Psychotherapy is not chicken soup for the soul, but a helper that can make us enjoy happiness.

2021165438+1October 28th is the 25th birthday of Hangzhou photographer Lu. On the same day, he passed away in Weibo, and sent a suicide note of more than 5,000 words, "There is no need to erect a monument for him, just wish the roses bloom for him every year". So, the whole network began to look for him. 65438+February 1, there is heartbreaking news that his body has been found.

The contents of the suicide note are internal injuries hidden in his body, and there is no place to tell the pain. He said, "How can I introduce myself to you? Rural areas, left-behind children, mountain children who have experienced school bullying, photographers, young people living alone, dream catchers ... ""How many scars and pains are buried under the skin. " It makes people cry after reading these.

Life is long, and everyone has dark moments of pain. For example, where will you go, worry about the future, lack of self-confidence, etc. These painful situations are like big stones, which makes people breathless. What should we do at this time?

Psychologists tell us that when pain is given meaning, it may be the best motivation to promote our growth and is good for our health. Because it is not the burden of people, but the way people bear it.

As Jonathan Lee wrote in the song "People who Race with Yourself":

"At that time, we all had a truck problem.

I don't know the meaning of success is to surpass myself. "

Fate has given us a stone. It will be a heavy burden for us if we carry it on our shoulders. If we put it under our feet, it will become a ladder for us to move forward.

When life gives us a truckload of problems, we might as well sit down and think, talk to ourselves or read a book. Once the pain exceeds the limit we can bear, please be sure to seek the help of a psychologist, or take a look at the book "How psychotherapy changes people" to cure yourself.

This book systematically and profoundly answers the complex and meaningful question of how psychotherapy can change people. This is a comprehensive and practical introductory book, whether it is a newly hired psychological counselor or those who want to change themselves through psychological counseling.

The author Monica Bourillon is a doctor of psychology with more than 40 years of psychological counseling experience. In the book, she answered questions about psychological counseling from all angles. For example, what are the classifications of psychotherapy, what should be paid attention to in the process of treatment, the difference between treatment and cure, and so on. Will guide us to sort out our thoughts slowly and eradicate unhappiness.

A good book comes from thoughts, which can lead us to a completely different life journey.

1. Four schools of psychotherapy: the gentleman's demeanor of "harmony but difference"

In recent decades, psychotherapy has made great progress. Because the source of human pain and the factors that nourish it are very complicated, the techniques and methods of psychotherapy are correspondingly endless and varied.

For those who want to seek psychological counseling, but don't know anything about this field, you can learn about the main schools of psychotherapy through this book, what are their treatment characteristics, and judge what kind of psychotherapist you should choose to help yourself.

The author thinks that psychotherapy can be roughly divided into four schools according to its therapeutic value. They are: humanistic therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, systematic therapy and psychoanalytic therapy.

These four schools have their own advantages and disadvantages. Some study from people's inner consciousness, some from people's external behavior, and some from different angles such as biology, physics and topology. However, no one therapy can cure all psychological problems.

However, they naturally have one thing in common: developing unique treatment methods and promoting neural integration.

The results of psychological research prove that effective psychotherapy should be to change neural connections and make people better integrate feelings, emotions, behaviors and thoughts.

Harris, founder of the American Center for Adolescent Health, said:

"In the early years of children's growth, the brain will form more than 654.38+0 million neural connections every second, and this process will be permanently destroyed by bad childhood experiences, and memory and pleasure will be greatly affected."

Lu Dawson said in his suicide note that he has always encouraged himself to get out of the harm of his family background, the trauma of the past, and the prejudice and arrogant judgment. Although today he wants to have face value, talent, talent and economic independence. However, he is always affected by sadness and powerlessness.

Monica pointed out in the book: Inexplicable diffuse fear and anxiety, deep sense of air and loneliness, and broken sense of self make visitors unable to understand and express their emotions and thoughts in a flowing way.

Psychotherapists should use their professional instinct to help visitors according to their own experience and make them change themselves. In order to use different methods in different situations, psychotherapists must be familiar with all kinds of psychotherapy methods and techniques as much as possible, and study one of them deeply, so as to truly understand psychotherapy and decide which form of psychotherapy is most beneficial to visitors.

In the process of psychotherapy, the therapist and the visitor are like a couple sailing on the sea. In the stormy sea, the captain's calmness, credibility and ability, the trust of sailors and correct actions are the guarantee to overcome difficulties.

2. Psychotherapy is not a one-man show, but a duet without music.

The source of all requests for psychotherapy is that visitors are tortured by uncontrollable emotions, unsatisfactory interpersonal relationships, anxiety and depression, which will prompt them to receive psychotherapy. So, what's the difference between talking to a therapist once a week and talking to a good friend once?

Monica pointed out in the book that the whole process of psychotherapy is more like a journey of exploration for two people. In the process of psychotherapy, there are some factors that cannot be completely controlled by psychotherapists and visitors. If you think this statement is too abstract, we can present this view more intuitively with the expression of images.

Psychotherapists travel by train with visitors. Visitors sitting by the window are the only people who can see the scenery outside the window (scenery: their inner perception of past memories). When the visitor's present meets the past, he will feel that everything inside him is tumbling and stirring, which is difficult to control.

At this time, the psychotherapist discovered the emotion that the visitor was experiencing at this time, but could not perceive it through professional sensitivity. Psychotherapists participate in the difficulties of visitors with their own consciousness, explain the role these fantasies play in their hearts, and let visitors listen to their own pain and explore their own tortuous inner world. In turn, it urges visitors to face the deepest problems in their hearts, assume the responsibility of solving problems, give meaning to their own pain, and finally achieve the goal of maximizing change.

In this invisible emotional communication, there is a world between subjects. In this world, visitors' emotions and thoughts are in constant dialogue with psychological counselors, influencing and changing each other. This is what psychology calls "meeting between subjects". This kind of experience will also happen to us ordinary people. For example, listening to Jonathan Lee's songs always causes many people to sing. Then there will be a subjective encounter between those who listen to songs and those who write songs, as Zhang Aijia said: "Everyone has a Jonathan Lee in his heart".

In the process of psychotherapy, it is like a duet between the therapist and the visitor. You take a step, he takes a step, changing the rhythm at any time, and sometimes stopping to wait. Whether the final dance steps are beautiful or not depends on the tacit cooperation between the two sides. It requires both the motivation of visitors to change and the maturity of consultants in theory, technology and self-personality.

This is a process of co-creation, and the contribution of visitors is as important as that of experts.

3. Qian Fan is exhausted, if life is seen for the first time.

American superstar britney spears, who was under 26 at that time, shaved off his blonde hair in front of paparazzi, causing a sensation. Subsequently, Britney Spears was sent to a mental hospital, and divorce broke out one after another.

Everyone was shocked and puzzled. Why is Britney Spears, who combines beauty, talent and top resources, so desperate that she wants to shave her head and commit suicide? What kind of pressure and pain has she suffered?

It was not until in court that britney spears publicly accused her of being abused by her father in the past 13 years and forced to put an IUD in her body that people suddenly realized. She debuted as a singer since she was a child. She shines in front of others, but she has no right to be herself after others. Those things that have not been thought, perceived and internalized have left traces on her. When a trigger point appeared at a certain moment, she suddenly "saw" her situation. In order to be herself, it is not surprising that she made the above crazy move.

On the Zhihu, someone asked, "What is the top enjoyment in life?" One of them received a highly praised answer: "The top enjoyment is what you see, what you hear, what you do, and the people with you. There is a kind of peace and joy that overflows from the bottom of my heart, without regret or shame. " It can be seen that "self-cognition and self-acceptance" are important factors in "matching life".

The human spirit is so vast and complex that everyone has his own unique life track. The pain we suffer may be related to many factors. Many people can't locate the problem clearly, and we can't tell whether our pain comes from others or our own heart.

Studies have proved that psychotherapists, from former observers to today's participants, are all proof of progress.

Psychotherapists unconsciously participate in and are influenced by visitors' difficulties, and strive to deepen their understanding of themselves and difficulties, so that visitors can reach the deepest part of their hearts and see their neglected selves. When the visitor's body and spirit, emotion and cognition are integrated, his inner happiness can make him fearless of the hardships of life and have stronger adaptability to the environment.

Write it at the end

Psychological counseling is a process of gradually exploring inner mysteries. Emotions often exist in the form of energy. Any negative emotions that have not been handled well in the past will accumulate in our hearts and erupt under certain conditions.

The book How Psychotherapy Changes People tells us that "change should be brought about by the conscious awakening of visitors". We should always be aware of our inner feelings and keep in touch with that inner self.

Only when one deals with his own relationship can one deal with the relationship with the outside world.

Life is a kind of endurance, we should learn to support ourselves from being knocked down by the hardships of life. Once the pain exceeds the limit we can bear, please don't let yourself fall into a bad situation naturally. We should have the courage to jump out of the window and then grow wings in the process of falling.