Couples' funny jokes

Couples' funny jokes (selected 49 sentences) 1. Someone asked me how to live alone in this society with constant material flow, and I answered the word "poor". 2. When you are unhappy, take a deep breath. It's just a bad day. Maybe tomorrow will be worse. Whenever a boy says that he has tidied up his room, the standard usually means that the road from the door to the bed has been opened. The boy took out the ring and proposed to the girl. The girl took the ring and threw it into the lake, saying, "If you can get the ring out, I will promise you!" The boy smiled confidently, and then the ring floated to the surface. Walking and chatting with a friend, he suddenly asked, Will you bend over and bend your knees for 5 yuan? I said angrily, how could I do that? ! At this time, he took a few quick steps, then bent down to pick up 5 yuan on the ground. 6. Some people look much better than real people when they make masks. 7. The so-called growth is a process of constantly discovering that the past self is a two-pole. 8. Many people often say that you don't have to earn enough money. But now I can't even earn enough. 9. It's time to announce the cancellation today, because winter has come and summer clothes are no longer available. 1. Don't envy other people's long legs and thin waist. Your body is fat and your heart is wide, and no one else has it. 11. Getting rid of poverty is not as easy as hair loss, but getting rich is far easier than getting rich. The reality is cruel, you have to live with temperature. 12. No matter what you do, focus on persistence, and don't be afraid of failure. They say failure is success, damn it. Of course, you should smile at his mother when you pursue her baby. 13. My mother dug a spoonful of watermelon and dropped it. She picked it up and put it in my mouth. When she saw me looking at her in surprise, she suddenly reacted and said with a smile: Sorry, I thought you were still a child! Suddenly I feel a little pain in my chest! 14. An exam is like a doctor. The first sentence that comes out is that I tried my best. 15. The wife wanted to buy a fur coat for her birthday, so she said to her husband, "Dear, my birthday is coming, won't you go and look at the fur for me?" The husband patted his thigh: "Good idea, let's go together. But hurry up, or the zoo will close. " 16. Wife: How come you didn't praise me at dinner with your friends this time! You always praised me in front of your friends before marriage! Husband: Don't you think it's wrong to always tell lies? 17. My husband got paid and took it home to please his wife. He said to his wife, "honey, I got paid." Give me a kiss and the money will be yours. " The wife is slow to be indifferent. Husband doesn't respond when he sees his wife. He shouted again, "If you don't come again, I'll find someone to wait on me and give her all the money." The wife replied faintly: "If you dare to go, how do you spend the money, how can I earn it back?" 18. My beloved wife said, "I am timid by nature, and I dare not stay at home alone at night. You have to come back with me. " The husband said, "I really can't spare time to accompany you. Tell you what, I'll buy a safe and put you in it. There's definitely no danger, so you don't have to be afraid." My beloved wife said, "I want you to deploy Patriot missiles at home to intercept those who violate me." 19. A middle-aged couple was about to go to bed when they suddenly found that the building was on fire. They panicked and ran out through the smoky corridor. At this time, the husband accidentally found a sweet smile on his wife's face that he had never seen in recent years. Oh, my god What time is it now? You can still laugh! The husband asked in surprise. I am really happy! The wife smiled and said, it's the first time you've gone out with me in five years! I said to my wife, "I think we can take our relationship to the next stage." She giggled: "Fool, we are married. Have we given birth to two lovely babies? What's the next stage?" Me: "Divorce." 21. The husband said to his wife with emotion: "For so many years, no one can replace you in our family!" The wife asked angrily, "Honestly, how many people have you found to replace me for so many years?" 22. The husband and wife rushed to the sports ground, and the football match in the second half had already started. The husband asked an audience: Excuse me, what's the score on the field now? The audience said: to . The wife said: Great! We didn't delay at all. Husband: Honey, since you love me so much, why didn't you say yes at once when I first proposed to you? Wife: Because I want to see how you react when you refuse. Husband: Oh, but what would you have done if I had turned around and left? Wife: Don't worry, you can't go out, because I have locked the gate. 24. The husband often doesn't come back, and his wife calls him. He is either working to move bricks or studying documents. Later, my wife learned that moving bricks is playing mahjong. After learning the file, she asked her husband knowingly: It's hard to move bricks, so you should earn a lot of money, right? The husband said cunningly, of course, but on the study documents, he paid the tuition! 25. My husband got angry when he came home from work without boiling water and his wife didn't boil water. The husband said, "Are you still like a housewife? If you are so lazy again, I will be angry! " The wife said, "What? Angry? You try? " The husband said, "Of course I dare to be angry and dare not speak." 26. A man said to his friend, "My wife knelt in front of me after I had a fight yesterday." The friend said in surprise, "alas!" You are really something. However, what did your wife say to you when she was kneeling? " The man replied, "She said,' You dead thing, get out from under the bed quickly.'" 27. A farmer came back from hoeing in the field. His wife asked him where he had put his hoe. The farmer said loudly, "It's in the field." The wife quickly winked at him and said softly, "Keep your voice down. If someone hears you, you won't be stolen." As he spoke, he urged the farmer to go to the fields quickly. When the farmer went to the field, he saw that the hoe was really gone. He hurried home and whispered in his wife's ear, "It's gone." 28. When Mrs. Hans handed the check to the bank window, she said shyly, I'm sorry, my husband's signature is a little difficult to read. I didn't expect that he would be so scared when he saw me holding a pistol ... 29. When I went to work in the afternoon, Lily was worried and told everyone that I might become popular. My sister was puzzled and asked why. Lily: "I just brought a scarf from my husband to work, and when I came up, I found it was a pair of red autumn trousers." 3. My husband ate a peach early in the morning and drove with a peach pit in his mouth. I said: throw up, don't get stuck in your throat. The goods spit the core in a paper towel, put it in my hand and said, Then I will give you the Dragon Ball, and you are six short ... 31. I seldom drink water, and my husband often tells me to drink more water, which is good for my health. I just poured a glass of water myself for me to drink. The landlord was moved and said: Husband, you are so kind to me! Husband: Drinking more water is good for the kidney. It is very expensive to change the kidney, and our family can't afford it! 32. A buddy's surname is Hu and his nickname is Xiaosan. I want to go to a friend's place to play during the National Day holiday, but I am embarrassed to say so. Let me contact you. So I sent a short message to my friend: Is it convenient for Xiao San to visit you? The result happened to be seen by my friend's wife ... My friend and wife are still in the cold war. 33. In the Mid-Autumn Festival, Lily and her husband are going to spend the day before and after, but the weather is not beautiful. Lily: "Don't talk about getting married? I have everything I want. Even the moon in the sky can be picked for me. Now I want to see the moon. Go and disperse the fog and rain." Husband: "honey, ok." But at least I have to wait for it to wash its face and make a mask. " 34. Wife: Men are all timid. Husband: Not really, otherwise how could I marry you? 35. There are many excellent men and beautiful women in the world, but there is only one feeling that belongs to you. Never change your love because of others' eyes, never lose yourself by living in others' eyes, and never be too greedy, or you will lose something you will regret all your life. 36. Five hundred years ago, you were a regular worker in our family. I fell in love with you when I peeked at your chopping posture in the window that day. Don't blame me for not telling you at that time! Because there was no short message at that time! 37. The crowd searched for her for thousands of Baidu, and suddenly looking back, that person still shrugged off me. 38. If your eyes blink, I will die. If your eyes blink again, I will come back to life. Your eyes keep blinking, so I will die! Come on, if you're crazy, just go and see. 39. True love is broad and profound. It is by no means impulsive or infatuated, but always embraces and protects your lover, like a patron saint, and stays by your beloved. Adversity and * * * every year, never give up. 4. Love should be a pledge of eternal love. Only single-minded and faithful love is true love. 41. Red beans don't grow in the south, but grow on my face. I really miss them! 42. There are two kinds of men, one is lewd and the other is very lewd. There are two kinds of women, one is pretending to be pure, and the other is pretending to be impure. 43. Dealing with women always ends in this way: love should be dedicated to her; All women should be given special love. 44. Liking you doesn't necessarily mean loving you, loving you doesn't necessarily mean marrying you, and marrying you doesn't necessarily mean having children. If you have children, the father of the children may not necessarily be you. 45. Dissatisfaction is a vacant replacement, which makes people constantly have the desire to climb up in comparison. 46. Don't be coquettish, just move the world. 47. I woke up in the middle of the night without a good dream and heard the cat calling for spring. Although I have a cat's heart, I dare not call out in front of people. It must be admitted that this is a shortcut, because I have a natural advantage. 49. Offline people will never know that they are online. How long have you been waiting for her ... I've done my best for my brother, and I've done my best for my brother for a woman.