Can any hero help me find shorter cross talk lines? I need it urgently. Thank you.

A very classic stand-up comedy! !

[Traditional stand-up comedy] "The Thief Speaks" (performed by Zhang Shouchen) Do thieves speak? This thief went into the room and waited for people to fall asleep to steal. He is always awake and anxious in his room! "I said, why aren't you sleeping yet? If you sleep, I'll be so stealthy!" There's no one like that.

Thieves were common in the old society, but they are rare nowadays! Less is more, but you should also pay attention to doors and windows when sleeping. If you were careless and lost something, I won’t be responsible even if you ask me to take responsibility! "Zhang Shouchen said that there are fewer thieves. I have lost something!" I don't care about this matter. Anyway, you have to pay attention when you should. When should you pay attention? On rainy or windy days, you have to be especially careful when sleeping. This time it rained, and there was a sputtering sound. "Okay, it's raining outside. There's a lot of noise. Just endure it in the house and go to bed early. Oh! It's cool today!" After a solid sleep, I woke up. At first glance: it’s all gone! ——Be careful when it rains.

The wind blows, and there is movement outside. There is a chirping sound, and someone is coming down. The people in the house think: "The wind is strong, what has been blown down? You can't go out." Don't go out to throw things. La!

"The person lighting the lamp is not asleep", "if you cough, your heart will be weak". How do you say this? Whenever there is any movement outside, the person in the room keeps coughing and refuses to leave! "You must be weak when you cough." He knows that you are a coward. If there is any movement outside or you cough in the house, you actually tell the thief: "Don't make any noise. I am a coward. I will go to sleep right now." , I don’t care when I’m asleep, everything is yours!” When I wake up, it’s all gone! There was movement outside, he turned on the light, it was broken! When you turn on the light, you are in the light and he is in the dark. Who are the people in your room? How many people are there? What precautions are you taking? Can you withstand it? He knows it all. As soon as there is any movement outside, I will tell you a good idea: stop talking about nice things in the house and turn off the switch. The thief will turn around and run away. He knows that you are holding back and plotting against him!

The thief does not speak, but sometimes he speaks. This is called "the thief speaks." Why are the thieves talking? Oh, everything is special! One year, there was a thief in our house. This was the year when there was a mixed noodle scene in Japan, and there was a thief in our house! The man said: "Why are you making a thief?" It was different back then. Look at our life. Take me, Zhang Shouchen, as an example. Now, look at my body. I can eat well and sleep well! You can go on stage with whatever clothes you wear. Just wear this uniform and you can go on stage and meet anyone. The uniform is just a dress, that's all. It wasn't possible back then. If you were to wear something like this back then, the people in the audience would yell, but you had to fight! In the old society, we artists had to fight even if we borrowed a little extra money! In summer, you need to have several coats, either Luo or silk. Why? Think about it, the last show was so dry, and the next one, hey, it was half so dry, look how shabby it is! Clean, at least two pieces. To winter sedum, fur jacket, coat, otter hat. As soon as it came out, people didn’t know what was going on. In fact, they were really worried and asked for a loan! Are those clothes? That piece of clothing is very useful. This piece of clothing can be used for many errands, no matter where it is divided: when walking on the street, this is casual clothes; when going to social events, this is a dress; when going on stage, this is a wardrobe; when sleeping, it is a quilt Hey, he's dead, it's just a pretense, it's all on his body! This is the only one that comes out and goes in. The family is in a hurry, and there is no Kang mat, no matter what! This thief, he likes me. "We're not afraid of thieves, we're afraid of thieves!" "Zhang Shouchen must be rich. If he wasn't rich, would he be able to wear a fur coat, a coat, and an otter hat?" Well, how did he know? We live in one room at home. There are four nooks and crannies inside. A kang mat, sleeping on it, not even a quilt

Hey, what a thief! How do I know about the gate thief? We lived in the north room, with a kang in the back, and slept with our heads outside. I have my head facing the door, wearing my hat, and tying my belt to the floor to avoid getting cold! In the middle of the night that day, I felt a cool breeze blowing on my forehead. I opened my eyes and saw a person squatting in and closing the door again.

I knew it was a thief, but I didn't cry out. Why didn't I cry out? I turned around and shouted, he was so scared, the thief is cowardly, hold the dick in his hand and give it to me, it will definitely hurt him! Anyway, I have nothing to throw away. I can’t find any in your house. If you leave, you’ll be done with me if you don’t miss me. I looked at him like this, and he came over and touched me. He touched everything I was wearing, and couldn't take it off. He grabbed my hat, and I woke up! In fact, I woke up early, Boot Toe, where is your pillow? My wife is also in that position, and I have a bed on the kang. Still touching. I said in my heart: "Aren't you leaving yet? It's over if you leave. I can sleep better if you leave!" He touched around and touched the southwest corner, which shocked me! What's going on? In the southwest corner, there is my savings and my grain table. There is a jar there with more than forty kilograms of rice in it. Aren’t you unable to buy rice when you were in Japan? I asked someone to get more than 40 kilograms. When I think about it, it's not wrong. He must not go to the house with a jar carrying more than 100 kilograms of rice. Firstly, he is stupid, and secondly, he will commit a crime while walking on the street. Most thieves are superstitious. If a thief doesn't make a mistake, he will get lucky - grab a handful and run away. Grabbing a handful is just a bowl of porridge, and you can't even eat dry rice. Why should I offend you? It's over if you don't miss me!

I saw him there, and when I touched it, it was a jar with a straw lid on top. He put the lid on the ground and felt that there was rice inside. I said in my heart: "Why don't you do something about it?" He stood in front of my eyes and thought about his ideas. A thief can be cruel, a cruel thief! His idea is too bad! He took off his two large cotton-padded jackets, took off his cotton-padded jackets, made a bed on the ground, and hugged the jar. I understand, I said to myself: "Good boy, you are in trouble! What do you mean by spreading the cotton-padded jacket here, carrying the jar and pouring it there, leaving only the bottom of the jar? At most, you can leave four or two halves for me. I can't help you if you take them all away!" After he finished laying out the cotton padding, I moved my hand down the edge of the kang, grabbed the collar of my coat, and pulled it up. It's right underneath me. I like it: "It's done, there's an extra mattress under me, and I'll take a look at yours!"

He didn't know, he held the jar and pushed it into my head "Wow--" like this Actually, I felt happy, and I said to myself: "Boy, you can't take it away! I'll waste some water while I eat!" He put the empty jar there again, and he touched... He touched his big sleeves. Why don't you just leave? When he couldn't find it, he wondered: "Why did you put it in the wrong place?" He picked up the rice, and when he touched it, he wondered again and again, "Huh?" He made a sound! Even when he touched this end, he said "Huh?"

He said "Huh" and "Huh?" in such a loud voice that my woman woke up. The woman was timid and kicked me, "Get up, get up, there are thieves!" I calmed down and said, "Go to sleep, there are no thieves." When he said there were no thieves, he started talking. : "No thief? Where is my cotton-padded jacket without thief?!"