A collection of short humorous jokes

1. One day, Aries and a lion walked into the restaurant.

What did the boss say you wanted? The sheep said: 'A set meal. Thanks. ’

The boss asked again: ‘Isn’t your lion hungry? ’

The sheep said: ‘No. THANKS’

The boss didn’t give up and asked again: Do you really not want it? ’

Sheep said yes

The boss was a little reluctant and asked: ‘If you think about it again, do you really want it?

The sheep roared impatiently: Do you think I can still be here if it is hungry?

2. A woman disguised herself as a man to join the army. She got her period on the battlefield. The company commander saw it and asked her to be carried away on a stretcher. She said she was fine. The company commander became anxious and took off her pants and said: "What's okay? JB exploded and you said it's okay?!"

3. One night, my mother coaxed her 10-year-old son to go to his room to sleep alone. The little guy just wanted his mother to accompany him. The helpless mother said, "Are you ashamed? For such a big man, you still need your mother to sleep with you!"

"Dad, isn't he even bigger now and still wants you to sleep with him every day!" The son said confidently explain.

4. When I saw her shy face and cute expression, I couldn't help but feel excited, and asked in a low voice: "You... do you really like me?" She lowered her head: "Guess!" I like it~" Her face turned redder and her head lowered, "Guess again!"

5. In the bus, a standing pregnant woman said to the man sitting next to her: You don't know me. Are you pregnant? I saw the man saying nervously: "The child is not mine!!"

6. A man was about to jump off a building, and his wife shouted: My dear, don't be impulsive, we still have a long way to go! After hearing this, the man jumped down. The police said: "You really shouldn't threaten him like this!!"

7. The child is thinking about "heredity and environment" issues. The mother interjected: "This question is very simple. Everyone knows that if a child is like his father, it is genetic; if he is like his neighbors, it is environment."

8. A couple goes to register for marriage. "Have you had a premarital checkup?" "I checked, his house and car are all intact." "I mean go to the hospital." The young woman blushed and replied in a low voice: "Checked, it's a boy."

9. Xiao Di took swimming lessons for the first time. An hour later, she said to the coach: "I think this is the end of today's practice?" "Why?" "I really can't drink anymore. ."

10. After Tang Monk drove away Wukong, he encountered a monster again. He had to recite a tight spell to call Wukong back to save his life. Soon a voice came from the air: Sorry, the user you called is not in the service area, please. Try again later.

11. A gorilla came to the zoo. It was so ugly that all the tourists vomited. One day I went and I vomited; another day you went and the orangutan vomited.

12. In the Chinese class, the teacher asked a sleeping classmate to answer a question. The classmate was confused and couldn't say anything... The teacher said: "Can you do it? If you don't know it, just say it!" "The classmate: "Squeak."

13. The child stole the parrot raised in the brothel home. As soon as he entered the door, the parrot screamed: Moving! When he saw his mother, he yelled again: The boss has changed too! When he saw his sister, he shouted again: "The lady has changed too!" When he saw his father, he yelled again: We are still a regular customer!

14. The mouse was very depressed when he didn’t have a girlfriend. Finally, a bat agreed to marry him, and the mouse was very happy. Others laughed at his lack of vision. Mouse: What do you know? She is a stewardess after all.

15. Xiao Zhiruo: Mom, why did the aunt who distributed the medicine wear a mask?

Mom: The medicine I gave you is delicious, but the dean is afraid that they will take it secretly.

Xiao Zhiruo: Wearing masks on those uncles who hold knives is to prevent them from having dinner together, right?

16. A person who applied for a driver’s license lost his job after he went to get a marriage certificate because he habitually asked: “Are you doing this for entertainment or business?”

17. A girl is so ugly that she cannot marry and hopes to be abducted. My dream finally came true, but I couldn’t sell it for half a month. The kidnappers sent her back, but she refused to get out of the car. The kidnappers gritted their teeth and stamped their feet: Let's go, we don't want the car anymore! ! !

18.Twenty years ago, when your father was holding you while waiting for the bus, everyone laughed at your child for looking ugly, and your father cried. An old man selling bananas patted my father and said, "Brother, stop crying. Give the monkey a banana to eat! It's so pitiful. He's so hungry that he has no hair left."