Talking about the fun of spring

I am under a tree flower, thinking about traveling far.

"We will go to your house tomorrow." The voice on the phone, familiar and unfamiliar, is twenty years apart and thousands of miles apart. I replied mew-mew and hung up.

They are my junior high school classmates. Let me see, what were we like then?

At that time, we were still young, and in the spring breeze, we were scattered in the grass seeds outside the school gate. Arnebia euchroma seed flower, no cattle to eat, no sheep to step on, crazy growth. After the seeds are planted, adults will pull plows and cows and turn up long mud waves, and the grass seeds will be pressed under the mud. In the gap between the mud waves, there are green leaves and purple flowers kissing the spring breeze.

Before the first spring rain falls, the sun must be bright enough to burst. In this afternoon, we were in groups of three or five, each with a book, scattered among purple flowers, reading quietly. More often, we are laughing and joking, encouraged by the spring breeze, squinting at boys who have broken their voices and bulging girls.

Enough laughter, enough worry and spring breeze, we will cross the shallow stream together and go back to school. I still remember the stream flowing from the distant mountain, tinkling when passing under my feet, and the grass swaying under the water. I can't help touching it. It's cold. It's been engraved in my memory for a long time.

It's cold, and now it wraps me up. I live like an ice sculpture, so I won't say it.

Who are they?

The bald and reckless teenager once called several boys and kicked the girl's lunch box as a ball. When the girl screamed and cried, she was coaxed. That red face, I really want to see it again now

The technical director on the court, the big brother in life, and the short teenager in study used to help my family collect rice, pull peanuts and move trees when they were most helpless. I will always remember his shrill whistle.

And the self-righteous teenager who buried the small mirror in the book and secretly squeezed acne was caught by the class teacher on the spot. On graduation day, he asked me to ask out his favorite girl, my good friend. I didn't understand what this meant, so I made a hasty decision. He missed the girl after all. I owe him a favor, and I still remember that helpless sigh.

And that hero boy, when the people were in a lawsuit in our family and were in poverty, he stepped forward and mobilized his father to help our family. Although it doesn't help, I will always remember that concerned face. My teenage feelings have been projected on him, but after all, I can't beat my inferiority complex. I exiled him in time and failed to get him back. His father, the only helper in the adult world, I must go to his grave to propose a toast in my lifetime.

and .. / with ..

What else can I remember?

I can't remember, and my life came to an abrupt end.

That year, my father was tied by my cousin and pulled out his toenails; That night, my parents bombed my uncle's house and escaped. I can't remember those old grievances. All I know is that my brother and I were chased and blocked all the way, going south and then south, with only one ID card on us. In those years when my mother was in prison, I had a dormant heart and dared not give it to anyone. In the year when my mother saw the light of day, I got married and had children with trepidation. Within five years, I don't know if my husband fell ill and left.

In just a few lines, it is twenty years after I graduated from junior high school.

I thought I could spend the rest of my life in a few words, but I couldn't find the words, and my life came to an abrupt end again.

That day, I was preparing lessons in the office, and the grade leader assigned me a task. I gave a wry smile and didn't know how to refuse. But how I want to lose all this, go home, tie the curtains as before, fall asleep and come out in a few days.

Her lips were flying, and I clenched my fist and stared at her. After a while, I clearly heard a bang in my head. Then, my fist swung over and slammed on the table, and blood flowed out one by one. I raised my other hand, and the desk buzzed.

I saw other people's stunned faces. I want to smile at them and restore my former dignified appearance, only to see my fist banging on the desktop more crazily. I tried to hold myself down, but I couldn't find my hand. ...

Then I came here. Actually, I wanted to come here several years ago.

The doctor wrote "depression, severe" on the medical record, and I was relieved: I can finally unload the secret that has been hidden for several years. Those moments of weakness, those moments of self-abandonment, those sleepy days, I told myself: you are sick, you have to see a doctor. But life doesn't allow me to stay. My parents, my brother and my son all need me to hold my head high. How could I fall?

Now, I can finally put down those heavy responsibilities and treat the disease with peace of mind.

It's just that this disease has been bothering me for too long and too deep. What can I say?

I go downstairs to the hospital yard every day. Grass, trees and flowers are thriving. The sky in Shenzhen is high in You Lan. Looking at them, I think spring has finally come. But tears are flowing-what does it have to do with me?

I can see these beautiful glories, but I cannot reach or touch them. I think I drowned in the cold river. Through the water waves, I saw red and green flowers, singing and dancing, but none of them belonged to me. I don't know what I'm still doing here.

The biting cold enveloped me and I couldn't move.

I think of the grass in the shallow stream of my hometown, lying in the spring water under the melting snow in the distant mountains, swaying with the waves, and the chilly memory wrapped around it still exists, which is similar to my cold feeling now!

However, I remember that there are teenagers, sunshine, grass seeds, flowers, youth and grass on the grass slope in my hometown. As soon as the bell rings, teenagers will run out, cross their heads, throw a series of gestures, leave a breath all the way and release their vitality; When I come back, I will hold a handful of grass seed flowers and make my cheeks red. Teenagers will dial the boiling water wave, gently roll up the grass and tell it one by one that spring is coming.

Dry heart, with a warm current. During that junior high school time, the only bright color in my life should still be there, waiting for me to get warm.

In recent years, I sincerely believe in the Almighty Lord, but the Lord only gently carries my sadness. Since I was admitted to the hospital, I have cried every night, and the Lord has only pitied my tears with his usual compassion.

Maybe, I should go back to my childhood, find that little girl who is nervous and depressed, love her well and hug her tightly. My young companion can accompany me to find the light of my life.

So, I left Shuhua, waved in the air, went back to the ward, set the alarm clock, took the medicine, hugged myself and fell asleep.

I will be at ease underwater, waiting for your arrival.

You will definitely bring the whole spring and my life, glory.