Humorous jokes suitable for chasing girls

1. A man was about to starve to death in the desert, when he picked up the magic lamp.

Magic Lamp: "I can only grant you one wish, tell me quickly, I'm in a hurry."

Man: "I want a wife..."

The magic lamp immediately turned out to be a beautiful woman, and then said disdainfully: "You are almost starving to death and you are still greedy for beauty! How sad!" After that, she disappeared.

Person: "...cake."

2. The earthworm family was very bored today, so the little earthworm cut himself into two pieces and went to play badminton.

Earthworm's mother thought this method was good, so she cut herself into four pieces to play mahjong.

Earthworm's father thought about it and cut himself into minced meat.

The mother earthworm cried and said: "Why are you so stupid? If you cut it into pieces like this, you will die!"

The father earthworm said weakly: "...Suddenly I want to play football. "

3. The panda man wants to rape the panda girl, but the panda girl resists vigorously and refuses to obey.

After the failure, the panda man said angrily: "We are all going to be extinct!"

4. One day the animals smelled a bad smell in front of Guan Gong Temple.

The snake said: "I am too young to fart such a smelly thing. It must be a cow."

The cow said: "I am a grass-eater and would not fart such a smelly thing." "

The pig said: "Those who fart will definitely blush."

Suddenly Guan Gong rushed out, knocked the pig away and said: "How many times have I told you, I am blushing." Innate.

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5. A man met God one day...

God suddenly became kind and planned to give the man a wish...

God asked. ..

Do you have any wishes...

The man thought about it...

I heard that cats have 9 lives...

Then please give me 9 lives...

God said...

Your wish will come true...

One day, the man was bored...

I wanted to just die...

He has 9 lives anyway

Just lying on the railroad tracks....

A train passed by...

The man was still dead...

This is Why?

Because there were 10 carriages in that train...

6. One day, three people were sent to the funeral home. Strangely enough, they all had smiles after they died ^_ ^...

The funeral director asked pol.ice very puzzled: Why do their faces after death turn out to be ^_^?

pol.ice said: This... it's a long story... Look at the person on the left... He was spending the night with his wife in ***... in the most passionate place. For a moment... I couldn't bear it any more... and I died.

The administrator replied: Alas... I would like to die under the flowers... I would be charming even if I were a ghost... So how did the one in the middle die?

pol.ice: That one in the middle... He... What a tragedy... He was walking on the road... Suddenly he heard that he had won the jackpot... The prize was more than 700 million...

While he was laughing happily...he was hit by an oncoming car...and died...

The administrator replied: Alas ...He really is not blessed to enjoy this glorious and wealthy life for the rest of his life...What about the remaining one?

pol.ice: ...This one’s death is a bit pitiful... He was struck to death by lightning while climbing a tree

The administrator replied: ... This is a bit wrong, why are you still smiling after being struck by lightning...

pol.ice said: Because after he climbed up the tree, he thought... there was a sudden flash of lightning... ...

He thought... someone was taking a picture of him...

7. Thousands of years ago, whether they were male or female dogs, they would It's done squatting.

It was not until the Tang Dynasty that things changed...

Everyone has heard of Emperor Taizong of the Tang Dynasty! His old man had a pair of Pekingese dogs. Once, Emperor Taizong of the Tang Dynasty went to Mount Huashan to offer sacrifices to heaven and took this pair with him...

In the middle of the sacrifice, the female dog suddenly became anxious and ran behind a tree. Solve,

This is a very disrespectful behavior when worshiping the sky, so it angered the Jade Emperor,

The Jade Emperor ordered Thunder God to hit a thunder, which happened to hit the tree, and the tree fell , crushed the female dog to death, and the male dog was very scared after seeing it...

From then on, every time the male dog urinates under the tree, he will stretch out one foot and push against the tree,

Lest the tree fall down on you...

8. Can you give me two 1-inch photos of yours? (Be sure to take a very clear photo) as a permanent souvenir. I'm going to put it on my socks so people can tell they're Crocodile.

9. I told you because she told me not to tell you. Now I tell you, don’t tell her. I told you. If she asks you, have I told you about you? Say I didn't tell you she said you were a pig and I'm done.

10. Bajie went to South Korea to undergo plastic surgery and become a handsome man. He went to the dance hall to look for a beautiful woman. After getting passionate, Bajie asked the beautiful woman: Do you know how ugly I was before? I am Zhu Bajie.

The beauty was shocked: Second senior brother, I am Lao Sha!

11. The farmer was picking up manure. A man saw it and asked: Uncle, how much does this sauce cost per pound? The farmer didn't say anything, and the woman dipped some of it in her hand and put it in her mouth. She thought to herself: If you don't tell me how much it costs per pound, I won't tell you that your sauce stinks!

12. A person riding a motorcycle has a habit of wearing his jacket backwards. He died in a traffic accident. When ** arrived, he saw an old man next to him and asked the old man about the situation. The old man said: When I saw him, he was still breathing. I saw his head was twisted to the back, so I twisted his head back, and he died.

13. I saw you that day in the supermarket. You quietly reached out to the barcode scanner and saw the screen display: Pig's trotters 8 yuan. You thought the machine was broken, so you turned your face to look at it. The screen showed: Pork head meat for 5 yuan.

14. One day you stood on the bus stop and laughed, causing passers-by to look at you like a rare animal. One of them asked you why you were giggling. You suppressed your laughter and said proudly: I tricked the ticket buyer and didn’t get on the bus after buying the ticket.