprecation, and the words asking her to read more and improve her knowledge did not appear in the letter. Instead, Shen Xiang deliberately ignored Liu Nijun's shortcomings and turned to Discover its strengths and praise them. Shen's praise of Liu is very touching, and can make people feel that it is a carefully considered heartfelt speech, rather than a formality and perfunctory. If you think about it carefully, you can find that the excellence of Shen's praise lies in its specificity. Liu Nijun felt inferior because of his lack of knowledge. At this time, Shen Xiang pointed out Liu's advantages directly and specifically, and asked "Am I not satisfied yet" in the last sentence, expressing his love for Liu and enhancing his praise. effect.

(2) Use indirect praise

Indirect praise is a form of praising someone or something through a third party. Using this form is to use the other person to convey your words of praise to others. [6] Indirect praise is more powerful than direct praise.

Shen Xiang said this in his ninth love letter on March 24: "I was seen by my housekeeper this morning. She was very surprised and said that you are so beautiful that you can also embroider flowers." It's so beautiful. I told her it was a type of Chinese embroidery, and it was yours. It was my name. He asked who embroidered it, and I said it was my wife. She asked who it was, and so did I. She said she is my wife." Here Shen Xiang borrowed the words of the housekeeper to praise Liu Nijun's beauty and excellent embroidery work. The housekeeper and Liu Su did not know each other, so her praise of Liu was naturally more credible than Shen Xiang's direct praise, and the praise also seemed more powerful.

(3) Use nicknames

The nickname between lovers is not just a code name, it is full of all kinds of favor and affection. The use of nicknames can shorten the distance between lovers and enhance their relationship. It is also a way of praising each other.

Shen Xiang affectionately calls Liu Nijun "Ni Mei" and "Nijun". Each love letter in "Sending Nijun Overseas" has a slightly different title at the beginning, such as "Nijun" "Sister, my beloved wife", "Ni sister", "Ni Jun dear", etc. Even Lu Xun, who had a cold brow and pointed fingers at thousands of people, affectionately called Xu Guangping "good aunt", "little hedgehog", "harmful horse", etc. Similarly, Xu Guangping called Lu Xun "little white elephant". Shen Congwen called Zhang Zhaohe "San San", and Zhang Zhaohe called Shen Congwen "Second Brother". In Xu Zhimo's "Love Meimei Xiaozha", there are countless names for Lu Xiaoman, such as "Xiaoman", "Meimei", "Longlong" and so on.

Sweet names will create affection between two people, and both parties can feel the sweetness of love through nicknames.

(4) Add honey to words

A big difference between the praise between lovers and the general praise is that lovers need to often use sweet words in a certain sense. Use excessive praise and complimentary language. Some people say that there are no old-fashioned words in the dictionary of people who are bathed in love. Any vow to each other, such as "I love you to the core of my heart," can also be said without fear of being disgusting.

Xu Zhimo often used sweet words in his love letters to Lu Xiaoman. "I am happiest when there is no third person with you. Whether I am sitting and talking, walking on the street, or shopping on the street. Mei, you are so exquisite, you are so lively, you are really like a little dragon. ""I love your simplicity, not your luxury. When you put on a blue cloth robe, there is a special brilliance between your eyebrows. When I see it, I feel indescribable joy. A unique insight." The two passages above are taken from a letter dated August 9, 1925. Xu Zhimo never hesitates to use sweet words, and often several sweet words can be used in one letter.

(2) Master the art of criticism

In the process of communication between the sexes, both enthusiastic praise and pertinent criticism are needed. Appropriate criticism can help the other party correct their mistakes and avoid the next problem. Repeated offenses. In order for criticism to have a positive effect, critics need to master certain criticism skills.

(1) Criticize yourself first

The famous literary critic Fu Lei once said: "When criticizing others, start by criticizing yourself." Shen Xiang wrote to Liu Nijun in the third chapter Fourteen love letters criticized Liu Nijun like this: "Part of it is my fault, and part of it is that you don't treat girls as human beings. You have suffered a lot for me, so I naturally can't bear to blame you. But I remembered Dongdong had no milk to eat, so he couldn't help but feel sad. "Shen criticized Liu for not hiring a wet nurse for his daughter Xiaodong. First of all, he made a self-criticism and took half of the responsibility. He reflected that he had not fulfilled his responsibilities as a husband and had not been with his wife and children. He did not provide his wife and children with a worry-free life; secondly, it was clearly pointed out that Liu favored sons over daughters and did not care enough for his daughter Xiaodong. This method of criticism considers issues from Liu's perspective, allowing Liu to accept criticism and realize his mistakes.

(2) Constructive criticism

Constructive criticism refers to a form of criticism in which the criticism is carried out in a tone of discussion and discussion, and an exchange of opinions is made with the person being criticized. [12] The general approach is for the critic to convey the critical information to the criticized person in an attitude of discussing the problem, creating a relaxed and pleasant atmosphere, so that the other party can dispel their concerns and cooperate with you.

Xu Zhimo criticized this in a letter he wrote to Lu Xiaoman on May 16, 1931: "If you go to West Lake now and don't bring back some results, I will feel a little embarrassed for you. Yan, work hard, my little sweet girl! You have pity on us, why don't you obey? I just saw a poem advising on filial piety. The meaning of the words is very sincere. I read it and felt a little sad, so I copied it for you. We encourage each other. "Here Xu Zhimo criticized Lu Xiaoman for not fulfilling his filial piety and not taking good care of his wife at home. He hoped that Lu Xiaoman could take more care of her when he returned home. In the process of criticism, Xu Zhimo "told with emotion and moved with reason", and tactfully pointed out Lu Xiaoman's shortcomings in a sincere attitude, thus avoiding the intensification of conflicts.

(3) Master apology skills

Everyone makes mistakes, especially between people with close relationships, which will cause more conflicts. Usually, those who proactively admit their mistakes are more likely to be forgiven than those who refuse to admit their mistakes. Of course, when apologizing between lovers, you should also pay attention to the methods and techniques to achieve the desired effect.

(1) The attitude must be sincere

A sincere attitude is the prerequisite for forgiveness. Sincerely admit your mistake and apologize, and don't blame it on objective reasons or make too many excuses. Even if there is indeed an objective reason that must be explained, it must be explained briefly after a sincere apology, and it is not appropriate to explain endlessly at the beginning.

Xu Zhimo wrote in a letter to Lu Xiaoman on October 1, 1931: "I'm sorry, good lady! I didn't want to go, but..." This is what Xu Zhimo was told by his best friend. After being dragged to the alley, I felt guilty and apologized to Lu Xiaoman. Xu Zhimo first expressed his sincere apology, then explained the reason why he had to go to the alley, and finally assured Lu that he would never be a philanderer. Take the initiative to admit your mistakes and clarify the facts to avoid unnecessary trouble.

(2) Incorporate apology into praise

When apologizing, praise the other party so that the other party can gain a sense of self-satisfaction, so as to gain the other party's understanding.

Letter 80: "Sister, you are really the best. You have a kind heart and are capable of doing things. When do I usually not remember? It's just that you are more talkative and can pierce with one word. People's hearts. I was immediately confused and forgot about your benefits. "[16] This is a paragraph in the apology letter written by Shen Xiang to Liu after the quarrel between him and Liu Nijun. He first praised Liu. Benefits, and then pointed out Liu's shortcomings, and finally expressed his apology and conducted self-examination. The method of "if you want to apologize, praise the person first" is more likely to gain forgiveness from the person involved. Psychologists have confirmed that when people are in a good mood, they no longer care about many things.

(3) Apology in humor

"Humor is a kind of adult wisdom, a kind of penetrating power. In one or two sentences, the deformed and hidden things can be explained away. Come out." Wang Meng said. Apologizing in a humorous way can alleviate the embarrassment that an apology brings to both parties.

The ninety-fifth love letter written by Shen Xiang to Liu Nijun on June 17, 1899: "When I said I was not good-looking, it was just a joke. Why should you take it seriously? To be honest, my appearance is Naturally, she is not very beautiful, but she is not very ugly either. Otherwise, why would many women think about me? I am just telling a joke, why should you take it seriously?" Shen Xiang laughed at himself for being ugly, but it aroused Liu Nijun's attention. Suspicion, in order to dispel Liu's suspicion, Shen used humor to apologize to Liu, saying "Why do so many women think about me?" The exaggerated and narcissistic statement could not help but make people laugh, and the conflict was easily resolved in laughter. Among them.

(4) Make good use of poetic language

Love needs romance to nourish it, and poetic language can create a romantic atmosphere and enhance the relationship between lovers.

Shen Congwen left Taoyuan on January 12, 1934 and traveled along the waterway. He wrote a letter to Zhang Zhaohe on the ship, describing in detail the scenery along the way and the situation on the ship. Without a camera, Shen brought a writing pen with him to record the scenery along the way for Zhang Shaohe. In the last paragraph of this love letter, he wrote: "The mountains and rivers are so beautiful. I want to sit in the cabin with you and look at the purple hills from the window."

I want to surprise you with a raft that has vegetables growing on it! I want you to make my hands warmer..." Such beautiful words must have moved the listener greatly. But in real life, there are very few talents like Shen Congwen. For ordinary people, if they want to do it This level is somewhat unrealistic. But even if you cannot speak such beautiful language, in some necessary situations, you should try your best to modify your language, add some poetry to your language, and use poetic language to impress the other party.

4. Conclusion

A harmonious relationship between the sexes can bring pleasure and security to people. Mastering certain language skills in the process of interactions between the sexes can help enhance feelings and avoid unnecessary Conflicts occurred. This article summarizes the use of relevant language in the four major love letters of the Republic of China, and analyzes the skills that should be mastered in verbal communication for the reference of the world.