A classic funny quotation-I am too beautiful to die.

Miss's beard is so euphemistic that she must be a lady.

If only your parents would take those 10 minutes out for a walk.

Work is so interesting! Especially watching others work. ...

How did you escape from the trash can after the abortion?

Love your country, love your family, love your sister, guard against thieves, guard against brothers ~

I really don't want to despise you with my toes. But, man, you made me do it.

The cruelest thing in life is that people can only be young once.

The innocence of love in college is that we can eat instant noodles together and drink soup with an open mind.

Dude … I swear to the lamp … I really smoked …

There are many backgrounds, and I only have one back.

The doll asks her mother, "How to make sentences with ABCDEFG?" Mom: "A! Is this child B from the C family? Standing barefoot on D, EF wears nothing, and there is a small GG…… ... "

Looking for him in the crowd, I looked up and saw him flying in the sky … a bird man.

A few years later, zg was awesome, and a group of uneducated Americans complained that the English version of the software developed by zg "Giant Hard" Company was too slow and had to use an informal English version. And some software doesn't support English very much.

Busy! Super busy! Super busy! Super Saiya Busy

The price of pigs has gone up these days, and they want me to reduce the price.

Going to work is to carry forward the spirit that dead mice are not afraid of cold.

If you do this again in the future, don't blame me for being inhuman.

What do you want? Just do it.

Wang Cai, come and have a look. There are others who are not as good as you.

When you are a subordinate, you treat yourself as a turtle grandson, and when you are a leader, others treat you as a turtle son. From grandson to son, this bastard really got a promotion.

Why is there a college entrance examination? I want to know Jiao Yu's department director. What's his college entrance examination score?

The thief who stole my wallet opened it and saw only five dollars. He sighed with tears: "It's not easy!" " .

What are you unhappy about? Say it to make everyone happy.

Accustomed to the ends of the earth: a dozen friends had dinner and just walked to the stairs on the second floor. I saw a man holding a pregnant woman downstairs. The buddy who walked in front quickly gave way to the side and turned around and said, "Stay in formation downstairs!" "

Man next door finally vowed to lose weight-at the graduation job fair, someone said to him, "Sorry, buddy, you're blocking my cell phone signal."

I sat on a stone 150 million years ago for an afternoon …

I'm too beautiful. I can't die.

The head on the left is flour and the head on the right is water. When I think about the problem, my head is burnt.

Never leave the wall, resolutely pull it out.

I allow you to come into my world, but I will never allow you to walk around in my world.

Even if I were a toad, I would never marry my mother toad.

Money can buy a house, but not a home; Marriage, but not love; Clock, but can't buy time. Money is not everything, but it is the root of pain. Give me your money and let me suffer alone.

Boys are poor, or they don't know how to struggle: girls are rich, or they are coaxed away by a piece of cake.

When we were young, we often made faces in the mirror; In old age, mirrors are flat.

I will have a son named "handsome" in the future, and others will say, "handsome dad!" "

Fish said: I always open my eyes in order to leave your side. Water said: I have been flowing tirelessly all day, trying to surround you and hold you tightly. The pot said: it's almost cooked, and there's still so much nonsense. .

Happiness is: I am hungry, and when I see someone holding a meat bun in his hand, he is happier than me; I was cold, and he was happier than me when I saw someone wearing a thick cotton-padded jacket. I want to go to the toilet. It's just a pit. You are happier than me when you squat there.

Everyone has at least one dream and a strong reason.

My 18-year-old daughter asked her father to do something for her. Dad: "Dad is very tired. Give me a compliment, and I will be refreshed again. " Daughter: "Lao Zheng!" Dad: "Hey!" Daughter: "Your Niu Niu is really beautiful ..."

If the heart has no place to live, it wanders everywhere.

The brain is the noblest organ-because it tells you.

Zhuge Liang never led a soldier before he came out of the mountain. Why should I have work experience?

The highest level of work is to watch others go to work and get their wages.

When I was a child, I didn't read. My mother said, "When I grow up, I will let you marry a bachelor who sells pork." Now daughter Jiao Yu: "Study hard and grow up to marry a bachelor who sells pork."

I have lived for more than 20 years and have never done anything for the motherland and the people. Every time I think about it, my heart aches.

Are you happy? I can still feel happy.

Mom said that it is best not to miss two things in life: the last bus home and the person who loves you deeply.

The important task of post-80s is to create post-80s.

There is no rehearsal in life, and it is broadcast live every day, which not only has low ratings, but also has low wages.

The future is bright, but there is no road.

Who says the world is as black as a crow? In fact, one is darker than the other.

I really want to have a quiet and serious secret love like Don Quixote. ...

What would face do if it wasn't for making money …

I can't eat swans ~ I can't eat ducks yet ~

If you look like shit, forget it. Why do you want to be an asshole?

A classic funny quotation every day

1, full of love, all beautiful women in the world have lovers.

God gave us worldly desires, but we turned them into pornography and violence.

3. Q: "Is my avatar Niu B?" A: "I like it!"

4. They said I was BT and asked me to do CT, but I turned out to be ET.

5. Be a person hovering between cow A and cow C. ..

6, also because of loneliness, talked about several times in love. Who knows that it is easy to be kicked after repeated battles and defeats!

7. I don't know whose wife is in my bed, and neither does my wife!

8. Don't speak English in front of me in the future, ok?

9. Everyone says I'm an actor, because my eyes roll when I see a beautiful MM. ...

10, men pretend to understand if they don't understand, but women are just the opposite.

1 1, you can't satisfy everyone, because not everyone is human!

12. During my four years in college, I always thought I was a talented person, but I was wrong, I am not! I'm a fucking genius!

13. In order to cooperate with the successful completion of family planning work in China this year, I decided not to contact friends of the opposite sex for the time being. Thank you for your cooperation.

14, wear other people's shoes, go your own way and let others find it.

15. When I grow up, I want to marry Tang Yan as my husband. If I want to be lucky, I will be. If I don't want to play, I will eat him.

16, I won't go to work until the sun comes out; If I come out, I'll go back to sleep!

17, you can't satisfy everyone, because not everyone is human!

18, as long as you dare to die, I dare to bury it.

19, buttress in buttress out-the highest level of eating buffet.

20, people are not smart, but also learn from others baldness! !

2 1, I'd rather you hold another woman and miss me than you hold me and miss another woman.

22. What can I do to kill your lover? ...

23, the first program, the only son flute.

24. Do you think scrambled eggs with tomatoes and water are tomato and egg soup? This is a big difference.

25. Men can rely on it, and sows can climb trees.

A toad who doesn't want to eat swan meat is not a good toad.

27. A toad that ate swan meat or a toad?

28. What is more troublesome than meeting a shrew is ... meeting two shrews at the same time.

29. I once liked her broad mind, but it was just an airport!

The teacher told us not to litter, or I would lose you! ! ! !

3 1, there was a time when my Lp always said I was hungry at night, so I always ran out to eat supper. One day I told her that you should go to bed early at night, so that you won't.

32. Hungry.

33. wearing this dress, animals will become people. You will become an animal as soon as you put it on.

I can't give you happiness, but I can make you comfortable ...

35. After eating for three days, I want to go to the West-my basic skills are still shallow.

36. Time is like a woman's cleavage. There's always squeezing.

37. Go find your aunt! Big class? -I went out on business and met my aunt downstairs.

Even if I kiss someone one day, I should kiss you.

39, not afraid of opponents like God, but afraid of teammates like shit.

40. Fenqing is only one step away from patriotism and not one step away from SB.

Funny quotations in 2020

1, please breathe bravely. Let's use our lungs to purify the polluted air.

Last night, I missed countless friends. I thought about it, but you are the coolest. I looked for you in my dream, and I looked back indifferently. You are tied to the depths of someone else's donkey shed, which is cruel and cruel.

3. With you in life, life is full of infinite vitality; With you along the way, I am afraid of lightning; Just because of you, happiness and satisfaction are always overflowing; Without you, who will feed the pig food?

Standing on the balcony that day, you enjoyed the drizzle and thought about the rough life. Your face is wet and tastes sour, bitter and salty. Is it rain or tears? You look up at the sky and see whose mop it is.

The most romantic thing I can think of is that you pretend to be lovers to rob. During our successful robbery and absconding with money, you were unfortunately arrested. You would rather die than confess and go to jail, leaving me sad and spending money like water for the rest of my life.

6. I wish you a pleasant journey and disappear halfway; I wish you laugh often, you have to laugh anyway; I wish you a happy day, leg cramps; I wish you all the best and hit a wall everywhere.

7, vital capacity self-test tips: bow your head and suck after farting, and then observe whether people around you smell the smell. If so, you must strengthen your exercise according to this method; If not, then prove that you are superman!

8. Notice: There will be a leader's inspection tomorrow morning. Dear colleagues, please dress as required. Man: suit, tie, shorts and slippers; Lady: swimsuit, pants, shoes!

9. Maitreya said: "Laugh when you open your mouth, laugh at the past and laugh at the present, and laugh at everything; The stomach can accommodate, and the sky can accommodate. " A big belly can hold things that are hard to hold in the world. Why are we not pregnant?

10, I have worked silently in the film circle for many years, and the bitterness is only clear to you. However, your efforts have finally been recognized by people, and you have won the Golden Bird Award: the nomination of the best animal star.

1 1. On this full moon night, Chang 'e said to me: She will go down to find you, give you a beauty treatment and restore your original beauty! Are you ready? Pig, stop texting and ask you a question!

12, Wukong, you clean the glass; Friar Sand, mop the floor. Bajie, the master knows your situation very well. After careful consideration, he decided to give you a chance to show it-after reading this message, clean the girls' toilet as soon as possible.

13, looking at the atmosphere from a distance, grinning at a close look.

14, whenever I encounter difficulties, I will take out my wallet and look at my wife's photo, and then say to myself: What is there to be afraid of? Don't lose heart. Is there anything more difficult than her?

15. Computers can really save time and improve work efficiency. For example, playing card games does not require shuffling.

16, don't wash it, but for the mud, this broken car would have fallen apart.

17, there is no rehearsal in life, every day is live broadcast!

18, I explained to my son what the exchange rate is on a whim. As a result, he only accepts gold as lucky money now.

19, comrade policeman, if I drive too fast, what about you?

20. Some people don't even know their neighbors, but they are extremely concerned about whether there are aliens in the world.

2 1, when making paper documents, each document shall not exceed ten pages; If it can't be compressed within ten pages, each book can be bound into one, two, three volumes, and so on. Please strictly observe it. If there is a document that the general manager can't tear off next time, the responsibility of the department manager will be severely investigated. ...

22. Get up if you don't want to sit.

I only fly first class unless they kick me out.

24, your happiness, I will create; I will make up for your confusion; I will satisfy your greed; I will give in to your willfulness; I'm the only one who cares about you. I am a professional pig farmer.

25. Buddha said: Looking back 500 times in the past life brought me a fleeting moment in this life. I used 10000 times to look back at my past life in exchange for meeting you in this life, just to ask you: Why do you compete with my dog for bones?

26. To know a person, you should look at it from many angles, just like you. From below, you look like a psycho, from the side, you look like an idiot, and from 30 degrees, you look like a pig. Look, I know you better.

In short, I will say: I am still young and I can't be sad.

1, I am a very sad person, but I laugh more happily than anyone else; I often laugh, but I am not always happy; I'm good at acting, especially pretending to be happy.

I am still a child, why should I suffer so much?

3, spiritual progress, physical degradation, mental still dry but physical.

I want to give up, but I dare not.

5, after 05 every day.

6, baldness, myopia, sleep, anxiety, supported by caffeine every day.

7. Obviously, my family is complete and my parents are alive, but it seems that I am the only one left in the world, fighting alone, falling down alone, recovering silently and crying alone in the dark. No one understands, no one feels distressed, no one sympathizes.

8. Going to college is really tiring, and the dormitory is really small. It's totally different from what I thought. But I joined my favorite club, hoping to be happier.

9. I am still young. I can't mourn.

10, I didn't study hard in high school and was admitted to an dissatisfied university. Tuition and living expenses are very expensive. I want to stand on my own feet without my parents, but I have to rely on their financial support. I want to buy in buy buy with peace of mind, but I can't buy my parents' gray hair in buy buy without restrictions. I want to study hard to change the status quo, but I can still brush Weibo in no hurry. I want to refuel, I don't want to continue to eat and die, I just want to continue to be complacent.