Why do you care so much about what others say?

Why you care so much about what others say may be due to the following reasons:

1. You don’t know what kind of person you are and want to understand yourself through others.

If you have a relatively clear understanding of yourself, you will usually make some psychological adjustments so that you will not feel overwhelmed when you are praised, and you will not feel hurt when you are criticized. If you don't know enough about yourself, you will feel happy or sad because of other people's words.

If your self-concept is unclear, you will appear unconfident and want to gain approval from others to prove that your self-concept is correct.

When you care about other people's feelings and what others say, you are not caring about others, but looking for information of affirmation or appreciation. If you have, you will be very happy. If it's negation or criticism, you'll feel sad.

2. Stick to a rigid self-concept and try your best to maintain it.

Give an example: Suppose you think you are a smart person.

There will be an underlying assumption in your heart: I am smart and should be appreciated by others. You will pay special attention when others evaluate you. If the other person expresses dissatisfaction, you will feel frustrated. You will work hard to maintain the image of "I am smart" and try to avoid appearing "not smart". For example: giving up when faced with challenges, being unwilling to show effort, and being unwilling to accept criticism.

It seems that your self-esteem is very high, but very fragile. And fragile high self-esteem can easily be hit. You will be afraid of being proven that you are not who you originally thought you were. Feeling insecure in interpersonal relationships and worrying about not being recognized by others.

Human life is always developing. The person you are now, or the person you want to be in the future, is developing and changing. Therefore, there is no need to stick to a rigid self-concept and prove it to others. Because it doesn’t matter what kind of person you are now, it’s how you develop in the future that matters.

In fact, sometimes you don’t need to care too much about other people’s opinions. Just be your true self and you will get rid of caring too much about what others say.