Missing Grandpa: The Past of One Dime a Day

Chen Junkai

Death is never the end of life, forgetting is.

Unconsciously, as I walked, I reached middle age, and I was used to seeing life and death. In my 36 years, I have forgotten many of the people I met who have passed away, both familiar and unfamiliar, and only think of them occasionally or hear them mentioned.

However, it has been thirty years since my grandfather passed away, but his voice and appearance have always been in my heart. His words, in particular, have always echoed in my mind and have never been overwhelmed by any words in the world.

"Grandson, a dime a day."

This is a Chaoshan dialect, translated into Mandarin, it means "grandson, a dime a day."

However, just such a word that is as tasteless as boiled water is a doting word to me that pampers me to heaven.

I was born in a rural area and grew up in an era when even a grain of rice dropped into the soil had to be picked up and eaten. However, I don’t know when I started walking to my grandpa’s house by myself every day. Because every time I went there, when my grandpa saw me, he would take out a small bunch of odds and ends from his trouser pocket and give me a 1-cent note.

Grandpa is an old farmer. He gets up at around four o'clock in the morning every day, and then goes to the fields without even drinking a glass of water. Then harvest the vegetables grown in the fields, such as green mustard greens, bright red tomatoes, goose-yellow leeks, etc. Then pick them into the river and wash them clean, then pick them up and sell them in the market.

Every time I came back from selling vegetables, I would run out of the house as soon as I heard his footsteps, and even before I saw anyone I would shout:

"Mr., come back." La! ”

Then, as soon as grandpa saw me, he put down the vegetable load and gave me a dime. I happily accepted it, feeling extremely beautiful and proud. Although our family is poor, I am one of the few children in the village who has pocket money every day.

Once, I went to my grandpa’s house in the morning and again in the afternoon. At that time, grandpa was busy preparing tools for working in the fields. However, every time I saw him, I would shout "Mr...." However, he only promised me but did not give me any money. So, I kept following him.

Finally, grandpa was also surprised and asked my great-grandmother why I always followed him. When I was a child, my great-grandmother took care of me. When I was older, every time I went to my grandpa's house, my great-grandmother would accompany me most of the time. Therefore, my great-grandmother immediately knew what I was thinking and pointed it out to my grandfather, saying that I was pestering him for pocket money but was too embarrassed to speak.

Then, grandpa said to him: "Sunzi, one dime a day." I understood that no matter whether I went in the morning or in the afternoon, no matter how many times I went to my grandpa's house a day, my grandpa only paid a dime a day. Give me a dime as pocket money.

Unfortunately, the good times did not last long. In the winter when I was seven years old, my grandpa passed away and could no longer give me a dime a day.

My parents told me that on the day my grandpa left, he took a shower by himself in the morning. By then he had cancer and no longer sold vegetables. My mother went to the market to buy vegetables in the morning and passed by his hut. When she saw him, she felt that he was in good spirits. As a result, I left alone in the afternoon without disturbing anyone.

It makes me heartbroken just thinking about it now! But at that time, I heard from my mother that my grandpa was "old" (which means death in Chaoshan dialect). I didn't understand what sadness was.

When I saw him again, my grandfather was lying on the ground as if sleeping, and the adults knelt beside him in mourning clothes and cried bitterly.

After that, during the three days of handling my grandfather’s funeral, I didn’t know how to cry. I just followed the adults silently all the time, lighting incense and kneeling down under the guidance of the masters who performed meritorious deeds. Every day, whether it is day or night, I sit on the straw mat and listen to the masters chanting sutras, or follow the spiritual circles.

When walking around, you should throw money into the pots you pass every time you go around. Watching the adults give me a bunch of change containing 12.5 cents and throwing it in one by one from my own hand, I feel no pity at all. I didn’t understand it at that time, and thought that as long as the rituals were done, my grandpa would wake up and give me ten cents a day.

Until the morning of my grandpa’s funeral, I followed the adults up the mountain and watched the coffin containing my grandpa being buried in the soil. I just felt that my grandpa was dead and would never come back.

After I came back at noon that day, I lay on the bed alone, looking at the white mosquito net above my head. Thinking that I would never see my grandpa again, hot tears began to flow out of the corners of my eyes.

Then somehow, I suddenly thought that one day, I would grow old like my grandfather, with wrinkles and spots on my face, body, and hands, and finally die.

Thinking of never seeing my loved ones again, I was so frightened that I hid in the quilt and shivered, crying desperately. Finally, I cried silently and fell asleep.

For the rest of my life, whenever I thought about death, I was filled with terror. However, slowly I went from being scared at first to understanding how to cherish life and the people around me.

Now, my grandpa has been away from us for 30 years, and my eldest son is also 6 years old. When I see him, I can't help but think of my grandfather's doting on me when I was his age. It turns out that my grandpa never left me because his love was always by my side.

Grandpa, I really miss you! I think it would be great if you were still here! Especially when you see my children asking for pocket money from you, you smile and say to them: "Grandson, one dime a day."