How do couples communicate?

The relationship between husband and wife is a complicated problem. What we often see is that the basic feelings of husband and wife are good, but there are some problems in mutual communication and exchange, which affect their relationship. Therefore, couples must learn to communicate.

When lovers are in love, they look at each other's advantages, but after living together for a long time after marriage, their shortcomings are gradually exposed. In addition, both husband and wife come from different families, cultural backgrounds and social relations.

For example, a husband's family of origin is in charge of his father and his mother only does housework. From an early age, he thought that a big man should not do housework when he is an official, and it is also right to master the financial power of his own family. In the wife's family of origin, parents are more equal, and fathers often help mothers with housework, so mothers think husbands should also help themselves with housework. The couple have different views and requirements on who should do housework, so conflicts often occur.

It doesn't matter if you have different opinions. If couples can communicate well, they can adapt to each other.

Husband and wife communication has three functions:

1. Send messages to each other to let each other know what happened. Both sides enjoyed it and faced what happened. They felt that husband and wife were one.

2. solicit and express opinions and discuss ways to deal with things.

Another important function of communication between husband and wife is to let the other person know your feelings for him at any time and express your appreciation, love and affection, so as to maintain and consolidate the feelings between husband and wife. Emotional expression is not only through verbal words, but also through expressions, actions or other nonverbal expressions, but sometimes you need to praise your spouse directly and express your love.

The most common communication difficulty between husband and wife is that they don't feel the need to talk to each other. The other party should understand that as long as they can get the message, in fact, the more often they need to talk, show their meaning and share their feelings.

Sometimes the lack of communication between two people is related to personality. Some people don't like to express themselves in words, they are shy and have no confidence to stick to their opinions. In particular, their personalities are sometimes strong and sometimes weak. As soon as they open their mouths, they are stopped by each other, and over time they are reluctant to express their opinions. Other couples criticize and accuse each other as soon as they open their mouths, and immediately become angry quarrels, and there is no way to communicate, which is often related to the chaotic communication between husband and wife.

The relationship between husband and wife should be an equal relationship between adults and adults, with mutual respect and rational discussion.

Example 1:

Dave: What's for dinner today?

Wife: I want to eat KFC once. Didn't you also say you wanted to try it?

This is an exchange of adult consciousness with each other. The husband's words are tentative, showing respect for his wife's opinions and preferences. The wife's answer unifies her husband's wishes and her own intentions, expressing her views frankly and her consideration for her husband. The wife remembers what her husband said in the past. This kind of communication is successful and plays a positive role in the good relationship between the two sides.

Example 2:

Dave: Do you know where my blue shirt is?

Wife: You, your clothes are always littering. You don't know anything.

The husband's words are tentative, but the wife doesn't answer his questions, but accuses him. Pointing at her husband with parental consciousness is an unsuccessful communication.

If the wife tells him where the shirt is first, or expresses her willingness to help him find it, or is busy doing something now, and later helps him find it, and says something like "I'm sorry", the wife's reaction is also adult consciousness.

In communication, we should pay attention to the art of speaking.

(1) When you make demands on others, you should first understand their feelings, such as: I know you are tired, but can you put your clothes in a fixed place?

(2) To be practical, don't tell your dissatisfaction with other things together, and don't say "You always do this" or "You always do this".

(3) The purpose of expressing feelings is to solve problems, not to quarrel. While expressing your dissatisfaction, you should make suggestions for the next step, such as: "You didn't call when you came home late, and your family was worried. It is best to inform your family in advance next time. " Turn complaints into hopes.

(4) Don't raise your voice, don't use sarcastic tone, and don't pull a long face and accuse each other with your hands.

(5) If you honestly say what you want to say, and the other person is angry and has a bad attitude, don't "kick the ball back". Don't think that tolerance means that he has suffered a loss and will regret it later. It's not too late for you to talk to him calmly after he calms down. When one person shouts, another person should listen. When two people are shouting, there is no communication, only noise and vibration. You can't win an argument. Nine times out of ten, the result of the argument will make both sides believe that they are absolutely right than before.

Too many arguments between husband and wife will only hurt feelings. If you blame the other person, even if you are right, it will hurt the other person's heart, but you are still wrong.

It's best not to blame, but to praise and make suggestions, so as to turn complaints into hopes.

When it comes to digging graves for marriage, the criticism is heartbreaking.

"Four Beauties" in Couples' Conversation Language

When couples talk, what people yearn for most is the ideal realm of playing the piano and singing. The language rich in aesthetic taste between husband and wife moistens the bud of love like nectar. In the heart-to-heart communication, two hearts are happy, two feelings are interdependent, and life is happy, loving and happy.

1. Sincerity and the simple beauty of nature

Sincere and natural conversation is the core of love between lovers. Through emotional communication, touch each other's sensory cells, and love lasts forever.

The biggest feature of husband-and-wife conversation is casual. It doesn't confine its content to a general category like making a special report, nor does it choose words carefully like writing an article. It only depends on individuals to try and compare the vagaries and wonderful art of language, understand its subtleties and display them on the spot. Generally speaking, the sentences of husband and wife dialogue should exclude rap and tedious rhetoric, which are relatively simple and clear, showing the beauty of simplicity. For example, a young wife puts on new clothes and asks her husband, "Is it nice?" Answer: "Very beautiful." A few words, light and clear, clean and neat. The wife asked directly, and the husband answered concisely and clearly, clearly expressing his positive appreciation.

The conversation between two people advocates simple sentences and does not deny the role of longer sentences. The length of a sentence depends on the specific content and situation. For example, the other party asks you to introduce a very strange question. It doesn't matter if it is longer, but it is not long enough to explain it accurately.

2. Warm and cordial beauty of harmony

Couples should work hard in warm, cordial, pleasant and harmonious conversation in order to produce fresh and amiable hearing effect and reflect the beauty of harmony.

Harmonious language is inseparable from the understanding of life. It is conceivable that one of the couples often asks the same question in different ways, and the other will feel bored and bored. If the other party answers with the same tone and similar sentences in the question and answer, it is naturally dull, how can there be harmony? In conversation, both husband and wife should have a beautiful tone and the supreme goal-to make each other happy. If you make the other person unhappy, it's your own unhappiness. Men need women's gratitude to a great extent, and women are eager to pour out their feelings to men in order to get emotional support. This is beneficial to both sides, but one side has paid the feelings. The other side also gave the same happiness. In other words, it is your duty to give each other happiness, and your words and deeds are always related to your feelings.

For example, "Let's eat together when your father comes back." -Full of respect and condolences.

"You should be polite to your mother." -Interpretation of love.

"Think about it, is this wrong?" Or, "Do you think this will work?" Although it means criticism and blame, can't the other party feel a particularly deep friendship of care and love while accepting the lesson?

"This dish is delicious. You are really good. You have become a master cook." "This is really hard for you. You are really my good husband. " -Moderate praise to create a harmonious environment.

"I beg you ... okay?" Or "I'm a stranger in this matter, can you help me?" Or "Look, I'm so busy, can you give me a hand?" -although it is imperative language, it is also more gentle.

The above examples are commonly used words in husband and wife conversation, but they have produced unusual emotional effects. This is because they get rid of frivolous and extremely emotional colors and make their feelings and reasons beautiful.

3. The implicit beauty of elegance and tacit understanding

The implicit beauty of language is now based on tacit understanding, and the senses participate in perception, with substance in words, intention in words and long aftertaste. This is called hazy art in composition, leaving a certain imagination space for the other party to chew and aftertaste. The words are finished, too explicit, too plain.

For example, the wife was dissatisfied with her husband's sloppy habit and silently said to him, "My husband certainly has no ulterior motives. Men with external motives pay the most attention to external tools. "

For example, "Go to bed early." A pair of sparkling eyes, like the soft waves of autumn water, are half-covered and half-covered, with infinite amorous feelings. The other party will be very happy and will respond enthusiastically.

The language of love is as hazy as watercolor painting. The less clear and mysterious, the more artistic. This sentence happens to be an implicit comment. If you provide some hints properly, the other party has room for imagination. I believe that the other party must be very familiar with your intentions and communicate with you substantively.

4. The passionate beauty of five flavors.

After marriage, both husband and wife are not single themselves. The world of two people is full of sweetness, and it is inevitable to go through ups and downs. As we all know, there are only five flavors, but they can bring out hundreds of flavors. Married life is colorful because of the harmony of five flavors. A word can hurt each other, or it can open a closed heart for a long time and burn your eyes as bright as sunshine.

I love you! "Don't be afraid of me!" "Dear, thank you so much." "With the concerted efforts of Qi Xin, we can do this."

..................................................................................................................................................................................'s passionate language needs the foreshadowing of scenes. A thoughtful lover can seize the fleeting scene, express his feelings without hesitation or shyness, ignite the flame of love with affectionate language, and let the spark of love radiate more dazzling brilliance.

How to resolve the quarrel between husband and wife?

Husband and wife quarrel is very common, how to resolve it?

There are generally two kinds of quarrels between husband and wife. In the first case, there is no substantial difference between the two sides, just because the speaker does not pay attention to skills and makes the other side misinterpret it, leading to misunderstanding. For example, the husband is a little tired, and his wife asks him if he wants to go out. The following is the dialogue between them:

Wife: "Do you want to go to Baker's tonight?"

Husband: "OK."

Wife: "I mean, are you really going?"

Husband: "I said yes!" " "

Wife: "If you really don't want to, then let's stay at home!" " "

Husband: "Why do you talk like that?"

Wife: "Look, look, I just want to hear your opinion, but you insist on arguing with me!" " "

The wife wanted to test her husband's tone, but she asked politely. As a result, the husband misinterpreted his wife's words, and her wife was very hurt. She never mentioned going out to visit again. Perhaps, in the husband's view, the wife's words sound as if there is no room for discussion, either go or not. In fact, as long as she changes the way of asking questions, I'm afraid the result will be different. For example, she can ask, "What are your plans for tonight?" If he answers, "I don't know." The wife can suggest, "Would you like to stay at home or go out with me?" If he chooses the latter, she can ask, "What do you think of visiting someone else's house or going outside?" As long as she says so, then her husband will find out her real intention and won't quarrel.

The second quarrel between husband and wife is the real quarrel, that is, quarrel. There are many reasons for quarreling, such as taking care of children, spending money, doing housework, taking vacations, or having sex, which may all be the root causes of quarreling. However, it is entirely possible to make up for it as long as it is handled properly and pays attention to strategy. The following suggestions may be for your reference.

First of all, be brief. Get to the point. Try not to say anything that makes people feel antagonistic or hostile.

Second, clear. Instead of saying "I hope you pay attention to neatness", you can say "I hope you can dry the towel after you use it."

Third, do not insult, criticize or blame. It is best not to find fault with each other. If there is a problem, you can take it out and say, "There is trouble, let's do something."

Fourth, don't buckle your hat. Don't label each other "sloppy" or "selfish" at will. If not, it will annoy or hurt your spouse.

Fifth, leave room. Although it is impossible for the other person to never do what you say, it is impossible to always think that he will listen to you and do what you plan. So don't talk too much.

Sixth, the tone should be easy-going. Don't complain, "Why don't you help me wash the dishes?" Instead, you can say, "I will be very happy if you help me wash the dishes."

Seven, don't explore each other's motives. Extrapolation often leads to wrong results and may even offend the other party.

As an audience, you should:

First, don't care about the accusations against you. When you are hurt or angry, the other person is likely to talk to you in an exaggerated or even reproachful tone. At this time, you should concentrate on finding out the source of his anger, and don't care about those words that accuse you.

Second, find out the cause of the complaint. Most of your spouse complains to you for a reason, but you don't always know it. So, you have to find out what makes him (her) complain about you.

Third, find the reason from yourself. If your spouse's complaint is right, you should check whether you are wrong. For example, you can say, "I know I came back a little late and made you unhappy."

Fourth, make clear the motive. When you think the other person didn't understand your motives correctly, don't put the blame on him or get angry, but explain your meaning again.

Don't be afraid to say sorry. Loving someone means apologizing when you hurt him.

In addition to the above, couples should also:

First, turn complaints into requests. Generally speaking, as long as you express your complaints in the form of requests, the other party will be more willing to cooperate with you. For example, you should complain, "You haven't talked to me for a long time." You might as well say, "Do you want to take time to chat with me, or go out for dinner one night?" The same is complaining, but the result is not necessarily the same.

Second, when asking for help, don't be sharp. For example, the wife said contemptuously to her husband, "If you can take time out of your busy schedule to take out the garbage every morning, you will be grateful." Such stinging words will only disgust him.

Third, try to use sentences like "I …" instead of "you …". Compared with "you always get on my nerves" and "I'm a little upset", the meaning of accusing the other party is not so strong.

Fourth, put it into action. After a quarrel, the pleasant aspects of the relationship between husband and wife are often ignored. To this end, you can take time to do more things to make each other happy.

To build a happy marriage, both husband and wife should learn to accept their differences. Although everyone will maintain their own personality, but get along for a long time, the interests of both sides will gradually coordinate.

-Quoted from "Inspirational Package" by Yanbian People's Publishing House