My best friend ruined our 20-year friendship with one sentence: People who can’t talk well are not worth dating. Why?

To be honest, since we can become best friends, you can imagine the relationship. You must talk about everything and avoid anything. But I have to admit that the closer the relationship, the easier it is to hurt someone.

I never dreamed that one day I would mind my best friend's "heartfelt words". Because of these words, there is still a deep gap between me and her. To be honest, it's not that I'm making a fuss, but that her words deeply hurt me, and the negative emotions they brought to me haven't dissipated for a long time.

This matter starts with the conflict at my best friend’s house. My best friend has a brother who is six years younger than her. Since her father's death, her mother has taken her and her brother to live with her. As a sister, she really paid a lot for her brother. After joining the workforce, she gave her salary card to her mother to fix her brother's living expenses every month.

Not only that, she also asked people to help her brother find a job, and even arranged his marriage. She thought that the relationship with her brother could not be replaced by anything, but who knew that since her brother got married, she was obviously biased against her daughter-in-law and exploited her mother and her more and more excessively.

It wasn’t until her younger brother, instigated by her younger siblings, offered to take over her mother’s entire house that she regretted it, saying that she had been raising a white-eyed wolf for so many years, so she broke up with her younger brother, but she was even more disappointed. Sadly, this rural mother favors sons over daughters. Although she did not make it clear, her mother repeatedly hinted that she was a married person and the family house should be left to her younger brother.

My best friend said that she did not consider the house because her relatives did not even care about her family before their own interests, which really hurt her heart.

After saying so much, I have been sympathizing with her and comforting her. Who knows, her next words will instantly make me uncomfortable. She looked up at me and said, "Don't tell me how harmonious your family is. Just wait. One day your family will be like mine."

I thought to myself, you have experienced something bad. Things, why do I have to have the same experience? Although I have a younger brother, my parents and younger brother's family live together, but I firmly believe that my parents and younger brother will never turn against each other because of this little interest. Seeing my reluctance to acknowledge what she said, she "warned" me again not to be too nice to my family, otherwise I would regret it.

I asked her why she cursed me when I was sad. Seeing that I was a little angry, she said she didn't say what she said before.

But I kept my words in my heart. What I want to say is that not every pair of parents is prejudiced, not every younger brother forgets about the family because of profit, and not every younger sister complains and does not pay back the money.

What she said really made me uncomfortable. In fact, she knew my situation and that my life was not satisfactory. There are even many places where I am simply not as good as her. For example, she has a job that can easily cover droughts and floods, and she doesn’t have to pay off her mortgage or car loan. She also received unconditional support from her parents-in-law.

And I am under pressure from all aspects. I feel that she really shouldn’t hurt me regardless of my tired heart. Although she said it unintentionally, it also exposed her paranoia and stubbornness.

Being able to insist on oneself is indeed a positive thing to a certain extent, but over-emphasis on oneself, denying others, especially not listening to other people's advice, is a kind of stubbornness.

Stubborn people are not only difficult to get along with, but sometimes they are also verbally invisible businessmen. Just like my best friend, because of personal experience, she stubbornly believes that all families who like her will have something similar to her family. When you talk to her about your situation, she completely disagrees. Stubborn people can't talk well, and the result of doing so can only make people close to her drift away.

My best friend and I have the same friend. This friend got divorced shortly after getting married. She lives alone with her children. Fortunately, my family's financial situation is good, so I don't have to worry about life.

After several relationships after divorce, my friend decided to be single. In fact, I understand her mood very well. If you really can't meet the right person, there's really no need to force it. After all, marriage is no longer a necessity in this society. If a person can live well, just live the way he likes.

But when I chatted with that friend several times, my best friend always advised her to find another person to marry. The friend shook her head and said: "It's easy to meet the right person, but you can't say the words of a best friend without thinking." She said that it is really difficult for a divorced woman to find a home with her children, but she must have a home, otherwise she will always be old. What should I do?

As soon as the words were spoken, the friend fell silent, and the atmosphere was indescribable. Later that friend rarely came out to see me and my best friend. I know that my best friend's words, which seemed caring, actually hurt the other person deeply.

My best friend uses his own inherent knowledge to judge other people’s lives. She believes that a divorced woman should be miserable, and her life should be miserable, lonely, and even miserable. But her friend never felt that way. My best friend repeatedly imposed his own perceptions, hinting at the pain of divorce.

As the saying goes, don’t care about the other person in a self-righteous way. What really matters is doing it in a mutually acceptable way. This kind of self-righteous kindness is reflected in stubbornness. Although it comes from caring, it actually has the opposite effect.

Recalling my best friend’s experience in the past few years, I can always hear her talk about the estrangement between her classmates or colleagues from her student days to her many years of work. She had bad relationships, to be sure, but it all came down to a declining world. She never reflects on herself, and she doesn't know that her "sharp mouth" has hurt others invisibly.

Smart people don’t speak blindly, but they think twice before speaking. Only people who can speak can have good interpersonal relationships.

A few days before my friend gave birth to her baby, she was very anxious. She wanted to have a natural birth, but she was nervous and anxious because she had seen heartbreaking scenes in TV dramas when she gave birth. She asked every woman who had given birth if it hurt. And the kindest answer I heard was: "Don't be too nervous, it won't hurt, it's true!" After that, she patted her friend's shoulder with her hand to show that what she said was true.

When no one else was paying attention, I quietly asked her, does giving birth really not hurt? She said, where doesn't it hurt? It was because she saw her friend's nervousness and anxiety, and it was really bad for the production, so she lied to comfort her.

Sure enough, after hearing her affirmative words, her friend was not so anxious, and gave birth to a seven-pound baby boy that night.

There is a passage in the book "The Power of Language": "Speaking is the simplest and most difficult thing in the world. People who can speak can convince others with just a few words; A speaker cannot convince anyone by talking. With the power of words, you can open the way to a successful life! Talking people are so scary. Therefore, to be a smart person, you must start from "speaking well".