In the face of people who complain to themselves, it is better not to reason blindly.

When relatives or friends complain to you, how do you usually handle it?

Let me talk about myself first. In my opinion, people around me are willing to tell me their unhappiness or even grievances, proving that the other party does not treat me as an outsider or even a "reliable" person.

To some extent, I may be able to give some advice to each other in some aspects. Otherwise, why do others tell you their grievances just to get our support or help?

Therefore, we will immediately start a set of heartfelt comfort and impeccable preaching. It is used to prove that the other party is really not looking for the wrong person. On some issues, he is really more insightful than the other party.

I used to be such a person, preaching for those who came to me to complain. I don't know if the other party can accept it, but I spoke really well and spit out all the unfair things I heard.

It was not until a week ago that I discovered that I had always used the wrong method when dealing with other people's complaints: comfort+reason.

0 1

My eldest sister, who hasn't contacted for months, sent me a video to chat with me. I talked a few words before and found that my elder sister was haggard a lot. It was already 20 o'clock at night, and she was still at work.

"Elder sister, haven't you had a rest recently? Is there a problem? So embarrassed! " When I say this, I seem to have opened the door of my sister's emotion.

"I've been under a lot of pressure recently. Your brother-in-law is lazy at home, and Xiaohui (nephew) spends three days fishing and two days drying the net. When there is no money to spend, they both get angry at me and don't give me a good look. "

"Yesterday, an old man walked in the village. Your brother-in-law asked me to come back and help. I don't think their father and son are at home. It's almost the end of the year, so it's better to take more classes. Before I could say the words "don't go back", your brother-in-law hung up angrily. " At the end of the video, my sister began to tell me the pain in my heart.

"We are used to it and don't owe him anything. No matter what he does, sister, you should take care of yourself. " Then, I explained how the brother-in-law should support his family as a big man, and the adult nephew should not be used to it. The key is that if my sister meets an ungrateful person, she can make herself live a good life ... and so on.

My eldest sister has been listening. When I finished, she said, "I won't tell you first, but I'll tell you another day." Then he choked up and hung up the video phone.

02

After the elder sister hung up the video, I suddenly lost my mind.

Did I say something wrong? I am clearly from her position to enlighten her and think of her! What's the problem?

So, I began to reflect that my sister had a really hard time since she married her brother-in-law. At least, my sister needs to worry about the economic expenses at home, or even more.

It's not the first time my sister has complained about us. Every time I listen to her complaints, my father always listens without saying a word, and sometimes he just repeats what she said in response.

At that time, my mother and I both thought that my father had a heart of stone, so my mother and I would give my sister advice every time and tell her not to be so wronged.

After this incident, I found that she didn't listen to our advice to elder sister at all, so she complained to us again and again.

In retrospect, I can't blame my sister for her lack of ambition. A man doesn't make progress. As we said, how can she ignore that family when she is over 40? What's more, if she chooses divorce at this age, how can she live in the future?

Thinking of this, I realized that my father always kept silent when listening to my sister's complaints.

03

I remember my father said: If she listened to the advice and the truth, why is it like this today?

Yes, when my sister and brother-in-law fell in love and got married, my father disagreed with her choice, but that's what my sister did. I have to do what I decide.

Therefore, in recent years, she has had a bad life, and she secretly hides it in her heart. My nephew is as poor as his father these years, and my sister can't stand it. She is dissatisfied and complains, but she can't change it.

Here, I understand why my sister hung up the video after I told her a bunch of reasons a few days ago.

Because I did something wrong, when my sister complained to me, I should just listen to her quietly. She didn't want me to help her solve it at all, but she was so blocked that she let others speak her mind.

But what about me? Not only did she not be a good listener, but she also vomited with indignation, which naturally made my sister feel even worse. Maybe she is crying because she thinks her life is hard, or because no one can really understand her.

Write at the end:

Through reflection on my sister, I refreshed my old ideas.

When relatives or friends who are not doing well complain to us, don't tell them the truth, because everyone knows the truth, but because of too many factors, it is really difficult for us to follow.

It can even be said that if others complain to my sister, she can tell her what I told her.

Therefore, when relatives and friends are willing to tell themselves their grievances or anguish, we just need to listen to each other quietly. If we can, we can help them solve practical problems through some practical actions afterwards. It is more sensible to do so.