Bragging sentences are funny (serious bragging jokes)

Boasting sentences are funny and humorous.

Excerpts from boastful, funny and humorous sentences are as follows:

1. Every time I walk alone at night, I'm so scared. It's so dark and I'm so beautiful. I'm afraid others can't see me.

2, girls who don't work hard will have endless stalls and endless shopping in the vegetable market. Hard-working girls, you won't have time to shop, because you can only work overtime and take out some food to visit Taobao!

3. Never know how ugly you are if you don't confess, and never know how bad your character is if you don't borrow money!

Although I am often beaten by my wife, God knows my wife is not an unreasonable person. She always asks my permission before calling. If I say no, she will call me until I agree.

5. What is the concept of eating goods? Eat more if it tastes good, and eat more if it doesn't.

6. What is love? It's just that two people are as ugly as monkeys, and they are both worried that the other person will be taken away.

7. What is the generation gap? I just put on my new clothes and walked around in front of my mother and said, mom, is there a model? Mom gave me a look and said, yes, in the pot, help yourself.

I used to be poor, but I was happy. It's different now. I am not only poor, but also unhappy.

9. I wanted to turn around and smile at the male god, but I didn't expect it to be too cold and my nose was running with laughter.

10, it occurred to me that day that I used your photo as a computer desktop. Damn, I'm infected by a computer virus.

1 1. Failure is the mother of success. Who is the father of success? Transfer me ten dollars, and you will pay successfully.

12, bought a pot of mimosa today. I'm not shy about moving back. Go back and ask the boss. The boss said, "Maybe you bought this pot to lose face."

A serious boastful joke.

As follows:

1, when we have money, we will drink soybean milk and eat fried dough sticks. Shit! I want to dip in sugar, I want to dip in brown sugar. Buy two bowls of soybean milk at a time, drink one bowl and pour one bowl!

When we have money, we will buy clothes and socks. Shit! I want to buy white, white and black ones. Buy two pairs of socks at a time, one on your feet and one on your hands.

When we are rich, we will marry and have children. Shit! Want to have a boy, want to have a boy, want to have a girl. The child gave birth to two at a time, one was delivered naturally and the other was delivered by caesarean section.

When we have money, we will buy computer software. Shit! I want to install xp, xp, nt and nt. Xp installs two versions at a time, one is used and the other is left.

When we have money, we will change the chip for the mouse. Shit! I want to change my notebook into a notebook, and I want to change my photos into a notebook. I want to change two mice at a time, a left hand and a right hand.

6. When we have money, we will go to the hotel to order pheasants. Shit! If you want a native chicken, call it a native chicken; If you want a foreign chicken, you call it a foreign chicken. Call two chickens at a time, and fuck one and return one.

7. When we have money, we will drink old wine and smoke cigarettes. Shit! Drink red wine if you want, and white wine if you want. Light two cigarettes at a time, smoke one and burn one.

8. If you have money, go to counter-terrorism and peacekeeping. Shit! Check if you want, and sanction if you want. Counter-terrorism is two at a time, one against Bush and the other against bin Laden.

9. If we have money, we will drink mineral water and eat stinky tofu. Shit! Put sesame paste if you want, and sesame oil if you want. Buy two bottles of mineral water, drink one bottle and wash your hands.

The highest level of bragging quotation

Bragging is also a kind of confidence. At least you dare to brag, but you can't exaggerate. If you want to brag, you can realize it step by step. Being able to get attention and appreciation, even if it is fake, is also a comfort in the process of being constantly denied by society and self. As a listener, just go in one ear and out the other. After all, most people who brag are clearly seen by others in reality. What does that mean? Never try to wake someone who pretends to sleep.

The highest level of boasting is to believe yourself first and then infect others. You don't believe it yourself. How can others feel the same way?

Sometimes it doesn't hurt to satisfy others' self-deception a little.

There is a saying: the more a person shows off, the more he lacks. A boaster pretends that these facts are true by telling others exaggerated facts. Such a "false self" can help them improve their self-confidence and reduce their fear and anxiety. By bragging, you can pretend that you have reached your ideal self-realm. In this process, you can also get the attention of others, which is conducive to showing yourself and getting a good impression of yourself.

Has reached the highest level of boasting.

On the first floor, I was shocked after blowing, and I quickly blushed and avoided.

On the second floor, I feel there is nothing wrong with it after blowing, and others don't believe it.

On the third floor, I believed in myself when I played. After I won the lottery, I passed the 4s shop and went directly to pick up the car. Until I swiped my card, I thought the pos machine in the 4s shop was broken.

Classic quotations of bragging language

Classic quotations describe people bragging.

Classic quotations describe people bragging. In daily life or work and study, people always touch or use sentences. Sentences can be divided into simple sentences and complex sentences, and simple sentences can be divided into subject-predicate sentences and non-subject-predicate sentences. The following are classic quotations to describe people bragging.

Classic quotations describe people bragging 1

1, be kind to others, be considerate of others, love life and work hard.

Dear, you always say that I love to brag, so please listen to me: "For you, I can spend nine days fishing for the moon and go to five oceans to catch turtles!" Because: that "moon" is you, and that "turtle" is you!

The garbage at home is very clear, but the garbage in my heart is not "dumped". Women are kind and not greedy, while men are hardworking and honest.

As far as your appearance is concerned, I'm not bragging. No one in the world can match you, really!

I remember a long time ago, the earth was quite dark. One day, playing with fire ignited a few small balls not far away. People call him Sun. It's too bright, so I have to find someone to take some pictures and never play with fire again.

6. If you want to be happy, your heart should be simpler; If you want to be free and easy, you must ask for a simpler life.

Give me a fulcrum, and I'll put my neighbor's car in the ditch so that he won't honk when he sees me.

8. Every shot will make me feel at a loss, and every happiness will make me feel sad silently. Just like I see other people's smiles, I can't find my own happiness.

9. Positive thinking leads to positive life, and negative thinking leads to negative life.

10, the best years of my life were playing football, drinking and bragging with you, so we were all single later.

1 1. Men brag after drinking, while women sleep silently after drinking.

12. History is false except for people's names. This novel is true, but the name of the person is false.

13, your fart is really fierce. With such a thick steel pipe and such a thin one, the Himalayas collapsed into crew cut. Do you think this fart is fierce?

14. I won the championship in just three words. I am not handsome!

15, after talking for a long time, the beard and mouth are still a bare chin.

16, a hateful guy like you: you can play a piece of shit in a TV series, but you can't compare with chewing gum scattered by dogs on the roadside. You are even more handsome than a flower. If you want to find a girlfriend, you have to go to the zoo or even leave the earth. If you want to commit suicide, only someone will advise you not to leave the body, so as not to pollute the environment. Even the amoeba can't survive on the keyboard you touched, and spitting is more deadly than SARS. Pretending to be cute can instantly solve the problem of population expansion. In order to leave you, I want to immigrate to Mars. If your ugliness can generate electricity, nuclear power plants all over the world can be shut down. If you go to war, bullets and missiles will be attracted to you.

17, no matter how fierce you shout, it's just a chicken feather.

18, I'm not a great person. I'm just a little taller than Liu Xiang, a little whiter than Louis Koo, a little cooler than Andy Lau, a little more handsome than Chow Yun Fat, a little better than Bruce Lee and a little more successful than Stephen Chow.

19. Life is like an onion. You peel it off layer by layer, and sometimes you cry.

20. On the way of bragging, I gradually became arrogant.

2 1. In the evening, the Bodhisattva was still in the temple.

22. Always look for people who are more positive than yourself and a more positive environment than yourself.

23. What we should give up is helplessness. It is ignorance that should give up and not give up. What should not be given up is incompetence. What should not be given up is persistence.

24. I will leave the galaxy tomorrow, so I won't brag to you.

25. I found that people can't stay in the same city for many years, and there are too many people who know each other. When chatting, you will find that the acquaintances around you are inextricably linked, which leads to the pain of bragging.

26. A taciturn person is not necessarily stupid, and a talkative person is not necessarily wise.

27, don't brag, please return the cow to the cow, because the cow has to live!

The furthest distance in the world is not between life and death, but when I stand in front of you, you don't know that I love you. The furthest distance in the world is not when I stand in front of you, but when you know that you love each other, you can't be together. The furthest distance in the world is not knowing how to love each other.

29. Face life with an optimistic and positive attitude. You don't have to look up at others, you are also a landscape.

30. When you put down your face to make money, it shows that you are sensible. When you earn back your face with money, it means you have succeeded. When you can earn money by saving face, it means that you are already alone. When you still stay there drinking and bragging, pretending that you don't know anything and only love the so-called face, it means that this is your life.

3 1, the sole is worn out, which doesn't mean the road is over.

Even if I were a toad, I would never marry my mother toad.

33. I will leave the galaxy tomorrow, so I won't brag to you.

I can shoot through my jeans.

35. Bragging is becoming more and more arrogant, and modesty is becoming more and more modest.

Don't brag, you don't know you can break the sky.

Don't brag in front of me, my eyes can't tolerate idiots.

38. The firefly under the moon alone illuminates loneliness. The snow on the moss tells me that you never came back.

39. There is no room for a grain of sand in the eye, but it can accommodate contact eyes.

40. It's funny to say, but I want to go but I don't want to die.

4 1, if I'm not pretending, I'm on the way to pretending.

42. I'm going back to Mars. There are many cows on the earth. I can't leave if I don't leave.

43. The snow on the moss reflected my pale face. I opened the dictionary, and all the words on any page made me sad.

44. Tofu has an extra bag of water, but no one believes empty talk.

45. This house is very big. I left home for a month before I came to my living room.

46. On the road of love, I always stop and go, and my mother says that my legs and feet are not good.

47. Your fart is really powerful. With such a thick steel pipe and such a thin collapse, the Himalayas have collapsed to the ground. Do you think this fart is not powerful?

48. Mount Tai is not a hill, let alone a boast.

49. Noisy birds are lazy to make nests, and noisy cats catch fewer mice.

50. There are many opportunities in a person's life, just to see if he can seize it, cherish what he sees and satisfy what he has. We often miss more opportunities for one opportunity.

5 1, I just got a call. Liv said he would come to me and Pu to do something.

52. Brothers, the best time in my life was drinking and bragging with you.

Classic quotations to describe people bragging II

The funniest bragging sentence

1, two farmers bragged-"The chickens on our farm eat all tea leaves and lay all tea eggs." "Yes, our farm gives them wallets to lay poached eggs."

2. It is normal to eat the metal line of washing the pot for breakfast, which just shows that our logistics comes in strict accordance with the order of washing the pot first and then cooking.

3. Is money important? I think sometimes it doesn't matter. If you don't believe me, I'll throw you into no man's land. Ten days later, I'll give you a million dollars and a bowl of rice to choose from. You will definitely choose rice!

God deceived everyone, because hell is the most beautiful! The Buddha knew the truth, so the Buddha said, "If I don't go to hell, who will?"

5, half-hearted: let parents rest assured, make lovers happy, let leaders worry, be good to women, and be casual to men.

6. What people fear most is not death, but regret.

7. I don't want to sleep except at bedtime.

8. If your ex-boyfriend and current boyfriend fall into the river at the same time, will you be my girlfriend?

Let me live in your heart or in your bed.

10. Say you like it with photos. You think you are visiting Taobao.

1 1. As a mobile phone, is it easy for me to support you? I give you so much pocket money every month, but I still play with you every day. You won't rob others to give you a red envelope. You have to let me poke you in the head before you move, so as not to lose the face of your mobile phone. Go ahead! ! !

12, if beauty is a crime, then I have committed a heinous crime.

13, it's so naive to fall in love with someone just by chatting. Mature and wise people know that you have to look through the photo album.

14, watch a Korean drama and change husbands.

15, people always say that I have a bad temper, which is really funny. I wish a good-looking person like me had a good temper.

The funniest bragging sentence

1, my mother asked me why I didn't clean my room. This is a joke. I am a beauty in a messy room.

Do you think I will watch you die? I'll close my eyes!

3. You can't satisfy everyone, because not everyone is human!

4. Love is missing a person's heart, marriage is tying a person's heart, and love is swallowing a person's heart.

5. Positive thinking leads to positive life, and negative thinking leads to negative life.

6. A successful mother is a loser, and a successful father is sweat.

7. Go beyond yourself, challenge yourself, challenge weaknesses, challenge laziness and challenge bad habits.

8. Maybe you are too cute, maybe I like it too much. Anyway, I want to sleep with you.

9. Starbucks is a photo studio with the theme of coffee shop, KFC McDonald's is a public toilet with the theme of fast food restaurant, and the school is a marriage agency with the theme of learning.

10, people who care about you will reply to your message no matter how busy they are. People who don't care about you, the signal in the grave is not very good!

1 1, the role of eyelashes should be to prevent things from entering your eyes, but when I feel uncomfortable with my eyes, it is mostly because eyelashes have entered your eyes.

12, forgive those arrogant poor people, after all, their eyes are blind!

13 just heard two pupils outside the door say, "Soon! Soon! 95%! "So I silently turned off wifi. What a happy day!

14, people chasing you may not necessarily prove that you are beautiful, but you may know that you are good at it by looking at your coquettish appearance!

15, don't feel inferior, you are no more stupid than others. Don't be complacent, others are no more stupid than you.

Classic Quotations to Describe People Bragging 3

The most classic braggart.

1, Guitar: I didn't expect to win many fans from four thin wires. I am never picky about the working environment, and I can adapt to it at home, in the suburbs, on the stage, on the street and by the sea. My favorite mantra is: "play well, play well, play croak."

2. Harmonica: Although I am very young, I am a big family. Dozens of people live together. Although everyone is square, they all work hard and have their own strengths. Everyone has a colleague who sings while kissing his master. What is this? This is love and happiness.

I am not a great person. I'm just a little taller than Liu Xiang, a little whiter than Louis Koo, a little cooler than Andy Lau, a little more handsome than Chow Yun Fat, a little better than Bruce Lee and a little more successful than Stephen Chow.

I am not a capable person. I'm just a guy with higher IQ than Einstein, whiter than Zhang Zhenyue, cooler than Stephen Chow, more handsome than Daniel Wu, better than Du Wenze and more successful than Li Ka-shing.

5. Drum: Everyone knows that I wear a thin piece of cowhide, but I never brag about cowhide. My greatest advantage is that I can stand the fight, and it is absolutely amazing not to sing.

6. Flute: Everyone knows that I have a lot of brains, but my brain is not bad. Although my fame is blown out, it doesn't affect my position on the stage at all.

7. Hulusi: First of all, I'm not a vegetable, unlike shredded potatoes and three silk heads. Although I look like a gourd, this gourd never sells medicine. I play art!

8. Guzheng: It is no exaggeration to say that I am an old-timer in the field of musical instruments. Although I usually love to "put on airs", it's not all because of work needs.

9. Violin: I have a high position. Step on the master's shoulder when going to work and walk closest to the "head". But I have never been arrogant, and I work well with the top leaders, so I have always been very popular.

10, accordion: My flexible personality is the reason why I am loved. My greatest happiness is being hugged. This treatment is the first in the musical instrument family. I am really happy, so I cherish every opportunity to perform and try to dedicate the most beautiful music to people. My slogan is: carry out the style to the end.

An extremely boastful resume.

In order to describe my adaptability and hard work, I claim on my resume that I am like a cactus in the desert. Whether you can apply depends on your resume. If your resume is well written, you will leave a good impression and a deep impression on the recruiter. However, except for the identity information and education information, the resume is basically half true and half false, so I personally think that the resume can not prove the ability, it is just an application letter for "applying".

In fact, to tell the truth, my resume, personal introduction and work experience all rely on bragging. Because I am only a secondary school diploma, I have no advantage in diploma at all, so I can only work hard on these two columns. In essence, my general work experience is true, because I have been engaged in store sales, but I really blew my top in working hours, positions and responsibilities. For example, when I sold my mobile phone, I worked in three companies, so I will write in the column of work experience that I have worked in one company for so many years, which will make me stable and experienced.

I will also brag about my position, because if I say I am an ordinary employee, the other person will naturally doubt my ability, but if I write about a supervisor or manager, the recruiter will naturally have confidence in my ability. Then a personal introduction. Many people will simply write hard work, strong ability to withstand pressure and strong sense of team, but I don't write that. I will describe myself as a cactus in the desert. Even if there is no rain and dew, even if there is no water, I can still grow tenaciously, thus alluding to how hard I can bear hardships and how strong I can withstand pressure.

In fact, I can see at a glance that I am praising the recruiter, but I have left a deep impression on them, and from the information on my resume, I can see that I am a "unique and individual" person, so I may also give myself extra points. I seem to be exaggerating, but I personally think it's true, because I can really withstand pressure and hardship, and I like challenging things, so although my resume is a little exaggerated, it's not much different from my actual situation.