How to start with yourself in interpersonal communication.

Interpersonal communication is one of the important contents of people's social life. Self-development, psychological adjustment, information communication, the satisfaction of different levels of needs and the coordination of interpersonal relationships are all inseparable from international exchanges. Everyone wants to be good at communication, and hopes to establish harmonious family relations, kinship relations, neighborhood relations, friends relations, classmates and colleagues relations through communication ... These good social relations can enable individuals to study, live and work happily in a warm and pleasant environment. However, in the actual communication process, there will always be some unsatisfactory places, which will affect the normal interpersonal communication.

Among the visitors, the most frequently asked question is: "How can I make others like me?" , or "How can we eliminate inferiority complex?" And "how can we correctly understand ourselves and others" and so on. Others will ask, "Why can't I experience the happiness of interpersonal communication?"

Social psychology research shows that people who are highly praised and "popular" in interpersonal communication generally have the following characteristics: optimism, intelligence, individuality, strong independence, frankness, sense of humor, consideration for others, vitality and so on. Of course, this does not mean that all these characteristics can bring good interpersonal communication. Those who are not popular in interpersonal communication also have the following characteristics: selfishness, narrow-mindedness, haggle over every ounce, arrogance, dependence, self-centeredness, hypocrisy and inferiority, no personality and so on. With the above reference standards, everyone can foster strengths and avoid weaknesses. Of course, in interpersonal communication, the most important thing is honesty. Everyone is an independent individual and can't lose himself. Flattery and echo can't get good interpersonal communication.

How to correctly evaluate yourself and others in interpersonal communication? As the old saying goes, "You only know when you are expensive". What is "expensive", why "expensive" and "expensive" explain its difficulty. It is really not easy to know yourself correctly. In the wrong self-evaluation, the biggest obstacle to communication is inferiority and pride.

Inferiority means underestimating one's knowledge, ability and talent. And then deny yourself. People with low self-esteem have good wishes in communication, but they are always afraid of others' contempt and rejection, so they have no confidence in themselves and want others' affirmation very much, and often sensitively attribute others' unhappiness to their own mistakes. People with inferiority complex tend to have excessive self-esteem. In order to protect themselves, they tend to be very tough, inaccessible and become out of place in interpersonal communication.

Inferiority stems from a negative psychological self-suggestion. Many psychologists point out that inferiority has nothing to do with my intelligence, education level, social status and other factors, but I firmly believe that I am inferior to others. Therefore, to overcome and prevent inferiority, we must first dare to face up to our own shortcomings. No one is perfect, everyone has his own advantages and disadvantages. For some unchangeable facts, such as appearance, height, etc. You can make up for them with the brilliance of other places without swearing. Secondly, to compare with others correctly, people with low self-esteem are often very good at discovering the strengths of others, which is not a bad thing in itself. But he always compares other people's strengths with his own weaknesses. Instead of inspiring the courage to rise, the more frustrated he is, the more he belittles and denies himself, and the more he covers up the whole. In fact, everyone has his own strengths, and it is impossible to be better than others in everything, and vice versa. Seeing Siqi should be encouraged, and there is also a problem of doing what you can. Therefore, to prevent and overcome inferiority complex, we should also be careful not to ask too much of ourselves. When choosing a goal, we should not only consider its value and our own wishes, but also consider the possibility of its realization. Instead of pursuing those unrealistic things, it is better to set some realistic goals and adopt the principle of "running in small steps" to constantly encourage yourself. Finally, we should exercise our psychological endurance, and don't be devastated because of one failure, or completely deny ourselves because of one aspect of our fault.

Compared with inferiority complex, pride also comes from wrong self-evaluation. Arrogant people like to overestimate themselves. They are arrogant, boastful and domineering in communication, and they are unwilling to associate with people who think they are inferior to themselves. Such a person will certainly not be welcomed by others. Once frustrated, conceited people tend to feel inferior. Proud people should learn to respect others and be good at discovering the advantages of others, so as to evaluate themselves objectively, and learn to be strict with themselves and be lenient with others.

People who know others are wise, and those who know themselves are clear. Whether they can correctly know and understand others is also related to the smooth progress of interpersonal communication. To get out of the psychological misunderstanding of others, we should pay attention to the following aspects:

First; Don't judge by first impressions. The first impression, that is, the image formed when people are perceived for the first time, is often the most profound, and it often becomes a basic impression, affecting the evaluation of others in all aspects. The so-called preconceptions are the truth: people attach great importance to their first impression on others, but we should also see that the first impression comes from short contact and has no previous experience as a reference, so it is subjective and one-sided. Therefore, we must pay attention to its negative side, and we should not completely deny it because of the bad first impression, but also prevent it from being confused by the exaggerated appearance. It is not uncommon to see such an example as "the golden jade is outside, but the defeat is among them". We should practice the ability to see the essence through phenomena, and fully and correctly know and understand others in long-term relationships.

Second, don't judge people. It's just that someone made a big mistake, so someone found out that he was never a good person. This is the recent effect at work. In the long-term communication, the recent impression is more dominant than the initial impression, which is a psychological inertia. Because of this inertia, people tend to judge people according to their recent impressions. In addition, there is the so-called "halo" effect, in which a person's advantages and advantages are magnified into a "halo" covering the whole body, and even the original shortcomings are covered up or covered with a dazzling brilliance. The biggest mistake in this kind of cognition of others lies in covering the whole with one side. "A glimpse of the whole leopard" does not always apply to all people and things, and the individual and the part may not necessarily reflect the whole. In many human behaviors or sexual behaviors. It is undoubtedly naive to judge a good man or a bad man by catching him. If you want to know others correctly and comprehensively, you must overcome it and say yes? Hey? Pray, etc? A block of wood? Hey? Pepper?

Third, don't be preconceived. The first impression is of course a preconceived idea. Moreover, in our minds, there are always some ideas that come first and come later, which are derived in various ways. We often use them to evaluate and judge others because it consumes the least psychological energy, that is, it is the most convenient. However, trying to save trouble often leads to some cognitive biases. Americans are open, British are conservative, businessmen are shrewd and sophisticated, and farmers are honest. Although these statements are in line with the characteristics of some people, they are by no means the same, and they should be treated according to specific circumstances. People and people are the same, so we can't measure people by concepts and simplify them.

Why can't some people get happiness from interpersonal communication? People are social animals, and interpersonal communication is the need of each of us. In interpersonal communication, being too cautious and calculating everywhere, always afraid of being cheated, is of course unhappy. It can be said that such people have not understood the real connotation of interpersonal communication, so they can't experience the happiness in communication. Two people exchange an apple with each other, or one person exchanges an apple. When two people exchange an idea with each other, one person has two ideas. This example is the embodiment of communication connotation. In addition, the significance of communication lies in increasing individual psychological space, reducing their psychological distance and establishing "our feelings". These are people's psychological needs and social needs.

It goes without saying that negative emotions such as unhappiness, pain, anger and disappointment will affect the normal progress of interpersonal communication. These negative emotions may come from some kind of pressure, frustration or loss. Everyone should learn to deal with these bad emotions in life, which is also an important embodiment of personal growth. Modern society advocates personality independence, and interpersonal communication is becoming more and more complicated. If you need some superficial courtesy and entertainment in some occasions or temporary communication with some people, the most important thing to establish and develop in-depth and lasting interpersonal communication is to be frank and express your true self. "There is no fish in clear water, and there is no friend when people look at it." People don't like those who pretend to be saints. Of course, if you have obvious shortcomings, you should try to overcome and correct them. In interpersonal communication, people constantly examine and know themselves and others, and constantly understand life, which is the connotation of interpersonal communication.