Talking about children sleeping in separate beds.

I have been thinking about how to sleep in separate rooms and beds with my son step by step.

I looked up some information, asked some boys' mothers and consulted some doctors. Everyone's story is different.

Most mothers have three concerns about "sleeping in separate beds":

"No, my son is used to sleeping with me. It is impossible to sleep in separate beds at once. "

"Well, our son didn't start sleeping in separate beds until primary school, and it will be repeated in the middle."

"If you don't trust your child to sleep in separate beds, what if he kicks the quilt or wakes up in the middle of the night?"

"You sleep in separate beds first, and then consider sleeping in separate rooms."

"I didn't get into the habit of sleeping in separate beds at first, but now I can only take it slowly."

Let's look back at the theory that there is no bed.

In China, there are only a handful of children who can sleep in separate rooms at birth. It can only be said that western mothers have a strong sense of security and have supporting safety measures, so that children can sleep in a room alone.

2 Habit problem. Because most mothers breast milk when their children are under 1 year-old, when their children cry and want to drink milk in the middle of the night, it is most people's choice to share the bed with their children for convenience;

③ Whether the child is more dependent on the mother or the mother is more dependent on the child. It is precisely because of the habit formed at the beginning that even if I can sleep in separate beds or separate rooms, my mother will still be entangled in her heart. Don't worry, being inseparable from children is also a problem.

My understanding

The problem of sleeping in separate beds is basically the process of mother and child gradually separating. It's not a big problem for girls to sleep in the same bed as their mothers. But boys can't be equal, especially when children enter the sexually sensitive stage of 4-5 years old and only get along with women, they will lack the courage, responsibility and masculinity that men should have.

But this involves another question: who is with you when the child sleeps?

1. Put the child between two people to sleep.

2. Mom and children sleep in the bed, and dad plays on the floor.

Mother and children sleep in the same bed, and father sleeps in the next room.

4. Mom and Dad take turns sleeping with their children.

5. Put the child in the crib and sleep next to the parents' big bed.

6. Old people sleep with their children on weekdays, and parents at the weekend will pick them up.

7. The old man and mother take turns to take their children to sleep, and the father sleeps in another room.

8. Full-time nanny/elderly people sleep with their children, so that parents can enjoy their lives normally.

There are various cases of this arrangement, but I haven't seen many cases of fathers sleeping with their children. This is also a state of conformity. The society generally believes that it is a woman's responsibility to take care of children, and never thinks that sleeping in separate beds is an important issue. Therefore, many boys who grew up with women are still "inseparable" from their mothers as adults.

Q 1？

What should I do if I train my children to sleep in separate beds from an early age?

Give children a sense of security. Even if the child starts to cry, don't hug the family at once, and don't shake and pat on your hands. Letting a child cry in his own crib will not cause the child to get sick. Children know that crying is useless, and they will get used to sleeping in their own cribs!

Soothe children's bedtime mood. Try to keep the room quiet before going to bed, don't scare the children during the day, and say less threatening words. Everyone's mood in the family has an influence on the establishment of children's sense of security.

Most importantly, my mother's own sense of security and emotions. Only when you are emotionally stable, not afraid, and not in a hurry will your children feel it, and no one else in your family can intervene. If the child is afraid at first, he can find some toys to calm his mood and give him a sense of security, and put them on his pillow. But make sure it is a small part that can't be eaten by mistake.

Q2？ What if the child has to get up in the middle of the night to go to the toilet?

Let children develop the habit of going to the toilet before going to bed and falling asleep independently. For example, when children can walk, don't give them spittoon cans to go to the toilet in the middle of the night; Tell your child a story before going to bed and encourage him to fall asleep by himself. At first, the child will definitely be unwilling. You can use meditation to help children calm down and feel safe. For example, I said this:

"We are now lying on a cotton ball, drifting into the blue sky with white clouds. Blown around by the wind, we slowly fell down. You feel your body sinking heavily, sinking. The cotton balls are so warm and comfortable, and there are many cute little animals in the blue sky and white clouds to play with us. " And so on.

I came across another method:

Children's restless sleep is also related to their ability to balance. In medical terms, this is called "pre-trial sleep". You can check the relevant information yourself. Then I often let my son take the narrow path and play with a scooter. Later, I found that with the growth of children's balance ability, his sleep situation became more and more practical.

In addition, if the child occasionally wets his pants, don't scold him or scare him. The more so, the less secure the child is. Change the sheets calmly and tell the child "Never mind, go to the toilet early next time".

Q3？ What if the child kicks the quilt in the middle of the night after sleeping in separate beds?

In the process of sleeping in separate beds, it is inevitable that children will occasionally catch typhoid fever. Don't blame mom for this, because mom is not a living fairy who doesn't need to sleep, and it is impossible to cover her children with quilts all night.

Q4？ What if I'm not allowed to sleep in separate beds at home?

It must be based on the non-interference and encouragement of other family members. And you have to make sure that the child is not sick, at least the father can understand. Otherwise, it is basically impossible to implement.

The theoretical method is conditional to put a small bed in the parents' room. If it is inconvenient, after the child falls asleep, the mother will go back to her room to sleep.

But there are many kinds of actual situations.

1. The mother fell asleep directly with her child in her arms.

Mom finally went back to sleep in the same bed with the children because she was not worried about them.

Mom feels used to sleeping with her children, but when the children are not around, she is not practical and can't sleep.

Neither the old man nor his father liked it, so the old man took the child back to sleep.

In the end, children think that they should sleep with the elderly on weekdays and come back on weekends. Well, mom is not superman either. When you are really tired, do whatever you want.

However, you will find that children who sleep with the elderly are generally in poor health and catch colds twice in three days. And it is difficult for children to get up in the morning and be coaxed to sleep by their parents. Therefore, mothers either put down their work because of their children, or wait until their children go to bed to deal with their work.

Moms, add memory sticks. Or pray that your child can get enough sleep early (girls usually get enough sleep earlier after asking)

Q5？ Why can't I sleep with my mom and my dad can?

A problem of sex education. There is no standard answer to how to answer, but you must be honest in front of your children and let them feel that your mentality is normal. The more secretive, the more curious children are about both sexes, and the easier it is to do something out of line in the future.

In the process of sleeping in separate beds, it is bound to be accompanied by children's repeated emotions. Tell the children that if there is something urgent, they can call their parents in the middle of the night. If their parents don't hear them right away, they can come and call us.

Q6？ Will sleeping in separate beds make children think that their mother doesn't want him?

Ask yourself how you feel first. Only when you accept it can the child accept it.

Parents aged 0-6 must watch | Enter the inner world of children through dreams.

Before you are completely ready to sleep in separate beds with your child, observe the child's natural reflex when sleeping.

Q7？ The child keeps asking you to turn on the light, or you won't sleep.

Ask the family if they have said anything to their children during the day, such as "If you don't behave yourself, the wolf will bite you" and "If you don't behave yourself, the police uncle will arrest you". This is an inattentive point, which destroys the child's sense of security. After eliminating the child's insecurity, consider sleeping in separate beds.

Q8？ The best time and the latest time to sleep in separate beds

The best time: start trying at the age of 3, and it doesn't matter if it is intermittent.

Latest time: about 7 years old (personally, boys need it earlier)

Finally, talk about the importance of sleeping in separate beds that I feel.

School-age children without separate beds and rooms often have many problems. Girls are not independent enough to participate in group activities.

Boys are more serious. Boys who have been stuck with women for a long time often have serious Oedipus psychology, sensitive personality, anxiety and worry. With the growth of age, if everything is "I'll ask my mother first", it will even continue into the boy's future marriage.

In order not to raise a "Ma Bao" son and a "princess disease" daughter, all parents should make up their minds and get ready to sleep in separate beds early!