Kneel for the sketch script. Host enters [online, etc]

Campus Wulin legend

The first field

Beckham writes, Guo sits next to him with a broom, and the scholar stands and watches. Sweep for a while)

Laobai (impatient): You two, just watch for a while. Hurry up, or the shopkeeper will deduct your salary when he comes out. (Guo Xiucai broke up. Lao xingshang)

Lao Bai (seeing Lao Xing laughing): Lao Xing is here-

Lao xing (standing. Bo): I said a few-(Yu Xiang also came out to listen) One is us.

Recently, the Security Section successfully cracked a theft case. Applause!

(Take the lead in applauding, everyone applauds. Old age leads to longevity. )

Laobai (curiously): Is it teacher XX's?

Lao Xing (proudly): That's right.

Lao Bai (a little touched. I thought it was a big case-(turning to everyone) just our teacher XX lost a sock that had not been washed for two months the other day. After reporting the case, Lao Xing and his gang, and boy, it's really hit the floor. Finally-(deliberately asked) Hey, Lao Xing, where did you find it?

Lao Xing: The snowboard is in the drawer of his desk. It's his favorite book. How do men go bad?

Yu Xiang: I said Lao Xing, Teacher Peng is booing. Why are you people in yamen still so ignorant of the situation? A smelly sock, as for it?

Lao Xing: All right, all right, forget it. Let's talk about the next thing-a few days ago, in the "Super Boy" contest held by Changchun TV Station, Teacher XX conquered all the judges with her unique appearance and talent and won the first place! Applause!

(Lao Xing takes the lead in applauding, and everyone applauds. )

Xiao Guo (laughs): What unique appearance and talent?

Lao Xing: Teacher Qu's handsome face like a Martian and the stormy speech speed of' Urapidrilal' (extremely fast speech speed) can't conquer all the middle-aged and old female judges present?

(Pretending to be a sex maniac): Teacher Qu, my dream lover in college.

Scholar (jealous, coughing violently): Zi Zeng said: 10 Among the handsome guys, there are 9 playboys and one. ..

They asked: What else?

Scholar: There is also a Brokeback Mountain.

Everyone: Cut.

Scholar: Aren't they Teacher Qu and Handsome Qu? I am also a handsome sparerib who can compete with him. Look at the fighter in our picture (POSE, the specific action is designed by Zhao Dao according to his prototype). Oh, yeah.

Laobai: Come on, you still have the nerve to compare with Mr. Qu. Haven't you heard of the three popular handsome guys in the hospital, everyone loves them, flowers bloom and flowers fall, and pigs hang themselves?

Yu Xiang: There are always three male teachers in the school office.

Laobai: Is that why they are called the three handsome boys in the school?

Lao Xing (thoughtfully): Yes. I see. No wonder senior XX claimed to be the first handsome boy in Class 9 in 2006.

Mom, there are 8 classes in Grade 06.

Big mouth: (raising his hand in a wretched way): Who is Senior XX?

Yu Xiang: You don't even know Senior XX. How did you study in kindergarten?

Laobai: Just that, that, that American head, French waist, Indian nose, Hong Kong feet, people are not people, ghosts are not ghosts.

A ghost has only one head and two legs. Just now, that guy was dangling on the stage with a big pipe called saxophone in his mouth.

Yu Xiang: It is said that his experience of going to the toilet in white pajamas at twelve o'clock one night was once made into a movie-

Guo: What movie?

Yu Xiang (pause, sob, seriously): The clock strikes midnight.

Beckham: Brother xx, I know, I know. Our teacher heard that there was a new ugly gorilla in the zoo, so she organized us to see the gorilla. Brother XX was watching. We vomited when we saw the gorilla. As soon as the gorilla saw Brother XX, the gorilla threw up.

Yu Xiang: I heard that Nanling Satellite TV will launch the "Fast Girl" competition in 2008. If you sign up for the competition, you will definitely get the first beauty in Nanling, right?

Scholar (sour accent): Boss, don't talk big. Do you have any good ideas? It is said that there are many people attending the garden. There are many handsome men and beautiful women in the official garden. It's hard to stand out from so many handsome guys and beautiful women. Right? (to the audience)

Guo: Watch me walk the catwalk. (Exaggerated walking) With the Japanese entering the village or the dinosaur era, it is better to have another sign with the slogan: Jurassic or Dancing with the Devil.

Yu Xiang: (rushing to Xiao Guo) What about Xiao Guo?

Guo (dodge. (Laughter): Well, this broom is too dirty. I'll wash it-(Run away).

Yu Xiang: Still rinse, you think it's a mop-(smiling face turns to scholar) Scholar, you say.

Scholar (sourly): Well, Dazui wrote a poem yesterday. I have to give him some advice. (escape)

Yu Xiang (angry): He also pointed to his big mouth. Can he read? Old white, you say!

Laobai (embarrassed and helpless): Er ... Oh, great! (pretending to be serious) How nice! How else can I say I'm the shopkeeper? The model just walks differently from the old sow. Right, Lao Xing?

Lao Xing: (waving his hand) OK, let me talk about the third and most important point. A director surnamed Zhao is looking for an actor in our college in 2008, and the audition will start tomorrow. There is a man and a heroine, and several supporting roles. This is a poster. The details are all on it. (Take out the poster. Guo Xiucai's big mouth. Everyone plunders. Lao Xing is leaving. Turn around suddenly. By the way, the sponsor and image person this time is Su Wan, the first beauty teacher in the school. Oh, old Xia Xing)

Robbery again. The shopkeeper got it first. Read them one by one. Big mouths)

Yu Xiang: In this cool breeze, cloudless Wan Li, and wild geese returning to the south, we lay in Wo and invited some actors to play in our drama —— "Those Broken Things in These Years" —— (Lao Bai took it away) at XX College of XX University. What are these?

Laobai: The story tells the story of a group of people in a little-known inn. They are armed with swords and shadows, blood shed, and they are deeply affectionate and bitter. Oh, I like to play such a sitcom-(Guo took it away)

Guo: A man and a woman, and several supporting actors. (The scholar took it away)

Scholar: If you can be selected, the price is negotiable. It will be held in three days.

Beckham (impatient): Hey, it's my turn to sign the contract, director XX. Why did you leave this sentence again?

Mouth (curiously): manned, I have no idea what it says.

Xiang Yu (happy): Whether he knows it or not, he won't participate in such a good thing unless he participates. but

(People ask: But what? )

Yu Xiang: But-I think there is something wrong with the atmosphere in our room. ...

Xiao Guo (posing): Is it fatal?

Laobai (motioning with his hand): No, (Look at your hands. Follow all)

(Yan Xiaoliu runs with props)

Yan Xiaoliu: Take care of my seventh uncle and his third niece! ! !

Yu Xiang: Oh, my God, Senior XX and Senior XX have come to check the bed again-

Scholar: When I think of Senior XX's poker face, my heart flutters, jumping from London to Buenos Aires and from Moscow to San Francisco. Ah, (funny)

Laobai (turns to the crowd) is in a tight wind. (Everybody get down)

The second field

(On Scholar)

Scholar (read a book. Sour cavity): the white dew is frost, so-called Iraqis are on the water side-(round trip, the road is blocked and long ...)-.

Big mouth (hurriedly came running. Stop the scholar): Hey hey, scholar. Tell me about today's actor recruitment-

Scholar: What's there to say? Just recruiting actors.

Mouth: How can it be just one thing? I have heard of this play. If you do it well, the appearance fee is indispensable. If I become an international superstar or something, why should I stay here? Then I'll eat shark fin fried rice and drink Sanlu milk. Oh, my God, this is so delightful (laughs) ... What stage name do you suggest I choose-Tom Cruise Lee or Leonardo Lee Caprio?

Scholar: You think too far-(Lao Baishang)

Laobai (laughs): What are you talking about, so busy?

Scholar (to Lao Bai): Dazui is imagining his brilliant acting career. ...

Laobai (laughs): OK, big mouth, good progress-

Scholar (interrupting): I mainly want to be famous. After that, I went to the bottom of ten apartment buildings, and all the girls screamed at the windows-(the voice changed to' Tom has a big mouth, I love you, you are my hone……' ...').

Big mouth (laughs. Shy): Scholar, look at what you said, it's too direct.

Laobai (slapping his mouth. ): Mouth, just for your spirit of dying for ten apartments, the Women's Federation will definitely send you an extra-large red flower on Women's Day on March 8 (music, someone comes forward to put red flowers on your mouth and giggles seriously)

Laobai: Do you know the theme of the hottest movie now? (Big mouth shakes his head violently)

Scholar (interrupting): What a tragedy.

Big mouth (turning to scholar): Why?

Scholar: Tragedy, such as "Beautiful Woman" and "Painted Skin", are all great tragedies-our shopkeeper cried after reading it last time, and all three diapers of Beckham were wet.

Big mouth (laughs): Emotional tragedy is so hot. Old white, right?

Laobai: Oh, I don't agree with you. I still remember the last time in Nanling Cultural Center, Xiaoguo laughed hysterically and scared away more than 800 people, so more than 20 couples broke up, and the school psychological counseling center was full the next day. ...

(Guo takes it to the mirror)

Xiao Guo (smiling): Who said I was laughing? (of a scholar) Are you talkative?

Mouth (pointing to the sky): You see, the weather is really good today.

Guo: You? Old white

Laobai: The sun is quite round today.

Guo: It must be you, scholar!

Scholar: Look, the weather is good.

Guo: What scholars did you say? Tigers are not arrogant. You think I'm HELLO KITTY.

Scholar (begging for mercy, kneeling on one knee, very sincere): I just said: My Rong is the most beautiful in our hospital, you are my sky and you are mine. ), you are my forever.

Guo: Forget it, I won't argue with you. I will rehearse before director Zhao comes. Hello, judges. My name is Guo Furong. I am 28 years old. People say I'm average. I am the third Hong Kong elder sister. Actually, I'm ugly. I am the ninth Hong Kong elder sister. I'm not married-

Beckham (making trouble): I just have a sour scholar as my boyfriend. (The scholar makes a disgusting gesture)

Xiaoguo (twisting to Beckham): Stop fooling around and play, (laughing narcissistically). Don't disturb my contact ... I study hard and love sports and labor.

Beckham (imitating Guo's tone): Nothing, I like to practice my hands with scholars-

Xiao Guo (oblivious): It doesn't matter. I like to practice my hand with a scholar ... Angry) Mo-Xiao Bei-(every word. Turn away)

Beckham (disapprovingly): Why?

Xiaoguo (smiling with anger): Go and play, and don't disturb Sister Guo to practice smiling (giving the audience a disgusting smile). ...

Beckham (shivering): Sister Guo, are you poisoned by gas? Why do you always laugh?

Xiao Guo (laughs): A long smile is an important magic weapon to conquer the judges. Laughter means you are confident. How come? Doesn't it look good?

No, Sister Koko. You see, everyone can laugh. Nothing special.

. To win, the key is to be special and find another way. It's very popular and unique now. Look at Sister Furong, Sister Furong's brother-in-law, Yang Er Chenham ...

(Full-court vomiting)

(Lao Xingshang)

Lao Xing: Where are you? (Xiang Yushang)

Yu Xiang: Coming, coming. (Seeing Lao Xing) Yo, Lao Xing is here.

Lao Xing: Let me tell you something. Well, because there were too many contestants, Director Zhao decided to do it in blocks. He will come at once.

Yu Xiang: Why did he come here?

Lao Xing: Because your class has the largest number of contestants, it is the first division.

Yu Xiang: How many people?

Lao Xing: Five.

Yu Xiang: So many-just one failed to report. who is it? -(Lao Bai)

Lao Bai (interrupting the conversation): Oh, here comes Lao Xing.

Lao Xing (to Xiang Yu): Speak of the devil. (to Laobai) Come here, Laobai. I have something to discuss with you. (Lao Bailai sits in front of Lao Xing) That is-I hope you can host this talent show.

Laobai: Why? I also want to be a star.

Old xing (whispers. Manned to eavesdrop): Didn't you preside over the last "Four Ugly Boys School Beauty Contest"? You have experience. Moreover, director Zhao's crew not only gave the host a great candy list, but also had many opportunities to show their faces. ...

Laobai (standing up at once): What are you waiting for? Let's go and find Director Zhao.

Third field

(Director Zhao Jin)

Director Zhao: Who wants to see me?

Lao Xing: Director Zhao, you are here. Then let's get started. (Handing a piece of paper to Laobai) This is the prologue. Read it. Yu Xiang, ask your buddy to come out and help set up the venue. According to (to)

(Come on, guys. The men set up the venue. Player director seated)

Lao Bai (holding Lao Xing): Is that all right?

Lao Xing: I know you are too late, so I wrote it temporarily. No problem, just watch.

Laobai (look at Shangdao. You can start. (Read by note): Hello, comrades. It seems a little cold in this sunny weather. I'm glad to see the smiling faces of the contestants ... (a little flustered. To Lao Xing) Lao Xing, what are these words? (Turn around) It's an honor to meet Zhao Dao, a famous senior director of the School of Management, and it's even more honored that we can play his play. Here, I wish all the contestants great success. Next, our beloved teacher Dai Qu and Xing Yusen, who won the best photogenic award of the year, spoke for us. Applause!

(Everyone applauds impatiently. Prisoner)

Lao xing (happy. Bo): Because Mr. Qu is not feeling well, he asked me to be the notary of this draft. I hope everyone will play a horizontal game and show their style. Competition comes first, friendship comes second.

Lao Bai (after reading): What touching and thought-provoking words. Next, please ask Director Shang Zhao to talk about the rules of the game. Applause!

Director Zhao: This draft mainly depends on everyone's comprehensive quality, so I will ask all kinds of questions to test.

. I hope everyone can give full play to it. (Sit down. Everyone applauds)

Lao Bai (read aloud): OK, please compete in the order listed on the list. Don't forget to ask for lollipops.

Lao Xing (hurry back): I forgot. I should remind myself ... (Go back and sit down)

Director Zhao: OK, let's get started. (Lao Bai sits next to Lao Xing)

Big mouth (a little nervous. (to the shopkeeper): shopkeeper, I'm a little nervous.

Yu Xiang: That's all right. You usually eat more than the donkey, but I believe you must eat better than the donkey. ...

Director Zhao: First, Li Xiulian. (big mouth forward)

Big mouth (laughs): れれれれれれれれれれれれれれれれれれれれれ

Director Zhao: The introduction says that you are a gourmet's apprentice?

Mouth: Chuo is right. I am a close disciple of the legendary god of food who pays equal attention to beauty and wisdom, and I am the embodiment of hero and chivalry.

Director Zhao: Seeing that you are so expressive, then perform. Just-promote this bench-use normal words.

Mouth: Good bench. (pick it up. ) The secret of the bench can be hidden in the bedroom or the murder weapon. If you were caught by the police, you wouldn't tell you. It is a necessary tool for family travel and killing people. ...

Director Zhao: OK, let me ask you three questions: Master Roshi built a house and typed the name of a medicine.

Big mouth (thought for a moment. ): I don't know

Zhao Dao: Cover the middle cover ... Let me ask you again. Master Roshi demolished the house, rebuilt it and entered the name of the medicine. (big mouth shaking his head) new cover and middle cover ... let me ask you another question: turtle man demolished the house, built and demolished it, and named the medicine (big mouth shaking his head) ... great calcium. Master Xing, you are still young ... Next.

(Big mouth disappointed, scholar soft language)

Zhao Dao (see introduction): A black sheep, trying many times ... Why do you want to be an actor?

Scholar (holding a lollipop): Oh, why do you say my pain? I, Lv Qinghou, studied Shakespeare at the age of three, watched the Art of War at the age of four, and studied Martin Luther King at the age of five. But God has no pity on me. Now I have found such a girl who is the most violent in the hospital as my girlfriend. Look at me. I am tortured like a human being, but ghosts are not like ghosts, and life is miserable. ...

Laobai (wailing. Dude, it's too bad for you. I will never laugh at you as a sour scholar again, nor will I rob you of your lollipop. ...

Scholar (pushes away Lao Bai. Crying): I'm not finished yet-(Laobai goes back. Why do I want to be an actor? Because I was inspired by it. I hope to succeed, but I don't want to fail. ...

Director Zhao: What a good actor! Lin Daiyu in A Dream of Red Mansions ended in tragedy. Do you know how she died in the end?

Scholar: Her life experience was so tragic that she died in tears.

Zhao Dao: Wrong. She fell to her death. Because "a sister Lin fell from the sky"—

Scholar: Huh?

Zhao Dao: Remember, men don't flick when they have tears. Next, Guo Furong. (The scholar ends up. Furong Shang)

Yu Xiang: What happened to Xiao Guo? He doesn't laugh at all. (to the scholar) Scholar, have you made her angry again?

Scholar: Wrong. I didn't talk about it.

Director Zhao: Have you heard of the recent blockbuster Kung Fu Panda? What's the director's name again?

Guo (not laughing): Jonathan? Abel and Glenn? Berger.

Zhao Dao: Right. What is it like? Does it look nice?

Xiao Guo (can't help it): It looks good. (Step forward, clap your hands hard, and Zhao Dao falls to the ground) I'm telling you, that panda, hahaha (laughs), is so fat ... is it still called a panda ... (pointing to the big mouth) It's almost catching up with the big mouth. ...

Director Zhao: OK, that's all. Next.

Guo: Director Zhao, I am very beautiful. Girl number one is fine.

Zhao Dao: Hot face sticks to cold ass, heartless, shameless and unreasonable.

Once again, pretend to be lovers and go to Korea for the first time.

Beckham: Hello, Uncle Director, my name is Mo Xiaobei, and I am the youngest player here.

Director Zhao: Since you are young, you should be a cute expression that children are best at.

Beckham: I can't do it.

Laobai: Why?

Beckham: Because people are cute. 、

Director Zhao: Then make a face.

Beckham: No need. Because no matter how you dress up, you won't be ugly. ...

Director Zhao: Our lovely little girl, do you know what kind of dolls are popular now?

Beckham: Yes. It's Barbie.

Director Zhao: It's a bit out of date. Where are the others?

Beckham (briefly thinking): And SD in Japan.

Director Zhao: Anything else?

Beckham: And. (disdain) impossible.

Director Zhao: DOD from South Korea and DZ from China. Have you ever heard of them?

Beckham: No.

Director Zhao: Let me ask you, is lolita fashion popular now?

Beckham (puzzled): What is that?

Director Zhao: Lolita has three styles: SweetLoveLolita, GothicLolita and ClassicLolita, which are romantic, mysterious and elegant respectively. You should practice for more years. The last one-(Beckham is helpless. Shang Xiangyu)

Yu Xiang: Hello, you, hello, Russian, Russian surname Tong, the jade of Tong Xiangyu.

Mouth: Boss, relax. I am better than a donkey, and you are better than me.

Yu Xiang: Hungry is wrong. Hungry is really wrong. Hungry? You shouldn't have gotten married in the first place. If I don't get married, my husband won't die. Hungry husband will not die, and hunger will not fall to such a sad point.

Yu Xiang (embarrassed smile): I'm not sure. However, Russian students are well disciplined in Russia.

Director Zhao: OK. That's it for this draft. The results were finally announced. (stand up. You are a good host. Can you continue to help host? I manage lollipops.

Laobai (laughs): OK. (Zhao Dao, Lao Baixia)

Lao Xing (quick): I still miss my lollipop, so I have to go.

Yu Xiang (retention slip): Just go-

Guo: I have been busy for so long. (Everyone is depressed)

Yu Xiang: Forget it, forget it. Everybody go back to rest.

(Everybody get down)

Scene 4

(Lao Bai collapsed. Open)

Laobai: Somebody please. I want to drink water. (Everyone is here)

Yu Xiang: Bai, what's wrong with you?

Big mouth (laughs): I know I'm tired at first sight.

Laobai: I have good news. ...

(People ask: What is it? )

Laobai: Why did Director Zhao brush people down? There is an inside story. Teachers Qu, Peng, substitute teachers and sisters in our college have all spent a lot of money on roles.

Scholar: No, there are only two important roles. So much, how to divide it?

Laobai: It's not easy. Whoever spends more money will play an important role. In addition, they can add writers.

Yu Xiang: Forget it, forget it. This is the end of the draft. This is life. But then again-(rushing to Xiao Guo) Xiao Guo,

Have you washed dirty clothes these days? (Guo hurriedly runs down) (looks at the scholar) Scholar, everyone is here today.

Have you finished your homework? The scholar hurried to the table. Mouth hurriedly stop. )

Mouth: Alas-it's not time for dinner yet.

Yu Xiang: Then take out your 300kg garbage! (Big mouth doesn't want to move. (Angry) Go! Go to the life department right away

Are you here to check your bed? (big mouth hurriedly) (rushing to Beckham)

Beckham (leaving): I'm going to see calculus right away.

Yu Xiang: Hospital regulations are 200 times higher.

Beckham: Huh? (Crying) I'm not alive anymore-(Beckham)

(glared at old white xiang yu. Laobai managed to run away. Happy): That's more like it. (Lao Xingshang)

Lao Xing (standing at the door): I have a message for you. Zhao Jing's "Those Broken Things in Those Years" has been finalized by the actors! (Guys in turn) Besides, the shooting is about to start. Applause!

(everyone applauds gently)

Guo: I know nothing about acting. That actor is really active.

Lao Xing (shifting his position): I don't know. Ask me, I know.

Yu Xiang (laughs): What story?

Lao Xing: That is, the hero falls in love with the heroine, then falls in love in a triangle, then one dies, and finally everyone is happy.

Guo: Soap operas-

Beckham: No nutrition.

Yu Xiang: That "sword shadow"—

Laobai (continued): Blood Sprinkle—

Scholar (continued. Sour cavity): "Be immersed in love"—

Big mouth (connection. Impatient): "Great Hatred"—

Lao Xing (laughs): It's all gimmicks. Otherwise, how can I earn enough registration fees?

(It suddenly dawned on everyone)

Yu Xiang (laughs): Stop acting. Then let's take a curtain call!