Ma Sanli's lines from "Opening a Porridge Factory"

Cross talk lines: Lines from "Opening a Porridge Factory" Authors: Ma Sanli and Zhang Qingsen

A: Does your accent sound like that of a Beijinger?

B: That’s right! I am from Jingli. Where are you based?

A: You heard that there is a "mantou bun" in west Beijing. I'm from there.

B: You are a steamed bun! Then we brothers are the same.

A: Are you also a steamed bun person?

B: I am "Sugar Triangle". It’s time to eat!

A: No, I am the "human-headed dog" from Jingxi.

B: I "wound the string". Clock! Isn’t this random bombing? There is Mentougou in the west of Beijing.

A: That’s right! That’s right! I am from Mentougou.

B: There are many coal mines in your expensive place. Before liberation, there were only a lot of rich people!

A: The rich man is someone else!

B: What about you?

A: I rely on the sky for food, measure the land for wealth, and dig food from the soil.

B: Oh! Are you a farmer?

A: That’s right! That’s right!

B: How much land did you farm before liberation?

A: I can’t say it. I’m afraid you’ll laugh if I say it.

B: Where are you? No matter how little you plant, it is still much better than talking about cross talk in the past!

A: The little land I cultivate and the grain I collect in exchange for money is not enough for you to smoke a cigarette!

B: You are too polite! How much land do you farm?

A: Our family farms nine thousand nine hundred and ninety-nine hectares and nine acres of land.

B: Oops! What a long roll of cigarettes I smoke!

A: Nine thousand nine hundred and ninety-nine hectares and nine acres of land is not enough.

B: Why isn’t it enough?

A: There are 4,444 hectares of land on the mountain and 5,555 hectares of land on the river. Together, this is enough for 9,000 Nine hundred and ninety hectares and nine acres of land.

B: Okay! What a tongue twister you are! We who talk about cross talk specialize in tongue twisters. If you don’t believe me, let me tell you: Your family has nine thousand nine hundred and ninety-nine hectares and nine miles of land.

A: Jiuli land?

B: No, nine thousand nine hundred and ninety hectares and nine acres of land. It’s a bit round the neck! To say 9999 hectares and 9 acres of land is not enough, there are 7777 hectares and 7 acres of land near the mountains, and 6600 hectares and 7 acres of land near the river... …This, poof! Anyway, you have a lot!

A: It’s hard to say, no!

B: No, you!

A: Don’t look at how much land there is, but the grain harvested is not enough to feed the livestock!

B: How many cows, horses, donkeys and mules do you have there?

A: We don’t raise cattle, horses, donkeys, or mules there!

B: What to feed?

A: Feed the camels.

B: How many camels can you feed?

A: It doesn’t matter the size of the camel.

B: What are you talking about?

A: Five are a bunch, six are a consistent, seven are a handful, and eight are a gang.

B: Are you Chuan'er, Guan'er, Bao, Bang?

A: Where am I holding this?

B: Alas! I didn’t make a move here either!

A: I have a handle tied here!

B: How many camels do you have there?

A: Our family has 8,888 large camels.

B; Here we go again!

A: To say eight thousand eight hundred and eighty-eight camels is not enough!

B: What?

A: We went up the mountain to carry coal, and there were 4,444 camels. There were 4,444 camels tied up in my backyard. I had to collect them together. Eight thousand eight hundred and eighty-eight camels.

B: This is easier to say than the land.

A: Tell me.

B: Your family has nine thousand nine hundred crops...

A: Eight thousand eight hundred.

B: Oh! Your family grows 8,888 camels.

A: What? Breed various camels? Where can I find camel breeding?

B: No no! You have 8,888 camels tied to your family.

A: Alas! That's pretty much it.

B: Eight thousand eight hundred and eighty-eight camels are not enough for eight thousand eight hundred and eighty-eight giant monkeys!

A: Damn monkey?

B: No no! Big camel. Went up the mountain carrying coal for four thousand five hundred and ninety years...you can have as many of them as you like!

A: I said you couldn’t tell, right?

B: Since you have so much property, why don’t you enjoy it at home? I met you once before liberation. What did you do in Beijing?

A: Yes! Come here and check out the business.

B: Oh! You still have a few deals in Beijing!

A: That’s right! There are several small shops.

B: Which transaction is yours?

A: The business is too small, that is, it only sells bits and pieces.

B: What font size?

A: Too small to mention.

B: You’re welcome! What is your Guibao number?

A: The main office is in Tianjin and the branch is in Beijing.

B: Oh! Yes...

A: Zhongyuan Company.

B: (sarcastically) What are you doing?

A: Mine!

B: (gritting his teeth) Does Zhongyuan Company belong to you?

A: Why are you gritting your teeth?

B: It sounds a bit new to me.

A: From what you said, it doesn’t seem like I am.

B: Why do you think it’s like this? It’s simply not yours.

A: You don’t believe it.

B: Of course I don’t believe it.

A: If you don’t believe it, you were not raised by humans. Do you believe it?

B: Believe, believe!

A: Whose company is Zhongyuan Company?

B: Yours, yours!

A: Why do you believe it this time?

B: Yes! Don’t believe me, I wasn’t raised by humans!

A: Even though I have such a big business, I didn’t check my accounts once a year in the past.

B: Oh! Buy a handkerchief and check someone else’s account! Can you check it?

A: I never go into the accounting room.

B: Report a robbery as soon as you enter the house.

A: There was such a big fire at Zhongyuan Company. I was standing across the street, not even feeling distressed.

B: Yes! What do you have?

A: So you still don’t believe it?

B: I believe it, I believe it!

A: There are also several small cloth shops.

B: What font size?

A: Ruifuxiang, Ruilinxiang, Guangshengxiang, Yihexiang, Qianxiangyi, these are several small cloth shops.

B: What are you doing?

A: Mine!

B: Oh! your!

A: There are also several small restaurants: Quanjude, Bianyifang, Tongheju, Shaguoju, Najia Restaurant, Houdefu, Donglaishun, Xilaishun, Nanlaishun, Cuihualou , Fengzeyuan, these small restaurants all belong to me.

B: Yours, that’s right!

A: There are also several small coal shops.

B; Oh!

A: Hongyiyong, Yihecheng, Tongxinghao, these small coal shops are mine.

B: Yes! Yours.

A: There are also several small hotels: Far Eastern Hotel, Liuguo Hotel, Oriental Hotel, these small hotels...

B: Yours!

A: There are also several small drugstores: Qingrentang, Yongrentang, Huairentang, Xiheniantang, they are all mine, even the four Tongrentangs in the east, west, south and north...

B: Yours!

A: From Lejia!

B: Why don’t you want it this time?

A: Everyone knows it’s from Roca, so I don’t want it!

B: Okay! (Narrator) It almost belonged to him!

A: Take the trams running on the street, for example, they are all...

B: Yours!

A: From the tram company.

B: Isn’t this nonsense!

A: I said that tram belongs to the tram company, the wires on top, the tracks on the bottom...

B: That's yours!

A: About them.

B: Let’s go! (Narrator) He wants to split up the streetcar company.

A: How is it? There’s a lot of business!

B: (sarcastically) That’s quite impressive. Don't take anything else, just take those big silk shops, you will have endless food and drink!

A: Of course!

B: Then don’t say, you don’t have to spend money on wearing woolen silk!

A: No need to say it! Just give me a call and I'll send you a few.

B: Since I’ll give you a few horses just by making a phone call, (looking at B’s coat) Oops! Why don't you change your coat?

A: This...hehe! I don’t love knives and rulers!

B: Yes! No matter how much you love the knife and ruler, you will be blind!

A: Don’t you believe this is mine? You don’t believe it but...

B: I believe it, I believe it! Do you own all those coal shops in Hongyiyong?

A: Huh?

B: Then you don’t have to spend money burning coal!

A: Of course! A phone call will send you several tons of hard coal or bituminous coal, you can burn them as you like.

B: OK! Since you don’t spend money to burn coal, why didn’t you buy 10-cent briquettes with a small dustpan when you were liberated?

A: Huh?

B: Ah what?

A: No, it’s not. Someone told me that the briquettes sold in our coal shop were a bit adulterated and unburned, so I bought some for ten cents and went back to test them.

B: You want to test it, test it for a day! Why do you test it every day?

A: This...ah! I haven’t tested it yet!

B: That’s right! The test is done. How is your steamed bun cooked?

A: Don’t you believe these coal shops are mine?

B: I believe it! (Laughs) Those restaurants are yours too!

A: There’s no need to say it!

B: Don’t spend money on meals!

A: Of course! You can eat delicacies from the mountains and seas, including shark fins and sea cucumbers. After eating, you just wipe your mouth and leave without even leaving your account.

B: Since you don’t have to spend money to eat, why did I always see you eating old tofu on the overpass before liberation?

A: Huh? I don’t...don’t I eat chicken, duck, and fish every day? Eat some old tofu for a change.

B: Oh! For a change. That person dropped a piece of sweet potato skin, how did you pick it up?

A: This... I thought it was a navy fruit!

B: Why did you pick up the cigarette butt there?

A: Oh! All for you to see!

B: I’ll follow you!

A: Why are you following me? So you still don’t believe it?

B: Don’t worry, I believe it, (talking to himself) Okay! I don’t believe it, I wasn’t raised by humans! Did you come to Beijing just to see the business?

A: No! I also bought some things by the way!

B: What are you buying?

A: Buy some cars.

B: Oh! Buy a car!

A: Buy two dozen.

B: Ah! Do you want to open a transportation company?

A: Why open a transportation company? I don’t have enough space to sit on!

B: Do you take so many cars by yourself?

A: It’s cloudy and rainy. You can’t go to the hut by car!

B: Go to the hut and take the bus! How big is your house?

A: There is a radius of eight hundred miles around me. There are more than 80,000 houses alone, a road has been built in the middle of the yard, the dragon eyes in the garden are better than donkeys, and the toad bones are bigger than camels.

B: I haven’t heard of it.

A: The corn cobs we grow there are more than ten feet long.

B: How to eat it?

A: Two people are carrying it, and one person in the middle is chewing it with his neck raised high.

B: Is this eating a stick? It’s so painful!

A: Sorghum is ten feet high. Sorghum grains are not much different from grapefruit. You have to be careful when walking in the sorghum field. If you are not careful, a sorghum grain falls and your head will be damaged. You can pay attention when you come to our place the next day. You see There is gauze wrapped around the head, that’s...

B: It was bruised.

A: The sorghum grains were smashed.

B: Huh?

A: A grasshopper is bigger than a dog. If you accidentally bite the grasshopper, you will have to rest for three months. We don’t use nets to catch grasshoppers there.

B: What to use?

A: Shoot with a machine gun. The next day you came to our place and heard the sound of machine gunfire, that's...

B: Target shooting!

A: Catch the grasshopper!

B: Huh! Xuan! Why! Let me ask you, in the past, how many people lived in such a large area as yours, with more than 80,000 rooms?

A: More than 80,000 people, each with one room.

B: There are more than 80,000 people in the house?

A: No! I am the only one in my family. More than 80,000 people are refugees. I have opened a small porridge factory to provide charity.

B: Oh! So you were a kind person in the past, and your porridge factory also gave up porridge every day!

A: I don’t give up porridge there. We have three meals a day, stewed meat and pancakes in the morning, noodles with soybean paste at noon, and dumplings in the evening. On the first and fifteenth day of the lunar month, there is a feast of oats for eight people. After eating, if you know how to play mahjong, you will be given twenty yuan to play eight rounds of mahjong. If you don’t know how to play mahjong, just take a flight and take a walk before coming back.

B: Oops!

A: This is an ordinary day, and we have to stay alone during the holidays.

B: Yes! What are you giving up in May?

A: May Day! Give up some things for the festival, and give each of the more than 80,000 refugees one share.

B: What are they?

A: One hundred glutinous rice dumplings.

B: Yeah!

A: Two handfuls of Puzi and two handfuls of Aizi.

B: Oh!

A: One plate of black mulberries, one plate of white mulberries, one cattail bag of sweet cherries, one cattail bag of mountain cherries, one hundred big apricots, one liang of realgar, and four boxes of five poisonous pastries. , five kilograms of rose cakes, wisteria cakes, two dozen "Shanhaiguan" cars, two dozen elixirs, two dozen Shuangmei brand toilet water, and thirty-five kilograms of big-headed fish, this cold water... then you can pick it up yourself. .

B: Okay! It’s still a lot to give up.

A: What are you talking about!

B: What do you want to do in June?

A: It’s hot in June! Each person has two sets of silk trousers and coats, a horizontal long coat, a Panama hat, and three pairs of satin shoes.

B: Yes? What about July?

A: It’s a bit cold in July! Each person wears a soft jacket with trousers and a coat, and a large spring silk robe, which they wear interchangeably.

B: Oh! What about August?

A: August is in trouble!

B: Why is August so troublesome?

A: The Mid-Autumn Festival in August is celebrated by everyone!

B: You still have to live alone.

A: Of course!

B: What will you give up during the August Festival?

A: One copy for each of the more than 80,000 refugees.

B: What are they?

A: Two reunion cakes weighing five pounds each.

B: Just one is enough! Why give up both of them?

A: One is meat and the other is vegetarian. We will not tolerate those who eat fast and chant Buddha's name.

B: Hey! So thoughtful.

A: One white tablet.

B: Oh!

A: One big double package.

B: Ah!

A: Thirty purple, fifty white, a pair of cockscombs, a branch of edamame, a branch of white lotus root, peaches, apples, pomegranates, persimmons, betel seeds, white flowers The same five pears and tiger-drawn carts, ten kilograms of sweet pears, Shaguo and Shaguo pears, one kilogram of cherry dates, two kilograms of quack dates, two kilograms of red grapes, five kilograms of white grapes, one three-white watermelon, Lao Baigan'er , Zhuangyuan red, grape green, lotus white, five kilograms each, eight and a half kilograms of crabs, big lumps full of live ones. There is a plate of ginger juice outside. This vinegar... just drink it yourself!

B: Oh! Who can't afford to be jealous for a penny? What will you give up in September?

A: It’s cold! Each person wears a camel hair robe and a set of cotton jackets and trousers, all made of silk cotton.

B: Oh, what about October?

A: It’s time to wear a leather jacket! A leather jacket for each person, but nothing very good.

B: That’s Lao Yang’s.

A: The ones with fox legs are just fine.

B: Huh? The ones with fox legs are just passable! What about November?

A: Each person has a dress coat with an otter collar.

B: Oh! What about the twelfth lunar month?

A: Busy! It’s Chinese New Year!

B: What do you want to give up?

A: From the day of the twelfth lunar month.

B: Oh! Do you still make Laba porridge there?

A: Boil? There is one portion for each of the more than 80,000 refugees, not to mention too much, one bowl for each person. Where can I find such a big pot?

B: What should we do?

A: Give up some porridge and rice and take it back to cook it yourself.

B: Oh! What's there?

A: One portion of rice and beans.

B: Yeah!

A: Full portion of porridge and fruit, one catty of millet, one liter of soybeans, half a catty of glutinous rice, half a catty of beans, half a catty of barley rice, five catties of dates, three catties of chestnuts, half a catty of preserved peaches. , half a catty of lotus seeds, four liang of black beans, four liang of white peas, barley rice, lychee meat, spinach and raisins, two liang of the same kind, two liang of both green and red silk threads, melon seeds and hazelnut kernels, two liang of the same kind, Two liang of gold cake, half a catty of rock sugar, three catties of brown sugar, five catties of white sugar, two liang of the same rose honey, one highly fragrant one, consider bringing twenty-three to offer one portion to the stove.

B: Oh! Quite a lot. Still really harmonious. OK! You have finally finished giving up this year!

A: Is it over? I haven’t given up anywhere during the Chinese New Year!

B: Do you still want to give up during the Chinese New Year?

A: What are you talking about! The sage has a saying (shaking his head), "A gentleman can only do good things if he follows the Tao. If he fails to do it half-heartedly, he is not strong enough."

B: OK! Stop shaking! If you shake it any longer, the yellow color will fall apart!

A: What is this!

B: What else do you want to give up during the Chinese New Year?

A: Five boxes of honey eight inches wide and five feet high.

B: Oh!

A: There are twenty-five round apples in one group.

B: Ah!

A: Five boxes of gluten and five boxes of vegetarian dishes.

B: Yes!

A: Twenty-five hands of red cakes, offerings to Lao Buddha, Heaven and Earth offerings, Kitchen King offerings, three bowls of the same thing? There are three ancestral halls, twenty-five Daqianchun oranges for one hall, five bowls of white honey for one hall, a pair of Buddha flowers, a pair of kumquats, a handful of hall incense, four liang of sandalwood, four liang of incense, and two charcoal cakes. Fifteen, countless longevity incense, five packets of white ingots, a pair of five kilograms of all-night wax, a pair of white wax rings, four pairs of large double bags, four pairs of small double bags, four pairs of money and grain, a ten-thousand-word whip, five There are five handles of marbles, five handles and two kicks, one hundred pieces of money hanging on them, and the street door and the house door are opposite. Stove King's Dui, Hengpi, Fu, Chun Tiao, a full portion, yellow and white cakes, ten kilograms, and hard coal three hundred kilograms.

Five hundred kilograms of briquettes, two bags of white rice, four bags of white flour, five hundred steamed buns, one pig head, one carp tail, one red rooster, fifty kilograms of pork, sixty kilograms of mutton, twenty kilograms of beef, four elbows, two hangings Large intestine, five kilograms of lard, full portion of pork belly, three kilograms of sheep tripe, five kilograms of lungs, a packet of spices, ten chickens, ten ducks, a pair of pheasants, a wild cat, twenty kilograms of mutton soup, yellow Twenty pounds of beef, fifteen pounds of venison, a bite of wild boar, a pair of deer tails, a pack of ice fish, five ice chickens, a pound of Huaihe whitebait, half a pound of fish bones, four ounces of fish maw, five ounces of Jiang Yaozhu, fifty Chicken eggs, thirty ducks, ten pine flowers, twenty pigeon eggs, half a pound of mushrooms, one pound of tribute mushrooms, four ounces of yellow flowers, four ounces of fungus, four ounces of golden needles, four ounces of carrots, four ounces of large shrimps, Five pounds of vegetables, one pound of pepper noodles, and half a pound of sesame paste.

B: It’s over!

A: One pound of seaweed.

B: Where else!

A: Half a pound of caustic soda.

B: Oh!

A: Two ounces of alum, one pound of kelp.

B: Yes!

A: Thirty pieces of oily skin, thirty pieces of pink skin, five hundred yuan for fragrant and cubed dried meat, fifty pieces of gluten, thirty pieces of soft gluten, twenty pieces of fresh tofu, fifty yuan Frozen tofu, five pounds of salt, one pound of ground salt, five pounds of yellow sauce, two pounds of black sauce, one pound of white soy sauce, two pounds of dark soy sauce, one pound of cooking wine, ten pounds of rice vinegar, ten pounds of sesame oil, five hundred pounds of cabbage, two One hundred handfuls of spinach, fifty kilograms of green peppers, twenty handfuls of green garlic, three stalks of old garlic, one kilogram of fresh peppers, ten kilograms of yams, five kilograms of taro, beans, pea shoots, half a kilogram of the same, two baskets of pickles, five kilograms A pound of dried radish, thirty pieces of soybean curd, fifty pieces of stinky tofu, a pair of mahjong tiles, and two barrels of old forts.

B: Oops! It's really impressive. If you open the door in one day, there won't be anyone who can get through!

A: That’s right! I spent all my money that year!

B: Oh!

A: No way! I pawned my pants for fifty cents. There was so much money to spend in those days! I had a meal and bought a pack of cigarettes, but they were gone!

B: Hey, hey, hey, aren’t you giving alms?

A: I planned to give up, but I was liberated before I got rich!

(narrated by Ma Sanli and Zhang Qingsen)