Ask for some really funny jokes.

1 Five jokes that Japanese people hate most. (Wonderful not to be missed)

The first doctor said,' I like operating on librarians best. When you open their bodies, everything inside is arranged in alphabetical order.

The second doctor said, I like operating on accountants best. When you open their bodies, everything is arranged in numerical order.

The third doctor said, I like operating on electricians best. When you open their bodies, everything is color coded.

The fourth doctor said,' I like operating on Japanese best. The other three doctors looked at each other in disbelief. One of them asked what. The fourth doctor said, because they have no heart and no spine, and their butts and heads can be exchanged.

A man called a Japanese businessman and said,' I'm looking for Mr. Taro.' The operator said, "I'm sorry, he died last week." . The next day, the man called again and wanted to speak to Kazutaro. This time the operator got a little bored and said, "I always told you that he died last week." . Why are you calling? The man said,' Because I just like listening. '

A Japanese is eating in a restaurant in China. When the waiter brought a panlong shrimp, the Japanese asked, what should I do with the remaining shrimp shells? "Of course," the waiter said no! Don't! Don't! The Japanese shook his head and said,' In Japan, leftover shrimp shells are sent to the factory, made into shrimp cakes, and then sold to you in China. After a while, the waiter brought another plate of fruit, and the Japanese pointed to one of the lemons and asked,' What should I do with the remaining lemon peel?' ? "Of course," the waiter said no! Don't! Don't! The Japanese shook his head and said,' In Japan, leftover lemon peels are sent to factories to make rare fruits and then sold to you in China. When checking out, the Japanese chewed gum and asked the waiter with a smile,' What do you do with the leftover gum? "Of course, spit it out," said the waiter. Don't! Don't! Don't! The Japanese shook his head and said proudly,' In our Japan, chewed gum is sent to factories, made into condoms, and then sold to you in China. The waiter asked impatiently,' Do you know what to do with used condoms in China? Of course I threw it away. Japanese humanity. The waiter shook his head and said,' No! Don't! Don't! In China, used condoms are sent to factories, made into chewing gum and then sold to you. '

There is a taxi on the way to Chicago airport, and a Japanese tourist is riding on it. At this moment, a taxi passed by and the Japanese shouted,' Look, Toyota! Made in Japan! How fast! After a while, another taxi passed by. Look, Nissan! It's made in Japan! Too soon! Another taxi passed by. Hi! It's Mitsubishi made in Japan! Very fast! Taxi drivers are 100% American. Seeing that so many Japanese cars have surpassed their American cars, coupled with the arrogant language of the Japanese, it is inevitable to be annoyed. When another taxi overtook it, the taxi pulled into the airport parking lot. It's Honda Made in Japan! Very fast! There's no cure! The taxi driver stopped and pointed angrily at the meter and said,'1500 dollars. So close to 1500? ! Meter! Made in Japan! Very fast! "There is no cure,"

There are an American, a German, a Japanese and a China on a plane. Halfway through, the plane suddenly ran out of gas. The captain announced that someone had to jump off the plane to reduce the weight, so the American showed personal heroism and went to the door of the plane and shouted: Long live America and other countries! ! Then I jumped! The plane continued to fly. . . . . At this time, the captain announced: the weight is still too heavy, and one person has to jump! So the Germans stood up, walked to the door of the plane and shouted: Long live the German Empire! Jumped down, too The plane continued to fly. . . . . At this time, the captain announced: no, it's still heavy, and one more person must jump! China glanced at the Japanese, stood up and walked to the hatch of the plane. The Japanese rushed to hold China's hand: Good brother, I won't forget you! The people of China shouted: Long live the people and country of China! ! Then I kicked the Japanese down with one foot! ! . . . . . .

Teach you how to make people angry and funny in one sentence, and share this log.

Reprinted from ェⅹ Reprinted on June 6, 2009 16:28 Read (3) Comments (0)

Category: personal diary Source: mobile phone Qzone report

1. Push me again and I'll play dead for you!

I have not only a car, but also my own!

There are so many people who despise me. Who are you?

I won't tell you if you kill me. You haven't played the honey trap yet!

Not only am I lucky, but also athlete's foot!

6. The mirror always reflects light!

7. Is there a P for handsome? Maybe it was eaten by a pawn!

8. Give it to me, and you don't have to worry. There is nothing wrong!

9. Relax, I'm not a good person. ......

10. How dare I charge you if you don't thank me!

1 1. Don't tell me to bring it on-I have two generations of love!

12. If you ignore me, I will be a dog!

13. You can't reach it. Try stepping on your right foot with your left foot.

14. Some people are alive and she is dead. Some people are alive, and he should have died!

15. You said ... Do you like me? Actually ... first of all ... actually, I also ... I told you, actually, I like myself.

16. Do you drink water, drink water or drink water? You choose!

17. Hey, say what should be said and whisper what shouldn't be said.

18. Can you say stealing about scholars?

19. Zi once said: Don't take my tolerance for you as your shameless capital!

20. Don't think I'm out of reach just because I'm handsome. In fact, I am a sea of rivers.

2 1. Today the weather is fine, windy and rainy.

22. As a typical failure, you really succeeded!

I really want to kill this bug, but my tongue is not long enough. ...

24. Two heads are better than one, and one is Zhuge Liang.

25. If you bother me again, I'll tie you to a straw boat and borrow an arrow!

26. The wind is rustling and the water is cold. Pay back the money you owe!

27. A: Where to eat? I have no money.

B: Let's go to the restaurant. It's on me.-the hose.

28. See if there is anything left?

29. I have a dragon and a white tiger, and I have a Mickey Mouse tattooed on my waist.

30. a: it's hard to swallow this evil spirit without paying.

B: Then how can I let you die?

3 1. There is a saying in Shushan, do it first, and learn from the endless sea to make porridge.

32. The world belongs to us and our sons, but in the end it belongs to our grandchildren.

33. Did you do your homework?

B: Yes! Well, it's still warm under p shares ... do you want it? So you're here.

34. Who is sitting in the village today? He doesn't even clean the blackboard!

35. How much is this pair of shoes?

36. I was really blind at the beginning. ...

37. Is this blind man blind?

Funny 1

Summer vacation is coming, life is forcing me to make a living. I hereby open the following business:

Write students' summer homework

Bullying other students for primary school students

Hold parent-teacher conferences instead of parents.

Charge standard:

Summer homework:

(62 pages 1-3 grade) 32 yuan

(62 pages, grades 4-6) 40 yuan

Bullying classmates:

(height 1.3m- 1.4m)45 yuan

(height 1.4m- 1.6m)55 yuan

(height 1.6m- 1.8m) The price is negotiable.

(height 1.8m or above) Don't talk.

Write a love letter:

About 500 words, 40 yuan.

500- 1000 words 60 yuan

1000-2000 yuan

The price of more than 2000 words is negotiable.

Break the glass:

1st floor 10 yuan

Second floor 15 yuan

20 yuan on the third floor.

The price of the fourth floor is negotiable, (dogs or strong security guards in the community are not considered)

People who spend more than 200 yuan can get a membership card for free. Students with membership cards can apply for the following special services:

Parent-teacher conference:

An hour, 40 yuan.

An hour or two, 70 yuan.

Two to three hours, 90 yuan.

The price for more than three hours is negotiable.

Beat the teacher: female teacher (75 yuan)

Male teacher (100 yuan)

P.E. teacher (not talking)

Please help me introduce my business! Have a commission

Funny 2

Who is the king of beasts? ● Zoo director

What kind of person will appear after death? ● The characters in the movie

What hat can't I wear? ● Nut

What books are not available in bookstores? ● suicide note

What is the elephant's left ear like? ● Right ear

What water will never be used up? ● Tears

What has five heads, but people don't find it strange? ● Hands and feet

The family asked the doctor about the patient. The doctor only put up five fingers and the family cried. What is the reason? ● Three long and two short.

Put a chicken and a goose on the iceberg at the same time. Why is the chicken dead and the goose not dead? ● Goose is penguin.

10 What English letters do people like to listen to best? ● CD

1 1 What is the secret of longevity? Keep breathing, don't die.

12 The angrier things get, the bigger things get. ● Temper

13 What are the flowers that bloom all year round? ● Plastic flowers

14 Why does Chang 'e like living on the moon? Chang 'e loves rabbit meat.

15 where is the narrowest road? The road to go is very narrow.

/kloc-what's the name of farting before 0/6? ● Unique voice

17 When someone knocks at the door, you will never say come in? ● In the toilet.

18 What is the smallest island in the world? ● Safety island on the road

19 where is the safest place when the earth explodes? ● Hell

A group of henpecked men got together to discuss how to revive men's glory. Suddenly, they heard that their wife was coming, and everyone fled everywhere, but only one didn't run. Why? Low frighten fainted.

2 1 What's in the middle of the Pacific Ocean? ● It is a flat figure.

What word is universal? ● Arabic numerals

A child and an adult are walking in the dark. The child is the son of an adult, but the adult is not the father of the child. Why? ● Because they are mother-child relationship.

Two fathers and sons went to buy hats. Why did they only buy three hats? Grandpa, father and son

Why can't a hammer hammer eggs? Of course, the hammer won't break.

A man was chased by a tiger and suddenly a big river appeared in front of him. He can't swim, but he passed. Why? ● Faint.

What easily knocked down the 27th World Boxing Champion? ● Sleep.

There was once a lady who divorced several times and played a four-character idiom? ● Exhausted (abandoned) former public office (work)

What do stutterers suffer most from? ● Make long-distance calls.

What did Columbus do immediately after he set foot on the New World? Step on the other foot.

3 1 Is "kiss" a verb, adjective or noun? ● Conjunction

After the failure of heart exchange surgery, the doctor asked the dying patient what his last words were. Guess what he would say? In fact, you don't understand my heart.

Why do men have to fight when drinking together? ● Don't eat hard food.

34 Divide 8 in half. What is it? ●0

When does the sun rise in the west? When swearing.

There is a newborn baby, born on the same day of the same year and the same month, and two children with the same parents, but not twins. Is this possible? Maybe, they are triplets.

What is the first thing everyone should do when they wake up in the morning? ● Open your eyes

A new hospital has been opened in this city, with advanced equipment and thoughtful service. But the strange thing is: there are no patients here. Why? This is a veterinary hospital.

In winter, how can ice be turned into water immediately without heating? ● Remove two points of ice.

A hungry cat walked past a fat mouse. Why did the hungry old cat leave without looking at the mouse? A blind cat meets a dead mouse.

4 1 Why do peacocks fly southeast instead of northwest? Because there are high walls in the northwest.

A truck driver collided with a motorcyclist. The truck driver was seriously injured, but the motorcyclist was fine. Why? ● At that time, the truck driver did not drive.

Xiaoming's mother has three sons. The oldest son is Daming, the second is Er Ming, and what's the name of the third son? Xiao Ming, of course.

There is a young man who wants to do business in the river. However, there are no boats or bridges in this river. So he swam across the river in the morning, and it only took him an hour to swim to the other side. In the afternoon, the width and velocity of the river did not change. More importantly, his swimming speed did not change, but it took him two and a half hours to swim to the other side. Why do you think it is? Two and a half hours add up to an hour.

There is a big ship at sea. Its initial capacity is 60 people. As a result, when I reached the 59th person, I actually sank into the sea! That's why (there are no pregnant and overweight people on board; There is no weight on board? Relax, it's a submarine.

What is unknown, you don't know and I know? ● The sole is broken.

There are two people, one facing south and the other facing north. They are not allowed to look back, walk or look in the mirror. Can they see each other's faces? Of course, they stood face to face.

What kind of eggs can't be broken, boiled or eaten? Exam "0".

Which is more painful, starting with coconut or watermelon? I have a headache.

What is the difference between Confucius and Mencius? ● Confucius' son is on the left. Mencius' son is on it.

5 1 What can I borrow without returning it? ● Sorry.

What was the first animal you saw when you entered the zoo? ● Conductor

What can't a magnifying glass enlarge? ● Angle

What will increase by half after handstand? ●6

You will destroy it by calling its name. What is this? ● Silence

What comes often, but never really comes? ● Tomorrow

When Xiao Wang and his parents traveled abroad for the first time, their parents seemed at a loss because of the language barrier. Xiao Wang doesn't know any foreign languages, and he is not deaf, but he doesn't feel any inconvenience like in his own country. Why? Xiao Wang is a baby.

How do I write the scarlet letter with a blue pen? Write a word "red"

When the car turns right, which tire does not turn? ● Spare tire

There is a natural black marble. What will happen if you throw it into Qiantang River on September 7th? ● Sink into the river bottom

6 1 Under what circumstances will people burst into tears? ● Cremation

Fox is best at confusing men, so which "fine" men and women are fascinated together? ● Alcohol

Why did a healthy couple give birth to a baby without eyes? ● Chicken lays eggs

Why do two tigers have to fight to the death before giving up? No one dares to stop fighting.

Mr. Lin changed an artificial heart after major surgery. After she got well, her girlfriend broke up immediately. Why? ● Never really loved her.

You can do it, I can do it, everyone can do it; One person can do it, but two people can't. What is this for? ● Dreaming

Is black-bone chicken more powerful or white chicken more powerful? Why? ● Black-bone chicken, black-bone chicken can lay white eggs, and white chicken can't lay black eggs.

When you come home in the middle of the night, only to find that you forgot your key and there is no one else at home, what is your greatest wish? I forgot to lock the door.

What are the benefits of black hair? ● Not afraid of tanning

If tomorrow is the end of the world, why should someone commit suicide today? A seat in heaven.

Manager 7 1 can't cook, but there is a dish that is particularly good at. What is this? ● Fired.

What wine can't be drunk? ● Iodine

Why is a bottle of medicine marked highly toxic harmless to people? As long as you don't drink.

You don't need to work hard at typing. ● doze off

Some things, both buyers and sellers know, only users don't know. What is this? ● Coffin

Some people say that a woman is like a book, so what book is a fat woman like? ● bound volume

What's the difference between being bitten by a crocodile and being bitten by a shark? Nobody knows.

A cow, go north 10 m, go west 10 m, go south 10 m, turn right and ask where the cow's tail faces. ● Facing the ground

"Innate" refers to the inheritance of parents. What is "the day after tomorrow"? the day after tomorrow

What are the main reasons for divorce? ● Get married

8 1 9 oranges were distributed to 13 children. How to divide it fairly? Squeeze into juice

How to put the pencil on the ground so that others can't draw it? Low on the wall.

Why does the Statue of Liberty always stand in new york Harbor? She can't sit.

Why can frogs jump higher than trees? ● Trees can't jump

Is there anything in the world that can carry people at a speed close to 2000 km/h without refueling or other fuels? ● Earth

What is the name of a beautiful woman who is afraid of losing her figure and not having children after marriage? ● Beauty

Why do blacks like to eat white chocolate? ● Afraid of eating fingers.

88 Who is always afraid to take a bath ● Clay figurine

Why are Buddhists mostly in the northern hemisphere? ● South "no" Amitabha.

Stealing is not illegal. ● Sneak

9 1 Do you know where modern scientists are usually born? ● In the hospital

Why do geese fly south? ● Because walking with your feet is too slow.

Winter melon, cucumber, watermelon and pumpkin can all be eaten, but what melon can't be eaten? ● Fool

There are 6 steamed buns in 94 pots, which are given to 6 children each 1, but there is still 1 in the pot. Why? ● The last child takes the basin together.

Lao Wang has to shave forty or fifty times a day, but he still has a beard. What is the reason? Lao Wang is a barber.

There is a word that everyone will mispronounce when they see it. What's this word? This is the word "wrong"

97 what car can't move? ● Windmill

Xiaoming got a model student instead of studying. Why is Xiaoming a deaf-mute student?

How many sides does the box have? ● Two sides. internally and externally

100 which month has 28 days? ● There are 28 days in each month.

Funny 3

Five jokes that Japanese people hate most. (Wonderful not to be missed)

The first doctor said,' I like operating on librarians best. When you open their bodies, everything inside is arranged in alphabetical order.

The second doctor said, I like operating on accountants best. When you open their bodies, everything is arranged in numerical order.

The third doctor said, I like operating on electricians best. When you open their bodies, everything is color coded.

The fourth doctor said,' I like operating on Japanese best. The other three doctors looked at each other in disbelief. One of them asked what. The fourth doctor said, because they have no heart and no spine, and their butts and heads can be exchanged.

A man called a Japanese businessman and said,' I'm looking for Mr. Taro.' The operator said, "I'm sorry, he died last week." . The next day, the man called again and wanted to speak to Kazutaro. This time the operator got a little bored and said, "I always told you that he died last week." . Why are you calling? The man said,' Because I just like listening. '

A Japanese is eating in a restaurant in China. When the waiter brought a panlong shrimp, the Japanese asked, what should I do with the remaining shrimp shells? "Of course," the waiter said no! Don't! Don't! The Japanese shook his head and said,' In Japan, leftover shrimp shells are sent to the factory, made into shrimp cakes, and then sold to you in China. After a while, the waiter brought another plate of fruit, and the Japanese pointed to one of the lemons and asked,' What should I do with the remaining lemon peel?' ? "Of course," the waiter said no! Don't! Don't! The Japanese shook his head and said,' In Japan, leftover lemon peels are sent to factories to make rare fruits and then sold to you in China. When checking out, the Japanese chewed gum and asked the waiter with a smile,' What do you do with the leftover gum? "Of course, spit it out," said the waiter. Don't! Don't! Don't! The Japanese shook his head and said proudly,' In our Japan, chewed gum is sent to factories, made into condoms, and then sold to you in China. The waiter asked impatiently,' Do you know what to do with used condoms in China? Of course I threw it away. Japanese humanity. The waiter shook his head and said,' No! Don't! Don't! In China, used condoms are sent to factories, made into chewing gum and then sold to you. '

There is a taxi on the way to Chicago airport, and a Japanese tourist is riding on it. At this moment, a taxi passed by and the Japanese shouted,' Look, Toyota! Made in Japan! How fast! After a while, another taxi passed by. Look, Nissan! It's made in Japan! Too soon! Another taxi passed by. Hi! It's Mitsubishi made in Japan! Very fast! Taxi drivers are 100% American. Seeing that so many Japanese cars have surpassed their American cars, coupled with the arrogant language of the Japanese, it is inevitable to be annoyed. When another taxi overtook it, the taxi pulled into the airport parking lot. It's Honda Made in Japan! Very fast! There's no cure! The taxi driver stopped and pointed angrily at the meter and said,'1500 dollars. So close to 1500? ! Meter! Made in Japan! Very fast! "There is no cure,"

There are an American, a German, a Japanese and a China on a plane. Halfway through, the plane suddenly ran out of gas. The captain announced that someone had to jump off the plane to reduce the weight, so the American showed personal heroism and went to the door of the plane and shouted: Long live America and other countries! ! Then I jumped! The plane continued to fly. . . . . At this time, the captain announced: the weight is still too heavy, and one person has to jump! So the Germans stood up, walked to the door of the plane and shouted: Long live the German Empire! Jumped down, too The plane continued to fly. . . . . At this time, the captain announced: no, it's still heavy, and one more person must jump! China glanced at the Japanese, stood up and walked to the hatch of the plane. The Japanese rushed to hold China's hand: Good brother, I won't forget you! The people of China shouted: Long live the people and country of China! ! Then I kicked the Japanese down with one foot! ! . . . . .