"Human Weakness" (3)-Does it make people recognize it? Follow the routine!

Introduction:

This article mainly introduces 12 ways to let others recognize you. This is completely different from what I mentioned before about making others like you. Seeking approval from others does not necessarily mean that you want others to like you, nor does it mean that others are willing to be your good friends. "Recognition" means that objectively, others will not object to what you express, or hope that others will adopt your ideas.

There are many insights here that the author did not mention in the book. On the basis of respecting the author's intention, I hope to share these methods with everyone. After reading, you will find that these 12 tips are actually quite helpful for dealing with social relationships at work. Of course, if you want to use it really easily, you still need to work hard and practice.

The highest level of debate is to avoid arguing with others.

In daily life, we will inevitably encounter times when we think differently from others. In order to prove that our views are correct, we will unknowingly quarrel with the other person. In the end, the two sides got into a lot of trouble. The key point was that sometimes they argued for a long time with no results and even hurt the harmony.

Why do we have to argue? This stems from our inner need for a sense of self-respect. In arguments, we all hope that our correctness will give us the sense of self-respect we crave. If you don't want to get involved or want to stop the argument immediately, the easiest way is to shut up and let the other person finish what they want to say. As the saying goes, "A slap can't make a difference." If you don't take the initiative to argue with him, he will have nothing to say in the end.

Of course, not arguing does not mean you lose, but it will win the respect of the other party. Many times the purpose of our arguments is not to win or lose, but to achieve a common goal. For example, when a team works on a different project, teammates often argue about some issues, but the purpose is to successfully complete the project. When you let the other person finish his sentence, he will feel that his importance is recognized, and his sense of self-respect will be realized.

When listening to the other person's point of view, you may find that you have misunderstood the other person's meaning. Or, you may find that the other person actually thinks the same as you, but expresses it in a different way. After the other party has finished speaking, he has gained his own sense of self-respect, and will naturally seek your opinion and give you the opportunity to speak. What started as an argument turned into a friendly discussion.

Because they are always self-righteous and find fault in others regardless of the occasion!

Everyone feels that they are smarter than others. This is actually quite good. As a human being, you still need to have the most basic self-confidence. However, when we hear someone else say something wrong unintentionally, our sense of righteousness (Po) is suddenly ignited. In order to prove that they are smarter than others, they will consciously correct the other person's mistakes, making the other person particularly embarrassed. Sometimes, although others are just laughing and saying nothing on the surface, they already hate you in their hearts! If you keep fooling around, others will definitely confront you directly.

In fact, we ourselves don’t like to make fools of ourselves in public, it’s so embarrassing. When others point out our shortcomings with good intentions, not only can we not accept it calmly, but we insist on insisting that we are right. Because we are too concerned about face, we cannot accept that others are smarter than ourselves. In order to defend our self-esteem, we are unwilling to admit that we are wrong even if we bite the bullet and talk nonsense.

When we find that others have made mistakes, can we put ourselves in their shoes and consider their feelings? The other party also has a strong sense of self-esteem and honor just like us. The higher the status of a person, the stronger his self-esteem and sense of honor, and the more he needs face. If we want to kindly correct the other person's mistakes, instead of pointing it out directly, it is better to remind him in a way that he can accept. For example, you can say, "What you said is very interesting. I don't know much about this aspect. Would you mind hearing my thoughts? Please forgive me if I am wrong." This allows you to express your views from a side perspective. Your ideas also maintain the other person's self-esteem and make it easier for the other person to accept your ideas.

If you have done something wrong, admit it immediately, but never try to explain it.

I once mentioned that when people are criticized and accused, in order to maintain their precious self-esteem, they unconsciously shirk responsibility and are unwilling to admit their mistakes. However, if you do something wrong, you are doing something wrong. Even if you shirk responsibility, the facts will not change. You will have to end the trouble you caused.

Is there any way to avoid receiving criticism from others?

Before others find out what you did wrong, find an opportunity to do it yourself. Taking the initiative to admit your mistakes with a sincere attitude will generally gain forgiveness from others and avoid exposing yourself to fierce criticism. When we hear others blaming themselves, we usually don’t pour cold water on the other person. Instead, we find ways to comfort him and hope that he feels better. Of course, self-blame can only relieve our inner worries and provide ourselves with a chance to make corrections. Even if others forgive us, we still have to correct our mistakes. Taking the initiative to assume your own responsibilities can also gain the trust of others in you.

However, not all mistakes can be forgiven by self-blame. Some principled mistakes must not be made. For example, for illegal activities such as murder, arson, drug use and prostitution, even if you confess on your own initiative, it will be difficult to gain forgiveness from others. These mistakes have caused serious harm to the lives and livelihoods of others. Even people who are close to you will find it difficult to accept your crimes. In any case, no matter what mistake you make, don’t make a mistake that violates morality and law!

When you blame yourself, don't explain why you did something wrong. Explanation will make others feel that you are shirking responsibility and making excuses for your mistakes. If you explain too much, you will be resented by others and make them think that you are insincere and do not dare to take responsibility. Not only will you not be able to gain sympathy and understanding from the other party, you may also lose the other party's trust in you.

Chat calmly and agree with others' opinions in a friendly manner.

Being calm is always the first step to effective communication. When you discuss issues with others in a calm tone, the other person will be infected by your relaxed aura and will naturally be willing to continue chatting with you. Before expressing your own opinion, if you can express your agreement with the other person's point of view in good faith, your point of view will be easily accepted by others.

I remember when I was in college, I was assigned to a group with Americans. During the group meeting, I obviously felt excluded. I was helpless, so I went to ask my mentor for help. After hearing this, the instructor chuckled and gave me a tip: "Next time in a group discussion, before expressing your own opinions, you must first agree with other people's opinions. This will make it easier for everyone to listen to and adopt your ideas. "Later, I participated in the group discussion with the attitude of giving it a try. After listening to a girl's sex, I nodded and said, "I think XX's point of view is good. This strategy can effectively increase the brand's popularity in the local area." I looked at that girl's beautiful eyes and my eyes shone. I continued to add my ideas. Unexpectedly, all the team members thought my ideas were good and added them to the strategy.

If you want to gain recognition from others in communication, you must first show your agreement with the other person's point of view in a friendly way, and sincerely express why you think his point of view is good. In addition, when speaking, if we use a strong or unremitting tone to express our ideas, even if we agree with other people's ideas, others will think you are fake, and it will give others the feeling that you are trying to make excuses. In order to avoid such misunderstandings, when we communicate with others, we should say what we have to say and express our opinions in a calm tone to disarm the other party and make them more willing to accept your ideas.

Let’s see if you have Socratic wisdom! Start by getting someone else to say, “Yes, yes.”

In fact, this point is somewhat similar to the fourth point above, but there is still a slight difference: the fourth point emphasizes how you let others accept your point of view, but it does not mean that you oppose other people's point of view. However, point 5 illustrates how to subtly persuade others to adopt your ideas when you clearly conflict with them.

Don’t start by discussing something you disagree with. You are all working towards the same conclusion by exploring the issue so actively, so the difference between you is only in the method, not the purpose. Therefore, when you encounter a conflict, don't rush to refute the other person's point of view, otherwise you may anger the other person and prevent the conversation from continuing.

Emphasize first and keep emphasizing what you agree with.

If you first emphasize the point of view you agree with and ask the other party whether they agree. If the other person's answer is "Yes.", then you can continue to ask relevant questions and let him keep saying: "Yes, yes." In this way, he will be led into the ditch by you without knowing it. Finally I have to agree with your idea.

It may be easier to understand by giving an example. For example, salesmen who sell insurance are particularly good at using Socratic wisdom. They know better than anyone that many people are unwilling to take the initiative to buy insurance. When they visit a client's home, they usually start by talking about some topics that the client is interested in. For example, when they see a photo of a child skating, they will ask: "I just saw the photo on the table by accident. What about your children?" Does the child like skating very much?" Parents naturally and even proudly say: "Yes, yes. My child is learning." Then, regarding this issue, they gradually guide parents to discuss some risks encountered in skating, so that parents cannot deny these potential risks. . In addition, parents have a strong desire to protect and have a sense of responsibility for their children, and are unwilling to see these dangers befall their children. Finally, I made the decision to buy a child insurance. Are you satisfied? Anyway, I was completely convinced. .

Why is it easier to convince others by guiding them to answer: "Yes"? By referring to scientific psychological weakness analysis, in terms of people's psychological state, when a person says the word "no", this idea is also lurking in his heart, which completely integrates all his organs, nerves, and muscles. Get up and form a "rejection" state. If we say it the other way around, when a person answers: "Yes", the organs in the body do not contract, and the tissues are in a forward, accepting, and open state.

If you want to persuade others skillfully, this can only be achieved through continuous thinking and long-term training. If you like to be in constant contact with others, you'll get a lot of exercise. If you have a dull personality and are not good at expressing yourself, but you still want to be able to persuade others easily, then you probably need to take some devil training classes to suffer.

Try to be as humble as possible and give the other person a chance to speak.

Sometimes we meet such a person and we are not familiar with him, but when we chat, we just listen to him keep showing off how awesome he is. If you pour cold water on him, you will obviously offend him and then break up with him. If you listen silently and make him feel very good about himself, he will like you very much and be willing to listen to your chat.

If you don’t want to argue with the other person, try to stay humble and listen to what the other person has to say. Give him a chance to brag about himself in front of you and gain his own sense of honor. After all, everyone is vain and has a strong desire to express themselves. If we satisfy the other person's sense of self-respect, the other person will be willing to be friends with you. If we insist on showing that we are better than the other party, if we insist on comparing the other party, we will only be met with suspicion, jealousy and resentment by the other party.

However, we are actually all ordinary. The only difference may be that our lifestyles are different, and there is nothing to be proud of. Throughout our lives, in this world, we ultimately leave very few traces. Listen more to others, feel more about the goodness of others, and learn more from others. To be honest, we have nothing to brag about, we are just creatures on the earth. In the eyes of a bird, the death of a person is no different from the death of an ant.

If you want to influence others, let them think it is their idea.

None of us like to be forced to accept other people's ideas. Especially when a person thinks that he is smarter than others, he is even less willing to be forced to adopt other people's opinions. In addition, it is unwise to impose your own ideas on others. A wiser approach would be to give others some advice and then let them figure out what to do.

Give the other party the initiative, so that he will think that it is his own idea and be more willing to adopt your suggestions. This not only satisfies the other person's pride, but also puts him in a good mood to do it your way. Especially when attending some public occasions with leaders, we should not express some opinions to show that we are smarter than the leaders and embarrass the leaders in order to make ourselves stand out. Doing this will only make your boss hate you and make you miserable.

You can try to see the problem from the other person's perspective.

When you are unable to understand someone else’s “weird” insights, do you wonder why he or she has such an idea? If we can't understand other people's thoughts, we can try to ask ourselves: "If I were in his situation, how would I react? How would I feel?"

If you are curious about other people's thoughts In my opinion, it is best not to guess other people's behavior. Guessing others at will is also a sign of disrespect for others. The best thing to do is to honestly ask him why he thinks or does what he does. Afterwards, basically listening to the other person vividly describe their experiences and so on. When you understand the story behind him, you will be better able to put his perspective on the other person's perspective. If we really want to understand someone, we must communicate with them from the heart. If you have something you can't figure out, you should sincerely ask the other person for advice. This also gives you an opportunity to get closer to the other person's world and bring the two parties closer to each other.

When a person faces a serious problem, he can also try to see things from the perspective of others, which can relieve stress. When we were children, we all felt that studying was very hard, and we had endless homework every day. Parents usually say this: "You are so blessed that you don't know how to be blessed. There are poor children in the world who are so eager to go to school, but they can't succeed."

I was too young at the time and didn't understand my parents. Why give such an example? Until the summer vacation, I went to my grandma’s house in the countryside. I am very self-conscious about studying. I set up a small table on the kang at my grandma’s house every day and do my homework on the table. Once, a neighbor's child came to play at grandma's house. After entering the house, the child stared at my books with extremely longing eyes, and was very envious of my ability to do my homework. I asked him: "Have you gone to school?" He said: "No. I really want to go to school!" Then, I asked him: "Do you want to learn now? I can teach you." He was very happy. nod. After that, he came to my house every day to help me do my homework, and I taught him how to read. It was this experience that made me feel that studying is not a difficult task, but also something that I can be proud of. Later, when I encountered various study pressures, the eyes of that little boy eager to study would appear in front of my eyes, and then I felt less miserable in my heart.

(Allow me to make a mistake: I initially thought that this child couldn’t go to school because of family difficulties, so I wanted to help him out of kindness. Later I found out that his parents were quite rich, and this child because of his I'm not old enough to go to school, I just want to experience what it's like to go to school. I didn't realize it at the time! I taught him Chinese Pinyin and Jiujiu Table very seriously for a month, and I felt so accomplished in the end. I was stupidly moved... Now I just want to know if this child is still eager to go to school. )

Listen to his complaints quietly, understand and sympathize with him, and comfort him. he.

Many people can’t help but share their unfortunate experiences with others in the hope of gaining sympathy and comfort from others. Seeking comfort is a common psychological need of people. When a child is injured, he can't help but show his scars to outsiders. At this time, outsiders would usually say in a sympathetic tone: "I'm so pitiful, does it hurt?" In fact, his scar had healed long ago and he had forgotten the pain, but he still showed off his scar happily and asked for help. Sympathy for others. Because when he gets sympathy from others, he will feel loved and cared for in his heart.

Children are innocent and hope to win sympathy from adults by showing off their scars. In fact, so do adults. For example, SHE's Selina accidentally exploded during filming and was severely burned. After she recovers, we will also see entertainment news reports that "Selina bravely showed off her scars without makeup." A large number of fans and netizens sent warm blessings. Of course, some netizens believe that Selina is a star, and her sunburn scars can attract the attention and sympathy of a large number of fans, just for the sake of hype.

I want to say that although Selina is a star, stars are also human beings and have a fragile side just like ordinary people. Some girls are so sad that they want to die when their nails are broken. Selina is a public figure, and her career requires beautiful appearance and outstanding talent. However, this accidental burn injury can be said to have brought her to the lowest point in her life.

Ordinary people can't bear even a slight burn, let alone a beautiful star who suffers extensive burns all over her body? Is it wrong for the media to show off her scars in the hope of arousing society's sympathy for her and hoping that she can feel loved?

Some people may say: "People with strong hearts generally don't take the initiative to ask for sympathy. Putting on a pitiful look every day and asking for sympathy from others can only show that this person is not mature enough and has a weak heart." Powerful. Besides, who knows whether his pity is fake or really pitiful? Such a person does not deserve sympathy." Regarding the above point of view, my thought is: Although everyone will experience it in his life. There are all kinds of ups and downs, but everyone’s tolerance is different. After experiencing the same unfortunate encounter, some people become stronger and more optimistic about the future; while some people cannot bear the blow and become more fragile. Why? I think this has a close relationship with the environment in which a person grows up, his personality, and the people he comes into contact with. If a child grows up in a happy family, and his parents give him warm love and correct education methods, cultivating his optimistic and strong character, and the people he comes into contact with when he grows up are also people full of positive energy, then he will meet After a setback, you will naturally be stronger and more optimistic than others. Generally, people who lack love and lack a sense of security crave sympathy from others. They ask others to care about them by talking about their experiences.

When you hear someone complaining to you, in fact, he simply wants to be comforted by you to appease his fragile heart. At this time, please use a tolerant attitude to understand his emotions and tolerate his vulnerability.

In fact, everyone likes to be praised higher.

Each of us idealizes ourselves in our hearts and likes to give a good explanation for the motivations of our actions. Therefore, if we want to change others, we can give them a noble motive.

In our subconscious, we all want to be the "perfect person". In order to create a good image for ourselves, we pay attention to our appearance when we go out, and we behave very "pleasantly" and polite when meeting outsiders. When we encounter something difficult, no matter how hard others try to persuade us or ask for help, we are unwilling to agree. But when we heard others say some kind words to praise us and give us a sweet date, we readily agreed as if we had been given a shot of chicken blood. Sometimes we clearly know that others’ praise is to achieve a certain purpose, but why are we still willing to take the bait? Because we don’t want to damage our noble image and reputation.

I remember when I was learning to swim when I was a child, I couldn’t float no matter how hard I tried. Other children can swim, but I am still practicing floating. I feel very inferior and blame myself for being stupid. My parents were also very puzzled and anxious, so I was particularly resistant to taking swimming lessons. One time during class, the instructor pulled me to float and saw my low mood. He told me: "Actually, you have always been a very hard-working child. Although you learn a little slower than other children, you can persevere better than others. Floating is the basic skill of swimming. No matter how fast they swim, they are not It doesn’t mean that they can swim far. If they want to swim far, they all rely on their floating skills.” After hearing the teacher’s encouragement, I was so moved and my fighting spirit was immediately aroused! The coach has always thought that I work very hard, so I have to work harder to learn swimming and not let down the coach's evaluation of me. Later, I finally learned to swim. Because I could float for a long time, it was not difficult at all.

There is a complete difference between flattering others and flattering others. It is legitimate to compliment others. Sometimes it is in the hope of changing other people's opinions, and sometimes it is to inspire the deepest potential in others to accomplish something that seems impossible. No matter what the purpose is, complimenting others requires us to carefully discover the other person's strengths and potentials, consider the other person's interests, and sincerely hope that he or she can do better and believe that he or she can do better. However, flattery is a bit vulgar. Flattery usually involves indiscriminately praising others in order to gain one's own benefits. Others are not fools, and it can be heard that you are not praising him from the bottom of your heart. Flattering others not only does not make others happy, but also makes them annoyed.

Package your points well and dramatize your intentions.

This era is full of drama.

It's not enough to just tell things plainly. You must express the facts more vividly, more interestingly, and dramatically. You must use some methods to attract people. For example, in order to attract students' attention and improve students' learning efficiency, professors will carefully display the content they want to teach in PPT. When a vivid video is shown, students will immediately increase their attention and keep their eyes fixed on the display screen.

The same goes for marriage proposals. In fact, the male compatriots just want to express their love for their girlfriends and hope to join hands with their girlfriends in the future.

Scenario 1: Suppose your boyfriend takes out the ring while eating ramen at a street stall and asks you: "We have been dating for a long time. I wonder if you are willing to marry me?" ( If I were a girlfriend, I would have to hesitate for a few days. (Is this guy teasing me?)

Scenario 2: Suppose your boyfriend tries hard to create a romantic atmosphere, and it’s a candlelight dinner. Another rose offensive, another kneeling down, expressing my love for you affectionately, and proposing to you with a big diamond ring in hand.

They are all proposals, just different ways of proposing. Which way will make you agree without hesitation? Of course it’s the second type! Creating such a romantic atmosphere has already moved the woman so much!

If you want to attract others' attention, you must find ways to impress them. Showing off your ideas in a unique way will make it easier for others to accept it without hesitation!

Stimulate his desire to win in the right way!

Without competition, we cannot stimulate our inner desire to win, nor can we unleash our potential. The competition here does not refer to intrigue, but the desire to win. Why does the boss sometimes deliberately praise the workers of Class A during meetings that Class B’s output is high and the quality is higher than Class A’s? Will the workers in Class A be convinced after hearing this? He must be secretly trying his best to surpass Class B. Cleverly creating some competitive environments will stimulate employees' morale and greatly improve work efficiency.

Why do people have the desire to win? The famous American psychologist Maslow believes that people with self-actualization needs often gain a sense of accomplishment by realizing themselves. During this process, people will have a so-called "peak experience" emotion. At this time, people are in the highest, most perfect, and most harmonious state, and have a feeling of ecstasy and intoxication.

When you want a person to do things more energetically, it is best not to use stimulating language to force him. This will only make his rebellious psychology stronger. You must create some positive competition appropriately to stimulate his fighting spirit while ensuring that you will not quarrel with this person!

P.S. To be honest, it was quite difficult when I wrote this reflection. Since I don’t have much social experience, I don’t have that much personal experience and experience to share, and sometimes it’s hard to understand the author’s intentions. All I could do was to read it over and over again, to guess the author's intention, and to figure out every little difference. It took me a long time to write it out. Anyway, I finally finished it. The writing is not good enough, so please forgive me.