100 a joke with a stomachache.

1, my classmates complained to me as soon as they met, saying that he always had night sweats some time ago and sweated when he fell asleep. The hospital examination cost hundreds of dollars. Later, he found an old Chinese doctor and prescribed more than a dozen pairs of Chinese medicines, all of which didn't work, getting worse every day. I asked: What happened later? How was it cured? When asked about this, I obviously saw my classmate's mouth twitch and said angrily, I changed a thin quilt. 2. An idiot friend came to my house to play, and I bought him Sprite. He took it and put it on the coffee table, and accidentally knocked it over. Sprite spilled, and the idiot turned green at first sight. Knocked over my desk, grabbed my collar and said, is this fucking water poisonous?

I met a Jianghu elder brother the other day. My brother has a carp tattooed on each side of his calf. The colors are red and black. The fish head on the left is facing up and the fish head on the right is facing down. The shape is vigorous and the face is ferocious. This is terrible. At dinner, someone finally asked about the meaning of tattoos. Big Brother lit a cigarette and said: I was born in March 1976, 15 ... We all cocked our ears and waited for this story that was doomed to bleed. Eldest brother took a puff at his cigarette and said, I'm Pisces.

Go to the hospital and ask an expert if there is any way to lose weight without dieting or exercising. Experts say there is. I asked eagerly what it was. He said it was garlic. I thought it was wrong at first, but then I thought about it. That makes sense. Garlic can burn fat and promote metabolism. Experts say garlic can keep others away from you. The farther away, the smaller it looks.

A weak person is often bullied at school. I was bullied by my classmates in the morning and bullied by other classes after school. So one day he secretly took a rope, ran to a deserted place, hung it on a tree, and then ...........

Sitting on it as a swing, I feel much better

6. A friend of mine told a fortune last year that he was doomed to be lucky this year and would be deeply hurt by a woman who suddenly appeared. Yesterday, he was hit by an aunt riding an electric car at the corner, and he is still lying in the hospital.

7. I went to have my hair cut today, and I saw the barber next to me always saying to a girl: Beauty, let's get a perm! We have a new set meal of 5800 here. A perm will definitely look good. I didn't like it then. Isn't this a scam? I just stood up. Girl, don't listen to him. There is nothing more beautiful than you. After that, I calmly went out. The girl kept chasing me, probably to thank me. Ah! That's great.

8. A girl was fined for running laps in the playground for being late for class. Unexpectedly, it began to rain and the girl had to run in the rain. This is a boy running after her with an umbrella and moving it to the girl's head. The girl heard that the boy had been looking at her for a long time and her face turned red in an instant. She whispered shyly: Sorry, I have a boyfriend. The boy looked down thoughtfully and said to the girl affectionately, Do you want it? This umbrella is ten yuan.

9. Once I got acute gastroenteritis and went to the hospital. It was a terrible pain. My dad came to see me and told me anxiously that this hospital can't even connect to a wifi.

10 I confessed to the goddess today! She shyly asked me to wait for her at the school gate after school. I can't believe that happiness comes so suddenly! The long wait passed, and the moment I saw her figure, I slipped away unwillingly. I hate my cowardice. I hate the knife in the hand of the gangster with a big gold chain next to her.

1 1, outside the window, it is raining. She looked at me with her eyes. Meet her parents. I can't help but feel a shock. It's been so long, and it's the first time she said such a thing to me. Tears welled up in my eyes and I choked. I asked tentatively: Is it a little early? She is a little excited: dare to bargain! You haven't handed in your homework for two days! Call the parents!

12. When I was a child, I went to the Internet cafe with some classmates after school. As a result, my dad caught me while I was having fun. When I got home, my father said softly, I was sweating all over. Let's take a bath first. Suddenly I feel that spring is coming, so I go to take a shower. Just after undressing, my father kicked bathroom door away and said with a whip, Little Rabbit! Usually I ask you to take off your clothes. This time I will give you a long memory!

13, a friend came to see me from the northeast. There were six people in a party, and one car could not hold it! So I stopped another taxi to show them the way! Tell them to keep close again and again so as not to get lost! When I got on the bus, I said to the master, master, someone is following us! Master nodded knowingly at me, stepped on the accelerator and flew out, circling several streets at full speed, and almost ran a red light! When I came to my senses, the master said to me with a strange expression: I lost it. . .

14. Today, a boy confessed to a girl. In order to send him away, the woman said to the boy, if you can give me a rainbow at once, I will be good to you. The boy replied, where do you want it to appear? The woman stretched out her left hand and said, here. So ~ ~ ~ So the boy put the girl's hand on the ground and stepped on it hard ~ ~ ~

15. Today, my mother and I went to a party. Before I went, my mother taught me to be sweet when I went out. She said that if I used to see other people's children grow up, I would praise them for their beauty. If I were really ugly, I would praise them for being so tall. As a result, many people praised me for being tall after eating.

16, my wife wants to divorce me. Although finally compromised and accepted, I still can't tolerate this cruel reality. I decided to wait for revenge and find the culprit. So on a sunny afternoon, I followed her out and saw her holding our divorce certificate and rushing to a huge banner that said, buy one get one free milk tea ~ ~

17, many years ago, I ate ice cream in front of my house. A child in the distance looked at my ice cream and swallowed. I saw his pitiful appearance, so I called him over, gave him a stool and said, come, sit and watch the blind date after many years, and went to the woman's house. She has a younger brother who asked me. Want to marry my sister? I nodded, wondering what he meant. He pointed to the sofa in the back and said, come on, sit down and think about it.

18, something happened at home today that made my sister cry. At that time, I discovered that it hasn't changed for so many years. There is only one woman in the world, and I will never allow others to make her cry, and that is my sister. Because other girls cry, pear blossoms bring rain, and she is really ugly when she cries.

19, just now, my money is gone, and I have searched the dormitory but I still can't find it! My classmate said leisurely in bed: Maybe it fell to the ground. If you sweep the floor, you may come out. So I scanned it and still couldn't find it. Looking at the clean dormitory, I found something was wrong.

20. The woman next door seems to finally realize the importance of finding a boyfriend, because her signature has been changed to: Actually, it is very important to have a boyfriend, at least when the water pipe at home bursts, you can hand me a wrench.

2 1, junior high school, there is a particularly beautiful female classmate in the class. It was a very popular type at that time, with double ponytails and refreshing white. Once when she was playing in the corridor after class, I kissed her in front of many people and then ran away. Actually, I don't like her at all I kissed her because her boyfriend was a gangster at school. I like the feeling of being chased for a week and running away.

22. When it was just dark, I passed a residential area. A muscular man came over and suddenly began to cough. Then four or five men came over and coughed in unison. I suddenly feel a little nervous. Are they checking the code? You're not going to rob, are you This is not a robbery, is it? I was a little scared, but I didn't dare to run until they started coughing. I also have a cough. Who the fuck puts peppers in their cooking?

23. That handsome guy is waiting for the bus at the station. When a beautiful woman smiled at him, he made several gestures and thought he was handsome. . The beauty smiled more happily. At this time, an aunt reminded: Young man, don't step on shit.

24. I met a female netizen for the first time and deliberately gave her wine when eating. I booked a room immediately when she was drunk and unconscious. After making sure that she was asleep, I laughed and fled back to my hometown by train overnight. P-graph technology is so developed now? Almost scared me to death.

26. Two college buddies cheated in the exam and studied Morse code hard, and finally achieved something. Finally, on the day of the exam, they knocked on the table with pens in the examination room and communicated with each other. The communication is as follows: Is the first question held? No, will you? Me neither. Will it be the second question? No, will you? Neither can i. /neither will i.

27. On a rainy day, I saw a beautiful girl throw an umbrella into the trash can of the library. She shyly walked over to the goddess and said, I don't have an umbrella. Can you take me with you? How can you stand such a thing? I immediately picked up my umbrella and handed it to my sister: Sister, it is not easy for your family to make money. How can you throw away your umbrella?

28. I have always wanted to experience an accident like those superheroes in American movies, so as to gain a super power. Just last year, I experienced an accident and my leg was broken by a car, but I don't think I will lose money, because I have acquired a super power, and now my leg hurts whenever it rains, which is accurate.

29. I just took a shit in the public toilet. After squatting down, I found that the back of my mobile phone was dirty, so I blew it. A buddy next door said, hey, brother, is this shit burning your mouth? I got into a fight with him without wearing pants. .

30. There is a hamster seller at the school gate, who is attracted by the lovely hamster and is going to buy one. Later, the stall owner said that there was a lovely purple barn and he liked to play dead. I picked it up and moved it. It really didn't move. It germinated in an instant. The day after I got the dormitory, I found that there were still thousands of grass mud horses rushing by. Come out, big brother, I promise I won't kill you!

3 1. In summer, I was walking in the street wearing a skirt, and suddenly my skirt was blown up by the wind. With a scream, I covered my face with one hand and pulled my skirt horn with the other. At this time, there happened to be a man passing by across the street. . . He doesn't look at me, what a pervert!

32. I was playing with my mobile phone when I was bored at work today. Suddenly I saw the boss coming, so I quickly put it away. I accidentally dropped my cell phone and I'm still panicking. The boss bent down to help me pick it up, and then said something to me that I will remember all my life. He said: nothing, you play yours. I won't say anything about you as long as you get things done. There's no need to show it to me, and I don't like people just watching it. I am your boss today. Maybe one day I'm broke, you get rich, and I'll work for you. It's good to be a real person, and I was fired the next day for wearing sneakers!

33. When I was a child, I especially liked watching costume films, especially magical acupuncture. Where there is bleeding, I will point it around the wound to stop the bleeding and stop the pain. Once I saw my neighbor's dog's leg hurt, so I ran over and clicked around it. Hey! How clever! It not only stood up, but also chased me for two fucking blocks!

In my impression, my father was very kind and never hit me until he got angry and hit me once. Then my mother said beside me, honey, the way you hit people is so domineering and handsome. And then occasionally domineering. .

35. At the annual meeting last night, there was an interactive session in which female colleagues made gestures on the stage and male colleagues guessed with their backs to the screen. A female colleague pointed to her face and teased her male colleague: freckles! Female colleagues shake their heads and tease male colleagues: acne! The female colleague shook her head again and teased the male colleague: pockmarked! Female colleagues still shake their heads and tease male colleagues: fat! The host can't stand it anymore, and the hint: one word! Make a male colleague laugh: I think it's really ugly. As soon as the male colleague finished speaking, the female colleague was punched by a meteor and said angrily, say another word about your face!

36. In the second year of high school, the head teacher was a middle-aged man with obscene glasses, and he always secretly caught the classmates who talked at night. One night, he quietly put his head out of an old window with an anti-theft iron railing and suddenly shouted, Who told you to get out? The class suddenly fell silent. A minute later, his faint voice floated overhead: well, my head is stuck here and I can't get out. Can one of you help me?

37. I provoked others in junior high school and was blocked by more than 20 people on weekends. I rushed into the toilet and took out a fragrant dung stirring stick. You guessed it! The scene reversed instantly, and I chased a group of people alone!

38. Walking on the road today, I saw a woman with a weight of 180 kg coming. When passing by, my friend suddenly said, this woman is so fat! The woman turned around and slapped me. My brother was angry at that time, rolled up his sleeves and went up to fight her hard. Later, if my friend hadn't stopped me, I would have been killed by her.

Interviewer: Your resume says that you are quick in mental arithmetic, so let me ask you, what is 19 times 17? I blurted out: 36! Reporter: Far from it. Me: But soon, right?

40. I bought a durian today, because my family didn't like the taste, so I ate it secretly in my room. When I just had dinner, my 4-year-old cousin kept picking up dishes for me. Say to me: Sister, eat more. If it's not enough, I'll give you this bowl, too. Don't eat shit alone in the dormitory in the future.

4 1. On my way home last Valentine's Day, I saw a sugar cane seller and bought one if I wanted to eat. When I got home, I met my mother who came out to walk the dog. My mother said, "All girls have a boyfriend holding a bunch of flowers. Look at you again, holding a golden hoop like a monkey. "

42. When I went to school in the morning, I only wore a long sleeve. My mother handed me a coat and said, put it on quickly, or I will be frozen in class. . Fuck, this is definitely mom.

43. My wife is special. Yesterday, she was bitten by her family dog. The goods are not angry. She also gave the dog a good bath and dried it with a hair dryer. I wonder if she will return good for evil. But, however, the climax came. She bit the dog beautifully, and the dog ran away whining.

44. I need to go on a business trip at 4 am. I got up at 3 o'clock and saw my wife cooking in the kitchen. I said with a moved face, you made breakfast for me so early. The wife turned around and looked surprised: Why are you up? I, I, I can make a snack.

45. When I was a child, my mother did all the wrong things, so I always dreamed that my mother would go to work to make money, and my father would be fine at home; Until I entered junior high school, adolescence came, and when I grew up, people also resisted and were beaten. I just know that when I was a child, my father didn't hit us because he was afraid of killing me.

46. I have liked a goddess for a long time. I used to give her gifts, and she would accept them. Recently, when I gave her gifts, she always said to me: Save it. Goddess is really wonderful. She wants to help me save money! I think I still have hope.

47. Two days ago, the teacher called and said that my son got 98 points in Chinese and 0/7 points in math. Children are too eccentric, and people are frivolous and have no pressure. Not to mention, I gave him a good beating. This exam was much better, and both Chinese and math were 17.

48. There is a strange chicken. It doesn't like to dig worms, but naturally likes to dig bracken. All the other chickens laughed at him and he was very sad. The hen comforted him and said, Don't cry, silly child, you are the strongest. Really? Because you are a chicken digger.

49. It takes about 4 hours to go back to my hometown by long-distance bus from downtown today. It's all rugged mountain roads. A diaosi woman called loudly in the car, meaning that her boyfriend invited her to eat seafood at noon, where to take him to play, and all kinds of ostentation and extravagance. Soon after, she got carsick and vomited, and Nima threw up tomato noodles all over the floor.

50. My mother came to the Internet cafe to arrest me. I quickly stared at the screen and played games seriously, because serious men are the most handsome. I must be so handsome that my mother doesn't even know me.

5 1, I: If I give something to others, I don't feel bad about how much I give. But if the other party insists that I want it, I will be disgusted and would rather throw it away than give it. Teacher: Is that why you don't hand in your homework?

52. In a debate, Watt said excitedly: I have observed for a long time and found that heating at the bottom of the basin will make water boil, and boiling water will produce steam. This steam is very strong! You can even push the top

I didn't ask you that! The judge interrupted watt. I mean, did you really not find your father in the bathtub?

53. On the road, the old man accidentally rubbed against the car of the social youth by riding a bicycle, and there were some scratches on the car body. The young man cursed the old man and made him lose money. The old man cried anxiously. At this moment, a kind old lady in the crowd whispered to him, You lie down, you know. The old man blushed and replied angrily, I know your sister. When are you still thinking about that? ......

54. When Cao Cao filled his glass, Guan Yu said, I will never drink this wine until I kill Hua Xiong. Then he galloped on horseback, and the drums were loud.

When Guan Yu returned to Zhong Jun's tent, Cao Cao praised that the wine in the cup was still hot. .

Guan Yu also took a sip of the wine: it's still hot. Where did you buy this thermos cup? I want to buy one too.

Young man: Master, why do you become a monk when you are so wise?

Master: Because of some common things.

Young man: Can you give me an example?

Master: Don't hang!

56. In the country, I asked my son to help his grandmother drive the ducks in the pond home. He was unmoved by several phone calls. I was furious and shouted at my son: Are you going? The son looked wronged: don't push me, you know, I can't force you to drive the birds.

57. Walking on the road at night, a group of people crossed the road. I stood still and watched them go away. A girl next to me suddenly called me. You are so brave. Why don't you leave a number? I didn't even look at her and said get out, and then silently picked up the five dollars I stepped on!

58. Looking through her and my mom's wedding photo album, my mom looked at it and said, I really want to go back to when your dad proposed to me. I am curious to ask: Was it particularly romantic at that time? Mom closed the photo album: If I had known you were like this, I would have rejected your dad.

59. One day, I met an old lady who touched porcelain on the road. I don't want to leave, so I have to ask for money. I'm anxious. I remembered that there was a great skill in the joke, so I picked up the phone and pretended to make a phone call. Dad, give me 500 thousand. I'm going to kill someone. At this time, the old lady patted me on the ground and drove an electric car to install Gao Fushuai. Then I lay on the ground calmly!

60. A buddy's daughter-in-law gave birth to a baby in the hospital, and he waited anxiously outside the door. . . Half an hour later, the nurse came out and said excitedly to him, XX, congratulations, you have a father and you are going to be a son. You think this is gc? Then you are wrong. Gc is a sentence from my buddy, which is even more shocking: haha, I am finally a son. People in the hospital petrified on the spot!

6 1. On the day of getting the marriage certificate, it was time to take photos. The couple in front took photos first, first for the man and then for the woman. It was our turn, so I said to my wife, you go first. The wife said: You go first! The photographer said silently, you two should take a picture together. The couple in front are divorced.

62. In autumn, every time I come home, I will take off my autumn clothes and put on my bra. I got into the habit of putting a bra over my autumn clothes and then putting on my coat. Once, I met a male god. In a coffee shop, the air conditioner is very warm. I was so hot that I took off my coat without thinking much! ! ! I still can't forget the eyes of the male god! ! ! !

63. Now that I think about it, it is no wonder that women were not allowed to be officials in ancient times. Imagine trying a prisoner. The female official asked the prisoner: Do you know the charges? The prisoner said: my Lord, I am wronged! What did the villain do wrong? The female officer went on like a conditioned reflex: Hum, you are right. Where can you be wrong?

64. I remember when I was in the first grade of primary school, I got three good students. The head teacher told me: You will be the first to receive the prize later, so be polite. I nodded solemnly. At the school meeting, the headmaster called me and gave me a certificate. So, I knelt down and solemnly kowtowed to the principal for three times. Since then, I have been an old legend in our school. . .

65. A person walked into a supermarket and bought the following items: 1 toothbrush, 1 toothpaste, 1 roll of toilet paper; 1 frozen dinner, 1 box of popcorn. The cashier said, are you single? The man replied sarcastically, how do you know, because I only buy one copy of everything? The woman replied: No, because you are ugly.

66. I bought a New Pants for my second-rate husband today. He came back less than ten minutes after going out, and his kneecap was broken. I'm angry: the pants you just bought broke in less than ten minutes! Who knows that the husband of the second goods is wronged and says: I'm sorry ~ I fell down and didn't have time to take off my pants. . . Me:

67. When I was a child, I was four or five years old. I slept with my parents and pulled a bed in the middle of the night. I'm afraid my parents will see me. I touched my dark hand and carried Xiangxiang out to wash. My mother's leg was knocked down before I got out of bed. Xiangquan greeted his father's face with one hand. You will never know the bitterness in my father's eyes. It was tears when he said it!

68. I took a buddy from my dormitory to play at home. When I met my dad at the door, I introduced him: "This is my dad. Who knows that buddy doesn't know what's going on, and his brain is pumping, and he also let out a cry: "Dad. My dad paused, sighed, touched my head and said, "Son, you have grown up. Dad respects your decision, as long as you are happy. 」

69. In the office, there is a woman with a vicious tongue. Her face is covered with pimples, but she is very narcissistic. People in the office are very angry with her. One day, she took a selfie in the office. A colleague came in and saw her say, hey, Sister Wang, scan the QR code.

70. One day, watching TV with my mother, I asked on a whim: Mom, do you think I am handsome? The old man looked away from the TV, looked at me seriously and sighed: I think this is the most sorry thing for you in my life!

7 1, I didn't sleep naked before. I accidentally slept naked a month ago and couldn't extricate myself. One day my friend came to my house to play, so I had to sleep in my underwear. I couldn't sleep until midnight and had to get up quietly. I just folded my underwear and put it on the bed. A friend's trembling voice came from behind: What do you want to do to me?

72. A friend read a sentence on the Internet, which probably means that when he was young, he always did something that would bring tears to his eyes when he was old, and then spent 2,400 yuan to buy a bicycle to ride in Tibet. The next day, he saw tears in his eyes, and his bike was stolen while eating midnight snack!

73. The company has a new manager who looks like Chen Kun. Today, on the first day of work, we got on the elevator together. In order to befriend the leader, we wanted to praise him. Me: Oh, manager, you look just like that star. What's his name again (I really don't remember)? By the way, is it the one who plays the painted skin? What's your name? Seeing me in such a hurry, he smiled and said, Chen Kun. I said, yes, yes, that's the idiot!

74. I came back from playing cards late at night (around eleven o'clock in the evening). When I walked, I felt someone in front of me, flashing a flashlight. I almost didn't like lying there. Kissing between two boys is nothing new. The problem is that the little boy is short and the model is wrong. Standing by the roadside, I put some bricks on it. Too fucking smart.

75. When I first met my mother-in-law and father-in-law, my mother-in-law praised me for being clean and sunny. My second-rate girlfriend said loudly, well, he dressed up well before he came and said to make your dog's eyes bright. . .

76. In high school, my teacher caught me seeing someone and called me dad, saying that I was puppy love. My father smiled several times in front of all the teachers in the office, and then said, no way, he is so ugly, how can he fall in love early!

77. At a friend's party, a buddy drank too much, so I took him to the hotel room. Then inform his wife to take care of him. As a result, at the moment his wife came in, he yelled and gave me a small one. . .

78. A classmate was particularly able to sleep in high school. One morning while reading English, he was sleeping when the English teacher came over and slapped him directly! Bang! The noise was so loud that the teacher taught him a lesson. After the teacher left, he shook his head and asked me, what's the matter? I said: you were caught by the teacher while sleeping, slapped you in the face, and you asked me what happened. He said, did she slap me? Me: Why did you wake up when she didn't slap you? He almost thundered me to death with the following sentence: I heard a bang, which startled me and I woke up!

79. Ten minutes ago, we had a physical examination for the college entrance examination. A sister in a science class found out that she was pregnant, and Lei arrived in LZ. At that time, LZ felt his heart beat a little fast, and GC came. The doctor who helped LZ check said, classmate, your heart is beating so fast, so why are you so nervous? Are you the father of the child?

80. A good friend works in a gas station. One day, an old man rode a battery car for three rounds and went straight to the gas station. This friend wants to know. The battery car doesn't need refueling. I didn't bring a bucket either. Can't buy oil to take away. When the friend was puzzled, the old man patted his leg calmly. Say, damn it! Take the wrong bus. Ten minutes later. The old man came back on a motorcycle tricycle.

8 1, thinking of myself, I went to the capital on business with my colleagues and saw a Lamborghini, so I asked my colleagues to take pictures of me. My brother stood over and smoothed his hair, adjusted his collar and showed a bright smile on his face. As soon as my colleagues raised their cameras, Rambo drove away, leaving messy colleagues, embarrassed me, and Sabie who was laughing at the roadside.

My brother is five years old this year. He loves to cry. One day, he suddenly asked me: If there is no money at home one day, will my parents sell you or me? I said without hesitation: I must have sold you. I thought the little boy would cry, but he grinned: I knew you were worthless.

There are two Warcraft fans in our class. Short for a and B. . . . Brother background. . . . . . One day in the exam, A wanted to copy the book, but the invigilator kept walking around, so A said to B, "Help me pull my hatred" (meaning dragging the teacher around casually). And then it was gone. .

84. Once after taking a shower and putting on makeup in the bathroom, my boyfriend suddenly hugged me from behind and wanted to write on my back for me to guess. Suddenly I feel so romantic and have the feeling of idol drama. After writing, I can't guess. He said he would look for it himself, and then he ran away. When I looked in the mirror, this idiot actually worked! Mouth! Red! It says on my back: Special price, no refund, no exchange!

85. I couldn't answer any questions in the exam, so I had to ask my girlfriend for help with my eyes. I didn't expect her to break up with me after the exam. The reason is that your eyes are not full of love, but are mixed with other things.

86. My local tyrant relatives raised a Tibetan mastiff last month.

While eating, he boasted to us that he spent tens of thousands of dollars raising dogs in a moonlight.

Then my mother whispered to me: Now you should know why I raised you!

Me: Why? Mom: Because I can't afford a dog. ...

87. The Tang Priest and his disciples returned to the Tang Dynasty after learning from the Western Heaven. As soon as they arrived at the main hall, they came forward and took Tang Taizong's hand and said, Wukong Bajie, kneel down, and Wukong Bajie immediately knelt down. Emperor Taizong asked, what do you mean? Tang Priest replied: I just want to experience the pleasure of taking the son of heaven as a pig monkey!

88. Xiaoming: Mom, today I saw a boy bullying another boy, and then I went to stop the fight, but later they both hit me together.

Mom: Whose child is so stubborn that she told her mother to look for it later, but why did they hit you?

Xiaoming: Because I said to them, beast, let go of that beast.

89. My son sneaked into the river while I was at work and almost drowned. Fortunately, I was saved by Uncle Zhang next door. I rushed over when I heard the news and was scolded: Why are you such an asshole? ! What should I do if you drown? ! My son was a little excited to see me and whispered, Dad, don't blame Uncle Zhang. After all, he saved me.

90. I had dinner with some friends at noon, drank a lot of wine, and came back to the company drunk. I happened to meet the new general manager of the company. The so-called new official takes office with three fires, of course, he will not easily miss the opportunity of this performance. Sure enough, he quickly walked up to me, grabbed my arm with both hands and said, Chairman, slow down, there are steps.

On 9 1, I met a girl at the registration office of the hospital. She is at the front of the exclusive team, and I am behind her every few people. I tried several times to approach and strike up a conversation, but all failed. Seeing that she took out her case book from the small window and turned to me, I knew it was a flash or a lifelong regret, and then blushed and timidly squeezed out a few words: Are you sick?

92. At school, classes are ranked according to learning quality, and I sit in the penultimate row.

I once read a book in class and laughed loudly. The teacher and the whole class looked at me.

I had a brainwave. I looked back at the last row of sleeping buddies.

The teacher woke me up and carried it out. We listened to the teacher in the classroom and said that he could laugh so loudly in his dreams.

93. Today, a long-lost aunt came to my house. When she saw me, she boasted: This child has grown so tall!

Oh, the first time someone praised me, I was shy, and then she said, I grew up so fast like a big shit! !

Auntie! It's so awesome! ! !

94. My daughter-in-law is a Virgo and is very picky about everything. I am very angry with her. As a result, she argued: I call this perfectionism and strive for perfection in everything. Unlike you, you can handle anything. I quite agree. After all, she chose me and I chose her.

95. A girl told my girlfriend: My boyfriend is a sissy. I broke up with him. He was particularly sad, but he didn't cry.

Boudoir admiration: isn't this quite manly?

The girl growled: What? He said he couldn't cry because his mascara was not waterproof.

96. My mobile customer service. One day, an uncle called and cursed the move. After scolding for a few minutes, he dropped his malicious words: don't use the mobile card again, use Unicom's! I asked my uncle calmly: Is there anything else I can do? Uncle was silent for a few seconds, and said with grievance: Why don't you keep me?

97. Walking with my wife at night, I saw a couple coming across the street. Girls are super beautiful and men are super depressed. I can't help but bow my head and sigh: alas, good cabbage has been arched by pigs! The wife heard a slap in the face: Don't call yourself a pig.

98. Take a friend's convertible to play. If you want to learn to play B on TV, raise your hand and stand up and sing. My friend yelled: Sit down, and your armpit hair will be blown to a neutral point!

99. One day, the owner of the antique shop posted a notice at the door of the shop: the shop has changed hands. However, people still see him selling things in the shop. Someone asked strangely, boss, haven't you already sold the shop to others? The shopkeeper said, no, I'm married.

100, I slept in a daze in the morning, and my wife spoiled me: Husband, I want to buy a bag? Me: buy! Honey, I want to buy a set of cosmetics, too? Me: buy buy! My wife walked away happily. . . Unexpectedly, my three-year-old son was lying on my body: Husband, I want to buy an Altman.